omgitstatertot

[omgitstatertot]

Follow To See This Picture Daily

[omgitstatertot]

Red Robin (2009) #23

[omgitstatertot]

there was a point in Gotham where the nightlife dynamics got really weird because one of the batkid’s came up with the game ‘rogue Pokémon’ where whenever there was a multiple-rogue outbreak they would all split up and find a rogue to choose as their own, and then while fighting them they’d subtly heard them towards one of the other batkids and their chosen rogue, and then they’d manipulate the rogues into fighting each other while they stood to the side and yelled fighting techniques like Pokémon trainers, and eventually the rogues started teaming up with Batman to make them stop playing it because it was making them feel objectified and demeaned.

the game came to a natural conclusion when the Joker broke out specifically because he thought it would be fun to be one of the Pokémon used by the batkids, except when he made himself known to Red Hood Jason just shot him point blank in the skull and said it was the rogue Pokémon equivalent of using a masterball on him.

the batkids are banned from creating their own games.

[omgitstatertot]

“…Oh yeah some smelly drunk cop who has been voter most corrupt policeman in the country 5 times that sure inspired confidence…”

“Was that sarcasm Damian?”

“What do YOU think World’s Greatest Detective?”

“Oh that’s NOT fair you KNOW I’m autistic…”

[omgitstatertot]

Dick: I just think, maybe, you're wrong.

Duke: Wow Richard, invalidating a young black man during Black History Month!

Dick, confused: Its April

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim takes the last two cookies for him and Bernard.

Duke, who already had one but wanted one for school: Woooow Timothy, taking from a young black man during Black History Month!!

Tim: Its September!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason accidently hits Duke a little too hard during a sparing match

Duke, who is completely fine the next second but is in that mood: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW—

Jason: Its fucking November and you're fine!!

Duke, ready to double down: WOW JASON PETER TODD, BEATING DOWN AND THEN INVALIDATING THE EXPERIANCE OF A YOUNG BLACK MAN DURING BLACK HISTORY MONTH!!

[omgitstatertot]

affirmations: you are not real, you don’t have feelings, you don’t want anything, this will be over soon

[omgitstatertot]

a silly drawing

[omgitstatertot]

dont cry ok? there is the sun and there isthe ocean and there are butch gay women

[omgitstatertot]

Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.

I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.

Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!

Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?

Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!

Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party

Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)

Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works

Batman: stop! Don't kill him!

Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-

Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-

Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm

Red Hood: ...

Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.

Batman: of course

Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em

Bruce: go to sleep, Tim

Tim: I'm almost done-

Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie

Tim: a what?

Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.

Tim: bribery? Really?

Bruce: positive reinforcement

Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?

Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics

Tim [eats cookie]:

Tim:

Tim: okay

Bruce: Okay?

Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk

Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept

Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?

Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.

Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then

Damian: well

Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment

Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:

Damian:

Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.

Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen

Duke: you agree I did a good job today?

Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-

Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.

Bruce: excuse me?

Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?

Bruce: uh well

Bruce: that was a long time ago

Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-

Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?

Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-

Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.

Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-

Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!

Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????

Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-

Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir

[omgitstatertot]

just thinking about how being Simon's wife would fix us all.

he's patient and gentle. only firm with you when you're in over your head and being a stubborn little shit. he knows trauma and what it does to people, especially himself, so he swears to never be an ounce of what his parents were.

he makes enough money for you to live a life of leisure. you'll never need to work again unless it's something you really want to do. vacations are scarce, but always private and intimate. usually, a cabin or island where he knows you two are hidden from the public.

aaand he's a total softie on the inside—sometimes the outside, but he'd have to kill you if you told anyone. he has little routines with you, small gestures or micro expressions reserved for just you. always gives your hand squeezes in public that mean different things (or under the desk when he's uniformed).

also, the big dick on the regular but that's obvious, i fear

[omgitstatertot]

thing with john is that when he finds out that his neighbour's been emotionally cheating on his wife, the very same woman that plague's john's dreams, he takes that as his invitation; what were friendly, toeing the line of flirting, banters are now full on attempts at seduction. pretty bird is wasted on his neighbour, after all.

[omgitstatertot]

Turns out I'm still alive

[omgitstatertot]

I bet if a mushroom could lap water out of your hand with a tongue that a gently drinking mushroom tongue on your hand would be the softest and gentlest thing.

[omgitstatertot]

tf 141 coming out of your screen

[omgitstatertot]

Goth Girl & The Monster #4

[omgitstatertot]

In which Damian isn't very fond of Tim, but they lowkey (highkey) start getting closer because he finds out Tim has fed and named a bunch of street cats around his apartment. Their bond is held together by a bunch of ratty old cats.

Tim, opening the door: "Damian? What're you doing here?"

Damian: "I request Michael's location."

Tim: "He should be sitting on the fire escape two floors down."

Damian, already pushing his way into the apartment and to the window: "Thank you Drake!"

Tim will occasionally see Damian outside his building just sitting in a pile of cats- and sometimes even Jerry the racoon- and takes pictures to send to the boy later. He makes sure to update him with what's going on with the cats.

Damian, talking on the phone: "Yes, yes, I see. And Persephone? She is well?"

Dick: "Dami, who are you talking to at" *Checks watch* "11pm? You should be asleep right no-"

Damian, turning to him and holding up a finger: "Shush, Grayson." *Turns back* "Did Jerry come by? And what ever happened to Beatrice's eye?"

Dick: 'Who does he even talk to besides Bruce and I?? When did he get friends? When did he get so caring of them? Why am I so out of the loop??'

Later, Dick snoops through his room and finds a bunch of pictures with him surrounded by ugly cats and sometimes raccoon, and is familiar with the building they're taken at. He immediately face palms because that makes perfect sense.

[omgitstatertot]

simon’s #1 bad quality is being a hypocrite: telling you not to smoke when he’s on his third cig today, pulling your third drink from you despite him nursing his fifth one, and saying you shouldn’t be so needy even though he’s dragging your pants down to eat you out again for the seventh time today (it’s only noon) :/