ophelias-turtles - Tumblr blog

[ophelias-turtles]

Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

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Reblog If You Can Take Off Your Bra Without Taking Your Shirt Off.

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Keeping you in my people zoo

Most people when they love someone think "I love you" or "You're wonderful" The thought that keeps going through my mind is "I'm keeping you"

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please be gentle with yourself. you’re trying. if it’s taking you longer than you thought to achieve something or get somewhere that’s okay. try not to compare yourself to others too much because not everyone gets to where they need to be right away. you’re alive that’s what matters. keep trying. you’ll get there.

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Animals that are too fat and let you get too close because they are used to being fed.

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Ren, I swear, if you do that again…

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I appreciate how he specifies his ethnicity, as though 16 year old boys of other races might have periods

I was taking a shower and I didn’t know I was having a nose bleed so when I looked down I saw a bunch of blood and I thought I was having my period but then i remembered i’m a 16 year old asian boy

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RAVENCLAW:

“I’m not good, I’m not nice, I’m just right.”

–Stephen Sondheim (The Witch: Into the Woods: Last Midnight)

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I love you, not because you’re beautiful, but you’re beautiful because I love you.

Laurianne (via wnq-writers)

Nah fuck that. I'm beautiful because I'm smart, funny and smokin hot, REGARDLESS of your interest in me or lack thereof

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Me vs. My brain re: parallel universes

Me: I'm happy with how my life is, but it saddens me sometimes that I'll never end up with the guy I thought was my soulmate.

My brain: Not here, but there are thousands of parallel universes where you do end up together!

Me: Awww!Thanks!

My brain: There are also billions and BILLIONS of universes where every car trip you've ever taken resulted in a horrific crash that left your body too mangled for the funeral and your loved ones emotionally destroyed.

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i mean who doesnt honestly

commissions | patreon

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ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN

SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.

NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

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There are three types of people… (via akilan_shady)

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MARK HAMILL ANSWERED MY TWEET ABOUT ADAM’S HAIR THIS IS A BLESSING!

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That conversation we were always on the edge of having, runs on in my head…

Adrienne Rich, “Twenty-One Love Poems,” Part XX (via wordsnquotes)