oncewastaciturn

[oncewastaciturn]

Secrets and Lies

Cody: [I had been back for a week. A whole week. I probably had @SkirtsTheLine shitting bricks because I had implied I was headed straight where she didn’t want me after our encounter in her office too. But even my crazy ass knew running straight into the lion’s den with no plan was a bad idea. I’m sure I had way more enemies than friends left now. And if I was honest, I wasn’t sure which side of the fence @WordOnTheRocks fell. Regardless, she was most of the reason I was back. Seeing her was happening. Even if it meant getting my nose broken by her. Or that bat I had left with her. Just the thought had me cringing as I sat tucked down the alley across from the bar.

Honestly, I still didn’t have a great plan that meant I wouldn’t end up bleeding. But I at least was going to make sure that she was the one working when I did finally make my appearance. If I had any chance of someone not shooting me on sight, no questions asked, it was going to be her. Maybe…

I had spent every night of the week casing out the bar. Seeing who I could pretty much expect to see in there, when was going to be the best time to show up, and more importantly what nights @WordOnTheRocks was there. All that planning went out the window though, as I watched that cumguzzling prospect flirting with her as she stepped outside for some fresh air on her break. There was a voice in the back of my head that told me I was a dumbass. I should calm down and wait a little longer. Devise a better plan. Figure out something decent to say. But clearly, I had a penchant for making snap decisions that weren’t always the best.

As soon as I saw her disappear back into the bar, that motherfucker hot on her heels, I fired my bike up and practically flew across the street into the parking lot. Sliding my bike in next to a familiar black one with silver flames, my heart was pounding with adrenaline as I killed the engine again, and kicked down the stand.

I vaguely made note of the fact that it was late enough that there weren’t a ton of people around. So at least that was working in my favor. As I walked the few steps over to the door, unzipping my jacket, I attempted to take a few breaths to calm the jealousy that coursed through my veins. Swinging the door open, my eyes instantly seeking her out in her spot behind the bar]

Ivy: Kurtis, I'm cutting you off. This isn't going to happen between us. You and your buddies pay your tab and call it a night.

*I didn't know which was worse. The fact that pretty boy Kurtis was playing dress up and followed me out here while I had Tiny cover for me or the fact that he was an actual prospect for the club now with a new name. "Actually, I like Rick better. Short for Richard."*

As in slick Rick?

*My poor eyes almost rolled right out of my head. This couldn't be my life now, could it? There had to be at least three of them that walked in with him, two of which knew me well. And one that stuck their neck out, along with their bike, by vouching for him. They knew the history of my family and this place. Harrison's home away from home had become mine and as I blew out another breath, popping my neck, I began to head back inside, with my break now over. "You know they told me you were damaged goods but I didn't believe them." Damaged goods. How appropriate, convenient even for him since all I had to do was twist the knob to be let inside. Like the verbal knife he used to stab me with, I had to release that sucked in breath as I gathered what was left of my bearings and spoke with my words being final. There was no room for negotiations ever..*

Kurtis, I suggest you stop while you're ahead before you lose yours. You're drunk.

*Flinging the alley door wide open, I didn't turn to look back but knew he had followed me in. My every intention to cash him out fell to the wayside when I saw Tiny laughing it up with the other guys from the club. Why was I not surprised..* Alright, alright, enough! *Taking my place behind the bar, I relieved him of his drink slinging duties. Afterall, he was a better bouncer honestly, not to mention a stand-in father figure and a voice of reason when I had enough of @TheLastCallKing's shit. He really was a jack of all trades.*

Is there anything else we can get you boys?

*"You mean beside my man here a chance? Nah, we're about to head out. What gives, Ivy? Ain't like you got any more prospects lining up and here I was throwing you a damn bone." Laughter. Loud and like nails down a chalkboard, it hadn't registered that Tiny was speaking low against my ear. The bat was just within my reach under the counter when I felt his gentle grip on my shoulder, trying to ease me down off my cliff. He could sense the powder keg about to blow but nothing could have prepared me for what chimed the bar door open next. The laughter, finally dying down when I locked eyes with a ghost from my own Christmas past. My mental trigger had been pulled. The pin was yanked and the grenade was tossed onto the open floor that was once considered my brother's bar. Now, it was a landmine.* No..

*It was a simple but complex word that held several meanings behind it. However, considering the current state of fucked up events that could have happened to yours truly, I found myself yelling before my mind finally caught up.* We're closed. Everybody fucking out! Except you, @OnceWasTaciturn…

Cody: [There was a brief second of relief when I saw that you didn’t look the least bit amused by the guy in question. But then I caught wind of what they were saying. I had barely stepped inside the door and my fists were already clenching at my sides. Mentally, I was already across the bar and punching the shit out of them. But before I could make a move, your voice cut through the angry haze that was surrounding me. “We're closed. Everybody fucking out! Except you, Cody.” My gaze locked with yours, I only made one slight move to the side of the doorway to make room for the fucktard trio to exit]

Ivy: *Even as I yelled there was still a part of me that thought I was dreaming. Watching @OnceWasTaciturn step to the side was the only indication I had that he was as real as Kurtis and his friends were as they dragged ass to leave. Not fast enough for my liking either.* Did I fucking stutter? OUT!

*Smashing the near empty bottle of Jack against the bar, I sent any hesitation the rest of our audience might have had right out the door along with them when they all finally scattered like goddamn cockroaches. Wishing I could have stomped on a few myself as I rounded the bar, I failed to realize I still had the broken bottle in my hand when I stopped short of you just a few feet within my grasp.* Nothing? You have nothing to say? What the fuck are doing here? *How long had I waited for this moment? How many times did I play it over and over again in my head? The damn therapist couldn't even get me to utter your name let alone talk about what happened. To me, to us. Somehow though with you standing right in front of me, everything I had held in, everything I had smothered to death inside where you were concerned was suddenly breaking the surface. Boiling over and the only way to potentially stop it was utterly up to you.*

Cody: [I couldn’t help the smirk that graced my face when you chased them out like you did. I didn’t have to do a damn thing. And wasn’t that the beauty of you? You could always hold your own. No matter the situation. My eyes swept from head to toe and back up again when you rounded that bar. I was well aware of the sharp object in your hand. But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to care.] I was waiting for your friends to clear out. [smirks again as you step closer] I thought I’d drop by and say hi since I’m back. [The way the fire in your eyes snapped told me that was the exact wrong thing to say. In case I hadn’t already deduced that.] You look good…

Ivy: Fuck. You. *"You look good.." Was he serious? My grip tightened on the neck of the busted bottle. So damn tight I thought I would shatter what was left of it. Ice formed in my veins at the mention of "my friends” only to thaw out faster than a viper could strike at the severity of the situation at hand. Back? There was no way he was back and if he was, it was all for not because as soon as he smirked again, I brought the busted bottle with jagged edges full of bad decisions up as a warning to his throat. Every single one of them, crystal clear as I allowed my emotions to rule. If only for a moment.* Does anyone else know you're here or did I win the grand prize? *It was simple enough. His answer would seal his death warrant one of two ways. Now or later.*

Cody: [I shouldn't be turned on right now. Shouldn’t. But I was. If you didn’t have that sharp glass inches from my jugular, I might’ve taken my chances and backed you into the nearest wall. But even with most of the blood now residing down south, I had a couple of brain cells left that told me I should hold still. The question now though was how truthful to be. My mind scrambled for how to answer you. You weren’t an idiot. You would know I was full of shit if I said absolutely no one knew I was here. So, I threw her on the altar for sacrifice] Evie knows. [I registered Tiny standing just off to the left, but other than him, we were alone.] I had to make sure the badges wouldn’t haul me off before I could get to you…

Ivy: *"Ivy..." I heard the hitch in his voice when he said my name. The only problem was that I wasn't sure if it had been Tiny that said it or you. Blood had begun to trickle as one sharp edge pierced skin. The cut wasn't deep. Yet.. But it did serve its purpose in bringing us all full circle now, didn't it? @SkirtsTheLine knew. You had said as much and seeing how it had been literally forever since I saw her last, I knew with the way things had ended between us, she wasn't about to give me a head's up. Stepping in closer when you let out a hiss, I was practically nose to nose with you. That old familiar scent of yours filling my senses when I breathed you in came with a price. One that I wasn't about to pay as the next set of words left my lips. My anger renewed.* Don't you dare say you did all this just to see me. You knew what you were giving up when you left. You have no idea what that decision cost me! *And there it was. Cat now out of the bag, I watched as you stood down until you didn't. Taking that first step toward me, that edge pierced deeper, and I narrowed my eyes as blood began to drip now, coating the back of my hand.* Did you even think of that.. Of course you didn't.

Cody: [When you stepped closer, that sharp edge dug into my skin causing me to hiss through my teeth. I knew you would be pissed. But I wasn’t here to fight you. My original plan was to let you get it out of your system. That was until you said that last thing. Now, sharp object at my neck be damned. I lifted a brow, stepping closer to you.] Didn’t I? You ever think how much more you would’ve lost had I stayed? Bet you didn’t. But I promise you, baby, it would’ve rocked your whole world.

Ivy: You! You were my whole world! I didn't give a damn about the club! *The words lost their luster as I felt Tiny's strong arms circle me from behind, effectively disarming the threat that was me when he lifted my ass up. Blinded by my own rage, I hadn't seen him come up but you had. Watching in disbelief, you took that step forward back and it set me off again, this time, my aim anywhere my feet and hands would land. The broken bottle, now a thing of the past along with my loyalty to the club that had taken everything from me. My parents.. and now you, representing the last straw. "Breathe, Ivy. You have to keep calm because when word gets back that he's here..." He didn't get to finish his sentence. Before I could protest again for him to put me down in walks @TheLastCallKing from the back with @SkirtsTheLine in tow.* What the fuck is she doing here? *Maybe it was a good thing Tiny was still holding me up because sure as the day I was born, I would have gone after her next. Instead, I was demanding an explanation. Fucking traitors the whole lot of them were.*

Cody: [I risked a glance at Tiny when he grabbed hold of you. It was an odd feeling. Because a part of me wanted to demand he take his hands off of you. But the part of me that realized it would be difficult to reason with my neck completely sliced open won out, and I let it be. My eyes returning to yours] I was always going to come back for you… [The rest of my response died on my lips when I heard two more sets of feet joining our shit storm. Harrison I expected. Evie, not so much.] Fuck… [Now I had two sets of pissed off female glares burning me alive in the place where I stood]

Harrison: [I should have known I would be underdressed. Seeing @SkirtsTheLine all dolled up in the number she was wearing when I picked her up, was the first sign I was in trouble but at the time I flat out didn’t care. The woman was smoking hot. The way her heels hit the pavement with those hips swaying back and forth in that tight dress left a permanent grin on my face that lasted all through dinner. I didn't so much mind the tie and jacket then after the last-minute purchase, admiring how the sight of it made her eyes light up like they did now. It was cute how she thought she was being discreet with those fuck me eyes of hers. "You know we could have gone somewhere else, Harrison." Nonsense. That's what I had told her at the time, and I meant it. Even as the host cleared his throat, obviously scared to mention the dress code, I was quick to cut the chit chat short where he was concerned and had you wait for me as I popped in across the street to buy half a monkey suit in royal blue. Paid in cash and in a hurry, I took the half block back across the street in time for the wait staff to get our table ready, leaving the tie loose. "Sir.. I um.." The look I gave said zip it if you want a tip that wasn't verbal. My silent suggestion paid off because after that, we were flying high on prime rib and a bottle of wine. The evening, going off without any further hitches until it was time to round up the check with my intentions made plain as day when I offered her a nightcap back at my place. Knowing full well that @WordOnTheRocks would be long gone by the time we got there, I had already made up my mind that @SkirtsTheLine wasn't going home any time soon. Unless home meant between my bed sheets for the night, our time together was ending on a high note or with the sun coming up. That was until my cell blew up with a 911 text from Tiny. Which only served to make my foot hit the gas that much faster once we were in the car, not knowing what to expect until I saw @OnceWasTaciturn bike in my parking spot in the alley.] This motherfucker.. [Fuck! Looking at @SkirtsTheLine, I threw open the door and got out, taking her hand in mine as she rounded the SUV and we made it up to the back of the bar just in time to hear my sister losing her shit. Fantastic. Without further ado, I opened the door to the fresh hell that awaited us, stepping inside and into someone else bullshit that was now becoming my own.]

Evie: ::As if @TheLastCallKing wasn’t already hot in his cut. Nothing fully prepared me for how he’d look in a jacket and tie. The problem with him is that he made me lose my mind a little. Normally, I’m well organized and plan way ahead for everything. But when he entered the picture, it all went out the window. Reason number 894 why he was a dangerous man for me to be getting wrapped up in. And also, the reason why it had slipped my mind to warn him about the dress code at the restaurant. It wasn’t until we were standing in front of the host who instantly went red that I remembered. I’m sure he had to remind people of the dress code on several occasions. But none of those people had been Harrison. I stole another glance, taking in just how powerful his presence was with a smirk. If I was honest, I didn’t care if we went to McDonald’s. His company was enough for me. And I was just opening my mouth to suggest we go elsewhere when he insisted I sit tight while he remedied the situation. With a shrug, I took a seat on one of the cushioned benches off to the side of the host’s stand, offering him a smile as we waited. The relief on his face that he didn’t have to go toe to toe with Harrison was priceless.

The rest of the evening had gone off without a hitch. Even if the sight of him was causing me to squirm a little in my seat. That is until that text came in. I knew instantly when the grin fell from his face that something was up. Dropping my eyes to the phone in his hand as my inquisitive nature took over, I willed myself to be able to read the message through the back of the phone. When that obviously didn’t work out, I brought my eyes back up to his face, that tick in his jaw had picked up. Something I had noticed about him when we were younger. You always knew the gravity of the situation based on if you saw that tick in Harrison’s jaw.

My anxiousness grew as we flew through the streets at high speeds. He still hadn’t told me much other than he needed to get back to the bar immediately. Had I been thinking clearly, I might’ve suggested I find my own way home. If there had been a brawl or some other sort of “accident,” my being there was not going to be a good thing. All questions flew out of my mind the second that I saw that bike parked in the parking space. An instant knot formed in my stomach, and I wondered if I now had my own tick working in my jaw. Fucking Cody. Why was he such an imbecile? As soon as the car came to a stop, I was out and around the front of it as fast as my heels could carry me, saying a silent prayer that I wasn’t about to walk into a homicide.::

Ivy: *One second I was up in the air and the next, I was on shaky ground. "I was always going to come back for you…" Empty promises that once again cut like a knife. Whether they were famous or his last, the words were on repeat still in my mind as I ditched the broken glass once Tiny let me go. Backing up, I didn't stop until my body hit the bar and as I reached for a barstool to steady myself with, a sick determination to make someone pay came roaring to life. Suddenly my sights landed on all three of them that seemed to circle me now and for different reasons. Each betrayal struck harder than the last, Cody and then Evie, even my brother, whose every move was carefully calculated so as not to make me blow up again, was not spared from my wrath. I was never one to be caged.* Somebody better start talking already! *So many questions. And by the way they were all looking to one another as if to ask where to start, my patience became nonexistent. I was about to blow just when I heard the all too familiar sound of a hammer being cocked back and my gaze flicked to Harrison. I knew that sound from anywhere.*

Harrison: [It all happened so fast..In the blink of an eye really. Where they had gone from surprised, questioning glances to all talking at once, I reaffirmed our plans in a matter of seconds. Long enough to release a breath I had been holding before allowing the chaos to ensue because let's face it, the time had come. That's right...the time, whether I wanted it to be or not, was now. In that instant, all of our lives were about to be forever changed and as I made the pass along all three of their faces, I knew right then Ivy was never going to forgive me. She wouldn't understand the lengths I had to go to in order to get us here. What I, and so many others, had done to guarantee her safety for our very protection had been at stake. Finally, I locked eyes with my own flesh and blood, willing if I could, my apologies for ever letting this become our life. For not getting her out sooner. Every regret I ever had seemed to make an appearance before my eyes, dancing then in those last minute split decisions. The sentiment was lost and fell on deaf ears however as I let my eyes flash to Cody's and in those final moments, he had to know it was coming. From the look of defeat that seemed to ripple like waves across his face, I gave the order and nodded my head as if to bid him a farewell with promise to see him on the other side.]

Cody: [For three people that were for sure on completely different pages in the chaos that was that moment, we all seemed to soundlessly agree that Ivy was our focus. I gave zero fucks what the driving force was for Harrison or Evie. I knew the second that Harrison walked in, my time was limited. He was about to close out this pow wow in one way or another and I was desperate to get through to her before he did. Problem was she was far from the point of reasoning. A lioness being backed into a corner and ready to claw her way out. Swallowing thickly as my eyes flicked over to Harrison’s face, his attention still on his sister, but even still I could read his thoughts plain as day which caused my heart rate to kick up again. This time not from jealousy and anger but something else. Something I questioned even having the ability to feel in the past.

It was like one of those shitty slide shows they ran in elementary school now. That loud ticking of the machine replaying every wrong decision I had made in my life that brought me to this exact moment. I’d already been through one end to my existence here in New York. But this one struck a little harder. The knife twisting in my gut as I humbled myself enough to want to plead for just a few more seconds. To do what? I wasn’t sure. But those were seconds I was never going to get. I caught the brief nod of Harrison’s chin in Tiny’s direction. A silent command followed by the cocking of a gun that caused my whole body to begin to shake. That was until the loud boom of the first shot rang out, and I stumbled forward with the force of the connection. My eyes wide as saucers as I gasped to catch my breath. Then the second deafening shot rang out a split second before the searing pain ripped through me. My hand instinctively flying up to touch the source of the fire ripping through my veins. When I pulled my hand away, I looked dumbly down at the sticky redness that coated it for what seemed like forever waiting for my mind to catch up. But before it could, the world tilted on its axis. The room becoming like a bad trip full of wrong colors and wiggly lines where there should be straight shelves. Vaguely I could hear the screams, words being shouted in a language I no longer recognized as I stumbled a couple of steps and began to fall. Vision going black before I even hit the ground]

Evie: ::Seething. I was seething with rage over Cody and the stupid decisions he was addicted to making. I had put my neck on the line for him. It had cost me one of my longest friendships. And this, this was how he repaid me. He shows back up with a freaking death wish. If I had the ability to set someone on fire with just my glare, he would be a ball of flames as I approached. He knew it too. He barely kept my gaze for seconds before he reverted back to Ivy.

As the tension in the room grew more and more my instincts were telling me that I definitely shouldn’t be here. This whole crowd of people was proving to be a bad influence on me. So much for my speeches to my sister that I would not be getting mixed up in the chaos that was this lifestyle. They were all welcome to call me when they needed representation. But that was supposed to be the extent of my connection to all of this.

In an effort to calm my nerves, I reminded myself that Harrison had pretty much assured me that Cody’s blood wouldn’t end up on his hands. Which would ultimately put it on mine too. Blowing out a calming breath with that reassurance in mind, I took a step forward to try and defuse the situation. I hadn’t even heard the cocking of the gun before that deafening boom rang out. A horrified scream slipped from my lips only to be cut off by a second shot. I locked eyes with Harrison briefly, and I saw all I needed to see there. He had lied to me. Of course he did. Why did I think that somehow I would be the exception to his ways? Torn between slapping the shit out of him and running to Cody’s aid, my decision was made for me as he began to fall.

Ivy and I, both working in unison, ran forward. The sickening thud of dead weight hitting the ground followed by the growing pool of blood beneath him had my stomach turning. Ivy reached him just a second before me and began attempting to turn him from his side to his back:: No, don’t move him. I don’t think you’re supposed to move him… ::I reached for her hands to try and stop her only to be shoved away, falling on my ass as the skirt of my dress soaked up some of the blood around us. I attempted to right myself only to feel a strong set of arms pulling me to my feet. Something I was grateful for as my heels slipped in the blood. Until I realized it was Harrison who had pulled me up and not Tiny. Now it was my turn to do some shoving. Slipping and sliding in the blood some more, I put distance between me and the new source of all my ire. I shot him a warning glare not to get near me again. My only word:: Don’t. ::My next move was something else I vowed I wouldn’t do. But I knew if I didn’t, I would never forgive myself. Digging in my purse for my phone, I pulled up the keypad with shaking fingers when I heard a grunt and looked up to see both Harrison and Tiny plucking Cody from the ground now. The two of them making it look effortless as they moved with a surprising speed to take his lifeless body away. Now Ivy was the one screaming, demanding to know where they were taking him. The look that Harrison gave her meant business and to my surprise, she stopped dead in her tracks. Hell, no. Now, it was my turn to go after them, my phone still clutched in my hand only for Harrison’s deadly serious gaze to land on me. His eyes flicking only briefly down to the phone in my hand before locking with mine again. “Evelyn. Don’t.” With that, I watched them disappear while I stood rooted in my spot, clutch on the phone so tight I was sure I was going to break it::

[oncewastaciturn]

Damn, I loved that hat

[Being cautious was getting really old. I knew I had agreed to a life of playing it safe when I signed up for this deal, but I was bored out of my mind. I had retired to the bunkhouse when my boss dismissed me for the day. There was nothing on TV and I’d read all the books his wife had stocked the bookshelf with twice. Even the shitty ones that clearly were chosen by their kids. So there I sat on the edge of the bed, lazily strumming at my guitar. My eyes drifted to the window when I spotted movement outside, my restless feeling growing even more as I watched their teenage daughter leaving. Great. I was jealous of the life of a teenager. It was at that moment that I wondered for the first time if it would really be that bad were I to be found. At least my death would be interesting. With a sigh I sat the guitar down on the bed. I couldn’t spend another night cooped up in this bunkhouse. One night of throwing caution to the wind couldn’t hurt that much, right?

I bet even if they did find me, they’d just leave me here. A life like this was probably more gruesome than anything they could dream up to do to me. I grabbed my hat from the table and deposited it on my head, snatching my keys from the hook by the door, and hurried out to my truck before I could think better of it. I drove aimlessly around the kitschy downtown square, rolling my eyes at the “hot spot” bar/club/grill/whatever the fuck they wanted to classify it as to suit their needs. That was definitely not going to be a good time. After a couple more rounds of the square and a few sideways looks from the people standing on the streets, I finally settled on the hole in the wall bar tucked in the corner of one of the less populated parts of the square.

I sat in my truck for another five minutes just staring at the door to the bar. Not exactly the excitement I was hoping for, but at least I could have a few drinks. Once inside, I took a seat at the bar, flagging the bartender over, and nodding with a polite grin when he recognized me as the “fella that works for Harry”, a lot better than some of the other things I’ve been recognized for in my life] Yes, sir. That’s me. [He launched into a story about Harry, me offering the appropriate hums and oh yeah’s before he finally took my whiskey order. It was a sleepy little bar with just a few patrons scattered throughout. An old man was half dead at the other end of the bar with his forehead resting in his arms. I mumbled to myself] Please let them find me and do their worst before I live out my final days like that…

[I shook my head then turned to look at the door squeak announcing a new person entering the bar, sitting up a little straighter as I took her in. My eyes doing a slow sweep from head to toe before finally coming to rest on her crimson lips. I licked my own lips instinctively, leaning a little closer to listen when she spoke to the bartender, a part of me wondering what brought her to this sleepy bar. Maybe she was asking for help. Maybe her car broke down as she was passing through. I knew my way around a car, and was ready to offer my services if that were the case. There was a weird mixture of disappointment when she just ordered a drink and excitement that she was staying that shot through my body. I threw back the last of my drink then relocated myself to the stool next to hers. The smile she gave me when I sat down was all the encouragement I needed. The conversation flowed freely between us, and so did the drinks. Before long we were stumbling our way the few blocks to her hotel. Barely allowing the door to close behind us before the clothes started falling off. The next morning, I slowly blinked my eyes open, furrowing my brows at the unfamiliar room, my heart skipping a beat at the feminine sigh I heard next to me.

Cautiously I turned my head to see a mess of golden locks spilled across her face. I watched for a few seconds to see if she would say anything then let out a slow breath, allowing my eyes to drift a little lower. The bad news was that all the good parts were covered, but the good news was that the thin sheet left little to the imagination. The smirk fell from my face and my eyes quickly snapped back up to her face as she began to stir. I laid very still as she brushed the hair out of her face, her eyes going wide at the sight of me. The odd emotion playing across her face causing my body to flood with remorse. Yep. Time to go. I sat up carefully, doing my best not to accidentally pull the sheets from her, blindly feeling for my jeans. I glanced over my shoulder, relieved to see her scrambling for her own clothes and used the opportunity to quickly slip my pants on, making quick work of fastening them and my belt before going in search of my shirt. By the time I turned around again, she had pulled on some sort of a robe and was doing everything she could to avoid eye contact. Not awkward at all. I cleared my throat, searching for the right words to say so I could get the hell out of there] Uh...so I… [I made a show of looking at the clock, rubbing at the back of my neck] I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m already late. I should probably… [the look of relief washing over her features was a giant punch to the ego]

Yeah, I should go. [I patted at my pockets, my eyes searching the room for any sign of my keys, and nearly dove for them when I spotted them on the ground by the bed. She made no move to stand up as I edged toward the door, so I guessed the weird thanks for a good night hug was out of the question. Reaching for the doorknob, I offered her a halfhearted grin, and pulled it open, taking one last glance at her beautiful face] Take care… [closing the door behind me, I leaned back against it while I took in a big lung full of fresh air, the pounding headache and all its other fun hangover friends now making themselves known since I was no longer distracted by the overwhelming awkward tension that hung in the air of that room. With a groan, I dragged myself the few blocks back to my truck, climbing in, and pulling down the visor, staring at my own reflection in the mirror] You...are a dumbass. Wait… FUCK!

​[I grabbed at the air above my head where my hat should be sitting. Awesome. One guess told me exactly where it was. I loved that hat, but did I love it enough to go back and make things even more awkward between us? With a shake of my head, I cranked the engine, and backed out of my spot, easing my way out onto the main road to start my journey back to that farm. But the closer and closer I got the heavier my heart felt. I couldn’t live like this anymore. I know I was supposed to have put my past behind me. The second I signed that deal to sell out the President and VP of my old crew to save my own ass was supposed to be the new beginning for me. A chance at a redo where I stepped into the shoes of Cody Jackson, upstanding citizen working on a farm for a weird as hell farmer. I knew the risk of ever going back would not only mean possible death for me at the hands of my old brothers, but heavy consequences with the law. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to care. I missed the thrill of my old life. I was addicted to it. And with that, I kept on driving right past that farm and back toward my old life in New York]