onismsystem

[onismsystem]

Sometimes realizing that all of this is real and that I have lost those close to me not only in my past past life but also those I came to love like family in my second life yet again and just feeling defeated. Like man! At least my second life came with built in siblings but here I’m just fucked and I feel so so cold emotionally

I wrote so much to cope with everything going on. But it’s just simply, I dunno… not the same anymore either

I miss mobei

[onismsystem]

Suggested by @galaxy-sharshine

[onismsystem]

What if we changed our system name 🤔

[onismsystem]

Something funny about the system is that we have a lot of fragments just around, and then one of us grabs onto a fictional character we feel like would help cope with what we deal with and then boom! New fictive

[onismsystem]

I wish I wasn’t always waiting around for others and then feeling guilty when I am busy when they want me.

What use does it give me, I’m tired of only being useful half the time.

[onismsystem]

It was the character we weren’t thinking about

Points

Brain don’t you fucking dare

[onismsystem]

Points

Brain don’t you fucking dare

[onismsystem]

Third night in a row I can’t sleep and I’m thinking of my brother and my partners.

[onismsystem]

No fear

“Getting sick like your brother was and dying as well”

One fear

[onismsystem]

Anyone who talks to any of the other sys members I am so sorry they’ve been inactive on tumblr for so so long it’s been a shitty month for us and none of us have had time to be social outside of our partner system and our friend if they are active outside the headspace at all.

[onismsystem]

Hello I have made mistakes that will get me into trouble with the rest of the system

[onismsystem]

.

I’m not okay and I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. Ever.

A few actions of the biological parents fucked us up in more ways than one. We split easily, we find more comfort in online people than people in person. We can’t get anyone to trust anyone with anything deeper than surface level and it hurts. I want to break down crying and scream until my throat goes sore.

Neglect made us self sufficient, but in the same ways codependent. Our bpd sets us up for failure but it also makes us need others and to continually seek out relationships. And after that it causes us to get too close too quickly to the point we have been told that we are the problem. And that we are toxic just for existing. Now we’re scared of being close to anyone, we’re scared of craving that intimacy that we only are close to someone who lives hours away.

And at this point I don’t know if we will ever be together at any point. I know Ce is not counting on it. I’m lonely as fuck.

Our DID causes relationships to be even more fucked. I’m not even sure if our partner system even cares for most the other frequent fronters even though I told them when we first started talking that even though I am the Host, that doesn’t mean I front the most in a given week. And that they need to be able to get along with everyone in the system.

Our DID means that we have littles who haven’t been able to act their age in a very long time if ever. Because they hold the same anxiety we do. They want to be taken care of, but they’re always scared their too much and someone will just leave them alone and they’ll have to pick themselves back up.

I just wish it were easier…

[onismsystem]

We have two of the same fictive, and this is pretty old but omfg Caos why

[onismsystem]

“It’s a… SHARK! I love… SHARKS”

-ren, upon noticing the shark mat and sitting down by it for like 20 minutes rubbing her fingers over the rug

[onismsystem]

I love when just

Most of us 🤝 anyone who has taken five seconds to look at regs blog

Immediately going :|

[onismsystem]

We’ve decided to start using the term “system administrator” instead of host. This is a term we came up with the idea for because our “host” role kinda covers more than that. It essentially means that you’re:

A main fronter/front kinda often.

Able and trusted to make decisions for the system as a whole.

One of the people deemed the “owners” of the body, for lack of better phrasing.

I know some people use host to mean just that, but considering a large portion of people use host to mean either just a main fronter or sometimes even the original, we’ve decided to make our own term for our experiences. 

So if you see us using that term, that’s what it means.

[onismsystem]

Your fave is a fictive: Washington from Red vs. Blue

(request by anon)

[ Image ID: a pastel horizontal striped flag ranging from green to pink from top to bottom with a picture of Washington from Red vs. Blue imposed over it /end ID ]