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[ordinary-thoughts101]

Last Day

Today is it. The final day of high school. After today, I won't be going to high school at all. It's weird that I think about it now, it doesn't feel real, but I can effortlessly recall all the monotonous days that I dragged through to get here. Weird, because I usually would forget things such as that.

They had a field day for all the seniors, all outside having fun and whatnot, I don't really know. I wasn't outside. No, I was sulking in the cafeteria waiting for 1st period to end. I was in a very bad mood. I had got into a car accident last week, and now I can't drive my car. I also had a bit of resentment for how far I was from everyone.

Throughout my four years of high school, I've never really been close with anyone. Never hung out with anyone outside of school really. Always kept to myself, a recluse for the most part. And I don't really like that. I wish I could, but I feel as if I'm too late for any of that.

That's for sure. We're all graduating, now is not the time to start anything. (I learned that the hard way.) I'm not weird or anything, but I feel as if I'm unwanted since no one would reach out to me. On one side, I wish someone would, someone would want me. In terms of friendship. It seems as if everyone is already well off, and I'm just there.

On the other side, I have turned down opportunities to get closer, which I don't know why. I suspect it's because I don't want to get out of my comfort zone or get lazy, but it's a problem.

There have been so many things this year that I have made the wrong decision about. I left wrestling, I skipped on my school's annual black history month performance, flaked on a play I was a part of, no called-no showed to my job, and honestly puttered around doing nothing. Senior year, in all honesty, has been a complete and utter failure.

And with graduation a few days from now, I'll be thrusted into the real world, and be there with nothing. Finding relationships will be harder, I can't quit and flake like I used to, I have to stay in my responsibilities no matter what, and life is going to get a lot less fun and a whole lot harder.

Wish me luck, I guess.