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[otipe]

Al-Haitham x Deaf Fem!Reader

University AU

[Part 1] [Part 2]

[Silence could be overcomed by gentle gestures and shy gazes; but only the strong one go beyond for a voice that has been lost to reach the ears of their beloved.]

— x — x — x — x — x — x — x — x —

You fall in love with Al-Haitham throughout the winter season.

The great growth of love and timidness when having him around increased the more you two spend time together—and the moment where you realized that what you felt for him went deeper than simple friendship was unknown, but it didn't lessen the impact upon the fact that it was real.

The revelation from such an affair surprises you once you go past the confusion and denial from falling in love with a man who keeps his heart locked away and under a mask of nonchalant. The fleeting thought that you were just confused was viable, since you’ve never felt this way prior, and so you tried to convince yourself to drop the subject and to not think about your friend that way anymore.

But when the little veil of deception that you placed upon yourself vanishes, slapping you across the face that yes, you were in love, it takes no time for the butterflies to swarm in your belly whenever you look his way or his name is mentioned through conversations.

To notice the sudden race of your heart when you are alone, when he helps you when you’re unable to focus, to the way he cares for your well-being in subtle yet obvious acts of kindness; all of it was the beginning of your doom.

Because despite forging a friendship throughout the times at the university, in light of recent news of your newfound love, your actions are led with shyness instead of confidence. Your demeanor changes when he is in the vicinity, and you can’t help the assaults your heart does when he looks at you so intensely or simply focuses on your being.

And that places you here in the library.

Al-Haitham is keeping himself busy with his books and Kaveh…

Kaveh acts like he’s none the wiser when you need him as a backup when interacting with Al-Haitham; ignoring your pleading gazes, fixing his shirt when you tug on the fabric, and even biting back a grimace when you squeeze his arm to catch his attention. 

But everytime the bastard simply looks the other way with a pout, pretending that you both don't exist at the moment, and focuses on his papers instead of lending a helping hand.

A little nudge on your shoulder has your attention drifting towards Al-haitham, who raises a brow in questioning.

“What is it?” you sign, fingers trembling slightly. 

“What do you need from him?” he asks. His hand movements are choppy and a bit aggressive, “I can help you.”

Your cheeks warm with embarrassment, fearful that he's witnessed your childish nagging at Kaveh. Shaking your head, you tap the notebook.

“Tomorrow we have a test. I want to make sure he's ready, that's all.”

“Are you sure?”

You give him a thumbs up, smiling, “I'll be okay! I've been tutored by the best student on campus, so I have nothing to fear!”

Al-Haitham seems satisfied with your reply, the shadow of a smile hovers over his lips before he schools his face back to his usual stoic expression and goes back to his book. His eyes skim through the paragraphs and quickly jolts things down he deems important in his own notebook. 

You eye the stack of books he has next to him, two of them open and tossed to the side and the one he currently holds, keeping all his attention.

Idly, you think literature looks difficult; boring, even. 

Reading books is not of your preference, unless romance and tragedy are the main topic, your interest regarding lectures are non-existent so you are easily amazed by his focus and full concentration on what he reads whatever the topic might be.

A vibration catches your attention, watching a notification pop-up in your phone that lays next to you on the table. Picking it up, Kaveh's name shows on the screen with an incomplete message that has you blushing on the spot.

Gingerly, you open the chat.

× Kaveh: You look like a creep staring at him ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

× Me: I'm not staring! 

× Kaveh: Yeah, sure- Even the librarian has noticed the hearts around you whenever he signs to you.

× Me: Shut up ;_;

Covering half of your face you glare at Kaveh, pouting at his teasing. He only gets to shrug and mouth an apology that’s not genuine with the smirk plastered across his face. 

× Kaveh: :P 

× Me: You are so mean for no reason :( 

× Kaveh: I'm only stating facts. If you want it a secret, then KEEP it like a secret.

× Me: Stop paying attention to what I do! I know how to keep a secret!

× Kaveh: Yeah? Your eyes don't! ╰⁠(⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠ᗜ⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠)⁠➝

Kaveh is insufferable when he teases, pulling you out of your tasks and bothering you until you give out and have to physically make him shut up.

Since he is in close vicinity, you slap his arm lightly, signing furiously for him to stop annoying you so much and to pay attention to his homework and study.

His eyes roam your hands, trying to piece together what you say but unable to tie the words and hand signs to coherent sentences. Is clear from his confused expression he hasn't gotten half of what you said, and now he wears an apologetic smile that tells you everything.

“She said to stop fooling around, and keep your head in your studies, dunce.” Al-Haitham closes his book, clearly annoyed. “Don't bother her too much, Kaveh. She's got enough on her plate.”

Kaveh gasps, offended, “I'm not bothering her, am I?”

“Lower your voice,” he reprimands, “You are being annoying.”

They go back and forth for a while, and you cannot help but look bewildered between the two of them, confused and intrigued by whatever they're talking about. 

Their mouths move too fast for you to interpret words into sentences, too fired up in their conversation—or argument, this looks like an argument—that they don't notice your curious stare.

Al-Haitham seems to mull over a thought, pondering whether to say what's on his mind or not. It seems to take a toll on him, sighing tiredly and briefly looking in your direction.

“She's clearly trying to study, and as her partner, shouldn't you try and help her out instead of fooling around?” 

Kaveh raises a brow, confused at his choice of words. 

“I’m a very good partner!” Is what he says a little too loudly. The librarian shushes him from across the room, glaring at their table and scowling, a finger on her lips. Kaveh bows his head in apology before continuing in a lower voice, “And I'm very helpful when I want to, thank you very much. You can even ask her, I’m a sweetheart.”

Kaveh notices the shift in attitude from Al-Haitham for a brief second, enough to surprise him when his scowls deepens and avoids eye contact to focus on the books on the table. He’s almost tempted to ask if his actions were what got to his nerves, but with the way he moves, uncomfortable and wary, he decides against it.

It becomes obvious something is going on when he starts packing his things without saying a word, closing the books and stashing them on his backpack slowly but with force behind every action. 

A little taken aback by his sudden urge to leave the library, you stand up from your chair and begin closing your notebooks alongside him in a hurry. 

None of them say anything while watching you pack up, eyes concentrated and precise actions to have your things in order. Kaveh purses his lips in contemplation and eyes Haitham stop dead on his tracks, regret flashing for a brief second on his face, but he doesn’t miss the fondness swimming in his green orbs.

“You don’t have to leave.” His expression softens ever so slightly, and he reaches for your wrist to catch your attention, “Stay.” He mouths slowly.

“Why?”

His eyes divert from you to Kaveh who looks at him with concern filled in his eyes, and he can’t help but sigh, scratching the back of his neck and unable to reason clearly. Taking his hand in yours, you tug slightly, getting his attention back to you.

“Don’t you want us here?” You ask. 

“I have to leave,” he signs, “I forgot I have a study session today.”

Shaking your head, you tap your wrist, “There’s still two hours away from your meeting time.” Al-Haitham doesn’t flinch when your expression sours, “Why are you lying to me?”

“I'm not lying, the session time has moved.”

Liar. And the fact he's doing so right to your face with no shame is worrisome for he's never had a reason to.

Al-Haitham continues packing his things in silence under your scrutinized gaze. When you realize he won't say anything else to you nor Kaveh, you take a seat and watch him leave with a quick goodbye.

You are left staring at the closing doors of the library and with an emptiness at the pit of your stomach. Slowly crawling your insides, anxiety takes over your thoughts in quick succession about his actions and lack of communication with you two. 

Was he upset over something? Did Kaveh say something? Did Al-Haitham say something? Are you at fault here?

You type in your phone before you can think further.

× Me: Did you two argue?

× Kaveh: No! He was scolding me for distracting you when it was the other way around >_> You get way too desperate when he talks to you.

You glare at him from the corner of your eyes, ignoring his last sentence.

× Me: But why did he leave? 

× Kaveh: I don't know, maybe he just got upset over me being too loud? I'll talk to him later when he comes home, don't mind him. He always acts like a drama queen.

× Me: Are you sure? 

Kaveh mulls over your question quietly. 

Al-Haitham is one to never hold a grudge when they argue, but rather take his time to calm down before sitting down and talk like civilized people. And Kaveh would have assumed this was the case if it weren't for the uncommon timing to his reactions, which raises the question: What made him this upset?

× Kaveh: I'll talk to him later, don't worry :) 

× Me: Okay, let me know if you both need anything! I don't like it when you two fight :(

Kaveh clutches the phone close to his heart and squeals loudly, fighting against his instincts to smother you in a big hug for how kind you were to him despite the clear favoritism you had for the one you crushed on.

From afar, you see the librarian standing from her seat, angry lines forming on her expression and marching towards you two with a determination that scares you deeply, freezing you on the spot.

You can't even warn your friend before she reaches him first.

“Kaveh, that's enough! Out of the library until you learn how to keep quiet!”

“What?!” 

“Banned for a week! Out with you!”

— x — x  — x — x — x — x  — x — x — x — x  — x —

Kaveh's expression at having the door of the library close shut on his face shouldn't be this amusing; but here you are, laughing with all your might and holding onto the wall for support because you can't hold back anymore after the last tense couple of minutes.

He's saying something, probably angry words at the ban and you for making fun of him, but you could care less with how much your stomach was hurting from the laughing.

“Stop!” he whines, tugging your sleeves with a pout on his face. “This is not funny!”

Cleaning the tears gathering at the corner of your eyes, you apologize between giggles, fingertips down the bridge of your nose and an open palm running a straight line down your chest.

“You are mean,” he mouths slowly, pulling you alongside him onto the halls of the university to walk away. 

“Sorry,” you sign again, not genuine enough for him to believe you. “I think we both need a break. How about we go for dessert?”

Kaveh blinks down confused, “I understood the break, the last thing I didn’t get.” 

“D. E. S. S. E. R. T,” you spell each letter slowly. He nods in understanding.

“Oh, yes!” He perks up excitedly, “Oh, oh! We can go to that coffee shop you were talking about yesterday. The one a few blocks away, yeah?” 

Happy at the prospect of some sweet dessert and a relaxing afternoon, Kaveh walks with new vigor and a goal in mind with you in tow, forgetting completely about his public humiliation and entertained like a little kid with a treat.

He holds your hand, smiling brightly back at you, and you return the grin with the same feeling of content filling your chest.

But even when you've settled down at the coffee shop; drinking milkshakes and eating cheesecakes between laughs and messaging each other, at the back of your head was the lie of Al-Haitham still present and bothering.

And perhaps it was selfish of you to have him roaming your mind when Kaveh is trying to lift your spirits and cheer you up to the best of his abilities, when it should be the other way round. 

And he notices. When he looks you from the corner of his eyes and his fingers hovers above the keyboard from his phone, you cannot help the embarrassed blush and hesitation whether to bring up the topic or not.

× Kaveh: Okay, I can't do this anymore. Spill.

× Me: …

× Me: What do you mean?

× Kaveh: >_> Don't play dumb. 

× Me: (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

× Kaveh: That's adorable, I'm stealing it.

× Kaveh: Okay, girl, spill now or else.

× Me: Is just… I'm worried. Al-Haitham was acting very strange, and I believe we're missing something crucial that caused his distress.

× Kaveh: I think you're overthinking way too much, dear. Perhaps it might be your love for him talking.

The punch you throw at him doesn't hurt, he knows that, and yet, he feigns dramatically that you've broken all the bones on his arm. 

× Me: You're so annoying!!! Stop!!

× Kaveh: :P 

× Me: I just want to make sure we're okay. I don’t know why he lied :( 

× Kaveh: How about this; I'll talk to him later today and let you know how it goes. If he is upset or anything, I can solve the problem easily.

You nod, extending your arm on top of the table to reach for his hand. Kaveh doesn't take long to grab your hand and smile soothingly.

“Everything will be okay,” he says slowly. “Now that I think about it…”

You don't catch the last thing he says, watching him go back to his phone and type quickly with a determined expression.

× Kaveh: Okay so I've been thinking…

× Me: Rare occasion.

× Kaveh: Shut up! Look, I've been thinking that it would be a good idea for you to ask Al-Haitham on a date. 

× Me: Huh? No? 

× Kaveh: You should try asking him before he goes back to Sumeru on the spring break.

× Kaveh: I've heard he's reuniting with some old friend of his and, you know how it goes, maybe a childhood love might bloom.

× Me: :((((((

× Kaveh: Okay, sorry, maybe not that. But I do think you should try to ask him out, if only to give yourself a chance.

× Me: I don't want to ruin things between us. I like our friendship, and would love to keep it instead of jeopardizing it.

× Kaveh: That's such a big word for you! 

× Me: Kaveeeehhhhhhh :((((((

× Kaveh: Okay! Sorry! But think about it if you can. I'd love for my friends to date each other :( And I believe he won't say no. No one would be able to resist such a cutie like you (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

Oh, this man.

Whilst it is a wistful wish to date the one you fell in love with, his feelings on the matter is what makes you hesitate. This is not the first time you've thought about it, and won't be the last until you gather the courage to confess.

And Al-Haitham won't hate you if you say what you really feel, nor will he stop being your friend; but the lingering feeling of rejection will always be present and mocking you whenever you see him. 

Archons know how long it will take for you to heal from the whole ordeal if he really says no.

× Me: I'll think about it (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

× Kaveh: I'm going to pretend to believe you. BUT just know if he breaks your heart, I'll kick his ass into the stratosphere (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ And that's a threat.

You giggle behind your hand, eyes filled with mirth and joy from his encouragement. Kaveh feels like he has accomplished something good today if your happiness is anything to go by. 

× Kaveh: Let's go home, it's getting a little late. I'll walk you back to the dorms (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

True to his words, he keeps you company the way back with both your hands clasped together the entire time. He would sometimes twirl you around to get you to laugh, sometimes would lay his arm around your shoulders to squeeze you affectionately when crossing the road; Kaveh keeps his touch present and as a supporting weight when you reach the building and kiss his cheek goodnight.

He waves back at you before you close the door, leaving him alone with his own worries and thoughts swirling in his mind.

The trek back home wasn't far, and it gave him plenty of time to think about his course of action before sitting down with Al-Haitham and talk about whatever happened earlier that day.

And if both are in the mood to keep the conversation going, he will try and prod information from him about his thoughts about you.

Perhaps he can be the cupid between you two?

‘I just want her to be happy,’ is what he thinks, sighing tiredly. 

Anything for you.

— x — x  — x — x — x — x  — x — x — x — x  — x —

Kaveh calls you a few days later. 

The vibration from your phone isn't enough to wake you up, sleeping right past it until midday when you realize you've slept way too long and have wasted precious hours of the day.

It takes a while for you to read your notifications and bark a laugh at Kaveh's multiple apologies for calling you when he knows you cannot hear. 

It doesn't offend you in the slightest, rather you find it hilarious because his enthusiasm knows no bonds to have forgotten something so obvious. 

× Me: Miraculously I can hear again! What is it? Let me hear your voice! 

It doesn't take long to see him online and typing already. You can even imagine the worried frown between his eyebrows and his pout in nervousness before he sends a message.

× Kaveh: In my defense!!!!!!!! Nothing…

× Kaveh: I'm dumb, I'm sorry. 

× Me: It was a silly mistake. If anything, I find it rather amusing.

× Kaveh: This is not for you to be making fun of me!

× Me: Why not? I think it's hilarious.

× Kaveh: ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽

× Me: What the fuck is that.

× Kaveh: Oh so now is not funny anymore HUH

× Me: Kaveh that’s the most disgusting kaomoji you’ve ever sent. I’m sending you to prison.

× Kaveh: You're just jealous you'll never be him.

× Me: THANK GOD

× Kaveh: Ksdksngkdf ANYWAY!! Listen, I talked to Al-Haitham and we're good. He was annoyed I was being too loud and rather leave than start an argument with so many people around.

× Kaveh: You know how he is, a calm person and all. He's okay, I'm okay, and no, he's not mad at you. 

× Kaveh: Sooooo, want to come and grab dinner later? We can order take-out and maaaaaybeeeee, just maaaaaybe help me study for my next test (⁠๑⁠´⁠•⁠.̫⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠`⁠๑⁠)

Tempting, you think.

It's almost time for lunch, and you’ve spent most of your day sleeping away rather than being productive with the short time you have between classes, studies and exams. If you were to finish your duties before five and take a shower around six, you might be able to get there by seven or around that time to have dinner with them. 

Make lunch, clean the bathroom, wash your clothes and hang them to dry, clean your room a little bit. Humming to yourself, you think you might be able to make it on time and spend the night at their apartment without a hitch. 

× Me: Okay, I see no problems :) I'll be there by 7. Is it okay if I crash to sleep there?

× Kaveh: OH MY GOD YOU ARE AN ANGEL, AND YES OFC!! We can have a slumber party after studying. I literally cannot study alone because I get easily distracted and Al-Haitham doesn't want to help me (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

× Me: Kaveh… you never want to listen to him. 

× Kaveh: That's because he's boring! That man isn't build for teaching ಠ⁠∀⁠ಠ

× Me: Try to keep yourself alive by the time I come, okay? Study as best as you can and I'll help out with the rest. 

× Kaveh: You're a real lifesaver! Let me know when you are on your way and send your location to keep track of you, alright? 

× Me: Okay! Don’t forget to eat lunch :)

And that's how you have your day booked.

To know both Kaveh and Al-Haitham were okay with each other was enough to feel relief wash throughout your entire system, as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and now you can easily breath without guilt nagging you. Despite the question mark as to why he opted to lie back then, you were happy to overlook it and focus on the good outcome.

Your day goes by with you running this way to the other to get things done and ready before you leave. There is the lingering thought of your conversation with Kaveh from a few days ago while you finish your tasks, entertaining the idea and even considering it with how joyful you were feeling.

You only hope that motivation stays until you arrive at their home.

Once on the streets, with your bag full of books and a change of clothes, you let Kaveh know you are on your way but don't receive an immediate reply.

Not even when you reach the apartment complex, greet the receptionist and take the elevator, there is no sign of your friend and you wonder if something bad has happened for him to ignore you completely.

You decide to message Al-Haitham instead, despite the butterflies roaming your entire being and warmness spreading on your cheeks.

× Me: Hey, is Kaveh okay? I sent him a message before coming but he hasn't answered yet :(

It doesn’t take long for him to reply.

× Al-Haitham: Hey, door is open. 

The reply is ominous without the intention to be. 

You open the door bracing for the worst.

The books scattered on his dinner table should have been enough to disperse any doubt of a catastrophe. Mouth slightly agape and surprised to see the desperation on Kaveh's face when he realizes you’ve arrived, and sure enough, the calamity seems to be himself with how exhausted he looks.

“Help,” he signs, and you can't help but laugh after a long pause. From all the words you've taught him, that one stuck to him like a life liner.

Nodding, you clean up the table and stack the books to the side to make room for you. Kaveh helps bring some books to the sofa, giving you enough space to open your notebooks and notes to start revising what he hasn't checked yet.

A buzz from the phone startles you, picking it up to see a message from Kaveh.

× Kaveh: What do you want to eat? I'll order now so we can focus ←⁠(⁠>⁠▽⁠<⁠)⁠ﾉ

× Me: Hmmm, do you want Japanese food? I've been craving katsudon lately. 

× Kaveh: Oh, yeah sure! I'll order ramen then. Let me ask stinky ass man what he wants and we're ready to go.

× Me: Don’t call him that >:(

× Kaveh: :P 

Kaveh leans back and yells down the hallway, “Hey, Haitham! Wanna eat ramen, or sushi? I don't know whatcha want. We’re going to order from Wangmins.” 

Al-Haitham's head pops out of his room, frowning deeply and seemingly annoyed. 

“I can hear you just fine, no need for yelling.” he walks out, shaking his head. “I don't want anything, thank you.”

You perk up when he waves at you, returning the greeting with a little more eagerness than you anticipate. But he seems to not mind, the shadow of a smile gently hovering over his lips and a nod of his head is enough to have you kicking your feet in excitement. 

Nudging Kaveh's arm, you point at your friend's clothes, curiosity filling your eyes when he walks past the dinner table and straight to the mirror. 

‘He looks rather handsome today.’ your eyes follow him from head to toe, blushing for ogling so shamelessly.

Kaveh whistles loudly, noticing Al-Haitham's fit. He seems to have dressed more elegantly than ever, brushing his hair in front of the mirror next to the door and smelling his cologne swift in the air and heavy on the nose.

“You look way too fancy today, what's the occasion?” he asks absently.

“I'm going out with Nilou.”

Kaveh freezes upon his words, blinking slowly and eyes going from where you're sitting to Al-Haitham, unaware of the shift in mood. You nudge him quietly, awaiting for a response to fulfill your curiosity.

“A date.” he spells, and he regrets doing so when he notices your expression break slightly. 

Oh.

“Man, that's um…that's new.” Kaveh scratches the back of his neck, surprised by the news. “Didn't know you were interested in that.”

Al-Haitham shrugs nonchalantly, checking his phone every few seconds and fixing the collar of his turtleneck, “She asked me, and I said yes. What's so weird about that?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing! Just never expected it from you…” He coughs awkwardly, not knowing how to continue the conversation, “What time are you coming home?”

“I don't know, probably late. Don't wait for me.” Grabbing his keys and the wallet from the table, he bids goodbye over his shoulder before closing the door behind him with an echoing thud.

For a couple of minutes, he doesn’t say anything in fear of breaking the dreaded atmosphere Al-Haitham has left behind in the awakening of the news of his date. 

Kaveh is fiddling with his pen nervously, unable to look you in the eyes because he knows the expression he’s wearing is neither pleasant nor helpful to the situation. Because just like you, he lingers in this limbo of uncertainty that he can’t seem to comprehend.

He idly wonders if he should have said anything at all. This outcome is not one he predicted nor thought possible in his wildest imagination; and the fact that you're now hurt because of his words and encouragement is making things worse for him.

The fault doesn’t fall on either of you, and Kaveh is aware you won’t hold this against him because feelings are out of anyone's control

And at the end, even if heartbreak is disheartening and ignites horrible emotions from within your soul, it is better to know it now than later.

Losing a battle that has never begun hurts more than you’ve ever thought.

When the first sobs go past your sealed lips, Kaveh's resolve breaks at once.

There is not a second of hesitation from him when he tosses his things to the side to cradle you between his arms and you latch onto him as your anchor.

The reciprocation serves to let him know this was the right action to take, losing stabilization that makes both of you slide down to the floor clumsily, but still in each other's arms.

Kaveh tries to fix you on his lap to let you rest comfortably, hand running down your back in soothing motions while you cry quietly against his chest.

It goes on for a long time, but he doesn't let go of you for a second. 

He can’t even say anything to make you feel better and it's frustrating. Not because of you, but because Kaveh isn’t good enough to communicate that everything will be alright. You don’t need that idiot who doesn’t realize how wonderful you are and it’s missing it out for a person who isn't worth the time—no offense to Nilou, she's a nice person, but you are more important than any other woman.

Biting his lip, he runs his fingers through your hair softly while you cry. He gets tangled easily between the fringes of hair, and Kaveh panics slightly when he gets stuck and is unable to detangle without causing a mess or pulling your roots. But when he hears you whine, and break a little laugh at his attempt at comforting you and messing up, he smiles softly, kissing the top of your head gently.

You tap the arm that’s holding your waist, catching his attention and making some distance to see your face. Kaveh frowns at your expression, cleaning a stray tear and cupping your cheek, thumb running soothingly under your eye. 

With trembling fingers, you start spelling slowly to him, “I’m sorry.”

Kaveh shakes his head, smiling reassuringly at you. His reply is slow, too, vocalizing every syllable, “Don’t be.”

“My fault.”

It's not your fault, he wants to say, but shortens it with a shake of his head. 

Conflicting emotions swirl inside of you, each one unable to place a name or intensity, that sends you into an overwhelming state of sadness.

Never in your life have you experienced something this strong that could make you ill with a snap of your fingers, rendering you weak and detached from your reality.

It still feels like a fever dream when you think about Al-Haitham trying to court someone, the ugly jealousy hurling inside your chest and your brain creating unnecessary images that do nothing to help your case nor fragile feelings.

Overthinking has always been your strong suit, despite trying to get rid of that bad habit for a long time; and it shows clearly that’s still ever so present when Kaveh shifts from under you, his big palm patting your head with care, and the tears well up in your eyes rather quickly with his show of affection because you selfishly wish this was Al-Haitham.

Falling in love is not as easy as romance books make it seem to be. It doesn't come with step by step instructions to help you get over the one you love, much less how to get the person of your affections when nothing seems to go your way.

The journey through the lands of unrequited love is a heavy one, one where you couldn't bring yourself to fathom severing the ties that bound you to him, even when the chance of Al-Haitham still hurting you unconsciously existed. Your love, though hopelessly one-sided, was a testament to the depth of your emotions—it’s bittersweet to try to find comfort in the idea that you might heal in the future, that you will get over him, but it lingers for a brief second before it vanishes completely.

And you rather be hopeless in love than to lose this cherished feeling you’ve cared for a long time.

Your brain runs down a mile, thought after thought, tears after tears, until you are left bare and dry from crying and fall asleep in Kaveh's arms.

[otipe]

Neuvillette x Fem!Reader

Coffee shop AU

[Fallin in love is hard. Falling in love with someone who is away from your reach and possibly in love with someone else is even harder.]

— x — x — x — x — x — x — x — x —

Tick-tick-tick 

Glancing at the clock, you sigh a shaky breath, feeling your body sag from the nervousness when you realize it's time.

You start the shift at the bar with clean cups and soft voices from your co-workers in the background, brewing the fresh coffee for the upcoming clients with carefulness, and ignoring the sudden palpitations of your heart as the seconds pass by and the awaited moment approaches.

And then, after retrieving your apron and carefully putting away your tools, the bell from the door echoes with a soft clink in the background while a man walks in the shop.

As if memorized a script, and never breaking in character nor actions when he comes closer with his usual calm demeanor and expressionless eyes, you cannot take your sights off him the first few seconds, mouth ajar and cheeks warm with embarrassment when you catch yourself in the act—because it's impossible to react differently, when all the man does is impress you with his elegance and beauty.

Is like a practiced play.

She knows the answer, the man never asks for anything different since his first visit, but she purposely tries to prolong his stay for as long as she can to seek the opportunity to start a conversation in hopes today will be different.

The girl at the register smiles brightly at his presence, unbothered and swiftly taking charge, and asks the same question she's programmed to do to every customer. 

“What would you like to order?”

You watch from afar their interactions with nothing but contemplation, heartstrings tugging the edge of your heart and getting lost on the way his silver hair flows like a cascade and frames his broad shoulders like a shield from the sunlight.

His lilac eyes watch the list of beverages rapidly, as if deep in thought and indecisive, as if he were considering choosing another item to try out despite having a routine.

“One black coffee.” Is his reply, the usual. His voice is deep, curt and cold, but it makes her blush nonetheless, smiling behind her hand and tucking away a strand of hair while ringing the order.

The reaction she has is ridiculous, yet you can't find in yourself to blame her.

You're embarrassed to admit he has the same effect on you, after all this time, even when you've never crossed words—but you'd rather die than let anyone else know you fancy the mysterious man from your morning shift just like the register lady.

The man seems unfazed by her attitude though, paying for the order before retrieving his figure to the nearest available window and sits there in silence.

And now is your turn, the next act follows.

You have three minutes until you have his order. 

Three minutes to take advantage of your position and glance over whenever you want to admire him from afar without his knowledge, to enjoy and indulge in the fluttering of your heart and warmness spreading to your cheeks when you think about striking a conversation to the man you’ve found liking for a long while.

Would he be kind, or perhaps rude? 

Is there something else beneath the persona he sells when he goes out of his house and into the world? Or does he know about the enchanting aura he carries flawlessly anywhere he goes? 

Does he know you exist beyond the display of pastries? A singular person pinning for a stranger they found infatuated with since day one?

The answer might not be something you wish to know, already regretting your weakness into daydreaming about said man with him present. 

But dreams are free and painless, and the safest way to cope with your unrequited feelings.

“Did he talk to you?,” one of the cooks whispers to the girl. 

She shakes her head, “Cold as ever, but I think he's just pretending.”

“He was looking your way a few moments ago! Maybe he's shy.”

Alas, it's all but a fantasy in your head.

He's beautiful, a gorgeous being out of a fairy tale, and enchanting on his own. It would make more sense to ask the pretty cashier about her growing crush on the man and its advances than the coffee girl who never dares interact with the crowd. 

You suppose that's how it's meant to be. 

Everything has an order and law, the handsome lead and the pretty girl together. They look like the main couples from romcoms about to have their destined encounter and waiting for the right time to develop their romantic relationship, with obstacles and problems in between to make it the more entertaining.

And every romcom needs to have the antagonist, someone who also desires to be with the leads, to have their own fairytale and love to cradle with gentleness without regarding anyone but themselves—but you don't want to play that part, you don't have it in you to be brave and jeopardize your own feelings nor be mean to get in the way of two destined people.

Is something you've accepted a long time ago and try not to dwell much on the thought.

“Is the coffee ready?" 

Nodding your head, you lend her the cup with the lid tightly closed. She smiles and thanks you, jogging to the man at the window and delivering the beverage before returning behind the register.

So deep in thought, you are unable to tear your sights off him when he gets ready to leave.

And then, both of your eyes meet in-between.

The air gets stuck in your throat from the sheer surprise. His eyes are enchanting, like a sweet siren’s song, melting your insides and penetrating to the depths of your soul in silence.

The man blinks slowly, lips parting and turning his body to face you, and you feel your heart leap in your chest when he takes the first step in your direction.

Suddenly, you are too aware of your surroundings and what it means for him to still maintain eye contact after an uncomfortable time. So to save yourself the embarrassment, you turn around to face the wall and try to calm down your hammering heart.

It takes a while, but when the bell from above the door echoes once again, you look over your shoulder and notice the man has since left the coffee shop.

It is said it takes eight seconds to fall in love at first sight.

You wonder if that's how long it lasted for you to end up bewitched by his presence.

— x — x — x — x — x — x — x — x —

The boss arranges a gathering with all the coworkers to celebrate the coffee shop's anniversary since the grand opening a few years ago. 

He says it's nothing out of this world, but a celebration he wants to have to not forget all he's worked for and that dreams come true for everyone if they work hard on it—besides, it's a way to get back at his roommate, whatever that means.

Is a cute incentive, and you'd be more than eager to participate if it weren't on your only day off of the week. But what could you do? Coming one more day to interact with people and blend in with the joy they'll share shouldn't be that bad.

Besides, you appreciate the boss just like everyone else. He's a good man, he deserves the attention and love from his workers. That's the reason you accepted going in the first place.

“You should come this Saturday!”

The cashier extends a little pamphlet to the beautiful man, to Neuvilette, in hopes to establish a conversation.

You have half the mind to ponder about her attempts when you've finally acquired a name to match the face.

Neuvilette, that's a really pretty name, unique on its own, and fitting.

“I'm not a worker.”

“But everyone is invited to celebrate! You should come by, since we will have discounts on drinks and all.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, “I know you usually don't come on Saturdays, but it would mean a lot to have the usual clients celebrating with us.”

Neuvilette reads the pamphlet in silence, as if pondering and giving it a thought, but gives it back to the now pouting cashier after a second, “Thank you, but I must decline.”

At the pit of your stomach, you feel disappointed. If she was unable to convince the pretty man, who says anyone else would have a fair chance at talking to him?

Being in love is hard when you are actively seeking it, you realize.

“Hey! Boss is asking for everyone's favorite color, need yours, too!” 

Despite the interactions with Neuvillette, she doesn't seem deterred by the failure and carries on with a smile and notepad in hand after delivering his order. 

You avoid any sort of comment towards her behavior after the rejection—the least you want is to converse about him and give her the wrong idea. She's kind, but a gossip at heart. You want your little crush dying with you instead of being outed to the rest of the crew for saying something out of pocket.

“I like blue.”

Raising a brow, she shakes her head and sighs.

“The colors are for custom cups the boss is making for us to share this Saturday,” she replies, “What about a light green? I think that color would suit you.”

“I like blue.” You repeat like a parrot.

The cashier purses her lips, shaking her head and writing down your request. 

“Don't blame me if the cup comes out ugly.” 

You wouldn't dare, since it is not her job to ensure the aesthetic. As long as the requests arrive with no delay and on time for the little event, you will have no complaints about it.

“That would be everyone, then.” she mutters, looking longingly at the window, “Hopefully, we will have better weather by Saturday.”

Is raining quite heavily outside, with the pit-pat pit-pat hitting the glass in a harmonious melody.

The sound is soothing alongside the machines surrounding you, vibrating under your hand when you pour another cup for yourself on this fine morning and watch the pouring outside in silence.

Neuvillette stands from his chair when he gathers his thing, catching your attention once again: an umbrella hooked to his arm, and the other holding his suitcase and cup of coffee. You try to not follow him with your eyes when he walks towards the exit, but you are unable to when he suddenly stops at the door, turns around and walks with quick steps to the counter to take one pamphlet and exits the shop hurriedly.

The squeal from the cashier is hard to miss when she jumps and runs to the kitchen to tell her friends about this development, assuming the meaning behind his actions.

Alone and with the silence vibrating, you think that yeah, that certainly was something.

— x — x — x — x — x — x — x —

The morning is cold.

Clouds are overtaking the sky menacingly, gray and blues fighting to take control over the city, and there is a faint humidity in the air that warns you enough about the upcoming rain about to pour.

The cashier is helping you out unwrapping a box containing the personalized cups and organizing it in alphabetical order for better handling for the toast. Most of the colors are bright and colorful, some with pastel tones and gentle details on the sides that you find adorable.

You’re surprised to see your cup, a soft baby blue with tiny white stars in the corner, being handled by the girl with a gentle smile on her face. 

“It ended up being cute.” she says, an apologetic smile on her face. 

You only nod, taking it from her hands and placing it under the coffee machine. You never minded her comment in the first place, so you find yourself ignoring her embarrassment to make the most of your morning and finish quickly.

Understanding you don't want to talk, she starts humming under her breath while picking up the tossed paper wraps and putting them inside the now empty box. She nods to herself, giving you a thumbs up when you deem you've finished and you return the gesture with a soft smile.

“Do you think he's going to come today?” she asks, standing up. There is a pout in her glossy lips, and you blink owlishly at her sudden change in mood.

“Um, not sure.” 

“Should I have told him to come later? He comes early every morning, but never on weekends. The paper never says at what time we are celebrating.”

She sounds so sad you don't know a thing to try and comfort her. Finding it difficult to interact with the cashier outside work-related stuff, you pat her back shyly in an attempt to reassure her.

“He always comes around this hour,” you continue saying, catching her attention. You feel your face warm, “Sometimes he takes his time, but he always comes, doesn't he?”

She nods, sighing and sagging against the register. “Yeah, but today is Saturday! And I'm sure he's coming, moreso because he took the pamphlet with him.”

Wearing your apron, and readying your tools, you end up being her focus to pour her feelings about Neuvillette and how pretty he is, since none of her friends were coming today until later.

Is a little tiring, but you are kind enough to nod or give short replies to let her know you were listening.

Despite feeling a little jealous over her feelings for Neuvillette, you know this is just the immature and childish part of you that cannot speak freely just like she does, and for that, you commend her for her bravery.

Gushing over someone sure does seem fun, in truth.

When she starts talking about…not so decently about him, it is when the bell above the door rings loudly in the empty coffee shop and gets you both attention.

When Neuvillette comes through the door and the cashier is ready to greet him, both of you fall silent. Because you are faced with blue, instead of silver. You are faced with a Neuvillette dressed up like this were his wedding, instead of his usual casual attire.

There are a few streaks of blue on his hair, all brushed back and tucked behind his ears. He’s wearing a low ponytail, loose strands of hair framing his long face, and the gasps from the cashier echoes what you’re currently thinking: He looks gorgeous.

The sudden change in his looks has the both of you flabbergasted and blushing on different levels. 

He seems composed as ever, if not slightly nervous for the way he fidgets with the cuffs of his suit constantly while he walks up to the cashier, stopping and clearing his throat to catch her attention.

It suddenly crashes on you, oh.

He has dressed up. For her.

The realization of such a small, but meaningful, action makes your heart throb in pain and jealousy, biting your lower lip and avoiding to look at him for even one more second.

Disappointment was the first emotion to swirl in your mind when smashing the coffee beans on the machine, loud enough to avoid listening to their conversation and focus solely on your job.

There is the urge to cry, too, and you almost scoff at the absurdity of your reaction upon realizing that her feelings might as well be reciprocated by the beautiful man. And you’re once again standing behind the curtains of a play.

The doors open with a strength that has you breaking out of your thoughts, raising your head nervously and thinking that the last thing you want is to deal with troublemaker customers.

“Good morning, my lads!” Your boss walks through the main entrance, blindingly beautiful and energetic as always. He graces the two of you with a smile of his and a simple bow to Neuvillette who seems startled by such a greeting. “Ah, my dear ____, you didn't have to work today. You could have come later in the evening for the celebration!”

Oh, your saviour.

His outburst is enough to override the sadness tugging at your heart and entertain you while finishing his usual order.

“Is okay, Kaveh,” is all you can reply, a forceful smile on your features. “I like doing this.”

He nods, “Of course you do! But I can replace you if you get tired, yes? Is a miracle itself you've come today, I don't want you to regret it because you felt pressured to work.”

“The cups came earlier today, just before we opened, and she was helping me arrange them.” The cashier chimes in, ringing the order for Neuvillette who hasn't moved an inch from his spot since Kaveh entered. “I roped you in, sorry about that.”

Shaking your head, you take the receipt and read the order despite knowing what it is already. 

Kaveh takes that time to rummage through the cabinet to check everything is in order while the cashier curses under her breath when Neuvillette leaves to sit by the same window as always. 

“Everything in order, yes.” he nods to himself. Craning his neck a little, he smiles up to you, “Could you make me a caramel macchiato? I think I'm going to work here until the rest of the crew comes.”

“Sure,” reciprocating his smile, you begin working on his beverage, “Hot or cold?”

Taking his things to the back of the kitchen, he yells, “Cold, please! Thank you, love!”

You roll your eyes at the pet name, but don't argue it. Despite Kaveh being so affectionate with his crew, you know he does it with good intentions and the love he has for his workers. He's said so himself, and you believe him. 

Still, you cannot help the blush covering your cheeks at being addressed so lovingly.

“Oh, the ingredients have come!” You can hear the excitement in Kaveh’s voice from inside the kitchen. Is not long until he comes through the door, motioning to the cashier to come in. “I need to make an inventory and a pair of hands might help!”

“O-oh, I—uh,” she looks bashful for being targeted. She looks between you and Kaveh a couple of times, pondering whether to reject him and offer you as a help, instead, but nothing comes out of her mouth in time.

Kaveh, blissfully unaware of her inner struggle, happily takes her wrist and drags her to the back with a peppy step, leaving you now at the front to take care of the register and the orders.

It was just your luck no one else was here to distract you. Being Saturday morning, the influx of people coming in so early were pretty low, so you had all the time to relax and make the order to the utmost best despite knowing what happens next.

Do you approach Neuvillette and give him his drink? Or do you call him to take his beverage? 

A part of you wanted to go and strike the conversation you've always wanted, now without the prying eyes of your coworkers, but the anxiousness and nervousness were getting the best of you—besides, it would only hurt you further if you keep longing for a man who is clearly not interested in you. 

“Neuvillette?” 

Your call seems to break him from a trance, blinking up once, twice, before registering you were calling out to him.

Neuvillette approaches with the slowest walk you've ever witnessed—time stopping for you to admire him from close and afar, making his way to the counter and gingerly picking up his cup.

But he doesn't move.

He stays still at the same spot in front of you, clearly flustered and embarrassed. But for what reason? Neuvillette isn't speaking, nor looking at you to guess what he needs.

Does he want sugar? A napkin? Another shot of espresso?

If he asks me for her number I swear to god—

“What is your name?”

The question quells your irritation quite easily, blinking up at him confused and lost.

His lilac eyes maintain eye contact with you for a long time where you don't answer, opening and closing your mouth like a fish out of water and unable to understand his sudden want to…talk.

“You don't carry a tag,” he continues, a finger tapping to the side of his coffee, “I was wondering what your name was, since you know mine.”

Is a stupid attempt to satiate his curiosity, and you've known because you have thought of the same before.

You tell him your name, breaking eye contact and continuing to work on Kaveh's order with your heart hammering inside your ribcage. But curiosity gets the better of you and when you glance back, he smiles at you. He smiles so blindly.

It takes all your self-restraint not to swoon right then and there.

“Such a fitting name,” he says, “It's beautiful.”

Where is this coming from?! 

Panic seizes you for a moment when your brain short-circuits from his compliment. Warmness spreads through your cheekbones and you yelp, embarrassed and suddenly in pain, when you realize you dropped the hot shot of coffee on your free hand and not on the cup you were aiming for.

“Fuck,” running to the sink, you do your best to conceal the pain from the burn and ignore the sudden warmth at the back of your neck for committing such a careless action.

The cold water makes you hiss in pain, and that is enough to make the man break out of his shock.

Neuvillette walks around the counter and tresspasses the station where you deem as worker's space to hold your wrist gently between his gloved hands to see how bad the accident has been.

“Is nothing serious,” he twists your wrist gently to the other side, and nods to himself, “keep your hand under the water. Do you have a towel we can use for your hand? I'll place some ice on the towel and wrap it to keep it cool on your skin to lessen the burn.”

“The towel on top of the coffee machine, you can use that.”

He goes to retrieve the object, leaving you with your hand tingling from his touch. He turns the faucet off and dries your hand gently before taking a few pieces of ice, wrapping them up, and lays it on your skin softly to ease you into the sudden change of temperature. Neuvillette never backs off, but walks a little closer, making it obvious the difference in sizes, and suddenly making you aware of his warm touch.

“I-I can hold it myself,” you mutter, taking a step back. You don’t know how much you can handle the closeness without fainting, “Thank you.”

Blinking owlishly, he nods, returning to his previous spot behind the counter. But just like before, he doesn't move from there.

Slightly anxious from his out of character actions, you clear your throat, peeking up at him.

“Do you need something else?” you dare ask, fingers twitching under the towel.

Neuvillette seems pensive, eyes roaming your injured hand to your face. His stare is unwavering, and it makes a slight shiver run down your spine from the intensity of his lilac eyes examining your features.

“It has come to my attention that…you seem involved in some sort of romantic aspect with your boss, yes?” He begins.

What.

“And whatever I might say will come off as rude or simply crossing boundaries, so I hope you find it in yourself to forgive me for my indecency.” Neuvillette seems bashful, “If you could give me some of your time to hang-out, like the young say, I can prove myself worthy of your affections and daresay, your love.”

Huh?

“But if your relationship with your boss is on a serious note, a respectable commitment and admirable, I won't meddle in between the young love and will proceed to exit the establishment for I have overstayed my visit.”

The fuck.

The silence that follows is so dreadful you think you're dreaming. You are the only one who seems affected by such claims of love and misunderstanding of the situation, because Neuvillette looks composed as ever if it weren't for the blush on his face betraying his nervousness.

What could you even say? 

Is like the spotlight has suddenly shifted to where you’re standing; you’re suddenly the main character to this story where you believed wasn’t even to have you as part of the play. With the main lead, nonetheless!

Most of your thoughts don't lead you anywhere and confuses you further. It looks like this is some sort of joke, a distasteful one, and the dread of uttering a single yes might break you apart from the seams until you’re drowning in your own self-pity.

“If my words have made you uneasy about my presence or uncomfortable in any way, I can see myself out,” He whispers the last part, as if regretful for giving you the option, “But, if you also harbor the same feelings as I do, please do tell—”

“Why did you dress up today?,” you blurt, cutting him mid-sentence. The bitterness in your voice doesn't go past him, “Why…why did you come…like this?” 

Is such an innocuous question but nags the back of your head, eager to hear the reply because, whatever his speech has told you, he has made aware that he likes you, too.

He likes you.

Neuvillette brushes a loose strand of hair behind his ears where you can make out the silver lining of an earring decorating it. You cannot help but think: Does this man have anything that is not hot and gorgeous on himself?

“I asked a close acquaintance how to win the affections of someone I haven't had the pleasure to meet yet, and they called me a buffoon for attempting a ridiculous thing. Despite their insult, I searched through the internet to find a solution to my plight.”

Cocking your head to the side, you raise a brow, unable to comprehend the correlation, “What…does that have to do with you dressing up?”

“You said your favorite color was blue.” He says, the corner of his eyes crinkle when he smiles, “I don't own anything blue, so my next good suggestion was to dye my hair. Sadly, I underestimated the amount of hair dye I’d need, and the kind lady at the store didn't know it was for the entirety of my hair. Despite the little mishaps, I believed it would be nice to present myself more elegantly to make a better impression.”

His heartfelt confession does nothing but accelerate the rate of your heart, fanning your face because of how hot you're starting to feel.

“If my attempt wasn't clear, I apologize for that matter.” he chuckles, Neuvillette's smile broadening, “Can't help a man who is smitten, for all he will do is embarrass himself further without good communication. But I couldn't wait any longer after listening to your conversation with your boss, believing I have lost a battle that never began...”

“...I dare say, I was feeling defeated, and very jealous, over the fact that he calls you love. I thought: maybe one day I will get to call her mine.”

How can he say this…so shamelessly! 

Neuvillette speaks without shame and so earnestly, baring his heart and intentions to you when all this time you've deemed him as someone who comes out of a fairy tail and out of reach. The kind of man who wouldn’t bat an eye at your presence just because, but he’s gone out of his way to look appealing enough to your tastes to get your attention when all this time he’s had it.

“Perhaps this comes as a shock to you, but I've been intending to court you since the first time I came here.” 

“...What?”

Nodding softly, smiling, he offers his hand for you to take. Unable to resist his attempt, you extend the good hand and burn from the inside when he holds you gently, caressing the skin of the back of your palm affectionately.

“It has been an agonizing journey for me. To understand my own emotions and intentions for me to act accordingly has been taxing, but it has given me plenty of time to finally see that I would love to have you in my life.”

And this is it.

Neuvillette has given you the whole story in a plate of gold, sincerely and open-hearted, that there is no doubt in your mind that he wants you, and no one else.

No tragedies to come, no twists in the story for more excitement, it's you and him, and no one else.

“I’m not dating Kaveh,” is what you say, lips trembling from the emotion, “I’m not dating anyone. He’s just, very loving to his friends.”

And oh, to rejoice in his open expressions and the relief that courses through him from hearing that yes, you’re available and not straightly rejecting him. 

“Oh, that’s good to hear,” smiling apologetically, he shakes his head, “Sorry, that must have sounded rude.”

You laugh, brightening up at him, “Don’t worry, you are just fine.”

The coffee has gone slightly cold by now, too deep in words and confession through a little accident, that the beverage has become less important. A little voice at the back of your head tells you that Kaveh is taking a long time sorting things out with the new delivery, but you don’t mind, you are in good company, anyways.

“I think you deserve a proper question now, don’t you? Now that everything has been cleared up,” he asks, raising a brow. Clearing his throat, he straightens his back, never letting go of your hand, “Will you do me the pleasure of going on a date with me?” 

Covering your mouth with your free hand, you nod. The hold he has on your other palm tightness slightly, showing the excitement he feels.

“I would love to go on a date with you, Neuvillette.”

— x — x — x — x — x — x — x — x —

“By the way,” you ask, leaning on the counter. You delight from the sudden blush on his cheeks, “how old are you?”

“Ah, I’m forty-seven, love.”

Oh, lucky you.