orionowhere

[orionowhere]

worstposting

realized sunday that if i explain it absolutely shit tier who fucking care rene descartes then ouroboros takes like an hour to lay out. so i am going to do that. god bless. if i don't finish it in one sitting i can come back and pick back up. yay

setup- the gods- theres a place i currently call homeland because names have become DIFFICULT with this project. hell. once this place was full of gods walking the earth and humans they shepherded and lived alongside as essentially elders of their community. the eldest gods with the largest "domains" (stewarded aspects of existence- i do not call them domains actuallys thats just common wordage in fantasy) lived so long they did not seem to die. their affinities (what i actually call it) were so large and unchanging they were always needed to manage/shape the magic-weave of life around those things. smaller gods sometimes did die. new gods could be born spontaneously when a part of the world (further growing, differentiating) needed attention and guidance. those small gods would often not know what called them into being. to give them time to discover this in safety/support the elder gods devised a sheltering ritual to make baby gods self-contained rather than entirely connected to/dependent on the needs of their birth (which may fade or change such that the child dissolves again before attaining understanding of how to aid and manage their affinity).

god- vaehysta- goddess of death. one of the eldest known gods. got so fucking. tired. of existing. her earliest days were much quieter with fewer siblings and less complicated death-matters to attend to. she missed those deeply. wanted to go back somehow.

god- eionu- goddess of doubt. middlingly old. eternal questioner, lively, wandering, always trying to pick apart the way things work. common counselor and companion to creatures with uncertainties, drawn to them. growing strangely dissatisfied with human preference for familiarity and culturally-embedded trust (the antithesis to uncertainty) and reliance on divine presence and knowledge. became fast friends with vaehysta. the two of them, in conversing, stumbled into an idea to just. stop doing things the way they had always been done. stop living alongside humans, stop taking such granular effort in the ways of the world. this thought leads them slowly to a drastic plan.

the ritual- well. its ritual suicide 😐 they gather a fair number of gods and humans interested in their effort to leave homeland, change the way of things, see something past the veil of worldly knowledge, all a variety of reasons, but for one end goal.

OK I REALIZED I WAS BARELY BREATHING WRITING THIS BC I HAVE AN EPIC AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM . so i took a break and saw theres aurora borealis so i went to look and there was not aurora borealis. and now i need to sleep. so i write more later. bye

[orionowhere]

walk poem 11/19/23 + additional thoughts

(background below cut. enjoy!)

telling's in the lung and throat, full of air, vap'rous and spilling, coming out like extrusion, reservoir full of material, words chopped off one by one fast enough the quantity blurs by, but who needs piles and piles and piles of pieces, who's appreciating the craftsmanship, only the design brooks admiration, no individual goes enjoyed for more than a moment-

poetry's in tongue and tooth, chewing on its cheek- running over molars, lolling at a lozenge, sucking spit, it lingers- got you by the tongue, pulling on it, got you gagging- poem wants the meat in your hand to examine, cut muscle held under your eye, doesn't care you need it to keep singing, thinks the blood falling in your lap is pretty enough, good enough fruit to leave on the table, bruised and sweet and drawing eye-thought-flies back to taste and taste and taste- like a tongue at toothless socket- at the gnawed-cheek-sore- circle back at your tail, dog, poem gets chased, rarely caught, hurts to catch. gets a little deader every visit. same as any living thing.

- THIS IS JUST HOW IT FEELS FOR ME, PROBABLY NOT UNIVERSAL, I'VE BEEN GROWING AROUND SOME KIND OF PAINFUL INTRUSION SINCE I WAS A KID, NOTHING COMES EASY THE RIGHT WAY, NO ONE TOLD ME HOW TO WORK A SEWING MACHINE, ALL I DO IS DREAM

addendum 11/29: conceived this in my brain on a dog walk and then wrote it out as soon as i got home. needed to express a frustration. continual problem here where poetry and verse has come easier than prose 'writing' (entirely different skillset than storytelling, we are finally discovering after... twelve years?) since we were about twelve. first memory of sharing any with another person was showing our mom a song we wrote in the style of owl city's ocean eyes... and her response was "it's really nice! but i don't really get what it's about." one of those benign awkwardnesses that ends up as part of a pattern of upset that twists into pain. any poetry we write is very present, real, alive and bodily felt for us- but as a medium it's perceived as less accessible/relatable/understandable writing than just, telling a story about some people. some people actively dislike it, blame their refusal to attempt engaging with the work (baffled, resentful, both) on writers' pretensions. the idea of having our work perceived as meaningless, shallow, pointless melodrama, and consequently ignored is... existentially horrifying! but we are working on it. mainly by how we are starting to post publicly instead of only hoarding to ourselves and occasionally dropping things in our groupchat. perhaps someone else's body will feel the same kind of alive we felt when writing it. we have to give it away to allow the opportunity.

[orionowhere]

brief introduction to ouroboros gang, #2!

post #1 if ya missed it

hiya! wow! it's been so nice seeing friendsies following :~) i lobe u guys. today im gonna tell you about another one of ayirine's formative relationships, this time with her twin brother, shihayi. cw for child death + reference to suicidality in a young child

they were born identical, spent their early years attached at the hip, both quiet curious kids (boys, then- emao and shihayi). when they were five they both woke up one morning- still dark, too early- gasping for air, in bed beside each other. the same too-vivid dream of something that must be dying, but two colors- pain-hot, pain-cold, red-black, blue-black, smoky, salty. each feeling heavy as anything. they didn't know there was anything true about the fear that followed them for days, or the fragments liable to flicker in any eye they closed for too long. they got stranger, knew things they shouldn't know. when they were eight there was a fire. both caught inside. shihayi knew it too well- got tangled in the terror of nightmare made real. emao stumbled out singed and alone.

a frantic neighbor pulled him out of the pond the next day. he'd half-expected this, once he got underwater- it didn't taste enough of salt.

and a few years later, a twinless girl building herself a new name chose two pieces. ayi for a dead boy few remembered, and rine for the sea she hoped to meet someday.

[orionowhere]

brief introduction to ouroboros gang, #1!

i have an oc duo that makes me go insane in the manner of the "pair bonded like parrots" post because they have been together since they were little teenagers as a promised/fated/foreseen partnership of prophecy and offering. ayirine (the oracle) and lahil (the offering). lahil was raised knowing that one day it would be his duty to speak to the gods by consuming sacred offerings (which would slowly kill him), and ayirine came into the oracle's position by following vision-fragments of lahil's predecessor (nearly dead herself by the time ayirine arrived). ayirine has known the manner of her death since she was five years old and had her first vision, and believed it since she was eight- lahil has known the same for himself ever since he was old enough to understand why his predecessor was so sick.

this pair are the ones i am talking about when i go on about murder-suicide in my tags. the murder-suicide is a deeply gentle act of love. they make me feel unbelievably normal.

feel free to ask me about them! i will likely be more excited+prompt with posting more if i know anyone is curious. i have been thinking about them and their fellow characters for three to seven years depending on how you count, so there are many thoughts, head full.

[orionowhere]

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[WIP- will add links, add/remove entries, etc]

post type: .admin, .rambles, .telling, .prose, .poetry

topic type: .original, .fanwork

original projects: .ouroboros (blanket cw: suicidality/suicide)

fanwork topics: .bsd, .fe:a

fanwork projects: .ophelia (bsd), .chrobqu au (fe:a)