onekoda04

[onekoda04]

When I ask you ‘How are you?’

All you say is ‘fine’ and ‘good’.

But I’m not blind, I feel it too

Like hurricane is inside you

You think a lot, but feel a little

Struggling too much among these people,

Who act so selfish and don’t mind

To hurt someone or make them cry

It’s hard to breath, my heart is pumping,

The vision blurred, so I’m in panic.

No one to care, no one to save,

I’m all alone and by myself

‘I’m fine’, I’ll tell myself.

‘I’m good’, and I’ll repeat.

I’ll go through it, I always do.

There’s no one I will ever need

That’s how it works, the thing called ‘life’.

You have to learn how to survive.

It’s not that easy, never was,

But I will help you, there’s a clause.

You never cut, and never smoke,

And don’t you ever drink a lot.

You never give a second chance,

They don’t deserve it, not at once

Just let me in, tell me what hurts.

I will fill in what you have lost.

I was there too, I saw it all.

I’ll help you, dear, you’re not alone

T. 6.05.2024

[onekoda04]

Years later I am still pissed

And by pissed I mean heart shattered

That you are not here next to me

Best fucking friend

And narcissist

And deeply disturbed

And hurting human that you were

Things have changed

And I have the most beautiful souls by my side now

But something important happens and I still want to call you first

- it was supposed to be you

[onekoda04]

"To My Best Friend"

You were the one,

At least I thought so.

You made me laugh

And made me sob too.

It seemed like dream -

Just two of us.

We always scream and always laugh.

We were the ones to make the fuss,

To make the stories to discuss.

My heart was beating really fast

When you were here before the mast.

You made me feel like no one did,

Like I’m the one and only kid,

Who’s loved the most, and cared a lot,

Like I’m the centre of this World.

But now it’s gone, completely lost.

You chose to play me, so I’m tossed.

That one last kiss was like a treasure,

And then comes ghosting and depression.

You left me wondering and broken,

How can a person be so rotten.

I never thought of suicide,

But now I do, and even tried.

My life lost sense, I wanna die.

I am in pain, I always cry.

All I can think is you and me.

I’m locked in hell, where is the key?

I have to fight, I have to live.

I won’t be ever so naive.

Or I will? Or I will not.

Who knows the future of this plot.

I need to bottle up my feeling,

It will be the first step of healing.

Fake smiles, laughs and all that stuff

Will never open up my bluff.

It’s always easier to lie

When someone asks if I’m alright.

I’ll tell them I’m okay, I’m fine,

When all I want is sink in wine.

My heart will never make a thud,

Because you covered it in blood.

The blood is red, the sky is blue,

But I would live through it, I knew.

You weren’t first, but you were last

To ruin my life like a bomb blast.

I’ll never trust a man, how dare I?

To let someone make my soul bare.

I might be happy, even kind

But it’s all lost and I’m destined.

I’ll never be the same, it’s true.

I dedicate my life to you

T. 16.04.2024