oopsprompts

[oopsprompts]

"Worst breakup ever. He bit me!"

"Ooh, and he's single?"

"He is now! Good luck."

[oopsprompts]

“All the things I’ve done to living people, and you’re really here to take me to task for disrespecting the dead?”

[oopsprompts]

“Since he’s immortal, he doesn’t have a ‘midlife.’ So I guess he’s decided to just have a constant ongoing crisis.”

[oopsprompts]

“I’m not your friend.”

“You’re not my enemy.”

“There are other options!”

[oopsprompts]

“Your hair looks so soft ...”

"Hey, cut that out. You’re making it really hard to focus on killing you.”

[oopsprompts]

“Ask me anything.”

“Are you OK?”

“Anything but that.”

[oopsprompts]

“Why are you like this?”

“Do you want the short version, the long version, or the fun version?”

[oopsprompts]

“So the doctor just told me I have a severe deficiency of vitamin --”

“That’s impossible. I’m constantly monitoring your location and biological signals, and not only do you not have any vitamin deficiencies, but you haven’t seen a doctor in --”

“You! Vitamin U! It was a pickup line. Why can’t you ever be normal?”

[oopsprompts]

“Someone’s going to die.”

“I hope you mean ‘of fun.’“

“Well, it’ll be fun for me.”

[oopsprompts]

“Here comes a special boy!”

“Please stop saying that every time I enter a room.”

[oopsprompts]

“Try not to die; I’ve become emotionally invested in you.”

[oopsprompts]

“Am I a joke to you?”

“No. Jokes are funny.”

[oopsprompts]

“Are you going to hate yourself in the morning if you do this?”

“In the morning? I hate myself now!”

[oopsprompts]

“Is your refrigerator running?”

“How dare you say that to me on this, the anniversary of the day my grandmother was crushed by a refrigerator!”

[oopsprompts]

“You know what’s cuter than one baby? Two babies!”

“Where did you get those?”

[oopsprompts]

“We don’t all have the ability to just decide what we will or won’t care about, you know.”

[oopsprompts]

“Do you think a mentally ill person could make this?”

“I’m pretty sure only a mentally ill person could make that.”