orageconcepts98

[orageconcepts98]

Gender Envy- (song- Drifter by Duster)

Why could I have been born as a boy? I do not like being a girl I don’t completely hate it, but it has such a disadvantage to it. I feel disgusting in my own body the fact I must cover inches of everything to make sure I don’t appeal to men. I wish my chest wouldn’t grow more than a little as I literally have been told to feel disgusted at my own body the way it was created repulses me, I hate having a butt or having bigger chest or having legs that are too provocative to the other gender. I hate having to cover up in front of my own dad and brother which I don’t understand why, they are my family why should I cover up more, am I being too much for them? What does this mean? I feel disgusted by owning a uterus knowing well one day I could have to bear someone’s child and potentially ruining my own body to have a child I may not have a connection too, also knowing that one day being forced to have a child could become my realty makes me want to puke and sob. I wish I was born a man because they get things easier, they are fine to come home late without their parents becoming mad and angry, they are not told to marry as soon as possible and no-one asks, “when are you going to have a child?”, they are told to continue building their careers and making money, while girls on the other hand are expected to leave careers for their children. I wish I was born a boy so that I could dress in any way I would please without being yelled at to cover my hair or body at all “wear something longer under that jacket your baggy jeans are showing your butt too much” “wear your scarf” “you ankles are showing” “yes it is hot but you need to wear something more covering” “you uncle is coming wear this over your chest” “you are going through puberty so your chest is growing you need to get baggier clothes” I wish none of these were said. I wish I was born a man so that I could not be shamed for being fat or being flat, going on extreme diets to grow skinnier as you relatives make fun for you being fat and your mother as she looks at you differently, working out secretly as you hope to be skinnier even at the end of the day you will be wearing baggier clothes, sibling and parents laughing about the change in your behaviour and joking about your “stupid phase”, but then tell you to stop eating. I wish I was a guy so that I could go to the gym and be muscular, and work long jobs, and to go places by yourself without being cooped up inside. I wish I was a guy so that I couldn’t get pregnant and must carry a child full term, so that I wouldn’t get marriage proposal when I’m 16,18 years old from 40-year-old men, so that I wouldn’t have to continuously worry about walking home at dark. Girls need to be hot to attract some average guy, but average guys can pull a hot girl though some smiles and praises. I wish I was a man so that I could boss around my mom, sister and wife to get me water when we are going to sleep or to cook me food or to pack my lunch or to iron my clothes. I wish I was a man so that I could dress the way I want without having weird looks from my parents and family, I wish I was a man so that I could do any type of job without being told by my parents that’s “no that’s a man job”, I wish I was a man so that my mom would have stopped talking to me about my marriage when I was 13 and telling me the expectations of a good wife when I was 14, I didn’t need to know that, and I wish I was a man so that when I would say “I’m not thinking about marriage” no one would get angry or be hateful.

[orageconcepts98]

~Introductions~

Hello everyone,

I have started a blog just so that I can write my thoughts and sometimes recommend some music, this blog is casual so the posts are not going to be consistent.

Thank you for stumbling across my blog if you have. :)