oncleberns

[oncleberns]

we got this new line of lingerie at work and my boss pointed out that it looks like Marge Simpson had to keep tailoring her Chanel suit into sluttier and sluttier outfits and it's all I can think about

[oncleberns]

the eise eisinga planetarium in franeker, the netherlands, the oldest working planetarium in the world. located inside the former home of eise eisinga

[oncleberns]

didn’t think this would end with shrek but i absolutely love that it did.

Frodo may be Bilbo’s actual adopted nephew, but Merry and Pippin are his younger cousins, and Sam is his old gardener’s son whose family he clearly has a soft spot for and who he taught to read and write, and Gimli is the son of one of his old adventuring friends, and Legolas is, similarly, the son of the Elvenking who named him an elf-friend, and we know Aragorn is canonically his friend as well, who he very possibly could have met as a small child in Rivendell when he passed through, so really, like 7/9 members of the Fellowship are people he can employ weird elderly relative (or the honorary equivalent thereof) energy on if he wants to and I think that’s very powerful.

[oncleberns]

Gigantic 16th century sculpture known as Colosso dell’Appennino, or the Appennine Colossus located in the park of Villa Demidoff (just north of Florence, Italy). It was erected in 1580 by Italian sculptor Giambologna (1529-1608, Italy).

[oncleberns]

well fuck meeeeeeee UP, father sunshine. jeez louise!

“From all sour faced saints, deliver me O’ Lord. I don’t want to be with a grouch, a crab, a crocodile in a moat. The grumps are a small minority. But they’re vocal. Yes, the grumps are vocal. They have unresolved things, maybe from their childhood. They’re not disconnected from God. But they’re wrestling with him. Not a bad thing, mind you. Not a bad thing. But I want to hang out with people who enjoy life. At home I have a sunshine file; it’s just a plastic box. Inside are all the letters people have written me over the years: teenagers in the youth group, widows who lost their husbands. People who I was able to make a difference in their life. For two years I was chaplain on the children’s ward of the cancer hospital. What can you say? You can’t explain why some things happen. Only that it’s a mystery. And a mystery is reality, imbued with God’s presence. One Christmastime there was a ten-year old girl from Ireland, dying of leukemia. All this girl wanted was a Cabbage Patch Doll. Ugliest doll you’ve ever seen in your life, seventy-five dollars. Seventy-five dollars! And sold out everywhere. The mother told me:’ I’ve looked in every store.’ That same day a family from my parish asked what I wanted for Christmas. I say: one Cabbage Patch Doll, and two walkie talkies. They said: ‘Father, are you sure?’ I told them: ‘Yes I’m sure. I was a kid once too!’ The Cabbage Patch Doll went to the little girl. Then I gave one walkie-talkie to her, and one to her twin brother. So they could speak while she was in isolation. After she passed away the mother wrote me a letter. I keep it in my sunshine file. It said: ‘Those walkie-talkies were the best medicine she ever had.’”

[oncleberns]

Haiku, Alex Krokus

[oncleberns]

Unbelievable.

[oncleberns]

I hate the suburbs so much it’s unreal bro

[oncleberns]

back to reblog this! coworker came back from clinic and announced queen was dead to me and seemed to expect some sort of reaction. she was sorely disappointed.

Holy shit the onion is going all in

[oncleberns]

[oncleberns]

800 years ago at All Saints Church in Hereford, England, a skillful carpenter carved this gentleman high up in the dark roof where nobody could see him. Five years ago they built an extra floor with bright lights for a restaurant.

[oncleberns]

I scream, QimmyShimmy

[oncleberns]

sue ellen is 100% shopping in the nude.

Obsessed with whatever is happening in my hometown’s facebook group. 

[oncleberns]

signal boost to every single pedestrian in LA.

[oncleberns]

Showgirls Playing Chess Between Shows at the Latin Quarter Nightclub in New York. Photo by Gordon Parks, 1958.

[oncleberns]

it’s fun hearing opinions about having kids

from motherfuckers who don’t have kids

SHUT THE FUCK UP