oracling

[oracling]

he's snoring on the other end of the line... chat im cooked

[oracling]

Sefirah Castle Retail au

All the transmigraters are employees of Tianzun who couldn’t decide if he wanted it to be a diner, grocey store, or just a normal gas station so he mashed it all up together, nothing is normal and the place may or may not teleport over the world but they have a job so they don’t really care about that.

No one has the correct name tag, at first Tianzun gave out regular sounding names such as Klein Moretti and Roselle Gustav, but then he started out giving such as Hidden Blade and Periodic Table and never looked back

Klein has multiple different name tags that he switches by, some customers such as Emlyn know him as Sherlock Moriarty, others like Fors know him as Gehrman Sparrow

The Curly haired baboon gang are split between who the owner of Sefriah castle is, some like Franca think it’s Klein and others like Loki think it’s Tianzun

Tianzun rarely appears in store, the only one who knows who he looks like is Klein, Amanises, and Roselle

To the rest, he’s just some long-haired weirdo that likes to bother the workers

Lumian would occasionally come dressed as Aurore to cover her shifts, everyone knows it’s him but hey it’s free labour

Every week or so, some crackhead named Antigonus would come and bother Amanises, no one knows the beef between them

Franca wore an assassin’s creed cosplay on her job interview cause she got the days mixed up, luckily it was Klein who was a fan of the game and half of the interview was them talking about the game

There’s a chalk board menu and everyone writes their own reviews on it that range from 1/10 to this sucks ass to a full on food review you’d see on a blog

The only ones in a healthy and loving relationship is Professor and Associate Professor, everyone hates it

All of them have other jobs than just Sefriah Castle, Amanises is a successful business woman, Roselle is a CEO, Klein’s a history professor, Franca works for the Mafia, Aurore’s a author, etc

Why they work there? cause Tianzun made them sign a life-long contract and their souls are bounded there until they die

[oracling]

what's worse than having a proximity crush and thinking it's love, you ask? knowing, that it is, and not being able to do shit about it.

[oracling]

when you read something and suddenly you're mad that you're not the guy in the 1800s that wrote that. so mad.

[oracling]

so. i started reading Lolita, finally, but- quoting on of my favorite love poems??? "my dolorous and hazy darling"???? nO?!

I'll never be the same.

[oracling]

[oracling]

#ikr? like can i cancel my subscription? ty<3

i fucking hate cramps i fucking hate cramps i fucking hate cramps i fucking hate cramps i fucking hate cramps i fucking hate cramps

[oracling]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[oracling]

I am my parents daughter, thoughtful, sometimes strict and oh so full of love.

But sometimes, just sometimes, i am my parents little landmine. One misstep, and I'll make it so you're both splattered with each others bodily fluids and what was once solid.

Tread carefully, but remember i love you.

Oh i love you so much you own my existence.

I would never listen to a word that come out of your mouth but i hang onto each and every letter.

[oracling]

"to be loved is to be considered." To whoever said that: thank you, I've never felt less loved.

[oracling]

Hell Yeah

[oracling]

western cat twitters are like “HoOman” and japanese cat twitters are like “Today I will consider the state of things.”

[oracling]

YOU COULD SPELL "FISH" AS "GHOTI" AND IT WOULD BE PRONOUNCED THE SAME

THIS IS NOT TRUE.

FOR THOSE UNAWARE OF THIS, UH, “FACT,” THE IDEA IS THAT “GHOTI” COULD BE PRONOUNCED “FISH” IF YOU PRONOUNCE THE GH- AS IN “LAUGH,” THE -O- AS IN “WOMEN,” AND THE “TI” AS IN “AMBITION.”

HOWEVER, THIS FAILS TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THAT THE PRONUNCIATION OF LETTERS IS DEPENDENT ON THEIR POSITION WITHIN THE WORD.

AT THE END OF A WORD OR SYLLABLE, “GH” CAN BE PRONOUNCED LIKE THE LETTER F. THIS IS WHY IT’S PRONOUNCED THAT WAY IN “LAUGH” AND “LAUGHTER” AND “ENOUGH” AND, DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK, “VAN GOGH.” AT THE BEGINNING OF A WORD OR SYLLABLE, “GH” IS PRONOUNCED AS AN EXTRA-HARD G-SOUND, AS IN “GHOST” AND “GHOUL” AND “GHASTLY.”

LIKEWISE, “TI” IS NOT PRONOUNCED AS “SH” AT THE END OF A WORD. IN “AMBITION,” IT IS ONLY BECAUSE “TI” IS FOLLOWED BY “O” THAT THERE IS AN “SH” SOUND IN THE WORD AT ALL. THIS IS WHY “RATIO” IS PRONOUNCED WITH AN “SH” SOUND, WHILE “MANTIS” IS PRONOUNCED WITH A “T” SOUND. 

IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT, IN WORDS LIKE “AMBITION” AND “NATION,” IT’S NOT THAT THE “TI” IS PRONOUNCED LIKE “SH.” “TION” IS A COMPLETE SYLLABLE, PRONOUNCED “SHUN” OR “SHEN.” IF YOU REMOVE ANY OF THE LETTERS, THE PRONUNCIATION WOULD CHANGE.

“ION” DOESN’T HAVE AN SH- SOUND IN IT. “TIN” DOESN’T HAVE AN SH- SOUND IN IT. “TI” DOESN’T HAVE AN SH- SOUND IN IT. “TON” DOESN’T HAVE AN SH- SOUND IN IT. “TIO” ONLY HAS AN SH- SOUND IN IT IF IT’S PRECEDED BY A VOWEL, AS IN “RATIO,” AND EVEN THEN, IT’S PRONOUNCED “SHYO” OR “SHI-O,” DEPENDING ON YOUR ACCENT. 

“O” IS RARELY PRONOUNCED AS IN “WOMEN,” EXCEPT WHEN IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF A SYLLABLE. 

THAT’S THE THING. “-GH” IS ONLY PRONOUNCED “F” AT THE END OF A SYLLABLE. “O” IS ONLY PRONOUNCED AS IN “WOMEN” IN THE MIDDLE OF A SYLLABLE. “TI-” IS ONLY PRONOUNCED “SH” AT THE BEGINNING OF A CERTAIN SYLLABLES, AND NEVER BY ITSELF.

WHEN ASSEMBLED IN THAT ORDER, NONE OF THOSE PRONUNCIATIONS WOULD APPLY. IF THEY HAD SPELLED IT “GHOTION,” IT WOULD BE PRONOUNCED “GOSHEN.” IF THEY HAD IT “LAUGHOTI,” IT WOULD BE PRONOUNCED “LAFF-OH-TEE.” 

HOWEVER, SPELLED “GHOTI,” THERE’S NO WAY TO PRONOUNCE IT “FISH” UNLESS YOU PRONOUNCE EVERY LETTER INCORRECTLY, IN WHICH CASE YOU’RE NOT PRONOUNCING “GHOTI” AT ALL, YOU’RE PRONOUNCING “FISH.” “GHOTI” IS PRONOUNCED “GOATY.”

NOW, THE ORIGINAL IDEA BEHIND “GHOTI” WAS MAKING FUN OF THE LACK OF RULES GOVERNING ENGLISH SPELLING AND PRONUNCIATION. THIS IS STUPID AS HELL, BECAUSE THEY HAD TO IGNORE A BUNCH OF THE RULES GOVERNING ENGLISH SPELLING AND PRONUNCIATION IN ORDER TO MAKE FUN OF THEIR NON-EXISTENCE.

THEY LITERALLY PRETENDED THE ESTABLISHED PRONUNCIATION CONVENTIONS DIDN’T EXIST JUST SO THEY COULD MAKE FUN OF ENGLISH FOR NOT HAVING ESTABLISHED PRONUNCIATION CONVENTIONS, WHICH IS ESPECIALLY AGGRAVATING BECAUSE THIS COULD EASILY BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE EXISTING WORD “COLONEL.” 

[oracling]

Klein: Just once in my life, I wanna get up in the morning without going through the full seven stages of grief first.

Audrey: What are the extra two?

Klein: Denial two and astral projection.

[oracling]

Amon: I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

[oracling]

I'm back with another shitpost which I made to procrastinate from other art projects (that are also shitposts)

[oracling]

"hello, my dear poet"