on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation. the goal, for them, was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-deprivation that so many of us learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

Hey guys! We're dangerously low on funds, so I'm opening up some simple commissions. I will open these up for five slots at a time.

If you're interested, please message me here, or on Twitter @ ickystyx. Mutuals may reach out to me on Discord via ickystyx!

If you can't get a commission, boosting this would be greatly appreciated. We really need all the help we can get.

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

You taste like menthol baby

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

Days N Daze - My Darling Dopamine (Official Audio)

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

𝕴 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖇𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖓 𝖎𝖓 𝖆 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖑𝖉, 𝖔𝖍 𝖘𝖔 𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖙

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

can we all agree that pressing foreheads together is an underrated act of affection??

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

I’m tired and I wanna be cuddled for 7 years

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

I never left my emo phase

I've only had it absorb my other phases

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

Welcome to college.

Where you'll take a 154 question quiz in comp sci and get an email about new discoveries of human sacrifices from your social studies teacher

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

‘Human Tetris’ by Baltic Sea, from ‘Human Tetris’

[on-the-edge-of-your-last-breath]

“No loyalty to the bosses

No loyalty to the institution”