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it’s just fucking insane to exist as a person now like everyone is mean and cruel and traumatised and everything costs way more than it did even a decade ago and there is no way to self actualise and the world is on fire and people are dying needlessly all the time and the rich keep getting richer and the air is different than it was pre pandemic and i am sick of being advertised to and i don’t think this is how any of it is supposed to be

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“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days. And thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”

— Unknown

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i’m okay with change and i’m fine if things are no longer the same i embrace change

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need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"

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Even if your body isn’t what you wish it were, you can still treat it with the respect it deserves. While it’s completely fine to dream of certain goals and changes for yourself, it’s equally important to learn to appreciate your body for what it is right now. Don’t try to fuel yourself on self hatred.

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"Don't you remember?"

this question is futile, of course you do. you remember his grin, all laughter and tease. you remember the silence between you, the humming of your soul more than enough. you remember the trust you bestowed upon him, like vows, hoping to receive part of his burden, a connection of your hearts.

but you also remember the distance, the impossibility. your pushing and his evasion. and do your linked veins, blood shed and shared, even mean something against that inevitable magnetic field? you push and you bump and you knock, it wasn't enough, it won't ever be enough.

because no matter how your love stretches, bends, folds to infinity, to the moon and back, what power does it possess against the space, against matter, against infinity itself.

deep in your soul, in that fluttering light sitting at the edge of your back, you were aware, you knew you never would have been enough. his trust doesn't fit on top of your heart, the crown of thorns not belonging to you, despite your trust tickling him like a feather, accompanying him at the back of his neck.

you knew he didn't truly trust you, didn't truly love you, to him you were simply someone, anyone, everyone, nothing more than a prick o his thumb, impossible, easy to get rid of.

so yes, you remember. you remember your feelings pushing, pushing something you could never reach.

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I was thinking about something earlier: being sensitive can be hard and overwhelming when most emotions you’re feeling are negative and cause suffering. But then I cried for hours listening to live music today, my soul was moved, my heart felt so much for all that beautiful music, for all that talent, for all those people involved in making this music and this concert, and I was with people I love. Everyone left the concert in awe. I felt such bliss. And honestly, being sensitive is hard, and like anything in life, it is something that one needs to learn how to live with, to find balance within it.

I’m soft, I cry easily, I feel whenever I see someone suffering, I care a lot. But sometimes I get to see so much beauty and I get to cry happy tears and think about my loved ones, and to be grateful to be alive and experiencing so much. I must allow myself to. Life itself feels like a gift these days, and allowing myself to just be me is only fair, and now restraining myself based on “what will people think if they see me cry” seems so silly. Who cares?

I’m experiencing life, this is my first and only time in this world, it’s a finite experience, and I’m not spending it ashamed of being moved by the world around me. It means this world becomes a part of me when I perceive it by the way it moves me, and I become a part of it by living life in an authentic way, without so much fear of being judged for caring a lot. What a great thing it is to exist and experience so much!

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"you probably don't remember" do you know who you're talking to???

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watching anime is literally the easiest thing ever and yet i even put that off