opposite-idol

[opposite-idol]

I'm Too Old For This Shit

These fall nights will never feel right Promise I’m not a partier So what am I doing here? Just trying to relive tragedy I never experienced Will anyone here live or die tonight? YOLO, who cares? Maybe someone does Because, oh shit, sirens in the air Indication it’s too late Didn’t even notice when the music started to dissipate Promise I’m not a partier So tell me, what brings you here? Was it the-“woo-woo”-sirens in the air? Or maybe it was the fresh scent of woo-hoo in the air YOLO, who cares?

Meet me two years later If you survive demon crowd’s lair Tonight

가을이 다시 살아날까요? (pron: ga-eul-i dasi sal-analkkayo? - trans: Will autumn come alive again?) 약속해, 나는 파티에 관심이 없어 (pron: yagsoghae, naneun patie gwansim-i eobs-eo - trans: Promise I'm not interested in parties) 내가 왜 여기에 있는지 모르겠어요 (pron: naega wae yeogie issneunji moleugess-eoyo - trans: I don't know why I'm here) 역겹지 않아? (Pron: yeoggyeobji anh-a? - trans: Isn't this disgusting?) 그들은 그것을 가볍게 여긴다 (pron: geudeul-eun geugeos-eul gabyeobge yeoginda - trans: Take it lightly) 그들은 그것을 음란물로 만든다 (pron: geudeul-eun geugeos-eul eumlanmullo mandeunda - trans: Make it pornographic) 이 아이들은 무례함이 너무 많아 (Pron: i aideul-eun mulyeham-i neomu manh-a - trans: These kids have so much disrespect) 그들은 "YOLO, 누가 신경 써?"라고 생각해 (pron: geudeul-eun "YOLO, nuga singyeong sseo?"lago saeng-gaghae - trans: They think, "YOLO, who cares?”) Run, Run “Woo-woo,” the cops이 곧 나타날 거예 (pron:“Woo-woo,”the cops-i god natanal geoye - trans: “Woo-woo,” the cops will show up soon) 심즈 게임을 해본 적 있나요? (Pron: simjeu geim-eul haebon jeog issnayo? - trans: Have you played The Sims?)

You’re cooked See, I’m cool 여기서 만났어 (pron: yeogiseo mannass-eo - trans: I met you here) 무엇을 원하세? (Pron: mueos-eul wonhase? - trans: What do you want?) 한 사람이 demon 될 수 있다고 생각하세? (Pron: han salam-i demon doel su issdago saeng-gaghase? - trans: You think one person can be a demon?) 당신은 틀렸어 (pron: dangsin-eun teullyeoss-eo - trans: You’re wrong) 당신은 one face 이상을 가진 flood 본 적이 없을 것입니다 (Pron: dangsin-eun one face isang-eul gajin flood bon jeog-i eobs-eul geos-ibnida - trans: Clearly you have never seen a flood with more than one face)

Can someone please make these cold nights feel the same Like they used to “당신이 그 사람이라고 생각하시나?” (Pron: “dangsin-i geu salam-ilago saeng-gaghasina?” - trans: “Do you think you’re that person?”) Sure, I think I’m the shit Doesn’t hyung think he’s the shit? 알아요 (pron: al-ayo - trans: I know) He does 하지만 he’s too shy to say it 다른 사람의 가사로 (pron: Hajiman he’s too shy to say it daleun salam-ui gasalo - trans: But he’s too shy to say it in someone else’s lyrics) “여기서 뭘 하고 계세?” (Pron: “yeogiseo mwol hago gyese?” - trans: “What are you doing here?”) Man, I don’t know 하지만 저는 I have good intentions 약속합니다 (pron: hajiman jeoneun I have good intentions yagsoghabnida - trans: But I promise I have good intentions)

What am I doing here? Just trying to relive tragedy I never experienced Will anyone here live or die tonight? Man, I don’t even know if I’m alive 하지만 YOLO, who cares? (Pron: hajiman YOLO, who cares? - trans: But YOLO, who cares?) Maybe you do? Because- “woo-woo” Oh no, sirens blare It’s too late

Didn’t even notice when the music started making me create Promise I’m a 일중독 (pron: Promise I’m a iljungdog - trans: Promise I’m a workaholic) But I’ll never show up to the bar, or the 회식 (pron: But I’ll never show up to the bar, or the hoesig - trans: But I’ll never show up to the bar, or the company dinner) So what am I doing here? Was it the thought of excitement? Or maybe it was the fresh scent of the future in the air YOLO, who cares?

I'm Too Old For This Shit (English Version)

These fall nights will never feel right Promise I’m not a partier So what am I doing here? Just trying to relive tragedy I never experienced Will anyone here live or die tonight? YOLO, who cares? Maybe someone does Because, oh shit, sirens in the air Indication it’s too late Didn’t even notice when the music started to dissipate Promise I’m not a partier So tell me, what brings you here? Was it the-“woo-woo”-sirens in the air? Or maybe it was the fresh scent of woo-hoo in the air YOLO, who cares?

Meet me two years later If you survive demon crowd’s lair Tonight

Will autumn ever come back alive for me Promise I’m not interested in festivities I don’t know why I’m here Isn’t it disgusting? They take it lightly, make it pornagraphic These young kids have so much disrespect They think, “YOLO, who cares?” Run, Run “Woo-woo,” the cops are coming Have you ever played The Sims?

You’re cooked See, I’m cool I met you here What do you want? You think I’m a demon? You’re wrong Clearly, you’ve never seen a flood with more than one face

Can someone please make these cold nights feel the same Like they used to “Do you think you’re the one who can do that?” Sure, I think I’m the shit Doesn’t hyung think he’s the shit? I know he does But he’s too shy to say it in someone else’s lyrics “What are you doing here?” Man, I don’t know But I promise I have good intentions

What am I doing here? Just trying to relive tragedy I never experienced Will anyone here live or die tonight? Man, I don’t even know if I’m alive But YOLO, who cares? Maybe you do? Because- “woo-woo” Oh no, sirens blare It’s too late

Didn’t even notice when the music started making me create Promise I’m a hard worker But I’ll never show up at the bar, or the company dinner So what am I doing here? Was it the thought of excitement? Or maybe it was the fresh scent of the future in the air YOLO, who cares?

[opposite-idol]

Call Me (I Gave You a Fake Number)

Put me on a pedestal I deserve it Put me in my place Here you rule, I’m in your world Feel like I can jump from fantasy to fantasy Like we’re in Wreck it Ralph I can choose any race track I can choose any game machine Does this arcade even belong to somebody It doesn’t matter, we don’t need to worry I’ve said it before, can you hear the real world calling I don’t know about you, but all I hear is the wind howling On this cold and lonely night Somewhere in the distance, a song always playing, Fireflies I follow the sound, as if it were the light from fireflies I stumble upon your secret set up, the perfect night But I don’t need the persuasion of candlelights You were already in my sights, all this time But this is all in my mind

Everyone asks “do you fight” About what I’ve never been angry in my whole life At someone who I’m so like But if I’m not normal I worry, will everyone around me go on strike, on strike But for what? “Are you alright?” I suppose I’m not

But this is all just in my stomach If I could make money from being sick Then I wouldn’t need to tell you this kind of shit But at least I’m not nervous Contrary to my MBTI, enneagram, and astrology So every sane person, feel free to come at me I don’t get how differences make it so hard for some to find understanding Because I’ve always felt that no one understands me But I’d never let that keep me from being friendly Who am I to view things flawlessly I’m just… not living

So please think of me highly Because I deserve it I really need to shut my face Because I’m in someone else’s world, where I have no authority But I can just leave when I want Because I’m a pro at jumping from fantasy to fantasy Do these daydreams belong to anybody Or are they free for the taking Because I’m convinced more is what I need I don’t need to worry Who needs the real world? Please never call me

[opposite-idol]

Name of a Ghost

Trees everywhere Some people have to work overtime While others are under house arrest Look at all this debris Proof that even a whole town can take forever to recover from damage So why are you always in such a rush? You don’t have to tell me “You’ve got so much time left” My delusions already know that But it’s reality that’s always so haunting “So why are you always in such a rush?” It’s because Doesn’t everyone know? Life moves too damn slow, but it can also end hella fast I’ve seen it too many times, for the memory not to last

Winds blow so fast But tree trunks are what cracks last Look at all this debris Parking lots full of trees Hey, that doesn’t go there I’m sure you’re all aware Life likes to crash A surprise, like all the birthdays they’ll never have Maybe for some, everything moves too fast, it’s all too much But for me, what’s wrong is, life moves too damn slow And sometimes I’m blinded to which path will take me past go Maybe I’ve made mistakes That’s what life’s about, so it’s ok But don’t I know? Life can sometimes really last, so it’s ok to take it slow I’ve been living that, too long for the memories not to last

Signs broken everywhere Some people have to get to work While others lives seem not to matter Look at all this debris Proof that even a whole town can take forever to recover from damage So why are you always in such a rush? You don’t have to tell me “You’ve got so much time left” My delusions already know that But it’s reality that’s always so haunting “So why are you always in such a rush?” It’s because Doesn’t everyone know? Life moves too damn slow, but it can also end hella fast I’ve seen it too many times, for the memory not to last

[opposite-idol]

Fashion Secrets

You’re what’s in trend And I’m around the bend You’re what’s in, and what’s next But I’m only what’s next I’m never in But you’re so cool Babe, how do I be what’s in and what’s next Please give me all your fashion secrets Everything you do looks good But everything I do, looks bad in the mirror The only one who ever thinks I look alright is my imagination Even my own mother took thirty years to tell me my outfit looked good When I’ve been trying since my boyhood, or lack thereof But maybe it’s my lack of boyhood that’s made me dress like trash now Or so I think, but if these colors don’t coordinate I’m never gonna leave the house Even to take out the trash Because I’m afraid of being mistaken for the trash bag’s familial relation No, we’re not related, but this trash would look so good if it matched my pants You better believe it But these plastic bags from my groceries are what’s cheapest Maybe I should start wearing brown Sometimes it’s so depressing to have you around A goal out of reach I’ll never have you, until I can touch snow “Please go touch grass,” says everyone I know Why do you think I’m trying to reach snow The more buried the grass gets, the less I’ll have to know I’m ignorant, I just never let it show I’m around the bend And you’re what’s in trend You’re always movin’ I sometimes wish you’d stop for five seconds Maybe then I could tell you all my secrets About things like color coordination But apparently today’s fashion doesn’t need it Kids today need everything blended, matching Baby, I wanna match with you Let me in But you won’t even stop for five seconds I tag behind, around the bend Trying to take notes Too busy making notes, to notice all your fashion secrets All you leave behind are the shells of your uniqueness I try to pick them up, piece them back together Because you’re my weakness I wish I knew all your fashion secrets

[opposite-idol]

Be Quiet

I can’t take it You’re way too pessimistic I’m ready to replace it Oops, I already have We don’t talk Except on the weekends The problem is We both walk the walk But our paths are split at the head They always have been Can’t believe all this time’s been wasted “I’m ready, ready to end it” I’ve said every year since the beginning Second grade, the last time I wasn’t medicated Six years old, the last time I had this much self awareness My presence of mind, I’ve always been faking Everyone mistakes the quiet introversion for calmness So please tell me why I’m so goddamn fucking anxious

I can’t take it I can feel it When the fan’s air moves my nose hair I’m old enough for that Stop thinking I’m eighteen “Why won’t anyone take me seriously” Maybe it’s because all my friends have grown up Now they can only go out on the weekends But I’ve never gone out on the weekends I’m not gonna start now, so I guess I’m lonely Why’s everyone so busy All this time I’ve been faking And I’m ready to replace it I promise, I’m trying But a child only knows one trick When will we get started Trying to run away from it First, mistakes made by my parents And then, mistakes made by me in middle school Thinking I knew who I wanted to be Boy, I didn’t know shit I was too busy disassociating Until you broke me Little did I know, you were faking So I buried myself in friendships Little did they know, I was faking I don’t know how to be me unless I’m lonely But last time I knew me, I was engulfed in popularity

I can’t even remember it Back when attention was currency But now I’m too full of positivity And I can’t stand you You’re way too pessimistic And I’ve been forever ready Ready to replace it Goddamn, you’re way too negative Don’t you ever get tired of it Please let it go Can’t wait till I’m in the snow Someplace I hope you’ll never go Will I ever see you again I hope not But I’d still be sad if you were to end it But I don’t know if any tears could be shed Because I’ve been so ready to move on Since the beginning Because you’ve got problems And until you solve them I don’t know if we can be friends We both wring our hands But for different reasons You’ve changed for the worse every year since the beginning And I’ve run out of things to say Feel like I’ve changed for the better every year since the beginning Even though second grade was the last time I wasn’t medicated Six years old may have been the last time I had any self awareness My presence of mind, I’ve always been faking Everyone mistakes the quiet introversion for calmness So please tell me why I’m always so goddamn fucking anxious

Shit, what time was it Is it time for me to be over it What if I just stopped talking Plenty have done it to me Even after a lifetime of everything seeming fine This could just be the place where I choose to draw the line It’s mine My time My peace of mind My life “I’ll do what I want” I’ve said since the beginning So why haven’t I started any of it Maybe because I’m always so goddamn fucking anxious And it always hides behind so much fucking goddamn silence

[opposite-idol]

Waive the American Dream

I talk so infrequent That every time I meet with a friend By evenin’s end, my throat is hurtin’ But I crave that kind of life The life of a socialite

First glimpse of fantasy In 7th grade reading Great Gatsby Wish that were me Minus the tragedy Minus the poor mental health, and blindness But keeping hope for the future, money, and dreams It’s not always what it seems We can’t choose where life comes together, or breaks at the seams And we can’t choose if every house we live in will have visible beams Oh, my skeleton is dying inside me I wish you could see But I’ve only got my words So I’ll just try my best to show off the insides visibly I’ll just try my best to show you every invisible mess It’s been twenty years, that I’ve been doing this And I still haven’t gotten shit out of it

Fuck

I’m present so infrequent That every time I leave the house I disassociate By evenin’s end, all my emotions will dissipate But I crave that kind of life The life of omnipresence Wanna be famous But I learned too late That biding my time is a major waste

So I just lie I just pretend I have no regrets I’m a good kid, I’ve never done anything wrong Except hurt my own heart What the fuck is passion What the fuck does it feel like to even start

First glimpse of the good life Under seven years old, watching the Oscars Wish that were me Minus all the hard work Minus having to be the center of attention But somehow still getting all the attention and spotlight And making all the money, and following my dreams But it’s not always what it seems We can’t choose where life comes together, or breaks at the seams And we can’t choose if every house we live in will have visible beams Oh, my skeleton is dying inside me I wish you could see But I’ve only got my words So I’ll just try my best to show off the insides visibly I’ll just try my best to show you every invisible mess It’s been twenty years, that I’ve been doing this And I still haven’t gotten shit out of it

Fuck this

[opposite-idol]

Inflation

One I’m home But I hope so is everyone Two I’m with you But you’re with everyone Three But at least one of those everyone’s is me Four Baby, let the love pour Lose my will to you, now I’m poor Let the rain pour I’ll wait, and wait, and wait, and wait at your door You let me in, score! I’ve never thought like that, promise, no need to start Five I admire, or am I jealous of your drive I just try to emulate, but I’m way, way, way, way too late Six Heh, this bit’s been redacted Seven Baby, you make me feel like I’m in heaven Push the volume up past eleven “Wait, wait, wait, wait, you’re gonna confuse the audience” Oops Sorry Eight Yeah, you ate that “bleep” Wait, wait, wait, yeah you ate, “good job bro” Sorry I’m a millennial Order that ass on freight, Whenever you want, however you want Nine Say it again, and again, and again, and again, swear, I promise, we’re never short on time Allow mistakes No matter how high these stakes Yeah, we ate all the A5 we could handle But there’s always room for more, and more, and more, and more Ten When you go, please close the door Love you, please come again

[opposite-idol]

Rivers, Lakes, and Oceans (No Submarine)

Everyone here reminds me of all the friends I had in childhood Best friends, briefly, if only for a moment Now we’re separated by oceans Learned how to sail as a child Named my child after a sea in my fantasy Took years and years of internal therapy To find out that child was me I was living vicariously Peter Pan is a true story Now I’ve taken that name for myself But after so many personalities I think I just want to live simply

Sigh

Best friends, for a moment, if only just briefly Now we’re separated by differences in pessimism and positivity Learned how to sail as a child Surprised myself, “oh my god, I can actually feel something!” But what the fuck are feelings I love to categorize everything Organized to a T But I don’t know the difference between feeling nothing and being happy Unless I can feel it physically So please blow me No, no, wait, that’s not what I mean I want the wind in my face so badly Do I want to be alone eternally No But I don’t understand anymore And I realize now, I don’t think I ever did In the grand scheme of things, we were only friends for a moment So please don’t care that I’m gone “I don’t care about you anymore,” I lie Why do you think I’m writing this song I wish we had been wrong If I never met you, would I have grown up to be strong Don’t care that it’s been so long This is still my favorite song On the mix you gave me in 2001 But I don’t care that you’re gone

What the fuck is childhood But names I remember Of friends, now they just seem like absent others You think “I’ll know you forever” Then you wake up, or so I hope Welcome to adulthood I learned how to sail as a child But now I make sales as a grown up And all the grown ups pretend they don’t know it’s not the same thing Why hold me down, I don’t understand, please let me face the wind I need the grown ups to move faster, by time decisions get made, I decay What a fucking beautiful day If only I could face the sea But what does the sea owe me When I owe it everything Swallows the past for me Like Dory, no memory Gone forever, probably at the bottom of Challenger Deep But you know what That’s ok with me I’m always ready to move on The deep might be far away, but the surface is easily manipulated I learned how to sail as a child, so I'm good at it Just don’t get in the water, or you’ll be snagged by the anchor’s line, as it drags along the bottom

[opposite-idol]

🤡

Loving this clown life Wearing nothing but every smiley face motif From my surroundings I only want to experience positivity Keep myself closed off You don’t need to be burdened with someone else’s grief Yeah, I’m winning therapy

Oh? That’s not why I’m here? I’m here for the incongruence of my inner histrionics With this schizoid outer crust

That gets thicker with every moment that passes Soon I’ll be nothing but stone, though everyone already sees I am Midas touch? I wish. But no. More like Medusa’s looks. Cursed since childhood When at summer camp I was the local rock No, not like a star, Lee, Dwayne, or Aesop Please make these judgements stop! I don’t want to be in anyone’s thoughts But I crave the ability to show off

I was never the class clown More like the class mime Looked weird enough to stand out But not loud enough to get what I really want I will never be clown enough So please tell me How do I make desire for the crown stop I’ll never be clown enough Everyone else goes to therapy to turn it off I’m here to turn it on How do I make it start

“Ready player one”

Hating this drowned mindset Doing nothing but pretending With nothing but a smile I wish More like resting bored face Where the hell is my variety Dear god, just take all my creativity How else am I supposed to believe Please believe me, why won’t anyone ever believe me I’ve been screaming my whole life “Give me what I need!” But no one listens Least of all, parents From my life I only want positivity Keep myself closed off Because I never want to be in anyone’s thoughts But I crave my needs being fulfilled And I’m scared that can only happen if I’m loud, if I show off Why does no one believe that I know what I want Yes, I know it’s a lot But I’m so serious as fuck No, I won’t fucking laugh it off Call me a clown all you want I know you’re wrong I may be weird, but my thoughts are ordered way too fucking much Why so serious?

[opposite-idol]

Mulder

After four years, or has it been five, I don’t remember A child is finally being pulled out of me Through my throat Covered in all the mucus that goes drip drip drip down from the back of my nose At least I’ve reached a good place, where I fully believe I’m a GOAT Am I shifting realities, as the kids say these days, or am I fully delusional But what’s a goat, but someone who used to be a kid, a child

Text my mom, say “do you wanna meet your grandkid” Send her a pic Of myself on a mountain with a baby goat So now she’s mad at me, and won’t answer the phone Just over something that was meant to be a joke And I try again and again to explain to everyone “yes, I’ve seen a ghost” But even when some friends say “me too,” I still feel alone I was also almost abducted by aliens once Keep wondering what would have happened if I had let them take me But when they came for me My subconscious could only repeat “no, I don’t want to to go” “I don’t want to go” And they let me stay So I felt really underwhelmed, realizing it’s not personal They just have to fill a quota, just like everyone else And I’m not special I’m too fearful Just a homebody, who couldn’t even let my spirit be pulled through my home’s walls Just because physics doesn’t work that way But if aliens exist, then what the fuck do I know I never will if I stay

So let me run away! Why I gotta ask permission The wannabe Aquarius in me keeps saying “Fuck tradition” But the overly polite type five INFJ in me Holds out his hands under the persimmon tree In summer, and waits for the fall leaves Patiently When will we be done waiting I pretend I’m a we, so no one can blame me for my own procrastination When will good luck be handed to me? After thirty years I’m still waiting And waiting And waiting And waiting I want to leave! But I’m so damn lazy Maybe pulling the child out of me will fix everything Is that the final point of therapy? I don’t know, I’ve never made it this far in anything In any endeavor, life, or treatment

But what needs treating When I’m using treatment to run away from my other problems Like all the mucus that goes drip drip drip down the back of my throat Lube to help pull out the child Created when I first tried to force it down, deepthroat But I never choke, I just cope So, no, I can’t tell you when it was that I first broke Maybe it was when a friend literally held a gun to my head, just for saying no How dare anyone speak up, I know I won’t Welcome to America, fuck I was five years old And just didn’t want to cut a piece of paper, because I thought I’d be bad at it I’m still lacking Nothings changed I still can’t cry But show me ten seconds of a dog being loved And I’ll have a fucking mental breakdown

Don’t cross me I have a repertoire of stoicism Cure of the world’s anger Poster child of dissociation Raises hand Yes, that’s me, I’m here Or am I

Drip drip drip

The wannabe attention seeker in me keeps saying “Look at me” But the never loud keeps to himself type five INFJ in me Holds out his hands under the persimmon tree In summer, and waits for the fall leaves Waiting for permission, patiently When will we be done waiting I pretend I’m a we, so no one can blame me Because that shit’s scary And usually makes me want to leave But the world outside is not safe So I keep making me wait But for what? I’m just a homebody, who wouldn’t even let my body be pulled through the walls When the aliens thought I was special Just for being delusional But I was too scared to go, because physics doesn’t work that way I know But If aliens exist, then what the fuck do I know What the fuck do I know What the fuck do I know

[opposite-idol]

y/n (Your Name)

I miss you I miss you

Your name doesn’t ring anymore Growth, rain doesn’t bring any more Wait for me, you swore

I should have known What’s the point of words When an animal can’t speak human

I beat my own skull, trying to reach my brain I can’t bear to forget you No matter how much pain your memory brings “Come on, follow me” I look back, but your space is empty

I want to see you I need to feel you

But I don’t want to die I promise that was just one time Universe, I’m sorry Please keep her safe for me

I want to see you I need to feel you Soft safety Calmness in calamity Only you knew me How did I grow up to become so lonely When you were always with me I can’t bear to forget you No matter how much pain your memory brings Please follow me But when I look back, your footprints are missing

I’m too distracted by your memory To be able to see My own strength But how can I view myself as strong When I don’t even want to publicly say your name For fear that everyone could see my shame Even if I’m not the one to blame But still I should have been there all the same And I really wish I could say “There isn’t anyone I blame” But there is All my friends here tell me “that’s just the biz”

But what about 10 years ago, or 15, or 20 Is loss just a part of growing up I don’t know Shit, sometimes it makes me wanna throw up Missing you When I’m spiraling too Is the wrong place to be So I don’t spiral anymore And I’m happy This is the place to be

But instead I question myself Am I an angel or a demon, or their child Am I lying to my own face, or just to everyone else Am I able yet to just be myself I don’t know Fucking hell

I miss you I miss you

Your sounds don’t live in my head anymore Stuff outside the house doesn’t bring you running anymore Meet you there, I swore

I should have known What’s the point of words When an animal can’t speak human

How did I grow up to become so lonely When you were always with me I can’t bear to forget you No matter how much pain your memory brings Please follow me But when I look back, your footprints are missing

I beat my own skull, trying to reach my brain I can’t bear to forget you No matter how much pain your memory brings “Come on, follow me” I look back, but your space is empty

I want to see you I need to feel you

But I don’t want to die I promise that was just one time Universe, I’m sorry Please keep her safe for me

Until the day I can say her name publicly

[opposite-idol]

🤷‍♂️

If you had the choice to see things that didn’t apply to you I bet you’d choose not to But how else is anyone supposed to be equal Click the shutter I want my picture taken too But someone like me is always ignored Please don’t worry, it’s nothing new

I’m so kind “Please don’t worry about me,” I say to everyone Even as my goddamn sailboat is sinking Even as the rest of the world’s shit is stinking Up my soul I don’t think I’m pure anymore When did I become an adult The things I want for my birthday now Are tools to help me work more efficiently Are tools to help me work more professionally Always trying to be a better me Oops, I meant a better employee But aren’t the two the same, maybe I’m where I always wanted to be But when work is interrupted it’s so goddamn annoying

So don’t interrupt me Won’t even pause for praises I don’t care what you think Even if it’s a good thing No one knows me Shit, I really need to take accountability “It’s not my fault,” says childhood None of this is how I had thought, what the fuck is adulthood “Please don’t worry about me, I’m good” I’m just eternally misunderstood Hopping from one to the next, moments only temporary It’s always a wonder how the seawall has withstood Even without the deep dives into therapy My anxiety is so sure I need

Hopping from one to the next, moments only temporary Everyone always making it sound like the past can’t be anything but complexed So why is moving from the past so effortless, child’s play Because I still feel like a child, to this very day So please smile my way Please understand me At night I need you to hold me I’m afraid of the dark Because I’m baby But even if I’m baby, when we goof off I wanna be on top

Remove your Off White shirt People hate me because I’m…, but I’m no monster I’m just forever a learner One of the many everythings that makes me your admirer You’re a high flier Well I’m a high roller Finally, someone who can satiate my desire, and I yours These electrodes are bipolar You promise You don’t wish death Well that’s a first for me So used to being paired with tragedy Happiness is new to me So are fishnets But I think you’re sexy

If you had the choice to see unapproved love I bet away from you it would be shoved But how else is anyone supposed to be legal Give me what I need I too want to be a person But someone like me is always dehumanized Everyone should be angry, yes, the murderers will be scrutinized Who cares about haters Sorry I’m so preoccupied, buried under everything else, no time for murmurers Out of sight, out of mind I give too much a shit about what’s wrong or right You don’t know anymore if I’m just an act But I promise, I’m still a diplomat

I’m so kind I can always see both sides “It’s not you, don’t worry” Even as my goddamn sailboat is sinking Even as the rest of the world’s shit is stinking Up my landfill, the home where I feel so alive

When did I become an adult I stopped being pure before the age of five The things I want now are too risky I want tools to help me be more kinky I promise, outside my lyrics, I really do act professionally I’m always trying to be a better me Yes, I mean masochistically Oops, should I really be saying these things Well, you liked it last time, so… “Man shrugging emoji”

So don’t prick me Won’t even cry for my own pain I’m already numb, mind blank And I think it’s a good thing See, no one knows me Shit, I really need to take responsibility So I’ll stuff my face with accountability Until I’m gagging “It’s all my fault,” says my aching musculoskeletal system Alright, I admit, some pain isn’t fun None of this is how I had thought, what the fuck is adulthood I’ve never entered the real world “Please leave me alone, I’m good” I’m just eternally misunderstood Hopping from one to the next, moments only temporary It’s always a wonder how the seawall has withstood Even without the deep dives into therapy My anxiety is so sure I need

Hopping from one to the next, moments only temporary Everyone always making it sound like the past can’t be anything but complicated So why are both my past and present so unpopulated Despite my whole life being copulated So please smile my way Please let me lay At night I need you to keep my demons at bay It’s dark, I’m afraid Because I’m baby But even if I’m baby, when we goof off I wanna be on top

[opposite-idol]

Thank You

Do I have to say thank you again I shouldn’t have to I don’t owe you anything But what if I want to Can never get away from this rumination “Thank you” “Thank you” How can I make sure everyone hears this Is there anyone it could miss When it’s said with so much loudness “Thank you” Once again I said it earlier, but now your understanding has really sunken in So, “thank you” “Thank you” From somewhere deep within me, where even I have never been How is it a million other people got there first, before I could even show up for myself Is this healthy, psychologically I really don’t know, but I really don’t think, without you, I could have ever gotten to know me

I am who I am Due to my environment And that includes you …and you, and you, and you When the sky’s full of storm clouds and tornadoes I feel more at home than ever, and the most unlonely I’ve ever been Because down here on the ground, this place is full of other humans Staring at the hurting sky, together, willing You don’t have to suffer with me But because you are, I don’t feel the pain of suffering I’m free to finally know what it feels like to be growing And free to recognize it, and to use it to succeed And I never even had to ask or say please

So “thank you” Thank you for looking after me When that’s something I never expected to need Because of you I was able to succeed I hope you keep watching over me Even if you don’t say anything And even if I don’t give you anything You live too deep within me I hope there’s a place for me there somewhere within you too So “thank you” Thank you

[opposite-idol]

Prey

What the actual fuck You’re hot as fuck Has anybody ever told you that Oh, they have? I guess I’m just late to catching on Even though we’ve been circling each other like birds on the hunt But for what

What the actual fuck Everyone wants to call this good luck So why all the protest trucks Everyone can get fucked Even the good ones I’m sorry I’m just trying to protect what I love Fuck, what do you all want

“I want you to notice me” “Notice me senpai” Well, I wanted to get noticed too But all anyone ever did was say goodbye And no good ones could ever look me in the eye I was smaller than a grain of rice So I just decided to live my own life Quietly

Quietly, I’ve been losing my sanity “But you’re such a rarity” How do I insert the eye roll emoji, lyrically “But you’re so good at this, really” Fuck off, bitch you don’t know me

But I just look up, look up, always Into the eyes of a good one Into the eyes of a god Who always knew he’d get noticed But I’m not the only one

What the actual fuck You’re hot as fuck Has anybody ever told you that Oh, they have? I guess I’m just late to catching on Even though we’ve been circling each other like birds on the hunt But for what

I’m just glad to feel release, like a freed dove Yes, I’m here to fuck shit up Wanna come along? Oh you don’t? That’s alright I’ll just go it alone So why does everyone call this good luck

What the actual fuck Find me stuffed inside a kidnap trunk Of the ones who are jealous Starting to wonder if there are really any good ones I’m not sorry I’m just trying to protect who I love Fuck, what do you all want

“I want you to be just like me” But I’m not even me, I’m just a copy of my sensei I wanted to be just like everyone too But all anyone ever did was say goodbye And no good ones could ever look me in the eye I was smaller than a grain of rice So I just decided to live my own life Quietly

Quietly, I’ve been losing my sanity “But you’re such a rarity” How do I insert the eye roll emoji, lyrically “But you’re so good at this, really” Fuck off, bitch you don’t know me

But I just look up, look up, always Into the eyes of a good one Into the eyes of a god Who always knew he’d get noticed But I’m not the only one

What the actual fuck You’re hot as fuck Has anybody ever told you that Oh, they have? I guess I’m just late to catching on Even though we’ve been circling each other like birds on the hunt But for what

What the actual fuck Everyone wants to call this good luck So why all the protest trucks Everyone can get fucked Even the good ones I’m sorry I’m just trying to protect what I love Fuck, what do y’all want

[opposite-idol]

Call Me Baby (The King of Grief)

I don’t have a clue What about you? Are you lost, but feel found, complete, but still growing too?

I’m going insane Are you coming? If you’re not, is there anything you need? I’ll get it for you

I’m going to hell Will I have to miss you? I guess I will Because you’re going somewhere else How do I send mail to heaven I can’t? Well, shit

Please, just let me pay my grievances I don’t need to be the king of it What a strange backhanded compliment I guess my only choice is to let it sit Because I’ve been to more funerals than weddings Goddamn, I’m not even 40 Half of the souls I’ve loved died before I could even reach 30 Why do they always leave Why do they always leave me Abandonment issues Because I’m not the one Death wanted to choose

But I still know in the end I’ll be going to hell Because I feel like I could have lived this life more well But I can’t do anything about it, gotta just let it go Baby, what do you know? We’ve met before Hope I meet you again in the next one Because after this one you’re going somewhere else And I’ll have to miss you Just like I do everyone else I don’t know what else is, if that ain’t the real hell I will never get to see you loving it in heaven Well, shit

And because of that, I’m going insane You promised to meet me there But when you arrive, you find me telling some other god to make it rain Do you wanna join me? Hey baby I love everyone equally, weren’t you aware? That’s why I’m scared to be anything but lazy If I’m seen showing up, then everyone’s gonna think they can take me So I only show up for you …and you and you and you and you So please call me maybe You did, and now you’re the only one who calls me baby You’re too good to me But I still wonder if you only love me because I’m a niche

I’m going to hell And we both know you can’t come with me Discovered a long time ago, that this was the last life for us But I’m starting to feel like that’s a little bit sus We’re both too ambitious And we’d choose immortality every time That’s why we’ve lasted so many lives

I’m going insane Are you coming? Come on, let’s find a temple of our own making I’m going

I’m going insane If you’re not coming, do you need anything?

[opposite-idol]

Don't Call Me Baby (Freaks pt.2)

Make a wish on a shooting star Because I don’t know what’s supposed to work anymore Baby, tell me, is this war? Please take a pause, I’m already sore I held paws, until they were gone Sensibility tells me I can’t grieve anymore But, what everyone loves about me, is I’ve got no damn sense Why start now? But I finally have a realistic vision Wow But I’m the only one who can see it Because I wear heart shaped rose tinted glasses I don’t need the vagueness I just need to win in Vegas So I can finally stop faking it Baby, I’m broken But I don’t need to be fixed I just need to see you being yourself And making it, and live, laugh, loving every minute of it “Live, laugh, love” Sure fits like a glove When you’re delusional as fuck

So that’s who I am Did I stutter? I hope not My mind is free of clutter Even though the world’s a mess I admit But I can’t help it I wear rose tinted glasses And I’m so tired of the vagueness I already know I’m famous Yes, I’m serious I promise I’m not faking it Baby, promise I’ll meet you in Vegas After I make it through all these clowns Who try to say industry made us Yeah, industry sure as hell raised us It wasn’t any fool trying to say “praise Yeezus” “But you’re not famous” Yeah, I know, I’m sorry But can you blame us I’m tired of all the worry I just wanna be free But I wanna “live, laugh, love” so badly And I can’t do that without saying all these shitty things

Baby, I’m gonna be late I’m sorry Will my own marriage wait for me? I’m inclined to lie and say I’m fighting injustices I’m sorry, I’m so busy It’s not like that line is foreign to me Both to hear and say Things weren’t ever supposed to go the right way So, baby I’m sorry Will you wait for me? I’m way too busy I lie The truth is, to be honest I’m just lazy And I’m tired of the lack of variety Done with the vagueness Goddamn, better win in Vegas Because I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t exist And I feel so blessed Never get slapped on the wrist But I’m exhausted, so maybe I just don’t feel it I lie The truth is, to be honest I’m wide awake And I don’t know how to put on the brakes I just know how to blend in, so good at faking it But for you I never did, and they don’t need to know a damn thing Holy shit look at this ring

[opposite-idol]

Brainwaves

Call me when you’re angry If you’ll let me call you when I’m hungry I promise I don’t take for granted all the things you give me There’s just some things I really don’t know how to speak But you tell me it’s ok, it’s always been ok Because we’re a rare breed Able to communicate with simple telepathy

Even when you’re asleep, I can hear your thoughts screaming, screaming What do you want me to to do, I don’t know how to do anything All I know how to do is stay So I will stay, I will stay Even if everything else falls away Please know, you’ll still have me, you’ll still have me And I wouldn’t trade you for anything

We’ve got the same priorities And neither one is you or me But I tell you it’s ok, it’s always been ok Because we’re a rare breed Still together, even when we’re focusing

A million miles, a million schedules couldn’t separate Our thoughts You’re with me, I’m with you Read my mind You know when I fall behind And you’re always there to remind I love it I know you always want me behind And I’m always gonna be there for it I’d never pass up the look on your face Even if it’s only projected in my brain

So call me when you’re lonely If I’m allowed to call you in my dreams I promise I’ll also love you in the real world If you’ll let me Because there’s some things that will always make me weak Like your heart And soul I’d never beg, but for you I’m begging for everyone to restart From a place of love Is it really too hard? The world is so cold, it’s frozen my heart But your fire breaks it apart Straight out of the cocoon, it’s on you I’ve imprinted upon Every moment makes me swoon, I’m not ok Is this really frowned upon Who did love ever hurt? Myself, I can’t locate But your fire always gives me space to rise again What I wouldn’t give for you as my friend Maybe more, you know it Because we’re a rare breed And my mind, you can always read Not closeness, but love, I need, I need, I need Send me your brainwaves And I promise you I’ll stay