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Sad.

Second semester senior year has been hell. 3. more. fucking. days. I have hope I’ll get my happiness back. 

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An Open Letter To My Ex-Best-friend (Pt. 2)

I look at you... and I have absolutely no idea who you are. 

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You know what sucks?

Feeling like you could disappear and nobody would care. 

It’s awesome. I would never wish it upon anyone. 

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why the college process is total bullshit.

Let me tell you why the college process is so fucked up. 

First, standardized testing. You have blue eyes I have green eyes. I like to draw you don’t. I learn better from a hands-on approach, you learn better from lectures. Every. Single. Person. Is. Different. Therefore, it makes sense that how we learn is different. So is it really fair to all be tested the same way? I am aware that there needs to be a ground leveling exam that everyone takes so that their intelligence may be compared, but is it really ground leveling if some people are better at sitting down and taking tests, because tests compliment how they like to learn? Is a written test a good measure of our intelligence?, is it a measure of how well we can learn to analyze directions?, or how much money we have to pay tutors to teach us how to carefully analyze the directions? What do our answers to those questions really show, I mean REALLY show? I think everyone should think about that for a second. 

So we work our asses off for four years, we take the damn tests, and then what? Then we pick where we want to apply, and we do so. We send off our scores, our grades, possibly and essay or two. How much can they tell about us from a few letters and numbers? Can they tell our work ethic? Maybe. Can they tell what kind of student we are? Maybe. Can they tell how smart we are? No. Not from what we give them alone.  

So you apply to the college you like. They receive thousands of applications. Thousands. And some even dare say that they do a “holistic review”, but how can they? There is no way to read thoroughly through THOUSANDS of applications with the same detail. They just cant. So lets say they decide to narrow it down to those with test scores of x and higher and a gpa of x and higher. Then they do a “holistic review” of those applications. Then lets say they cut the application numbers significantly down, but they have twice the amount of applications to spots available, and everyone is the same “quality of student”. They all have great extracurriculars, great grades, scores, recommendations and references, and experiences. Then what? Then..... quite honestly I think its a game of chance, and perhaps eve luck. 

Then add in all the political bullshit. The legacies, and the children of the donors. Lets say you’re applying against one of them, and lets say this person has not worked nearly as hard as you have, and their grades, scores, activities, recs. etc. don’t even touch yours. And they get in. You don’t. THAT is BULLSHIT. The kids that don’t DESERVE it can get in because they have a connection, a grandfather, a political figure they know, a parent that can make a call for them. 

That. is. why. the. college. process. is. bull. shit. 

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I’m going to go to college here.... My photo. 

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Senior Prank Night.

So my senior class broke into our school last night. 

I go to a small school of about 80 people and my class has about 26. The school used to be a warehouse-type building so we entered through the garage door, and we turned the school into a full blown beach scene. I mean, beach balls, a pool, pool noodles, a tiki bar, a sand box, a bat-mitten net, everything. We put balloons in the bathrooms, and rubber ducks in the toilets, and we hung fruity smelling streamers and leis at every locker. On top of all that, alarm clocks were set to random times and hidden literally INSIDE the ceiling, air vents, empty coffee pots, and other places I don’t know of. It was fucking incredible, and the most fun I’ve had in a looooong time! 

Best part is.... we fucking got away with it!!!! 

“Gone to the beach.... be back Monday”.... Love the senior class 2016. 

[on-my-way-to-anywhere-blog]

An Open Letter To My Ex-Best-Friend

Dear Ex Best Friend, 

I have been working on this for a while, trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want to say to you. First, I would like to apologize for not speaking to you for a month, in fact I’ve been avoiding you like the plague. I’ve been avoiding you because I found myself trying so hard to connect with you, and to maintain the great relationship we have always had, that I lost myself. I became needy, annoying even, just to get a response from you. I saw, and continue to see how you treat others with respect, and how you seem to value everyone else more than me. Most times I could swear you don’t give a single fuck about me. Feels great after being best friends for 10 years. Or maybe it wasn’t 10, truth is I don’t know how long things have been falling apart, I think I was in denial for so long, because the thought of losing my best friend is a hard thing to bear. I’ve only recently come to terms with it. I’ll have you know, however, that part of me hates you. A small sliver of me hates your guts because you made me feel so small, worthless, and desperate. Feelings I have never before felt in my life. Actually, having your best friend make you feel this way, well, thats probably what hurts the most. That is certainly what I dwell upon the most. Is how you can be so kind, engaged and open with others, something you haven’t been with me in years. I don’t quite know what I did, to make it all stop. I have been nothing but a good friend to you, I don’t know what I did to deserve to be treated this way. Its sad. It makes me sad. 

I don’t know how the rest of the school year will play out, but quite frankly I can’t wait to get away from you. You’ve made second semester emotional hell, and I thought you should know that.