our-slightlyannoyed-stuff-blog

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THE BIG TRANSFORMERS REVIEW PART 4: AGE OF BAY

where do I even start with this.. I really like mark Wahlberg and all but the character of cade I  really.. odd. this movie goes with the “main characters stumble upon the thing and are thrust into the centre of everything as a result” plot line where cade finds an injured optimus and gives him a boost to restart him and as a result become Americas  most wanted because in this movie autobots are illegal an the government made a deal with a bounty hunter to trade optimus prime in exchange for a mineral generating bomb to manufacture their own transformers. this movie also reveals that dinosaurs were wiped out by transformers first contact on earth which made dinosaur themed transformers that 100% become important later. this movie in a nutshell is “oh man things are getting bad, were all gonna die OH NO WAIT OPTIMUS IS BACK WITH A SWORD WERE SAVED” and that's all their really is to it. the only intresting part of this movie is that to build their own transformers the sleezy business guys took megatrons head (which was cut off in the last movie) and picked apart his brain for the info which in turn transferred megatrons mind into new bodys which as you can guess backfired very hard so yay megatron is back. this movie ends with cade a normal human being with a gun 1v1ing lockdown the bounty hunter transformer until his daughter and her boyfriend free optimus with a tow truck and optimus cleaves lockdown in two. this movie has so many things I had to stop and question. as a result I'm giving it a 4 out of 10 because even though there was a lot of cool effects and characters.. how they moved and act and spoke made no sense ever.

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THE BIG TRANSFORMERS REVIEW PART 3: DARK OF THE BAY

so.. I know I will get a lot of flack for this but I sort of enjoyed dark of the moon. it finally gave the heroes some depth although only a little bit. that being said I still found the villains more intresting. in this film we see megatron still living out in the desert wearing a cape and chains to hide his injurys, plotting and scheming. the whole premise of this film is that the government finds a old autobot ship on the dark side of the moon where they uncover energy pillars that can open planet sized portals as well as the body of sentinel prime who they revive so that they can activate the pillars. this attracts the attention of the decepticons however and soon they come after sentinel prime however through a shocking twist it is revealed that sentinel has made a deal with megatron to betray the autobots and use the pillars to bring a decepticon ruled cybertron to earth to ensure the survival of the planet. the plan is almost successful as half of cybertron is through the portal and decepticon artillery pours through commencing a slaughter of the autobots. through this battle and betrayal it gives the autobots a bit of dimension but only a bit as this occurs later in the movie. during an epic final fight between optimus and sentinel, sentinel has the constant upper hand over optimus and even rips off optimus’ arm before pinning him to the ground before revealing that he intends for their to be only one ruler of their race which prompts megatron to step in and decimate sentinel with great brutality as megatron intends to be that one ruler. at this time the autobots then disable the pillars which sends cybertron back through the portal saving the day. clearly sore over the loss, megatron and optimus fight however optimus wins very quickly as he abuses megatrons still existing injuries and decapitates him before retrieving megatrons gun and finishing off the prone sentinel prime. the dramatic music plays and the main characters all gather around all happy before optimus gives his ending speech then the credits roll. I enjoyed this movie a little bit, it didn't feel one dimensional and the one liners actually made sense. I would give it a 7 out of 10 stars because sort of like the first film it wasn't perfect but I didn't hate it.

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THE BIG TRANSFORMERS REVIEW PART 2: REVENGE OF THE BAY

hello! and welcome back to my growing disappointment- I mean my review of Michael bays transformers series. so the year is 2009, I'm about 10 years old and I hear a new transformers movie is hitting theatres and of course I just have to see it. of all the movies this one is my least favourite and I don't have much good to say about it. in my review of the first movie I said a big big issue with the series is the villains are vastly more intresting then the “heroes” and that only gets worse in this film. megatron is resurrected in this film by surviving decepticons and it isn't some spooky magic alien energy, they rip apart one of their comrades and use his parts to fix megatron which makes a lot more sense then later in the film where sam (potrayed by meme lord shia lebeouf) stabs optimus with a glowly magic battery and it brings him back to life.. good god this movie. after megatrons resurrection he retreats to some sort of ship hatchery where starscream has been breeding new decepticons and they have a back and forth about the hatchery not having enough power to birth live decepticons which gives even more depth to their characters, especially starscream who in this scene can be seen stroking megatrons arm well grovelling as a sort of sign of submission. after starscreams departure we are introduced to “the fallen” the first decepticon and megatrons master who ONCE AGAIN is infinitely more intresting then the whole autobot crew combined as the fallen is one of the original 13 primes and can only be defeated by another prime (you can already tell how this movie ends). so megatron goes back to earth and kills optimus so that his master can travel to earth to activate a weapon that will turn earths sun into usable energy for the decepticon hatchery. a cool fight scene in the desert of Egypt ensues where slow motion is used too much and the powerful decepticon devastator is beaten by the comic relief characters then optimus is revived with the matrix which is a spooky space battery then fights the fallen and megatron and destroys the sun sucking weapon. in this fight a few side character good guys die without a second thought well all the cool decepticons get big brutal deaths: ravage the dog has his spine ripped out by bumblebee, devastator is hit with some sort of energy ray and falls apart well tumbleing down the pyramid, scorpion shows up and has his head crushed by jetfire, optimus rips off the fallens face before punching through his chest and crushing his heart and although megatron does not die in this scene optimus also takes his eye and arm as trophy. the big issue I have with optimus vs fallen is the dialogue: optimus says three lines during their fight one after the other well he is killing the fallen and none of them relate to eachother and are not in response to anything the fallen says as the fallen remains silent for most of their fight as optimus in quick succession well killing the fallen says “you picked the wrong planet” “give me your face” and “i rise well you fall” and those lines just seem so out of place in the character of optimus prime it really seems like the writers were like “we need  him to sound bad ass well also filling our quota for one liners” and it honestly ruins the whole scene because of how cringey it is. in the end megatron and starscream retreat into the desert and optimus gives a big cheesy quip with the “i am optimus prime” then the end credits roll. I could spend a lot of time talking about how I care more about megatron then optimus because of how character development goes in these movies but with 3 more movies to go I'm sure ill get a chance later. I give this movie 5 stars out of 10 because only half of it is worth watching.

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THE BIG TRANSFORMERS REVIEW PART 1

SO having just finished the last knight I decided to write reviews on the whole series in order over the course of this week (about one or two per day) starting obviously with transformers. when I first watched this film in 2007 I was about 8 years old and having grown up with different transformer cartoons I thought this movie was a masterpiece. so to burn off all my nostalgia I will talk about the pros before the cons. firstly josh Duhamel and tyrese Gibson are wonderful actors, they potray their characters well and offer some comedic relief during very serious moments in the movie and I think this movie opening with them was a great highnote. the design on all the transformers stayed true to its source material mostly, all the way down to optimus having the trucks grill as abs as well as using megatron and optimus’ original voice actors. something I also want to note as the small but effective use of time: through a couple of small flashbacks of megatron buried in the arctic circle, uncoverd by sams grandfather, megatron has been there a long long time which means the whole cybertron falling apart thing that optimus tells us about in the movie had to be even longer ago. now the negatives. megatron is presumed to have been on earth for a very long time and there are tons of other decepticons on earth already before the autobots even get there and since the decepticons already had the information they needed to find megatron.. why did the heroes have to show up first before they freed the big boss? my second issue is, there have been decepticons on earth for an undefined amount of time, they somehow just knew megatron was here however for the autobots to show up bumblebee had to signal them with his.. headlights? transformers is a movie where I find the villains more intresting then the heroes because the villains have flushed out backstory, motives, ambitions and personality and that's my biggest issue with the movie, you shouldn't want the good guy to win just cause he is the good guy yo should want the good guy to win cause they are heroic and brave and. I'm gonna end this little review now before I start ranting, id give transformers a solid 7 out of 10, it isn't a must watch but you definitely shouldn't avoid it.

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SO to start us off we have wonderwoman, the brilliant and brave DC heroine that was set to knock the caped crusader flat on his rump. A long time has gone by since ive seen a heroine alone on a movie poster looking brave and powerful and beautiful and I was honestly so excited to see wonder woman kick butt and crush balls. Sadly however I was a bit disappointed. the wonderwoman I had expected was scarce and appeared only in the prologue and epilogue of the movie which acted as transitioning points between the past and present. in batman v superman Diana was potrayed as smart and tech savy and very clever yet powerful in a physical and magical sense. however for the majority of this film.. this Diana was absent. the film tackles wonderwomans sort of origin story as she discovers the outside world of man in her quest to stop ares the god of war during the first world war. in her journey she meets with chris pines character, steve trevor, and together they form a bond and relationship throughout the entire film. this is my first red flag however: Diana has spent her whole life learning how to fight and learning that men and the outside world are evil and manipulative however steve trevor washes up on shore and she stares at him longingly and exclaims “your a man!” and dosnt leave him alone for the rest of the film and develops a sort of crush on him as he teaches her about earth and its customs and. my second red flag is quite broad: the character of wonderwoman played by Gal Gadot is quite disappointing. not because of the acting however, Gal Gadot was wonderful and executed lines perfectly however the portrayal of the character from a writing standpoint is.. lacklustre. as Diana and steve trevor set out into the world Diana is mystified by earthly customs yet has a brief understanding of some, for example she has read books that detail how a mans penis is unnessecary for pleasure and also pokes fun at the size of steve trevors penis however on the streets of London England has no clue why a fine dressed man and woman are holding hands as they walk. another example would be how steve trevor teaches her how to dance as she has never danced with anyone before but knows what dancing is however proclaims that how humans dance is odd but never talks about how amazonians dance in comparison. overall I feel the character is almost like a child, semi aware but not entirely of whats happening around them and very very curious, it could be argued that this is the natural reaction as shes suddenly thrust into a new bizarre culture and “of course she wouldn't know anything” but if that was the case why was she aware of some concepts already, just not all of them. My final red flag before I talk about the POSITIVES the movie: the character of ares and his two identiys in the film. for the whole film it is believed that the german commander is ares the god of war, Diana believes it, hell after we meet the guy we do too he is a ruthless strategist willing to kill off his own soldiers to gain the upper hand and.. sniffs cocaine veils that fill his face with magic energy?? what?? the movie doe its best to potray the guy as the big main villain however Diana destroys him in a 1v1 with a sword.. it is then revealed ares is actually a old british guy who was previously a sort of side character and has had no real involvement in the war at all.. what??

all of that aside I cant say wonderwoman was a terrible movie. it was worth what I payed for the ticket but not a cent more. chris pine and gal gadot did excellent as actors however good acting cant hold up a superhero movie set in the first world war where the god of war is a background character who didn't really start any wars he is just kind of watchingbut even after he dies it causes world peace.. what in the name of all that is good and holy.