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I'm 20 days today 🌟😊

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Enfamil A+ Lactose care The only formula that's good for my son's digestive. We tried S-26 gold as it was most parent's recommendation, apparently my son could't poo daily with this formula. So we had to bring to a pediatrician to help us figure out what's best for his situation. So she recommended this one ☝🏻 So he's about to finish his first Enfa today, I went to one pharmacy near our home to replace the old one just incase the formula wont last tonight, wtf they dont sell this kind of formula, they told me to check the grocery store beside them which is Park n Shop, they don't have either. So i walked again to one of the stores closer by, guess what, they didn't have it either. My last option was Pharmacia popular, it's where i bought most of our drugsture products and i can tell they have it. They did! it cost around 157 macau dollars. I asked the pharmacist why this product is difficult to buy to other pharmacy, she said this was a special formula for babies with diarrhoea. But my son was having the opposite side effect with diarrhoea, but he likes it and is cooperating very well with it so why not. Im sticking with it until he's a year older and let's see what progress he will have. Until then ✌🏻

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The Ten rules of being human are not magic, nor do they promise ten easy steps to serenity. They offer no quick fix for emotional or spiritual ailments and they are not fast track secrets to enlightenment. Their only purpose is to give you a road map to follow as you travel your path of spiritual growth.

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Postpartum

I never have thought I would be part of the 15% women who experienced/s postpartum depression. Right after my son’s birth I was feeling pretty normal, I started having my emotions mixed up when we got home. I was so excited to see our place again, play with my two furrballs, fit to my old clothes again, sleep on our bed and so. 

But I didn’t understood what I felt, I couldn’t get things right, like for example, I wanted to pump my milk as soon as we got home, but i found my baby’s room untouched and unclean. Everything was dusty, like Cinderella didn’t even held her feather dust for a week. I couldn’t use the baby sterilizer nor my electric pump, I felt a heat all over my face, my heart was racing, thoughtless words were about to burst from my mouth. So I cursed right in front of my husband, in our mother tongue, POTA***** i said. I had the right to get mad of course. But I as I walked away and went to our room, I was being the old Rose again, short tempered and never thinks about what comes out from my mouth. 9 months of being sober from the old me was a good thing, it kept me sane. 

I knew something was wrong, emotionally. I couldn’t talk to my husband right, I get easily annoyed to anyone at home who tries to talk to me or ask a favor. I didn’t want them to hold my son for too long. I didn’t want them around me with my son. I felt insecure every time they put all their attention to Ramses. I’d cry at night for no reason or with a reason. I didn’t want them doing their  own “thing” with the feeding or milk preparation (yes this tiny thing made me upset). They made me cringe for days. I was carrying something heavy and I knew it has to do something with my depression. I wanted to let my husband know of how I felt, but I’d go wordless. But at the same time I wanted him to know what’s up, get a hint, or just stay by side. But I was also pushing him away. I tried to act normal as possible, tried to be around the people at home. But something was always dragging me back like “ no you can’t be normal or happy, you have to be depressed because this is who you are or this is how you’re supposed to feel“ It was driving me nuts, luckily IG has this private conversation with your friends. I opened up to one of my closest friends, told her how I felt, LOL she even told me if I wanted a locksmith for my drama. At least 2 people I talked to, one was a mother too. And what I was feeling, happens alot to women. Bad luck to me I had to be one of those depressed mothers. She did me a favor though, that I had to stay positive, one thing that could help me was read books about how to stay happy or even stay positive. Like a “ distraction “ for what I was experiencing. So I did, the next day I went to a book store and bought myself one, a journal to jot down my dailyprogress and two, a book “ IF LIFE IS A GAME,THESE ARE THE RULES “ (Cherie carter-scott,PH.D.) Purchased it near our house, the only library in Taipa.

Rules: 

1. You will receive a body

 -Acceptance, Self Esteem, Respect,Pleasure

2. You will be presented with lessons

-Openness,choice,fairness,Grace

These two rules was what I needed to slowly heal from postpartum. I don’t want to list down all the rules but I will def share what I have learn and it would be nice to help someone who’s going through the same boat with me. There’s a few photos I uploaded on what contents the book has, so I really hope this somehow helps and save someone from feeling lonely or down after giving birth. We mothers don’t deserve to feel this way but should feel great as we are super women who just pushed out a human being vaginally or through C section. 

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My 1st day after C section 😬✌🏻 beside me was my baby boy 👶🏻

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Hello World 👋🏻

Ramses Sicado T. Alangui June 02 2017 01:54pm 3.7KG

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Waiting for Labor

So it’s been awhile since i posted something to my so called “ blog” 

How do I even start, well, I was told by my OB that I was due on May 25-30 to be exact. And of course as excited as I am, I have told my family especially my husband that was our expected date to finally see our baby boy. 

Apparently, it didn’t go as planned or calendar noted. My anxiety was rising, I could’t sleep of thinking what if my baby poop his first dirt inside me, I would lose him or myself. What would I tell my husband or to my family. I kept monitoring his movements just to make sure he was still IN there. Yes, I was getting paranoid as usual, typical Rose who overthinks alot. But this was MY baby we’re talking about, my very first boy. 

I asked/talked to every experienced mommy I know, but they all have the same answers that everything will be fine and that I had to wait for a little while. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I was more worried about him, what he feels inside me, what he wanted, what he needed from me. I googled and googled for answers just to ease my brain from exploding. 

June 01 2017 (06:10 am)

My bloody plug finally came out, but I knew that labor won’t start yet until 24 hours or so. I was quite relieved of seeing it, I knew he was on his way. I settled down and conserve much energy as I can. Mom my wouldnt’ quit bugging me to walk and walk, it was quite annoying really as she repeated it several times even though she knew i heard her. Well who could blame someone who’s to excited to see his grandchild. I was happy to see my husband calm and patient, he would walk with me, watch me eat my not so delish meal ( awful just awful meal at the hospital) brought me MCDONALDS, yes! I’m talking about nuggets! The funny thing about my last trimester ( a week before I delivered my boy) was I was crazily craving for cold and sweets bites and drinks non stop, I knew it wasn’t good for both of us. Knowingly I had a gestational diabetes.  Honey, it was difficult to resist the good foods that are easy to be handed on the palm of your hands. :D That night, which was actually my last night of being pregnant (that i don’t have a knowledge of) a kind nurse asked me if I wanted to take a warm shower, I said hell YES (for not washing your hair for 3 days) I badly needed it, plus the uniform that I was wearing kept giving me this weird smell on my body. I had my shower, it felt like it was my first shower for centuries, I took a little walk before heading to my room, I wondered why am I hearing babies every hour or 2 hours. Is it because I was just near the “ baby room “ where they kept the babies clean or take their long naps. But hell no, I was actually in the delivery room, rooms where mamas give birth, my eyes widened as I heard a lady and the doctor exchanging words of “ push “ and “ ugh” here goes my anxiety again, wtf why was I not told that I was already in the delivery room, all those times I was thinking it was my private room to sleep and rest while waiting for the big day and as the big day comes, I would be transferred again to another room. LOL wtf how stupid of me. Maybe I didn’t heard the DR that well where I was to be put after confirming that I needed to be admitted 3 days ago. Probably I was so overwhelmed that I was finally going to stay at the hospital and wait. Anyways, i returned to my room as fast as I can after hearing that “ push “ I was having a panic attack and went straight to bed even my hair was still wet. 

June 02 2017 (06:15 am)

My water BROKE! for the first time in my life, I felt a big push from my stomach, water started to gush all over me and on the bed, I was blackout for awhile, what to do? should I stand up and clean myself? I just showered for taco’s sake. OH there was also a heart monitor for the baby where they strap it to your belly every once in awhile for 1-2 hours that I find it so annoying and uncomfortable, especially when I had the urge to go to the bathroom. Strapped around you like your a mental patient. Quite room with no phone, alone, strapped = MENTAL (literally i would go mental) I was glad I had a roomie before I started my labor, she was having her contractions already, and since she was chinese, I would only hear small noise from her ( the ughhhhh ) but in a virgin kinda way LOL maybe because I was still calm and didn’t know that my contractions as well is approaching. I tried to stay calm as much as possible. Conserve energy I say, as I knew I would badly need it. I kept looking at the clock, waiting for 1pm for visiting hours. MY husband, he was always who I think of apart from my son. Hmmmm what food would he bring this time?

Bloody hell, 08:15 my contractions started. PAINFUL as it was I tried to keep my composure, Its going to be fine, its just labor, after that, a big push and baby would be right there in a giffy, 6 hours had passed and the contractions are getting worse, I was shouting, pushing as much as I can even if it wasn’t time to push, but it eases when I pushed. For the love of fries, it was killing me. and that stupid strap was still on me, i tried to fight the pain, fuckin hell it was just pain, it was death to me. I held so tight on the edge of my bed, it was a protection board from falling, I didn’t want anyone touching me or asking me to lay down properly. It was just to painful. Dan came at 1pm, he saw me in a different condition, sweating, cursing every word I knew, crying, screaming. He tried to comfort me, no comfort in this world would ease what I was going through. Please let this be over, I didn’t want it anymore, I wanted to go home and not feel it ever again. The hours in between, DRs would come and check on me and my V access every 30 minutes. Put 2 fingers inside me which wasn’t pleasurable, speaking in chinese which I couldn’t understand well because I was too distracted from the pain. I wanted to curse the shit out of them, but they were there to help. FINALLY, 01:45pm they decided to put me in the operation room as my son wouldn’t cooperate with the pushing, he would still go up to my stomach, damn son you really made my life a living hell at that very moment. I signed the papers, that I was very OKAY to have a C section, just to get over it. I’m still glad that it was just a 6 hours labor, more than that. I’d probably have my eyes whiten and bubbles on my mouth hahaha 

As they push my bed to the operation room, I knew what was coming. MY baby boy, all I could think of was him, nothing but him. Eager to hear his first cry, see his face, and kiss him.

The operation only took 6 minutes, I heard my son cry and I started crying too. There he was perfect and fragile. My whole universe just right beside me….

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these wipes are highly recommended for newborns 👶🏻 and without a doubt i trust them ✌🏻

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motherhood- worth celebrating

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We experience birth so differently from the intimate spaces of our bodies and minds, it feels disingenuous to strike comparisons and place value judgments. Any woman who experiences the vulnerability of carrying a child in her body (or heart) and bringing it earthside is heroic in my estimation. This idea that there is a special medal danging on the tree for going without meds makes us undervalue ourselves and depreciate the ordeals we have endured. Loss moms, adoptive moms, cesarean birth mothers…We all open. We all tear, somewhere (body, heart, soul). We all both wildly embrace and struggle to embrace these experiences. It all takes courage and that courage is always worth celebrating.

Rachel Lorena Brown

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I’m so glad I talked to this woman (online) about my problem conceiving, as I was browsing for clinical options about IVF, her name was on the link so I thought why not talk to her about my problem. Who knows she could help a little bit. But she helped me big time, she told me her story how she got pregnant with her baby boy, it was also not an easy journey for her but her situation was more complicated than mine. It somehow gave me a positive feeling that I was also fortunate with what I am going through. She gave me this picture of an Angel, giving the couple a baby with a biblical passage: Psalm 37:5 “ Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass “

I had this picture saved on my phone on that day and made it as my wallpaper too. September 19 was the day she sent me that wonderful scripture. 4 Days after, I had my clinical appointment again for my monthly period pills, the Dr. gave me a wonderful news that I have been always wanting to hear every visit, that I was already 3 weeks pregnant with my baby boy. :D

The first person that came to my mind was that woman I talked to online, I never met her personally, just pictures of her and her amazing boy. Was it because of that bible passage she gave me, or she gave me hope to see that everything will happen on the right time in the most unexpected way. I couldn't thank her enough for this. Even my OB was pretty shock as well. That moment was just perfect and unforgettable. This woman’s name was Rene :)

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I married my first Love ❤️

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26 weeks and counting with our baby boy 💙

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Before I had you

The wait is long, my dream of you does not end.” – Nuala O’ Faolain It was the most bewilderment time of my life, the moment I found out that I was carrying our child. It was quite a “while” since me and my partner are trying, but before we had this miracle, I was in a black and white peak of my own little world. You see, I was diagnose with PCOS back in 2014 that I have no knowledge of, until I had myself checked at the clinic. I was downhearted as I was slowly being educated of what PCOS was, as I tried to analyze my diagnosis, I couldn’t help but recall when did this happen? I was perfectly normal/ healthy as far as I can/could remember. I never had this diagnosis before, I was always being visited with the so called women’s red flag for what they call. And still I couldn’t fit the puzzle to its correct form, how I couldn’t fathom what I’m going through. 3 years was all it took to make me “ feel “ normal again. From feeling depressed, anxiety, miserable and all kinds of negativity that your body can/could consume. I finally let go of these emotions that I was carrying for the past years. I started opening myself up to those who have suffered the same way that I did or differently. I took their advices and somehow made me feel that I wasn’t’ alone in this. I tried to eat healthy as much as I can, quit drinking alcoholic beverages, still I ‘m a sucker for sodas. Cant’ deny that. And I started to open myself to God as well, maybe it was what I’m missing the most, being able to voice out what you have been keeping inside you to someone who will not respond back the way you expect HIM to be. Just there, staring down at you and listening while you’re crying or pouring out the pain you couldn’t share to your family or partner to. And because of seeing HIM almost every day, I felt stronger and pristine and it felt really great and weightless. I made a deal with HIM though that if I/we couldn’t’ bare a child, at least let those who deserves a miracle have my prayer or wish. Let them have it and I will wait for mine. Because I know how it felt, what’s like to have something you cannot have. That was the time I finally realized that I was already letting go of my dream. And it was okay, maybe I wasn’t meant for this yet. But it didn’t stop me from believing and hoping for my turn. “Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison