onelocket

[onelocket]

Leaving

Hello everyone! I'm unsure if all of you will see this? However this will be my last post anyway. I'm leaving Tumblr and won't be posting anymore, I barely have time for writing nowadays and I can't let you guys wait and wait long periods of times, so I've decided to put it whole to quit. Thank you so so so much for all the support and appreciation I've gotten from just doing what I love, as well as almost reaching 200 followers! I've been nothing but grateful for it all and I'm really sorry for my sudden leave.

I may come back in another account posting Fedya content, or maybe even here again, but I'm solid on the fact that it looks bleak for that right now. But again, thank you so much ♡

[onelocket]

hello, i just wanna ask when will silent lovefool get a new part again? no rush, only curious :,3

hi anon! im so so sorry, but silent lovefool wont get an update until around september, because i currently dont have access to my phone which is where i make the screenshots.. im also quite surprised by the attention its getting, i really didnt think it'd be seen at all >_< but i want to finish it at least. thank you for asking ♡

[onelocket]

Hey hey! Sweet anon here! I just wanted to pop in and say that I hope you're doing okay! Remember to drink water and take breaks! And I hope you have a nice day!! ♡

hello sweet anon! i've missed you!! i've been feeling so melted down.. with classes about to start, i'm scared to be even more inactive than i've already been but i'm trying! please always know that i find your words likewise and hope you're going healthy and safe :3 thank you for your words, have splendid days ahead ♡

[onelocket]

I really love your blog. You write beautifully, and it's truly inspiring for me to see someone my age with beautiful writing and others supporting. Have a nice weekend! ♡

hello anon! your words really make me happy, thank you so much!! im glad i and my followers can inspire you, i as well am very thankful for their support even if im this young whaha. thank you for your words, have nice days ahead ♡

[onelocket]

Can I request a fyodor x reader who’s a photographer? Taking photos of natural scenery and usually always has a prompt to go by, but also tends to beat themselves up about their work and maybe something along the lines of them saying they hate their work? Sorry if that’s too specific 🫶

hello anon! don't worry, it's fine!! this request surprised me a bit, but it let me open up to an idea. i hope i did okay, thank you for requesting ♡

a keen eye needs a keen heart Fyodor D. x photographer reader

involves -- domestic relationship, slight parallelism if you can spot it ^^

offering -- JAEHYUN, d.ear - try again (Instrumental ver)

Click after silence, silence after click.

It is, by this point, all you can only hear in these engulfed moments of life being copied in a digital showcase. It's as if you're shrinking nature into tiny, portable photographs—and to you, you find it endearing.

Nowadays, many humans have pushed the Earth they can not live without as some topic to either mingle or discard; however, there were still some people who truly show affection for it. One of them being you.

Photography has been your door, the natural scenery of this world being the contents. With the prompts who linger in your head from photo to photo like the wind enveloping you peace in your space, there has yet to be a talent and skill to which makes you feel the same passion as photography has.

Although... sometimes, it can be very overbearing to shoulder.

The burden of habits were, inherently, starting to flood you. While you had no desire to give up on what you're good at, you ended up doing the same things everyday.

At this point, you wouldn't be surprised if you woke up and find your fingers already meeting the camera, waiting for your head to think up a prompt.

It's almost like you weren't thinking anymore, just doing.

..

Cracking your train of thoughts back to reality from the unlooked-for process of zoning out—a soft groan finally cuts through the silence as not even, perhaps, a stray animal crumbles the fallen leaves to accompany you from the quiet.

You've been snapping photos of the dark forest trees that you were more than sure are enough already. You still need to edit them later, but for now...

"I need to go find Fedya." You mumble, glancing at your camera one last time before you carefully put it back in your bag, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear while you began to walk.

You weren't alone in this forest. Your boyfriend—Fyodor, was also following you to momentarily keep you company before he gave you some alone time.

You didn't have a solid lead of where he could be now, but he couldn't of gone that far..

"I'm here, moya milaya." Till suddenly a familiar voice hugs your cold ears, making your body turn as you see him. The male with a fluffy ushanka, the white of his clothing topped by his long black cloak. Fyodor's voice and appearance makes your bittersweet face curl to a softer smile, walking to his direction to hold him.

"Hi." You lacked energy to say more than that, allowing his arms to give you an embrace close to a hug while he looks at you fondly, "Are you okay?" keeping his voice low in hopes to calm you.

"Yeah.." You mutter, deciding that to talk might be the best despite your exhaustion.

Stepping closer, you pretty much sink your head on his chest as Fyodor lets you without a word, his hands on your waist like you were a delicacy. "I'm just... annoyed, that's all."

"Annoyed?" He asks, although does not budge further than that. Muffling your voice a bit on his clothing, you continue, "I... I have this burning feeling that none of the pictures I took were good enough, but I feel too tense to try again." feeling a grunt wanting to escape your throat. "I.. tsk, I just..."

"Now, now." Fyodor interrupts you, gliding a hand on your back to comfort you. "Breathe, (Name). I can barely hear your breathing."

"Sorry." Your grunt wins your head, escaping with your apology. However, you follow suit to your boyfriends suggestion as you take his quiet embrace to find the rhythm of your breathing.

When you swiftly swept that off, your hands wrap a little tighter on Fyodor's body as the warmth of his coat hiding your arms gives you a chance to take a deeper exhale. You vent once more, "I still need to take so many more pictures today, most in different places thanks to this list of ideas. It... I just..? Ah, for damns sake— I hate this job sometimes."

"..." Fyodor kept quiet, simply gliding his hand on your back like a light massage as he kept you leaning onto him.

Perhaps he was thinking, perhaps he was surprised. Even so, you were slowly losing your conscious to tension and irritation anyway.

"I see. How about you stop for now and take a break?" He finally spoke out, making you tilt your head just a little to let him know you were listening—although you still kept your head on his chest. "If you don't now, you'd be too tired to take photos properly, right?"

"...Right." You hum out in defeat, a light one, that is. Your boyfriend had a point after all, a break sounded nice right now. "Okay, I'll take a tiny break."

Your agreement makes Fyodor close his eyes, albeit you don't see. "Alright. There's a cafe nearby, at the marketplace we walked by. Would you like to relax there?"

And undoubtedly, you had no reason not to accept.

Coffee and tranquility, light hues of brown and lighthearted topics were all that you two shared as you spent more time in the cafe.

Honestly? There was a part of you that thanked he wasn't talking deep topics with you right now, otherwise you might've exploded... though then again, Fyodor wouldn't be the guy to do that anyway—with you too tired to think, how would he get amusing yet interesting responses?

You were sitting comfortably on your chair as Fyodor was back at the counter to pay for the drinks you two had. Your hands occupied with your camera as you scrolled through photographs of your lover enjoying his food, with his endearing smiles you'd never want to miss.

He can be really cute sometimes, is what you thought to yourself.

"(Name)." Yet your little happy circle gets dashed on by his voice, making you turn you head around.

You knew he saw you looking at his photos, which made your cheeks burn a little. But he does not participate in teasing you with it as he tilts his head, "Shall we go now?" making you nod in reply—quickly closing your camera again to get yourself standing up.

At least you've saved the photos. You can look at it later.

As you two left the cafe to now walk through the marketplace, your eyes easily come across a stall that was undeniably different from the rest. It held the same shape of the stalls surrounding, however it was selling toys rather than any consumable product.

It led you to lightly tug on Fyodor's arm, making him follow your heads direction. "Can we go over there, Fyodor?" You ask him like a kid, making him softly chuckle. "No need to ask it that way. Let us go."

It didn't take long for you to get closer to the displays, eyes faintly sparkling at the sight of the items now in front of you.

Your attention is soon grabbed by a specific teddy bear, small, yet very cute.

It had your usual button eyes, lighter shade for its tummy and round ears. You couldn't help but find it the way its sown a bit eye-catching however, realizing it might be hand-stitched—which lessened your surprise for it's location.

"Is something wrong, milaya?" Fyodor wakes your squinting eyes to. You stop bending over and stand up straight again, smiling as you turn to him. "No. I just found the plush to be cute. It looks hand-made, too."

Taking his silence as a gate to continue, you add, "It's hard to see at first, but the fabric it's made of is actually similar to a normal towel rather than your usual fabrics for teddy bears. The buttons are black, yet they have faint scratches of them.. make's me feel a bit bad, actually." getting a bit distracted from your thought as you look back at the item.

Fyodor couldn't help but smile, eyes watching you stare at the teddy bear like you truly were some kid at an amusement park. "Is that so? How keen of your eyes to have noticed that quick."

But before you can counter a playful reply to that, another party joins you two.

"..E-excuse me." The voice squeaks to, childishly and feminine. "Are you going to buy one...?"

The tiny child comes out of its hiding spot, a girl with short brown hair... and a bit of a fatigued expression.

"Hi there." You speak up first, hiding your camera as you felt it might frighten the little girl. "What's wrong, do you want the teddy?"

"N-no." She shook her head at you, her eyes taking slow turns to you and your boyfriend as you step next to him. "I... made the teddy."

"...Oh?" Fyodor was the first to talk this time, your surprise a copy to his. However he does not let it give any chance to appear rude as he smiles at her, "Do you own this stall?" you following to his friendly approach with your own soft expression.

The child nods as her fingers play with one another nervously, "Yes. Um.. I..." eyes losing contact with Fyodor's while she tries to find her words. You two kept quiet, your own eyes falling back to the teddy just beside you, though you still listened.

"Nobody.. is buying any. I-I'm trying to earn some money... so I can help and save my little brother..."

"..."

So that's the reason.

Immediately couldn't you help but find your fingers meeting the same teddy you've been staring at. "In that case, Fyodor.. I want to buy this." You spoke, stepping a foot forward and showing the item now in your arms.

The corner of your eye sees the girl blink expectantly at your action, Fyodor.. silent for a bit, before he quietly clears his throat.

"Go ahead. I'll pay for it." He responds with the smile he put back on, glancing at you before walking to the little girl. She had stiffened for a second until your boyfriend crouched down, "You'll be the one to save your little brother, I'm sure of it." his expression unreadable to you in this position.

Your eyebrows furrow for some reason, seeing a hint of surprise on the girls face. Why was that? You had no clue. Perhaps it was his expression, but you couldn't see it anyway.

Though soon you see the girl smile, pink hugging her cheeks. It served you finally exhaling that deep breath you didn't realize you were holding back, your own smile escorted suit while you hear a hum from Fyodor and see a tilt of his head.

Their silence was met, but it was a happy one as she looked like she could finally have some hope in her eyes again.

"..." You swore something possessed you as your other hand made work of grabbing your camera, trying to be sneaky with stealing a clip so you wouldn't startle the girl nor get Fyodor back standing up. Not now.

Not while he was making a child smile, him knelt down like he was her father. It all happened so surprisingly and suddenly that you failed to control your instincts to click a moment of it to stay forever.

Perhaps you should also take pictures of the stall too. If it gets recognized, you too can help the girl and her brother. The thought made your heart warmer.

With the teddy bear now in your possession, both of your hands were occupied by the stuffed toy and your arm linked on his as you two kept walking. The day was about to end, and new hues of color were now drowning the sky—yet in an alluring way.

"The sky looks beautiful." You breathe out, colors of purple, pink and orange mixing with each other like a harmony made to be one.

Fyodor doesn't reply, however makes your words known as his gaze also follows the paint of the sky.

It's been a while since you've looked at something like this and felt no burden carp your head. You've been prompted with too many morning scenery, it honestly felt so good to see the opposite for once after a long while.

It makes you pull out your camera, slowly unlinking your arms from Fyodor. Before you knew, the look of endearment and pure joy reappears on your face as your features only accentuate it further—and while you weren't looking, such expression on your face makes the male next to you smile as well.

Click!

How many times have you taken a photo today? You had lost count.

Taken in, your feet lack to tell you the way it walks closer to the railings you two were just in front of; Fyodor initially wanting to inform you, however stops himself and just follows behind.

Click!

You rose your camera a bit higher, trying to find a better angle as the colors keep pattering with one another.

You felt like the photographer you always were—your heart fluttering and beating through rushes of attachment and sentiment, no longer numb like you felt it go a few hours ago at that forest.

"There we go." You hear your lover call out, making you lower your camera down to your abdomen. "See, I believe you push yourself too harsh, milaya... all you need is to let the burdens go once in a while, and recall to the true reason why you're keeping up to what you've been sticking up with till now."

Recall to the true reason why, huh.

..It's a bit embarrassing now, as the seconds pass. Crimson pats your cheeks as you fully turn your body to Fyodor, hands still on your camera while his was on the railing.

Why couldn't he just say all of this earlier? At the coffee shop maybe, or even when you two were still at the forest. You ended up taking too many pictures of the things that you found fondness in, things that you kept smiling to as you snapped the photographs. Albeit they weren't natural scenery, it had as naturally brought you back to your talent, yet without the reminder of your habits.

There was only one thing you could say.

"Fyodor... you planned all of this, didn't you?" You finally ask.

"If I simply spoke with words, I fear they wouldn't be enough... so experiencing it is arguably better. You wouldn't of seen this sunset sooner than how you would at home, would you?"

Fair enough.. though it still makes you laugh. Plan after plan, he never seems to get short circuited on it just to get you happier.

"You really didn't have to.." You try to whisper, feeling a bit bad now. But Fyodor doesn't seem to even feel the same way as you did as he simply closed his eyes with that same smile, "Well, what other ending could I have given you?"

After all, a keen eye needs a keen heart. And sometimes, it just needs a small reminder on why.

[onelocket]

EEE! Thank you so much for writing my request! I LOVED it! You're a really talented writer. Keep up the amazing work ^^

hi anon!! im really glad you loved it ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ i also truly liked your idea so of course i had to write it! still honestly thinking how they'd go about their normal lives when he's being tickled 27/4 hsjdha, thank you so much for your words ♡

[onelocket]

nights are better with? Fyodor D. x ability user reader

prompting guide -- Seeing Fyodor frequently in a train of thought never fails to get you worried. But it's okay, even a simple flick of your finger can get your lover unburied.

fic requested by -- anon (click here for main context and readers ability explained)

involves -- domestic relationship, reader is called boyfriend, it gets 4% suggestive but it's meant to be playful!

Nights are better with silence. That is what you've seen Fyodor agree with.

In days where your lover unavoidably gets home a little later than usual, you both find him sat on the window alcove in your shared bedroom after all things sorted. In comfier clothing, ushanka hat safely stored inside his closet... in such look alone could you guess he was going to sleep already.

But that wasn't even the reoccurring decision he'd make. If anything, it was rare to see him going to bed after a moment of gaze through the night, starry sky. Instead was he silent.

These nights turn cold like this, happening without a word unspoken... it daunted you more than you wanted it to.

You wanted it to be playful; to be light and warm. Not have some cold air hug you two.

You frequently settled with the thought that Fyodor was just deep in thought. A busy man also have a busy head, don't they? And he was an example.

Never do you ask of his ideas, and never does he tell what.

Though you do break the silence some nights, hoping to get him out of his bubble which could be suffocating him without himself knowing—and while he does play along with your tricks and agrees to sleep... if you did nothing, neither will he.

"..." And that won't change tonight as he still sat there unmoving, side faced to you while his back comfortably leans onto a side of the window; head turned to look at the night sky.

You didn't want Fyodor to just sit there again, stare and think as if he was some kid so stubborn he starts sulking.

Of course, you did try an idea earlier. You asked if you could sit beside him, hopefully to get him all talkative; yet he denied your offer. At least he did so politely.

You could disturb him again with being loud, but at the same time you sort of hoped that wouldn't be the resort this time.

Knowing that, there wasn't much left in the basket for you.

From this side, it was hard to read his expression. Fyodor is one who thinks quietly—he manages to keep all of his words to his head if he did not wish to share it to anyone. It made it hard for you to guess if you can be all prying and arch without actually causing serious harm.

Well- obviously you weren't serious harm to Fyodor. You're his boyfriend. He knew your nature well enough before he even dated you.

But you also didn't want to ruin whatever he was thinking. He couldn't just be mindlessly staring at the stars regardless of how pretty they were; your lover was just too.. smart to have an empty mind at any time. Right?

With what you know he's capable of, seeing Fyodor frequently in a train of thought never fails to get you worried. But it's okay, even a simple flick of your finger can get your lover unburied.

Having nothing else to side you, you quietly stand up from the soft mattress, your last thought planning its action.

It'd been a few minutes since your earlier question to him, so you figured he must've been in deep thought by now. So why not be a little bit of a menace like you always are?

Making sure your steps were quiet, you bend a little to the side as your eyes catch more of your lover. He looks like he was zoning out.

It was cute.. maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. You've gotten used to assuming he was thinking when he gets quiet.

Lifting your hands up with wrists bent upward to your chest, you move one hand closer for a finger to poke his arm. Because of your ability, it shakes something sharp with Fyodor's—causing his own body to alert itself to flinch and escape a giggle. Though, the sound was short-lived as he turns his head to you, expression soft and welcoming.

It made you smile.

"Did it tickle?" You ask, not finding an answer.

After all, not many people can get him to giggle like that.

You scurry yourself to the other side of the window alcove, glancing at Fyodor for his permission. With a simple nod of his, you pretty much jump on the surface, one hand pressed on the side of the window to keep you carefully balanced.

"I still believe you should've told me your ability before you confessed, (Name)." He tells off like a lesson, tilting his head a little. "Who's to say what this ticklish feeling can erupt from me next?"

"Well-" You pause, adjusting your position so you faced him, Fyodor lifting his knee up near his chest so you had more space to work with. "I'm certain you knew the moment I was reluctant to touch you back then. Besides, doesn't it help?" With one hand do you gesture a tickling motion, a tiny yet cheeky smile replacing your first one. "I woke you up from those thoughts. Seriously, are you just going to keep thinking when you have a lovely boyfriend here who needs your attention too?"

"Is that so?" He hums, resting his elbow on his knee to press his cheekbone to the back of his hand.

"...Though, you're mistaken. I wasn't thinking about anything particular. I was merely looking at the stars." Fyodor whispers, voice progressively a little distant.

"The stars?"

"Yes. They revive my faith when I need it."

Suddenly did his claim make you stop.

The stars... "He hasn't been experiencing rough things without me knowing, has he?" it made you think, however you weren't just going to turn it all down like that. Especially because you meant to pester him right now.

Though perhaps, you could help him feel better in your own way too.

"I see!" So you return your playful tone again, tilting your head to the side to faux a sad, puppy-like look— "I wasn't a disturbance, was I?" contrasting your 'need for attention' into one of regret for asking any. It succeeds in making Fyodor laugh softly, putting his hand down keeping his elbow there and letting his arm hang down. "Moya milaya, you lack to disturb me."

"Mhm, thought so." And like a flip of a coin, your penitence melts to an almost smug smile as you lean in to touch Fyodor again.

It's unexplainable how your ability manages to bypass the fear of being put in danger of his own as it leads you to touch him as you please, yet with the playful price of a tingly sensation you both seem to enjoy anyway.

While your other hand snakes its chance to grab and hold one of his hands, a set of giggles and chuckles please your crave.

The crave to see him genuinely laugh with a genuine smile. Not one that just smiles defeated when you huff Fyodor to go to bed in some nights. A real one.

Moments like these were better for you, and you hoped it was for him too.

"You're so cute when you giggle, Fedya!"

"And you're— pft, being incredibly mischievous, (Name)," He replies in between tiny chortles, eyes on your direction.

Actually, now that you noticed it, he looked sort of scary staring like that-

"Woah—!" but all comes to answer you and your sudden gasp as his grasped hand catches its way to lock on your wrist instead.

Because his ability served as the one yours blocks, his own touch did not bother your senses. In ways his body does to yours, at least. As he suddenly pulls you closer to him, you're left locked in between his legs now keeping you from falling, jolting and looking up at Fyodor dumbfounded.

Granted your other hand who fell on his thigh made him feel the same tingly vibration, yet he's decided to suppress them.

"Fedya—?" You whisper out of surprise, seeing him shift you to a better position.

Your impulsive thoughts demanded you to poke him again and again, though would you really want to when you both could fall from the open window?

So instead you just follow as guided, soon seeing yourself on top of his lap as he kept his back leaned against the side of said window.

Maybe now you can tickle him some answers.

You try to move your other hand, however he seems to have a plan ahead of you as he leans in to pull you closer; giving one gentle bite on your neck. It made your breath hitch, eyes wide and wrists frozen in place.

It was so gentle you could mistake it for a kiss. Yet those teeth made you shudder just the same way your touch made him do the same.

"Now, now..." Fyodor hums, teasingly keeping his lips a breath away from your neck as you give him the reactions he wanted. "I might've been looking at the stars, but have you no recollection of me declining your offer to sit with me earlier?"

"But- hey!" You frown out, "You told me, and I quote— 'Moya milaya, you lack to disturb me.'" voice a little shaky as it goes while Fyodor traces your waist with his fingertips.

"You do, don't mistaken it.. but you didn't have to disobey a request of mine, did you?" He whispers back, his other hand letting go of your wrist. Perhaps he knew anyway—however you tried to erupt this moment of defeat by poking what you could, succeeding in him giggling.

At least his sounds were cute, and you loved to hear him so closely, but to say it was a good idea in this position was a little mixed to find a centered answer. As he laughed, you could feel his breath stimulate your sensitive skin, making you squirm a little as if you were the one being tickled.

But you couldn't stop to let linger your touch on him again, and while it makes his chuckle form to a giggle, he makes the reply to lightly bite you again, earning a soft yelp from you.

"Ah— wait.. Fyodor! You're just using your earlier request as an excuse to bite me." You scoff. "You're being mischievous he... here."

Oh.

Was this payback?

"Hmm? Was this mischievous boyfriend of mine saying something?" He copies your tone, as if bandaging your faint bitemarks with a kiss. As it makes you jolt, he smiles, allowing his voice to soften for you soon after. "Unless you want me to go over how I planned us this way tonight before you even touched me, it's better not to defy, am I right?"

But either way, regardless of your reply to him... you knew he knew you'd stay like this. And he liked the thought.

Because in reality, nights are better with you.

That is what Fyodor agrees with.

[onelocket]

Heyooo! When I tell you I screamed 'YES!' when I saw a blog for soft Fyodor- XD. May I please request a Fyodor x mischievous! male (or whatever gender is easier for you) fic where the reader's ability directly counters Fyodor's, so reader can touch him?

The thing is, because there are two abilities fighting against each other and Fyodor's is the offensive ability, the physical contact will set off a tingly/ticklish sensation to shoot through Fyodor wherever you touch him with your hands XD. I think this idea would be cute. Imagine Fyodor being deep in thought and the menace of a reader decides to hold his hand, causing Fyodor to giggle and snap out of his thoughts. It gets worse the longer reader maintains physical contact, so reader constantly holds this over his head.

hello anon! i’m glad you like my soft fyodor stuff, though honestly sometimes it can be difficult to know how he’d act this way... (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ i like your idea! i’ve seen a lot of xyz ability reader x fyodor but i don’t think i’ve seen something like this. i'm so sorry this one took so long, i couldn't seem to get any draft in process with this one up until now ;_; it’s posted here for you to see! thank you for requesting ♡

[onelocket]

hii! I asked for the high school headcanons, thank you sm, I loved it! ♡

hello anon! thank you as well!! i’m glad you liked it ^_^

[onelocket]

thank you so much for the pas de deux!!! that was SO beautiful, really!! it meant a lot, all the tiny details (such as the Russian ily) added to it a million times (I’m currently learning Russian so I was like OMGGGG)!! you did it beautifully and also thank you for your concern!! thankfully I have supportive and kind teachers, all the “pressure” always come from me to me (because I wanna improve at something I like, but I always wash those thoughts away asap and this hc/scenario will help even more). AHHH sorry for the long text and thank you again!! 💫💫💫

hello jupiterr wahh i feel so happy to hear all of that! 'm blushing u're so kind TT. however i'm especially glad that you're not dealing with a hard teacher!! might not be my place since im young wjwwwjw but so long as you're still doing what you like i think you still improve regardless! having the talent for such art is beautiful :3 thank you so much for requesting it,, i'm happy it can give some joy to you ♡♡♡

[onelocket]

Hello Krei! How are you? So I was wondering if I could request Fyodor with a fem s/o who does ballet? And like, her teacher is super hard on her, so she keeps practicing at home and he is always cheering for her and maybe even helping her (like holding her waist for support, and all). Not a NSFW but like this closure of touches and kisses? uwu

hello fyodor’s beloved cello!! i love this idea so much and incase this is more than just an idea, i do hope you’re alright! always prioritize yourself and your health,, i’m so sorry this one took a while, but thank you for requesting ♡

pas de deux Fyodor D. x fem!ballet dancer reader

involves -- domestic relationship, possible inaccuracies but i tried to limit them! ;_;

headcanons

Initially would he only keep a quiet eye on you.

Because personally I find that Fyodor wouldn't be direct with expressing his worries to you at first, even if you have a strict teacher. He trusts you knew what you're signing up for, but sometimes it gets a bit concerning. On certain days you'd see him on a seat nearby where you practicing so he can 'look', or rather — watch over you. Because be as your talent may, if concern for you was a topic, Fyodor has a lot in his head.

"Oh- Fedya, hi." You mutter with a tiny smile, sweat cradling your cheek. He didn't like seeing it. He'd rather have his hand there.

"Milaya," He smiled back, stepping closer to you. "Was that a sauté you just did?"

"...Yeah!" You eventually reply out after a minute of surprise, smile growing. When did he learn that name?

Indirect as his words were, he deep down meant each sentence to check if you were still actually thinking in that head of yours. But he only really asks when you practiced overtime, checking if you still actually had control of your head and wasn't just practicing like a bot with scripts she couldn't comprehend in her head for world forbid what her teacher said.

As time goes, he'd be there for your small break sessions

For you did one day promise you'd take breaks in between the hours you almost comically stretch to unnaturally long sets. At first he wouldn't be there, definitely busy with his own work — but eventually did he appear more often, like he knew when you'd take your breaks. He wanted to just be there for your comfort and his assurance that you're fine, but he speaks sometimes.

"(Name)," He calls out your name in his voice you'd always relax your head to, "Would you like more water? I'll get some for you."

"Ahaha, you're a bit more caring today Fyodor." You joke out quietly, a laugh to hopefully let him take the word as something light. "But yes please, thank you."

A laugh to momentarily break the pressure you put for yourself and the concern you put for him was enough to make him smile in that same moment.

Your loyal fan

If you didn't mind it; Fyodor is always delighted to watch your practices at home, especially because he's one of the firsts to see all of your dedication before the crowd gets to see your angelic play of ballet. May it be as long as practicing a section of a dance you were going to preform soon, or even just as warming up with positions — he loved watching you, soothing his mind away from his continuous thinking.

"I must say, milaya, I don't believe I've seen that position before." Fyodor's chin rests on his intertwined fingers as his elbows meet the desk he was sitting at.

"Mm? Ah- emboîté is more of a set of steps though." You reply back, staying in your position to let the talk settle. "I still find myself a bit stiff with it, so I'm practicing it right now."

"Is that so?" He puts his hands down. "I'm intrigued then. Do continue."

Usually those points get you to explain the steps you're doing if you're still energized for talk, your voice able to make your lovely viewer also a listener. Sometimes he lies about having no knowledge to it, sometimes he just wants you to explain it to him. For you would he listen to your talk and ramble about ballet, even if he didn't do ballet himself.

Your own, visible worry breaks Fyodor's barrier of hiding his

He wouldn't want to overwhelm you with his constant check-ups like "are you okay?" or "want me to do anything?", because he'd rather have you ask for it or allow his eyes to see your physical body speak for its status. Plus, he knows you're an independent beauty who can handle herself. But when you start involuntarily stressing out however.. it's not so pretty to him.

"Shh, shh shh. Milaya, I'm here." He coos to you as he leans on the mirror behind him, holding you close in his arms with your sobbing face on his shoulder.

"You did that step so well," Fyodor whispers, one hand stroking your hair. "Be proud of yourself."

Deep down it wasn't so easy for him to know what words he should say to you, finding your fear and anxiousness unnecessary for such talent you hold in something not everyone can just do. But of course was it understandable, so he tries. Be it speaking words when he thinks you need it, grabbing you something or just holding you — do expect a lot of care to try and soothe you.

Taking care of your body gently like you're a rosebud

It doesn't happen so often, Fyodor knowing you were still able to tend to yourself. But to say something doesn't happen often doesn't mean it never does — Fyodor always there for you when you ask for it.

"Milaya, perhaps its time for another break, wouldn't you say?" He quietly suggests like a lullaby, not wanting to interrupt whatever may be in your head right now.

"I'm okay." You try to assure, "My teacher requires me to perfect this in a week... I'll perfect it, and rest if I can."

"'If I can' won't do.." He replied with a more audible voice, hands meeting your feet as he gently rubs them, "While a flower like you gets watered daily, she needs her sunlight as well."

The most he can usually do for you is to massage you or rub your sore feet from all the practice, set aside the other things he can do that mostly treat your mental being than such physical. But every time he caresses your aching body is it always so careful and much more delicate, also attentive to your own saying about your comfort.

scenario

It'd been a few hours since your practice for today. You ended up promising to Fyodor that today would be shorter than the ones you took these past consecutive days, but you deep down feel guilty for doing so.

The days to attending practice in an actual dance studio again were nigh. You were going to see your teacher in two days, and you still had to compose yourself for whatever word they'll tell you.

Of course, their criticism also helped you and your progress to the world of ballet. You were treated as if a unique flower each time you hear something you can learn from — a bit overwhelming to the ears, however important to know for being the one seen with improvement.

It still made you nervous though.

As your foot finally feels the hard pressure of the floor after having your toes balance you the whole session, you pause with your hands holding onto the barre you swore was cold this morning, now all matching your body temperature.

"Milaya, are you taking a break?" You suddenly hear a familiar voice welcome itself in your ear, a smile reaching your tired face as you see your boyfriend walking inside your small studio.

He didn't visit as much today, which honestly made you a bit upset. But at least it also aided you into giving your all earlier, even if that such was for him anyway.

"Hi, Fedya." You greet, your feminine and angelic voice equally meeting a smile on your lovers. "I'm done for today. Like I promised you."

"I'm glad to hear that." Fyodor steps closer to you with a hand gesturing its desire to touch you, to which you allow.

His slightly cold hand meets your forehead as he wipes a small bead of sweat off, head tilted a little as if concerned for you. "Would you like me to get you anything?" Was his first set of words, his other hand meeting your waist as if to give you some sort of closure.

"No, I'm fine." You deny, although as you spoke you did feel your throat a bit dry.

I do need water.. but I don't want him to leave yet.

Until a thought sparks in you.

"Mm, there is something I kind of want right now." You imply with a rather smug, yet still an adorable little smile. This wouldn't slip away from Fyodor's eyes, replying to it with his own chuckle. "And what would that be? I'm here to give what I can."

"I still feel guilty for finishing practice early." You start to explain, one of your own hand meeting to press on the hand which held your waist. "I feel like I should be giving more time, since I'll be seeing my teacher soon."

You see a temporary look on Fyodor's face. A look that indicated his own dislike for you finding the need to have your own time be controlled by another person, even if you weren't in the studio of which they have right to parry through.

But he doesn't discuss it. Instead he softens his gaze, unwilling to argue with you. "I am not forcing you on this matter, milaya. I am simply suggesting you breaks in between your hard work."

"I know," You reply, an expression of what deemed to be curiosity on your now tilted head. He knew this was just to get his ears in lead, but regardless was your face cute. "But I'll finish todays practice.. after we do something first."

"(Name), I'm not experienced in ballet." He immediately recalls to you, a genuine look of his own curiosity written on his face. You nod to the note, "I know. But you're good in blending in, right?"

Silence temporarily controls the room, although Fyodor reassuring you no anger was present in the moment with his gaze on you — hands carefully holding you.

"Oh, I see." He eventually speaks up, letting go of your waist. "You'd like us to have a duet?"

His grasp of understanding your point makes you eagerly nod, "Yeah. A pas de deux is what we call it." explaining its term to your clueless looking boyfriend.

A smile meets his lips to the answer you have thoughtlessly given, enjoying your disregard to hide vulnerability with your sleepiness. "Pas de deux is French. A step of two?"

"Yes!" You exclaim rather excitedly, both of your hands finding its fingers to interlock into fists as your right palm leans back, earning you this.. almost pleading pose. "But don't worry- I won't make you do work.. I just want us to have an adagio."

"As long as I've seen you do such pose, I could give you the possibility of me doing it." He puts a side comment to before replying properly; "But of course. An adagio is where the danseur supports the ballerina's movements, am I right?"

"How do you know that..?" You furrow your eyebrows to, a small yet blithe pout on your face. "My, you suddenly rambled about that before." Fyodor hums out, a hand on his chin. "But nevermind that, milaya. We can do that if such is your wish," He stops to escape a little laugh, "however I'm not a danseur exactly."

"No but you're certainly my partner." You fight back, taking a swift glance at Fyodor's appearance. He was simply wearing a turtleneck and pants, which would do. Because really, you just wanted to feel him while you did what you loved.

Your remark makes Fyodor laugh before you two knew your place — him behind you with arms supporting your waist, toes returning into balancing yourself. You wanted to impress your lover, but with how tired you actually were you internally doubted what balance you had left in you.

So you chose one you could do right now. Little less of what you wanted, but you hoped it could impress him somehow.

One of your leg was supporting your body, the other is extended into an arabesque. You felt Fyodor's grip on you tighten a little bit, the corner of your eye catching his head turned to you.

Your arm which was adjacent to your lifted leg stays where it is as your left makes its attempt to draw its move... till you find yourself yawning.

Immediately did you bashfully cover your mouth as pink meets your cheeks, Fyodor holding onto you tightly in case you trip due to the sudden surprise. As you yawn he carefully adjusts you, enough for you to get the hint and let your feet meet the floor again.

You didn't want to see his face right now out of pure embarrassment, but his move tells you to as he turns you around, hands locking on your waist to support you.

As expected, not a look of mockery or humorous find was in his face, rather.. concern, but also still soft.

"You're too sleepy." He whispers, one hand letting go of the latch to meet your face, brushing away those strands of hair. "This lovely ballerina should sleep now."

"But the..." Your voice trails, a tiny frown painting on your face as he wipes it away with a kiss on each side of your lip, turning that into a better look. "There now, there's no need to frown." He spoke quietly, "If you want it that badly, we can try it tomorrow."

"...Okay," Defeat mourns your words in, trying to conceal the topic of your embarrassing yawn with a lean in, asking for a proper kiss by Fyodor. And it didn't even take a minute for him to allow the need, pressing his lips with yours.

Gentle and delicate circles rub your back as you melt at both the kiss and at the sudden but welcoming massage, hands holding onto his shoulders for support.

His kiss felt warm, tranquilly and clement. While his earlier, very rare visits to your practice room were gifted with kisses, they were all tiny and lacking.

And you could tell he enjoyed this as well, his fingers making subtle movements that felt like little shivers down your waist. A comforting one, at least.

The kiss takes shorter as you desired, however he makes up for it by peppering sweet kisses on your knuckles to the hand he picked up with his free one, eyes closed.

"я тебя люблю, my milaya." He mutters in between those kisses. "You're such a strong girl. Be mindful of that."

Your mousy pink cheeks meet the peachy hue he knew it'd blend to, a smile meeting your lips again as you let your fingers rest on his, your thumb catching his own to rub the skin. "I love you too."

His hand lets go of yours as he stops. His hand on your back would glide down to your waist to touch again as he pulls you in closer, you taking that as a hug. Both of your hands wrap around him, whilst his free hand continued the relieving massage.

"It's alright. Let's get yourself changed then head to bed, okay?" He whispers in your ear, to which you hum a sleepy sound to.

You didn't want to sleep right now, as much as how warm and serene he was to lean onto. But knowing he probably was also too tired to be carrying a girl even if such was his girlfriend, you had to stay awake till the envelope of sheets surround you two.

Yet staying awake till then wouldn't be as bad either. You'd get to hear and see your lover take care of you.. to rub all those sore spots away, and importantly be here for you.

"Besides, if a pas de deux means a step for two — you can technically count this in... wouldn't you think?" He suddenly adds, finding his unexpected thought carry through vocalized words.

His own surprise for himself makes him let out a tiny chuckle from it, muffling the noise with a soft peck on your shoulder.

"Because you being so strong with everything you're dealing with is already a step for us two."

⚘

[onelocket]

hihii!

this is my first request ever, but I really love the way you write abt fyodor! I would love to request more of fyodor as a high school lover, not necessarily w a selective mute reader, just high school fluff!!

I hope you do well on your exams, good luck, and take care! ♡

hello anon! i’m flattered to be the blog you first request :0 thank you so much for liking how i write him, it makes me happy to hear it ^_^! i’m so sorry this one took a while, but thank you for requesting ♡

my only love Fyodor D. x reader

involves -- high school au. for more click here, here & here

headcanons

His dedication to studying makes you a little jealous

But who even admits that sort of thing? It's embarrassing, and it makes you seem selfish. Not to Fyodor though. Since he's a really smart guy, he can also read your emotions. Whenever he just sees you sulking as you sit beside him — head turned away from him on his desk rather than nagging him to stop studying since you two were supposed to hang out right now in his home, he'd find it so adorable.

“Is it the door you're pretending to look at or are you just sulking?” Fyodor questions you suddenly, earning you to turn your head around and up to stop being so lazily pressed on your arm.

“Huh? I- I was just zoning out.” You mutter with pink painting your cheeks, him laughing at the sight. “You can't be jealous over paper, are you?” He asks.

“Say that again and I'll hug you tight!”

— But instead of being quiet, your lover usually takes the dares you spew out every time the conversation follows that path. With your pride do you end up sitting on him, but it does end well as Fyodor doesn't mind your warmth surrounding him. You had your arms around his back with your head resting on his shoulder, Fyodor a little closer to the table now so the gap you might leave was gone; allowing you to sit properly, and feel safer too. Silence mostly happens after these jokes, but it was a comforting one with each other in ones embrace. So maybe your 'jealousy to paper' can be a good thing sometimes.

Studying together in tea shops

first, Fyodor was a little hesitant to your idea. Not that he doesn't want to spend time with you — in fact he'd spend hours with you on the weekends if you simply said please, but he found the idea of a tea shop study date... unideal. Why was this? For a man so intelligent for his hard-work, the reason was simple.

“No, milaya. If that was right, then this part of the solution would be unnecessary.” Fyodor whispers with his head still turned to you. He couldn't meet your eyes however, all focused on the paper you had just written on.

“Oh. I see.. so I have to reconsider this part with the base of that section?” You ask, almost nudging your own beverage as you reach out for the eraser. Strands of your hair would fall on your pretty face as your fingers tighten its grip on your pen, the light illuminating from the window in front of you two accentuating your features.

“...Mhm.” Was all he could say.

You were just so distracting, it makes even the most focused of individuals focus on you instead. Exhibit A, your lover himself.

Questions can still be a remedy for overthinking, you know?

There can be times where you'd feel a little overwhelmed in school. Face it — you downgrade your smarts more than you'd like to believe in them. And while it's good not to be so cocky, it's also good to believe in yourself. Yet you sometimes fail in doing that. But it's okay, since you have your loving boyfriend to help you in his own way.

“That's an easy question!” You giggle out with a smile, all sitting down on Fyodor's lap as he sat on your couch, eyes on you. “The answer is simply no, because a vertical line rises up, not sideways like it claims.”

“...That is correct.” Fyodor chuckles out, pressing a kiss on your cheek. “The statement would be invalid then. Good job, (Name).”

He asks you easy, simple questions. Of course, not 1 + 1 or 2 +2, but rather scenarios or situations that require your overthinking brain to focus on thinking upon the factors given so you can instead itch out answers that were right. They weren't hard, yet by the end of the day do they make you feel a lot more smarter. Because you already were, and he was just making you remember that with questions he knew you'd know.

Borrowed clothing in school

Cardigans are a common thing in schools. Every gender can wear one, for not only does it look cute — it also warms up a student if they feel cold. And who else do we know who hates feeling cold? Your lover. But he's not one for bringing a cardigan to school, surprisingly.

“Fedya, I already told you to bring one.” You sigh out, frowning a little as you see him simply wearing your schools uniform. “It's going to get colder nowadays, do you not own one?”

“I do, but it is unnecessary in my opinion.” He replies, closing his textbook on his desk. “I assure you I'm alright, milaya- ..?”

But you don't believe them so easily. You end up wrapping your own cardigans around Fyodor each circumstance where he doesn't bring one during windy atmospheres and you've started to wonder if he's doing this on purpose. He barely returns your cardigans, only doing so when you ask for it. But maybe he also likes borrowing your clothing... so sometimes you don't mention it. The thought of him washing your clothes kept you awake and blushing at night too.

“I need your attention right now. Let me indulge.”

Neither of you always get to hang out at the others home, so it feels a little lacking majority of the time. Sure weekends were there, but you both also had things to sort out yourselves. So whenever you two do hang out are times you both need to savor a lot. Well, unless he breaks one rule or two. Namely in school.

“Mm? But isn't a program about to start at the gym?” You mumble quietly as students were already making their way to said area, your lover watching the walking people with the corner of his eye as he kept you hidden, pinning you against a wall that was near the rooftop staircase.

“You're right.” He whispers only when nobody was near, looking back at you. He leans in to suddenly start pressing hurried, almost needy kisses on your cheeks, making you melt a little and hold onto him. “F-Fedya, you're gonna end up missing the program...”

“It doesn't bother me. Move away if you don't like this.”

Which is his own translation of asking for your affection. Even if the situation was risky. But would you deny it either?

Your discreet, comforting fan

Sometimes, presenting in class — or even in front of the whole school can feel really scary for you. You knew that if it was done it'd be away from your problems, but you still find yourself shaking and probably even crying from the thought of speaking in front of so many people. Whenever you end up crying after just succeeding in your own part however, there's only one student in the crowd who will bring you somewhere else and make you feel better.

“You did so well,” He whispers in your ear as he continues to press soft kisses on your skin, trying to soothe you down with his words and touch. “I'm very proud of you, milaya. It's okay now.”

“I'm sorry..” You stifle out as you rub one of your eyes, Fyodor momentarily pausing to look down at you with his hand on your cheek. “You're going to miss the other reporters... just because of me.”

“And why does that matter? When it comes to a crowd, I'm only a fan to you and will treat you as my priority.”

And he always manages to fix that teary look in your eyes. Just give him a quiet, secluded place in the school for you and he'll pamper you with what he can.

⚘

p.s to the lovely anon who requested this (or you, too!), i actually made a fic about highschool fyodor x reader, but i did not use that because you just asked for fluff, meanwhile that fic had a whole plot. >_< if you want to read it, you can check it out on my profile or simply click here!

[onelocket]

eyes on the board, milaya Fyodor D. x reader

prompting guide -- Suddenly, your vision comes to reality when you could only see him smiling at you across the classroom. “Focus.” He words out.

involves -- high school au, not 100% proofread

Afternoon classes were already done and dusted. Your sleepy eyes nagged you the whole last three periods of subjects as you forced yourself to keep it rolling, determined to finish today to just jump right to bed and shove your tired body in a warm blanket.

The mere thought of hugging a soft mattress as it releases said exhaustion away sounded and even felt comforting right now.

Ah, how your mind would love to doze off in a state of dopiness — away from responsibilities, away from life…

So why were you here instead?

“... Jeez..” You sigh, noise hardly distant from an escaping breath. As you tap your fingernails onto your wooden desk, your eyes deny to blink — afraid they'd fall defeat into a slumber in front of class.

Turns out, your little daydream just now was just a daydream.

In reality you still had this last class to sort out — which was mordantly the one you had the least interest in.

But at the same time, how could you skip class? This was the last above all your previous ones today; plus, you weren't going to be sure when your teacher would suddenly say this random lesson will be part of the upcoming exams, so you needed to attend. Even if you were painfully lacking the needed sleep.

“(Name),” The classmate next to your seat suddenly murmured, head turned to you with an on edge smile as if your solemnness affected her greater than it would to you. “If you’re planning to sleep, go ditch class by faking to use the bathroom or something…” she said, clearly irritated.

You let out an inaudible grunt at the displeasing behavior, placing both of your arms on your empty desk. Normally would you have your notebook out, but you were too tired to even write a word in such sheets.

“How does it bother you?” You whisper back, almost equally to even more pissed.

“Because we’re next to each other.” She clicks her tongue to, tapping her pen rather aggressively; yet effortlessly also being able to keep its quiet to avoid the teachers head turning.

And you swore even a simple yawn could get the teacher pointing at the said student. Not even a pen could counter it?

“And?” You nearly snarled, arms crossing each other even pressed against the desk. “It’ll rag attention!” She exclaimed loudly with her leaning to you — which ultimately grabs the class.

“Excuse me?” The teacher was quick to press on, head already turned to the class. “What will ‘rag’ attention, exactly?” They add with a rather rough tone before turning their whole body to the front, making the atmosphere drop.

Not that this teacher is rude, they were just… uncomfortable to see when mad.

“Ah- teacher..” Your classmate gasped out, her grip on the pen tightening as it deemed noticeable in your view.

But before you just sit there dumbfoundedly and admit what you knew she'd blurt to the whole class, you pick up a plan.

Leaning down a little to your desks shelf, you made sure to be slow with your moments as you grab a small purple notebook. Such notebook wasn't for this class — rather one where you draw mindless, silly doodles and write pent up rants to in school. But that won't be a problem.

If she was going to blame you, might as well pack up a lie to reduce twice a scolding in your ears.

With the corner of your eye did you notice your classmate progressively get provoked, practically growling at this point as you blench at the thought. She exclaims as she slaps her hand on the desk, “Teacher, this person beside me was about to fall asleep! In your own class.”

And while it did get you stares, you force your head to stay up and confident as you extend your fingers to let the other page of your notebook fall down, making sure it was on the ‘right’ page. “I have no idea what she’s talking about.”

It was filled with words you were so sure belonged to another topic and another subject, but nobody would know that.

“You— you were literally about to rest your head on your arms.” She says, in disbelief.

And you fight back with a tilt of your head, “I was grabbing this notebook, didn’t you see?”

“…You two, stop fighting.” Your teacher dismissed, a tired sigh trying to ease the stress; although failing as they raise their voice for all to hear, “Did any of you two see (Name) and are able to confirm their claim?” finishing before nodding their head at your classmate. “Or maybe hers.”

Silence suddenly dulled to reek the tension in your classroom. Your other hidden fist on your lap clenches itself as you hold back an annoyed noise, praying your gaze isn’t caught a glare. Even though it deliberately is one.

You didn’t exactly think anyone would vouch for you, nor would you think anyone would back up her claim. So you just sat there irritated, as so did she, her grip on her own pen in at threaten to snap it in half.

Besides, who would even want to stare at you in such hour? This was the last class of today, and everyone must be dying to call it quits and do their own thing just as you want to, right? Neither did you see yourself as one worthy to be the center of attention.

As your mind runs it’s words around with your expression painfully trying to be blank, a student who was sat on the first few rows of the class was looking intently at you.

More than the rest ever cared to.

Strands of his black hair would fall on his face as he makes a subtle tilt, eyes obscure.

They looked as tired as yours, but with how he was such a smart prodigy it’d be unlikely that his look of debility was out of need to sleep as well.

The more he stared at you in such way, the more did students pick up on it. A few swiftly nudged their friends to realize the situation, and without you even knowing, the tension grew heavier.

“Is nobody going to speak?” The teacher slits through the silence like a knife, “Then, with the lack of evidence in you twos contrasting stories- I’ll take the both of you to the office to properly sort this out.” already demanding a situation you loathed to deal with right now — that visible in your eyes the second you hear those words.

But before you nor your classmate could talk to bicker,

“I saw, teacher. (Name) was simply unhurried with their actions.” a heavy Russian accent counters through.

You find your hand slipping away from its contact on your notebook as you mouth out a gasp, eyes blinking their way to look back up at the male you hear speaking.

Though, your shock would fall into one out of relief once seeing who it was.

“Oh. Is that so…” Your teacher formed, seemingly not taken in yet by the affirm. “Mhm.” Your boyfriend — Fyodor, nods to, head turning to your teacher. “I felt something on my back, so I turned my head around to also brush my hair out of the way in case such so was the source of the itchy feeling.”

…What,

“I saw (Name) as I turned, and they were simply grabbing their notebook as she seemed to be talking to them. (Name) wasn't replying to them at all.”

What is he even saying…?

And how did it look so easy? For him to say all those things so suddenly? It's like he planned them out.

The words he explained was clearly, to you, a blatant lie. Yet you found your heart instead captivated at his effort. His voice was so soft and soothing, that accent pretty much grasping your wariness to a trash bin.

Not only did it loop you around — so did it do the same to your other classmates. Though… perhaps in a different way.

You could practically feel the weight of such uncomfortable tension swim back to a lower ground, yet rather than sparkling eyes you could only see looks out of one; or rather many, intimidated.

His voice perhaps did sound a little rougher, however you were unable to pick up on it right away since how long have you wanted to hear his voice since this period started.

But it shouldn’t really be that contrasting to hear him like that. Or perhaps it the unique accent that still threw them off-guard... it's been so long since Dostoevsky got his scholarship to your school, yet its as if their fright wouldn't agree to it.

You almost found yourself special for being the only one so accepting of him without any lie of emotion hidden within.

“Very well..” The teacher says, struggling to hide its reluctance before they cleared their throat; “I’ll still need to talk to you about this manner,” staring at your classmate before turning back to you — “but (Name), there’s no need to join the conversation unless there is something you’d like to be shared. In such case however, it’d be nice to say it now.”

“What the.. why just me?” Your classmate pressed, frustration clear in her face yet stayed sat on her desk. “Dostoevsky here hinted that you initiated the conversation.” The teacher replied, voice stern at her.

“… Please, teacher. There’s little to no reason to be so formal at your student. You call your other students by their first name, aren’t I right?” Fyodor spoke again, tilting his head a little to the teacher.

You see it visibly take the older person off-guard, as if Fyodor was some villain to be locked up to. Was it the voice.. no, you shouldn’t always think about his voice- well, as much as you personally liked hearing it. Was your teacher also still so intimidated?

But still… why react so violently? You couldn’t help but think, the palm of a hand resting on your chin as you watched the conversation, ignoring your angry classmate.

“Why.. well, sorry Fyodor. I'm just extremely stressed.” They make up with, which was honestly horrible. To who falls for that reeks with naivety — Even you knew your boyfriend would laugh at that reply.

But you also knew he wouldn’t show it, remaining polite to the teacher as he simply nodded it out, leaving the classroom quiet again.

As if you thought things were forming into a better shape, that decision made todays period even worse.

You softly grunt, and albeit you were safe from the scolding, you still technically got one right now. Without Fyodor in class, worser things would’ve happened. And your mind didn’t want to comprehend it.

Your eyes narrow as your head came back to the blackboard, your teachers continuation of blabber slowly turning muffled in your ears as you stared at your boyfriend. Though your teacher took quite the awkward approach with continuing the lesson, you had to admit.

Setting aside the thought, your head started to drown in your back and forth questions as you pondered on how to thank Fyodor later. Speaking like that and spewing out a lie so quickly must’ve been so difficult to find reason to actually act on.

It being ‘hard’ wouldn’t really match the description — you’ve seen your lover do and speak many things you knew yourself would never lift a finger to, so now only made you wonder why he did it.

Of course, it could just be out of love for you, but to have Fyodor keen onto a simple motivation as that sounded off. To lie in front of the class without even being sure that it’d work? What if another student was watching you and counterattacked his lie with a fact..

Suddenly, your vision comes to reality when you could only see him looking at you across the classroom.

“Focus.” He words out, his purple eyes boring into yours.

But for some reason, you didn’t find it intimidating. They felt… concerned for you.

No- concerned would be an overstatement. It would be.

Yet you can’t push back the thought of him worried for you either.

You smile at him, head tilting a little to your palm. You reply back with your own mouth forming a silent word, “Sorry.” earning a small smile from him before he turns his head to the board, your head jolting to follow it.

You still failed to actually understand a word of what your teacher meant, but to see your loving boyfriend, Fyodor, all so focused and noting down with such effortless charm kept you glued to the front of the class.

To see Fyodor was all there mostly was to it, who you didn’t share a lot of subject periods with. Even if you had the most valid reason to skip this class, you'd stay just to see his back even if what came with it was… oh, right — thousands of words and whatnot in front of the board you had yet to note down.

“…How annoying.” You grumble quietly, placing your arm down as your other hand held onto your pen, tip aimed at the paper. You lied earlier to get away from punishment, so you now had to act like it. You had to have your eyes on the board,

“Milaya.”

Your body jolts at the sudden call, head immediately tilting up to see the man you love to be in front of you. He was smiling softly with his hands on your desk, an expression you'd melt for over and over again.

“…Um, y-yeah Fyodor?” You reply, a sheepish smile on your face. “I’m sorry. I zoned out a little.”

Before you even knew it, classes were over. Perhaps it was the sudden attack of motivation that made time feel quick, but in the end you were glad all's done.

And luckily did you not have to deal with a trip to the office unlike some unlucky girl.. really, what was her problem?

“Are you that tired?” He sighed out, tapping a finger on your desk. “Class is over. You’re not in charge of cleaning today, correct?”

“Yeah.” You reply, your shamefaced smile turning into a calmer one now.

Actually, since you did think about it, perhaps now would be a good time to thank him. Not like it’d be appropriate to say thank you tomorrow when he clearly helped you out today.

“Actually, Fedya..” So you whisper, hoping nobody heard your nickname for him in wishes not to embarrass him. “May we walk home together today?” You engage to, hoping that time to properly thank him.

“Of course, (Name).” He replied, a finger brushing your hair off your face with that same smile. “Grab your stuff now, we can’t stay in this classroom forever while they clean.”

“Oh- right!” You heaved out, head immediately down to look at your notebook. Quickly did you do as told, practically sliding your bag to your shoulder as you stood up, Fyodor beside you silently.

You didn’t have time to put your notebook inside, so you just held onto it as you two exited the room. He didn’t seem to mind either — although you two end up sharing a hand in hand as you walked the corridors, not that secretive of the relationship, however not so loud about it either.

Simple public display of affections like these in school warmed your heart, and you hoped his did too.

As you two walk with a comforting silence shared, a loud, masculine voice rings through the hallway as sounds of shoes clicked closer and closer to you two. And of course, it’d be nobody else than..

“Ah, Nikolai.” Fyodor greeted with a tiny tilt of his head before tilting it back with a smile. “What brings?”

“Mmhm, hi- I need to borrow you for a second.” Nikolai replied rather excitedly as if holding back his impatience, his larger hands immediately flying up to hold one of your boyfriends.

You take the hint and let go of Fyodor’s hand, to which, you see the same hand twitch in reply, but nonetheless find nothing else to take notice of.

“Oh! Right, (Name)!” Nikolai suddenly says with the surprise evident in his voice, as if he didn’t see you. Well, you knew that’s not exactly what he’d think of, but still.. he’s rather, jumpy about something, isn’t he?

“Y-yes Nikolai?” You reply hurriedly, a smile covering your confusion as you press your notebook closer to your chest.

“May I borrow your lovely boyfriend for a sec? Pretty please?” He scoots closer to you as he spoke, beseech and solicit tones apparent in his voice. You let out a fake, helpless sigh, shrugging a little. “Not my choice to make. It’s his.”

“Aw. You know he barely says no to you.” He sighed with a small pout as if defeated. “My chances are less now..” He sulked out whilst you and Fyodor find each other chuckling, Fyodor talking back however. “Please. If it’s so important that it made you run to us, where’s the room to decline?”

“Aha- I knew that'd get you!” Nikolai applauds to with a galvanizing turn of his head to your lover, a smirk crystal-clear of mischief, but you did not dare to question. Besides, you knew this man for his tease and joke, and you presumed Fyodor did too. Well, they are close after all.

“Come, come; it won't take you long~” The taller boy releases his grip on Fyodor's hand, a calm expression on said guy as if he was used to that cheeky look on Nikolai's face with that gesturing motion to follow him. Fyodor gave a nod to Nikolai as he hummed, however turning his head to you.

“Milaya. If it's about what I did earlier, then don't wait for me. There is no need,” Fyodor tells you, leaning in to press a soft kiss on the edge of your lip.

The second his lips met your skin felt like you reading his cute little love letters to you — short, sweet and anticipatingly taunting. Taunting to your poor little heart as it easily flusters from it.

You give your lover a quiet laugh as he leans back, Nikolai staring at you two without a word, just a smile you couldn't read.

You wanted to say something, but would it really be fine to flirt in front of his best friend? Said dude would name you two as cheesy love doves, you knew.

So you simply nod before giving a small wave, Nikolai taking that sign as to grab Fyodor's hand and walk the opposite direction of the hallway. Fyodor turns around as he walked, replying to you with a small smile before he completely allows the well-known school clown to take him away, leaving you stood there.

“...He knows what he's doing.” You finally sigh out with your stiff shoulders relaxing, to which you actually never realized of them being that way. That kiss, albeit sweet, told you a lot, you knew your lover knew this mark.

So rather than leaving as he 'claims' he wanted you to do, you find your heel turning around and almost scurrying somewhere else — where, might that be?

Why, another classroom.

It was still in the same floor, only difference is that this was an old club room which was now empty; given how no new club proposition took this space.

Of course, it was advised by the teachers not to use this room so often. While it was open, it's not a free space for 'you folks'. You still couldn't help but giggle at the remembrance of that one teacher calling you and the students such a term, especially with his accent. Ridiculous, you thought.

But this was also the only room you can go to. Those who were in charge of cleaning must still be doing their task.

You almost lazily sit on the chair which was already set up, desk to accompany it. Somebody must've also broken the rule of not hanging out here, yet that doesn't bother you right now. Putting your bag to the side of the chair, you put down your purple notebook on the wooden desk as you pout, staring at the empty cover.

“Telling me not to wait for you... am I not your partner to have the right?” You ask, pretending as if the notebook was him. Well, the purple hue did match his eyes. And he didn't deserve the light scolding, so you just threw it on some inanimate object.

Sliding your arm down on the desk did your hand swing around on the opposite side, your cheek leans down to press on the crook of your elbow as you yawn quietly, eyes still on the cover.

But the sight of something green catches your eye.

A little brighter because of the afternoon light shining through those open windows, but definitely green nonetheless. And it was none other than the blackboard in front of the classroom — a few walks away from you.

“Mm, what would've happened if I still had the energy to focus earlier?” You mutter to yourself, eyes focused on the dry paint. “I mean.. would I have heard him back up for me? That was still really kind of him.”

Yet the lack of people in the room left you to simply stare. The longer you stared, the more your eyes wanted to tease you too — as if replaying a sight of your teacher nudging nonsense and writing so loudly on the board. But of course, since you weren't focusing half of the lesson, you couldn't remember what was actually written on it.

You probably should head home by now... but you also couldn't shake off the thought of walking home with Fyodor. Of course were there some days you two have to leave alone, but that kiss really got you clingy.

“I knew you'd be here.” Suddenly, a soft, almost gentle voice whispers behind you, as if behind your ear.

You immediately turn your head at this — eyes a little wide before you took realization to who it was. Thankfully, it was just Fyodor.

Your head makes a quick turn, seeing his bag already beside yours and classroom doors suddenly shut. You didn't even hear noise shuffle around... how did he get here so quietly? Alas, he ends up grabbing a seat to sit in front of you as you just watch, lifting your head up.

“And how would you know? You probably checked every classroom in this floor.” You joke out, smiling at your lover as he returns it. “If that's how you'd like to put it.” He replied, leaning in. “Really, did you want to walk home with me that eagerly?”

“Well, you know I always do.” You say as you push your seat away, earning you enough space to stand up. Before he makes the move you knew he'd do, you slide your notebook swiftly on the shelf under the desk, not wanting him to see the little doodles of his back that you drew to find some solace in these sleepy classes.

“I apologize then, milaya.” Fyodor whispers, his eyes following your move as you find yourself sitting on the desk, in front of him. A chuckle leaves his lips as he tilts his head, however not muttering a word as you shift around, making sure your legs didn't hit him.

“Yeah, do apologize.” You sigh out, although intent lighthearted and playful as you lean in, pressing your fingers on his silky black hair. You take his loving gaze as consent as you play with his hair, both of you exchanging a warm smile.

“But do enlighten me, (Name). Just what was on your notebook?”

“Oh. I didn't think you'd ask...” A peachy paint on your cheeks as your eyebrows furrow.

You weren't mad of course, and to be fair — if the positions would switch, you'd ask the same thing. Fyodor hums, “That notebook must be important, right? If you do not wish to tell, that is fine as well.”

“Ah, not exactly.” You pucker your lips to for a fleeting moment, keeping your affectionate stare. You twirl a strand of his hair, tilting your head. “It's just a little embarrassing. I wouldn't call it some sort of sketching notebook, but it's just mostly filled with drawings of your back.”

“Why my back, milaya?”

“Because that's all I see in class.” You pout out.

“...Adorable.” He replied with a sweeter smile, as if holding back a giggle. “Come here,” Fyodor coos, his hands meeting your hips to slowly, almost a little too slowly guide you to fall down on the desk to sit on his lap.

You comply, however a little startled at first. You never took him to be the kind to want public displays of affection.. neither did you ask about it though, so maybe you were wrong?

“If you be good next time and focus in class, I'll let you borrow me from my studying to be your reference as much as you'd like.” Fyodor whispers with his one hand meeting your cheek, caressing it lightly.

“Really?” You ask a bit excitedly, hands pressed on his shoulders. He had to admit to himself, the sight was really adorable. Some of your hair fell on your face, and you held onto him like you two weren't inside a classroom. “I said only if you're good.” He tuts.

“You tease.” You huff out, cheeks puffing a little to decorate. Fyodor hummed, “You accept every last one of it though, don't you?” resulting in you rolling your eyes and lean in to press a kiss on his lips.

The seconds feel like minutes as your lips met, Fyodor moving his hands to carefully wrap on your waist as the afternoon sky radiates on each of yours skin, eyes shut and simply indulging in the moment.

Yet to surprise, it is you who pulls away first.

You take this moment to stay where you're positioned at and look down at his face, which had a very soft, subtle light of red. You found it endearing. Perhaps your actions also moved his heart more than you'd assume.

You wanted to say something, but before you could even voice out a word from your open lips — he surprises you with a lean in, peppering kisses all over your cheeks. It made you dumbfounded for a good moment, the blush on your face never failing to escape now as you press your own hand on his cheek, softly giggling like his lips tickle.

“Hey... what are you doing, Fedya?” You coo, soft exhales leaving you at the feeling of amenity from his kisses. Barely does he initiate it, which led you to easily melt whenever he does. You could feel his lips meet a smile as he kept kissing your soft skin, “I wasn't done kissing you yet.” to which only caught you to melt even more.

“You really don't have to try being this cute, don't you...” You mutter out before silently sitting there on his lap, closing your eyes while you drink in his love.

Eventually did you wrap your hands around his neck, allowing him more room for you to kiss as a sight suddenly clicks to you.

The corner of your eye would catch the girl who tried to wreck chaos to you earlier, seemingly walking after a trip to the office. You couldn't catch her expression, but you just knew she was pissed.

Minutes had already passed since the allotted school dismissal anyway. Not many students were around anymore. She could've left school early if she just didn't bother with your own issue.

You didn't want to stop his kisses, but seeing her made you had to with a gentle pat. He takes the note and stops, however still holding you.

“What's wrong?” Fyodor asks, earning a turn of your head. “Oh... just saw 'her'. She still really annoys me.” You grunt out quietly like an angry kid, looking down as he finds it cute with a laugh.

At least, you would've thought so.

“Did she irritate you that much? My, sweet milaya — I say you should give her less weight she might feel on her shoulders.” Fyodor suddenly remarks, making you feel a little puzzled. Why was your own boyfriend on her side?

Your eyebrows furrow, “Hey, if you thought your guessing lie was wrong, you were right you know? She talked to me first.” backing up your situation with a frown. Your head moves to look at him as he smiled, one hand petting your soft hair. “It wasn't a guess, milaya. I knew she likely talked to you first.”

“Huh.. how come?” You question, “Do you know her?” a bit of jealousy seeping in your head.

The look you briefly had on was cute. It made him even more satisfied.

“No. The only thing I know about her is that I set up a few things throughout her day today, just to make her all irritated and get her angry at the smallest of things. An example answered my bet in luck by you feeling sleepy this afternoon.”

...Huh??

“..Wait- Fedya, what?” You mutter through a confused expression, “You... why did you do all of that?”

“Mm, don't worry. They were all harmless, and she's physically untouched by such schemes.” Fyodor explains further as if you asked him to, tilting his own head a little. “And I did that... because I wanted your embrace, milaya.”

Your embrace? But he's already getting it right now.

“Am I not giving you such so?” You end up asking, fingers tapping on his shoulder. “And besides, isn't us holding hands already an embrace? As you take me home?”

“My. I foresaw a lot of things, but not your endless questions.” He sighed out, one hand grabbing onto one of your own to press a gentle, almost teasing kiss that led your shoulders to shiver. “I'll be honest with you, do you think we truly get enough time for ourselves when we walk home?”

“When we...” You trail out, your own head following to find an answer to his question.

While it is true you two hold hands throughout the walk, and how you'd give him puppy-like kisses as he leaves you to your doorstep like the gentleman he is — Fyodor is kind of right. He doesn't always get to hang out at your home due to his studying, and you both barely show this much affection in school; now being an only exception.

Wait... now being an only exception. So did that mean he planned all of he said just to get you cradling yourself on him?

“...Are you kidding me?” You end up sighing with an amused smile, Fyodor seemingly glad as he also had one smile of a similar nature. You shake your head, squeezing his hand before letting go of it. “All of that, just for us to end up like this?”

“You'll embarrass me if I say so.” He cooed like a sad boy, you laughing as pink switched your peach. “You're smart, Fyodor, but this is proof that too much smarts can be a little too much.”

The two of you were met in a brief silence as you simply stare at him, your intertwined hands staying as so.

You could stay in this moment forever.

“Y'know.. you don't have to plan around if you just want my embrace.” You start whispering, scooting closer to his lap so both of your chests touched. “I know we can't always show this much affection in school, but you involved a random classmate.” Rather than an explanation did your words sound like a scolding, as if Fyodor didn't know that.

He hummed, “Wasn't my only idea, milaya. Nikolai had a part in planning this too,” smirking a little but kept his expression hidden by guiding your head down to his shoulder, allowing him to press his lips on the side of your head.

You comply to his touch, securing your arms better so you were now leaning on your.. new pillow. You couldn't see his face this way, but it was fine.

“And I bet him calling you earlier was a plan to make me feel touch-starved.” You mumble.

“But doesn't this repay it, (Name)? Or is it lacking for you?” Fyodor teased, his voice making sure that you knew. “Oh, whatever. Just ask next time when you want my embrace.”

Silence met your words at first, the soft wind adding more comfort to the secret little situation you two got going on right now.

Fyodor knew you two should really get going by now, but with a simple glance by the school gate with the help of the window beside you two, as long as the guard was still on his phone, perhaps Fyodor can keep indulging himself in your warm touch that he'd been needy for too long.

A soft chuckle amuses itself as he simply replied, “Okay.” leaving the afternoon colors do all the talk for now as he softly squeezes your body, placing another kiss on your hair.

And just like that, you really couldn't get your focus to have your eyes on the board now.

⚘

[onelocket]

First of all,about the dental procedure you went through,i hope you get well soon,take great care of yourself dear<3

And yeah it's me again,the anemic anon,haha,yet this time i have a rather morbid request, don't worry it's not too freaky,just involves mental stuff.

Gonna leave this for you to brainstorm on after you get better, prioritize yourself :)

Well,the idea is that,Fyodor comes back to the home he shares with his s/o at night,after being outside to attend to whatever he had to.He is greeted with death silence and a gloomy aura at first,and then when he steps into the house further he can hear the heavy breathing getting shaken with slight whimpers.

The thing that happened before was that(well side note I'm not too good at wording things,so I sincerely apologize...) his lover had some type of...breakdown? Episode?I can't really figure out what that is so can't give a proper name, sorry,but it's like your thoughts and "the voices" getting way too loud and pessimistic than they should be,which throws the person over the edge.

The s/o has succumbed to the thoughts and ended up harming themselves to put out the frustration and emotions in a way,banging their head and punching their head and face harshly, they're just now staring at the floor,on the ground,yeah-

Sorry if this was too much in anyway,but to summarize it,I wonder about how things would go when Fyodor came upon a setting like that.

Thank you for reading this far if you did,and take care,i wish you a fast recovery<3

hello anon! thank you so much for your support and i’m better now. don’t worry about requesting anything! i’ll always do them if i think i can write it for you. and i just love your idea! i actually have a very old draft saved that has a similar prompt as yours which is kinda funny,, i really hope you meant it when you say i can brainstorm on this because ahh have i really did... though what you request of fyodor seeing a broken down reader is still promised! your request is posted here for you to see! i’m so sorry this one took too long, but thank you for requesting ♡

[onelocket]

you'll never get rid of me, oh i'm like a fucking disease

fyodor d. x reader

prompting guide -- It's like seeing your lover, but at the same time, it wasn't him. With the way he is, with the way he rocks you back and forth to despair, with the way he separates Fyodor to himself as he spoke, ultimately from the way he treated you. The real Fyodor would never do this to you.

requested by -- a kind anon<3 (click here for more context)

involves -- self-harm, reader seeing and hearing things, fear of abandonment, heavy obsession, light mind breaking?, headcanons of ability crime & punishment - where shibusawa's fog in dead apple is not needed for ability manifestations.

Before you knew it, time became your own enemy instead.

Time? To be somebody's opponent? Such person can only be so foolish.

Had you just been discarding all your other emotions that you’re now dying to at least feel something even when you once tried to throw it all away?

Discomfort, confusion, denial and anger, they all wanted to wash on you repeatedly. Like you were some form of washing machine to these emotions you were so fed up experiencing so often.

But like a normal washing machine… too much of a heavy load can eventually cause it to break.

And finally, it’s as if the grand scheme of terror slowly strikes through you.

Your knees heedlessly press themselves deeper to the soft creamy mattress below your body. Your nails could attack if it wanted to — holding onto the white window sill while you watch the heavy rain suddenly wash down like the world has sinned again.

The rain seemed to be a frequent occurrence nowadays, always greeting you by the window while leaving droplets for you to distract yourself with. Push comes to shove, you could quite say the rain was your only acquaintance left in this small room.

Fyodor had become busier for weeks unnumbered, and the rain didn’t help you understand grasps of how he’d be doing right now.

You couldn’t keep count with how long you’ve been stuck in this home. If it could even be called a home at this point.

Sure did you walk outside from day to day, but somehow each occurrence makes your body shiver — like somebody... no, rather something was watching you every step and turn you took. Regardless of its motives, you ended up isolating yourself with no lover to see.

Yet eventually did you grow tired of it. You just wanted to bash the windows into shattered glass and escape, to find your beloved who you knew didn’t find fond of the wet weather.

But you couldn’t.

If you even dared to think about it, words come to spiral your mind and soul, displeasing words that come from him and only him.

The him who doesn’t like it when you ask or force to escape. The him who hated it when you disobeyed unspoken edicts. While you knew that, could you really just let him continue this nonsense?

"But on the contrary, shouldn't you content at home - away from troubling Fyodor?"

You could still hear his damned voice as if he was right behind you.

“Jeez, just shut up—!” You yelled in a trance, hands slapping the bed sheets as you hastily turn around, hoping to God he wasn’t within centimeters away from you right now.

But he wasn’t even there. Just the closed doors and pretty decorations you’ve memorized it’s locations at this point.

“…For the love of-” You cursed out quietly, pausing as your eyes narrow down at your wrist helplessly pressing themselves on the mattress, your fingers curling your hands into a fist that could quite literally rip the silk if you tried hard enough.

All you needed to know was given… Fyodor's voice was but a sound in your head. And that question had been asked earlier, not right now.

Why were you suddenly hearing his voice in your head today? And he had said so much too. It was annoying at first, but gradually did it make you panic more.

Such a situation has never happened before, in fact you were more focused to being all excited and prepping yourself to look your best both mentally and physically when he comes back. And its not that Fyodor never comes back from time to time just to check up on you, because he really does, ensuring you were safe and well.

Maybe the voice in your head was right - shouldn't you at least feel grateful that he still finds a cut through his day to return and see you? Yet why, why can't I get a grip of myself?

You couldn’t deny you kept thinking and thinking about your beloved — after all, it’s only natural. But recently, his voice really got grasp of your mind. Your attention. Your whole being, in a way you would even dare wish for him to leave you if it meant to stop this madness ringing in your head constantly, night by night.

What's worse was that this voice of his had its own manifestation who'd come out to taunt you — earlier, in these struggling minutes would you see your lover in a darker, almost sinister shade of purple, like an crystalline illusion who looked just like the man you kiss and devote your heart to. A part of you was glad him himself had faded away from both your sight and head, though you also theorized that perhaps is so because of how exhausted you've gotten listening to it.

It's like seeing your lover, but at the same time, it wasn't him. With the way he is, with the way he rocks you back and forth to despair, with the way he separates Fyodor to himself as he spoke, ultimately from the way he treated you.

The real Fyodor would never do this to you.

It hurt that he looked like Fyodor. You couldn't even get angry at it. You couldn't even tell the real Fyodor about it — for he wasn't visiting yet. And you bet he wouldn't be anyway.

"He wouldn’t be so happy to know that his impatient lover started act like this."

"That’s not you missing him anymore, that’s obsession."

"Who would ever want to see such an obsessive, fragile person like you? It's amazing how he still keeps you in his arms and returns to you even if he has zero reason to, milaya."

"Be grateful for him. You wouldn’t want him to come home with an angry face, do you?"

You blench at your minds taunt. If it wasn't him, then it'd be your head next. How amusing.

Those words played through as if it has ever said them to you, as if a flashback. But you knew well it never said such thing earlier. Sure had he said similar things, but these ones felt unheard of. At least to your memory. So why…

"Why… why can’t I get myself together?"

I’m so scared.

What… what happens to me now? Will this voice continue to haunt me?

Fyodor, just please come back.

Your mind couldn’t function — such contradict to what you always least expected when rain said hello. Always, you felt blank and free from worry - but now you felt as if the rain was also hitting your chest, filling you up till you drown even in such a suffocating room. Or could it just be…

Knock knock.

Your breath hitched right the second - eyes widening to the faint noise.

For a moment, you just sat there, eyes glued to the blank walls that you swore was turning darker in your eyes.

"N-No, no! He can’t…" You stuttered out in fear, your knees acting on its own as it recklessly gets off the bed for you to follow without a choice, feeling your heart beat in an abnormal pace.

He can’t be back now, no.

Rather than be so excited and running to see him, you felt as if you don’t even want to see a second of his face plastered with an expression when he sees you so pathetic and 'suddenly' afraid.

You didn’t want even a fleeting moment of seeing anything his appearance possessed — not even if it meant you’d be saved by God. God must be more merciful than that, right? Why can't He let you just get through this problem yourself? You didn't want to look so pitiful to your lover. You didn't want to see the look on his face, what words he could spew out, what-

"Ouch.." Without even waiting for you to do anything about it, you find yourself already on the floor with your knees painfully pressed against that harsh wood. Had you fallen on your knees? But it should've hurt way earlier on, shouldn’t it?

Still, all you found yourself replying to a sudden fall was your fingers lightly clawing on the wooden texture before you feel the whole room go redder and redder.

Feel… as if you could even feel color.

You had to quite literally deny any other thought that was conscious in your mind before you finally, slowly stood up from the floor. Not only were you struggling to speak, your hands were shaking so badly it could quite possibly tear off your own wrists.

God, imagining that was making it worse.

As quick as you try to restrain — the sounds of grains void your mind, making your chest heave at an end corrupted while you just stood there, desperate to scratch any logic in your distressed head.

You can’t fail yourself right now, no, that just wasn’t a choice… you had to do something. Say something, maybe? The rain was even louder than you were right now, and you didn’t like that.

You didn’t like that something you couldn’t control could overpower you.

So back and forth, your eyes went. You looked all around the dull bedroom whilst shakily standing on the singular spot of the wooden floor, a hand needed to press itself on your chest as you couldn’t control even a thought in your mind at its rate.

You couldn't see, hear nor even feel the illusion that crept your head to scream, so what was scaring you? Was it because of that knocking noise just now? Be as that sound may, the only door to this bedroom hadn't clicked an inch, nor was somebody stepping in. Maybe that was also in my head? Ahaha- fuck, I'm making fools out myself.

"Okay— ouch, okay.. c-calm down, it’s fine." You tried reassuring yourself, your body sitting right back on the cushion behind you with your hands clamp desperately on your knees, trying to at least keep your breathing at note.

You lied to yourself. It wasn’t fine at all — none of this was fine, yet if you wanted to get through this some way or another… the last thing you’d want is your heart jumping right out of your throat from all of your fear.

Breathing heavily, your eyes stopped its chase for nothing in hopes to keep you focused and hopefully, somehow find comfort in knowing you were still breathing and in a ‘safe room’, despite a voice in you still leaving a traumatic print to fail the assurance feel genuine.

If anything — perhaps the outside to your window was the safest, but could you really escape when the darkness of tonight threatened you to stay? Not to mention, what could Fyodor do if he finds you suddenly gone? Or worse- he could find me running around like some sick manic.

So you just let your eyes glance back and forth helplessly to keep your head frozen. In this situation, maybe to keep being distracted was for the better of yourself. So back and forth it went until eventually — they reach down to your knees.

"…Blood?" You barely voiced out, "..W-When did…"

Small freckles of blood was staining your exposed knees, which was probably formed from your earlier fall. While your knees weren’t completely bruised, they definitely left some damage. And you didn’t like it. The sight of blood.

Letting a heavy exhale, your hands shift up to touch more of your new little problem, a small whimper escaping you when you feel how bad it stung even if you just pressed a finger on it. It hurt a lot..

But maybe, this could help out. Right?

Too in a trance to even think otherwise, thunder flashes white in your view before your nails began to paw and claw your mild bruises into something nastier and nastier.

Itch by itch, scratch by scratch, you went and kept going — ignoring your hisses of pain as the blood just kept leaking out, dirtying your nails while you just begged for a distraction to keep your head in place.

A part of you tried to snap, saying this wasn’t right.

But was anything right at this point? You didn't want to see your only source of comfort because of a mirror of hallucination taunting you with him, where there was right?

You just needed to forget everything, every noise, every pair of eye that you felt that was watching you, everything. Even if the cost was this.

You fail to listen to yourself, only letting the fear in you fool you into thinking this was fine as you choked up a cry, "G-God… God, fuck, God.." cursing his name like something will come out of it. Despite every cut and scent of something sickeningly rusty metallic that you registered, your head was the only thing that kept hurting you.

What if the voice was right?

What if I'm really not deserving to have Fyodor?

But I've given my everything! From my love, to my patience, my devotion... m-my own soul-

"T-this is all your fault!" You end up yelling out loud, one of your hands punching your knee as the other grabbed onto anything it could — in this case being the bed frame. With how sudden it was however, both hands ultimately end up hurting you; that same hands fingernails grazing onto the wood way too harshly it results in you shrieking in discomfort, like your nail had been sliced off.

"God- damn... it," You gasp out, your hands shakily moving up to your hands as they tremble, one knee bruised starker than the other. But really, both hurt too much. "If only you d-didn't decide to do this to me, maybe t-then I- maybe then I wouldn't be so...!" You kept sobbing out, voice all a strain and struggling as you stand up from the bed, only to fall on the floor — knees first.

Oh, but you had to realize that at some point in this relationship, didn't you?

To know you never were worth Fyodor. Even one bit. Be as you may love him, do you think that'll be enough to exchange his? You love him, so what? You're nothing but a normal person in this world — no abilities, no worth, no purpose. While you knew he was out there changing the world, something you could never do even if you wanted to.

Perhaps Fyodor truly likes to play mock to return the romance you felt to him. Or maybe he found it pitiful — you pitiful, that you decide to hook on love rather than realize your lack of merit.

You couldn't stop your mind regardless of what you seemed to do, head down as you find yourself slowly bending over, resting your head against your arms as you laid there, sobbing your heart out.

Maybe I do need you right now, Fyodor. Please.

.

A silent night came with a quiet click that confirms your lovers return, him taking a short glance at the door whilst his hand kept hold of the doorknob. In his mind had he expected to already see you even by the window, however you were not present. Regardless, it didn't bother him much. Maybe you were in another room, resting.

He turns away from the shut door, continuous with his actions after that brief pause as his hands move to his long black cloak, in plans to take them off. Yet before he would even slide his fingers to pull the soft fabric away, his ears would catch a faint sound in the distance.

Was it you? Fyodor couldn't grasp the noise properly but who else could it be? It was only you two who lived here, after all.

He sighed, dragging the cloak off of his shoulders before deftly hooking it on the standing coat rack, his ushanka hat soon being placed there as well. Right after followed his boots, placing them below the rack; movements graceful, yet somehow in a hurry.

It wasn't exactly ideal — Fyodor preferring to have his belongings inside your shared bedroom, or at least in a closet, but he can do that later.

He wants to see you first. Yet at the same time, what was with this deadly, suffocating silence? If Fyodor was any less, he'd be shaken by the cold and dreary atmosphere. Had you gotten yourself in trouble?

Such questions were almost humbly answered however when another sound catches Fyodor's ears, this time one of a shaky whimper like it overpowered a heavy exhale. Even it dressed as a negative emotion did he easily code down the voice — knowing who it was. Assuredly confirming you were somewhere in this house, his eyes narrowed a little, head now focused on another thing.

So he began to walk, his footsteps hushed yet progressive as he, almost as if without guessing, stopped by the bedroom door. It's quite late at night, so he figured you'd be inside here among the other rooms.

Each step felt like he was creating dents on the floor, Fyodor having to pause as he hears your muffled, discomforted noises against the thick door. He kept his silence, however for the first time did he feel like yours and this homes could overpower his.

Eventually did his hand meet the doorknob, the other giving a firm knock on the door. "(Name)?" He whispered, fingers making the smallest twist to the doorknob. "May I come in?"

Not a single reply takes the honor.

He felt his chest rise, a familiar curl threatening to curve his heart as time felt a little slower now. Barely did you leave your lover unanswered, especially when there's no secret to where you were now.

Fyodor took a deep breath before opening the door, keeping his expression blank. Yours however, was not.

"F-Fyodor..?" You gasp out, eyes widening as you just sit there, shaking fingers pressed on your wet and puffy face. "Fyo-Fyodor... oh.. oh my God.."

He pressed his lips together, simply standing there as he looks at you. Knees bleeding and bruised, hair messy and fingernails dirty. A sight opposite to the warmth he feels with you. Your legs were plopped into a froggy position, back leaning against the bedframe as your chest kept heaving out the pain that wasn't at all released even from the sight of your red and tired eyes — as if you've failed to sleep for days.

And as twisted as it was, it managed to make Fyodor smile. It wasn't sadistic... rather, pleased.

He knew you wouldn't be able to see it amidst your blurry vision after all.

"My milaya, what's wrong?" He cooed, dropping the smile immediately as he walked closer to you. You failed to give him even a grim smile as you stifle, the tears warning to return with an even meaner extent. You try to stutter something, but he denies, "Shh. Come here." crouching down to see your crying face.

You gave no chance to say no to the offer, a hurt whimper escaping your quivering lips as you pretty much pounce on your lover, wrapping your hands around his neck with your fingers too shaky to even try to touch his hair.

Normally would he reply in the second by wrapping his arms around you too, but found himself swiftly catching his palms to coop on your kneecaps, refusing such bruised skin to get even more hurt against the floor which would've definitely grazed on if he didn't do so. He'll admit it hurt, knuckles probably stained with scratches, but that'll bother later.

"Fyodor... Fy-Fyodor, n-nmm.. please," You beg in between hiccups and sobs, head resting against his shoulders as he carefully brings his hands off your knees, watching your legs adjust to bring the wounds to a safer level before he places his hands on your back.

"Let it out." Fyodor simply whispered out to you, one hand lightly caressing your hair. "I-I'm so sorry...!" You squeak out, your cries uncomfortably rising themselves louder as you were a hundred percent sure it had already stained his white clothing, but oh did nothing feel important when his hands kept hold of you.

You were able to feel his position shift as he sat down on the floor, bringing you to lean on him. You took his silence as a reply to keep going, but either way would've you done so even if he spoke again. So you rant out, "P-please, Fyodor I- I beg of you, p-please keep loving me... I-I'll do anything, oh- oh my God I'd do anything.. just please," and albeit you didn't see — your words had successfully made Fyodor's eyes widen.

Such broken voice... it paired up with your damaged state like a small dish served on a small plate, it's consumer being your own lover.

Oh how he loved to see it so much, your body and soul aching to be with him even to the point it derives to cuts like these. But perhaps it is what made him love you more.

"I'm here now." He voices out, rubbing your back comfortably as he presses soft, continuous kisses on the top of your head. "It's okay, milaya. Don't apologize." He hushes, words short but able to aid you solace.

Had he not foreseen your situation then maybe would he say more, but alas... such so are all what he says as only your cries respond to his actions, and he returns it with a loving, quiet embrace.

..

Once he had felt your body weight depend on him, Fyodor tilts his head a little — seeing your pretty eyes away from his view with your eyelids fluttered shut. Your stifling had downed and so did your heavy breathing, your heartbeat catchable pressed against Fyodor's own chest. Perhaps now would be right to patch you up and tend you to bed, but he couldn't bring his body to do so right now.

Keeping you close, his attention eventually turned away as his eyes met the open window right in front of you two, only bordered by the shared bed. Who sat there? Well.. a sight in purple, dressed exactly like who held you in his arms.

Who, unknown to you, is none other than his ability; a manifestation of what the world feared of Fyodor.

He was as if crystal — transparent... yet somehow physical as he tilts his head to Fyodor, ushanka hat slightly shifting.

"Enlighten me." He whispered, voice as if an echo with the way it delivers. "Why am I helping you when they're clearly missing you?"

Your lover started with a small smile, one of which was a more expressive version of his previous one as he places a hand behind your head, gently pulling you closer to him. "Have you forgotten? Crime and punishment are close acquaintances. Once crime is chosen, punishment is acted upon regardless if one deserved it."

The other party kept quiet, eyes narrowing as he took stare of you and your lover; or rather, crime. It wasn't like he didn't know what to say, rather he expected more words out of Fyodor's mouth. And Fyodor saw that in his expression.

So your lover continued after a second of glancing at your hair, "My love might hint them more value in my eyes, but they still lie on my side of the chess board. They may be the queen or the king — the strongest or the most important one as they wish to see themselves, however it is I who still has them to own.. and I will make sure they don't forget. It's as simple as so."

"My, you cannot fool all with your lacy, twisted words." His ability replied, a comparative smile apparent in his face as one hand moves down to the window sill, a finger tapping on the smooth wood.

"You are incapable of true happiness no matter who you are with, no matter what assurance or promise they tell you. Once important to you, your possession and obsession will seek, covering your desires as something for the better. Better for whom? Themselves, or for your own affirmation?"

Fyodor's ability both sounded serious and amused. It was impossible to read the truth that seeped in his voice. Well, if you heard it, at least. To Fyodor however would he hum to softly, sharp eyes watching the sat down manifestation as predicted as much with its words.

The manifestation was right after all. To hear and see you so pathetic wasn't Fyodor's favorite thing in the world, but if it was for him, acquainted with your voice begging him to keep loving you for you would devotedly give yours? Well, one things for sure, he had planned this out.

Possessively would Fyodor keep his hand behind the back of your head, his other hand now travelling to meet your waist as he hugged you, sharp eyes up at the copy of which categorized as his ability with a small, perhaps sarcastic smile whilst he pressed a fleeting kiss on your hair with a quiet chuckle, confirming your slumber despite the shared exchange of words about you.

"Hm, is this your way of reprimanding your own user? I don’t see anyone moved by it — especially with them sleeping in my arms, neglecting the fact that it is the main crime holding them like the object they committed for."

Besides, everyone needs a little assurance in their life. Even in ways most wouldn't do, all just to see if the other meant it.

And to see you meant it only gave him the more reason to be obsessed. Or in your words, to love you.

⚘

[onelocket]

𝑺𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒐𝒍 / bsd smau

chapter ii, act iii. this isn’t a normal university at all!!!

synopsis -- after that conversation with fyodor, you find yourself once again needing to rant and cry on sigma’s shoulder in panic of what all of these situations have got to taunt on you. but before you can even start to let out your thoughts, a ‘new’ face shows up, and it’s really as if you only got sigma in this school at this point. well… sort of (you hoped).

highly suggested to click here for summary of this smau

previous - chapter ii, act ii. what’s got you so pent up?

next - act iv. here’s a lecture,

taglist - @iruc @rabioa @stuffeddeer @nijirosz @dazaisbloodybandages ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

[onelocket]

once again, greetings,anemic anon again lol

Just wanted to check up on you,how do you feel,both mentally and physically,how have things been going,have you been eating and drinking decently and well?

aw hello anemic reader! it's great to see you in my inbox again :D thank you so much for asking, i've been kinda sleepy these days but other than i'm alright, i've been eating properly and i hope you're doing the same (´⌣`ʃƪ) always take care of yourself anon, prioritize yourself every day. thank you for asking ♡