oliveisinhell

[oliveisinhell]

Dear Diary, Nov 12 2024

Song of the day: That Funny Feeling

Recently I stocked up on cotton candy bang and it's all i've been drinking. I've also been picking at my scalp recently! I need to get a therapist! WahoooOO!!!!

"Beautiful kidney stones, my queen," you all say in my inbox... <3 I am a beautiful angelic doe-like goddess... I shouldn't be voting, I should be foraging for berries and frolicking in the meadow....

Can you guys believe fucking Frank Dung won the election? What a joke. I was so certain Giovanni Glebus would win. I voted purple party though, so blame me I guess. One day everyone will die and it will be my fault. :) :) :) :) :) i'm like springtrap if there wasn't a serial killer in it

Cassidy got arrested last night for beating the living shit out of Sarah in the middle of campus. It should've been me (getting beat up)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even know why they were fighting. Maybe it was over Nylon. Maybe Cassidy likes her too. I should shoot myself in the skull

Goodnight Diary I Love you

[oliveisinhell]

dear diary oct 27 2024

i can't sleep. no music tonight. none today

i thought i heard screaming outside my house. i thought i heard screaming for around an hour or two. it might just be a cougar. maybe they've moved closer to the city. i'm disappointed. i wish it wasn't a cougar. i wish someone else was here.

i miss her warmth. she was soft. big. let me sleep in her arms. but now my bed is cold and empty. all that remains is a doll made of egg shells

i love you. please come back.

[oliveisinhell]

Dear Diary, Oct 7 2024

Song of the day: Black Hair

I'm medicated again! Whoopee! Today I braided my hair. I didn't like it so I took it out. I'm thinking of going out for Halloween as Vanny from fnaf. Or at least Vanessa. Vanessa would be easier. I can do that easy.

I don't know if I have anything else to say. Things are normal today.

I love you, Diary.

[oliveisinhell]

would u make the one block jump for the chicken or would u risk it all for the one block vertical jump for the beef

[oliveisinhell]

do you have people you can talk to? supportive people?

Alex and Yves maybe.. I don't know. It's just so much right now. I don't like having to dump it all on them

[oliveisinhell]

youre not useless. itll get better, i swear.

I just need to get back on my meds again. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate being shunned by society like this.

[oliveisinhell]

your roomate can suck a dick, you dont have to do his homework and if he doesnt get his shit together, threaten to report him to the dean. he can do his own homework or fail like the rest of us! im sorry you had to deal with all that. you deserve better.

I just hate feeling so useless

[oliveisinhell]

Dear Diary, October 5 2024

Song of the day: Hold It In

I need to get a fucking refill on my abilify. I feel like I'm going crazy. I saw Nylon for the first time in weeks today. I had no classes but I had work and she fucking walked by the building!!! Urrhgfhhghgh

It's not even love anymore it's jealousy. It's catching the WRONG FEELINGS. Love isn't even a real fucking thing, it's just a chemical reaction my brain is making so that I want to reproduce! Maybe that's why parents divorce after they have kids. Bleh. She probably doesn't love me back anymore.

I recognize my own immaturities. Yesterday my roommate made me do his schoolwork for him and yelled at me when i said I didn't want to. I started breaking down and crying because he reminded me of my mother. It was like I was a kid. I had the same reaction as a child because I'm immature. I have a fucking victim complex. I just want to be a good person like I am on the internet. I don't want to be a bad person in real life. I just want to be good.

Maybe life would be better if i was just a plastic doll. At least then I'd have some use. I wonder how many men secretly want to suffocate the women they claim to love.

I love you, Diary. Please don't leave me.

[oliveisinhell]

Dear Diary, October 4 2024

Song of the day: Loving Machine

I visited Yves and Alex today. They live off campus so I had to drive a little bit. We played some Mario Kart and had some drinks. I like hanging out with them. They've been together forever and it's nice to spend time around that. It almost makes me envious...

I haven't had the best track record with dating, honestly. I can't count all my exes on one hand. High school sucked, basically. And so does college. Starting to think I'm incapable of being loved like that but that's a conversation for when I start doing therapy,,

Today I learned one of my classmates is a vtuber. Or pngtuber, I can't remember. Those two things overlap a lot in my mind, so,, yeah. She's in my compsci class, I think people were asking me about her, Lily. She's nice, I've known her since middle school. It didn't really come as a shock, she's always been super into anime and that kind of stuff. She draws a lot too. I think she said something about wanting to start doing animation too, which would be neat

As for me? I'm doing okay, I think.. I don't know why but I've been feeling kind of tense recently. Probably just stress from balancing work and school. I kind of want to quit my job but I need to pay for college somehow, so.. bleh.

That's all. I love you, Diary.

[oliveisinhell]

Have I been on Tumblr long enough to post about eating shredded cheese late at night? Because I'm doing that right now

[oliveisinhell]

I wish there were more movies like tv glow honestly, I enjoyed it and got creeped out

World's Fair is kinda similar. Same director

[oliveisinhell]

i haven't seen a lot of those, but i loved i saw the tv glow!

I loved ISTTVG. It changed the way I think, I think. Something something gender bullshit I'm too employed to care about rightnow.

[oliveisinhell]

i think they meant your sled, like in reference to famous classic film "citizen kane"

I love Citizen Kane. It's the avengers endgame of cinema

[oliveisinhell]

I'll make some of my friends watch it with me since I know they haven't seen it. What other movies do you like?

Dinner in America was good. Where the Wild Things Are, I Saw The TV Glow, We're All Going to the World's Fair, most Godzilla films, Superbad, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.. I like a lot of films. No I don't have a letterboxd, I actually respect myself sometimes

[oliveisinhell]

would you mind telling us more about yoursled

Like what? You already have my diary posts that should be enough. I don't want strangers knowing more than I want them to

[oliveisinhell]

its been a few years haha

That's understandable. I recommend a rewatch it's really good if you don't go in thinking you're gonna hate it

[oliveisinhell]

I wonder why they chose such a specific time for the world to end and everything

Have you seen the film