ohheart-blog1 - Tumblr blog

[ohheart-blog1]

[ohheart-blog1]

Hello. So I heard you weren’t doing well. So am I. I’ve been very sad lately because of you. In fact, I didn’t think I’ve healed from the last time you’ve hurt me; which was months ago. I thought you’d at least miss me too when you were sad listening to those songs. But, I guess, once again, I’m all alone. You’re too busy crying over new people you fell in love with. It’s okay. Don’t worry, though. Me realising that the feelings are not mutual anymore motivates me to keep moving on, really. I heard sadness are controlled by the devil so I’m trying not to be sad anymore. Maybe a few weeks, days, moments, after this, I’d probably start crying again when I hear songs or watch movies that reminds me of you and I know I will miss it when you cared and when you actually cried because you thought lost me. But if you can get over that then I guess I should too. Please don’t hit me up again. Don’t start a small talk and meaningless conversation with me. I know you’re using me because you’re bored and I also know you don’t really care whether I’m doing well or not. Soon enough, we’re going to cross each other’s path but please, walk away like we never had history. I’m very fragile and prone to take you back in a heartbeat if you asked me to. So please, don’t make me your friend again because all you ever do is hurt me. It’s not your fault, though. You have no idea how you’ve hurt me and I couldn’t explain it to you either. It’s just that you put a label on me that I’m your bestest friend and that I’ll always remember you saying you don’t mind losing anyone at all but me. I believed in all of that but the thing is, you never act on it. It was like empty words. I don’t know if you even remembered saying that because it was over a year ago or maybe you’d take back all your words now. But either way, I’d rather you not say it. I’d rather you not label me as your friend at all because there’s actually someone out there who’s actually tries to be there for me when I’m at a low point, who sees through me, who’d care for me and check up on me; and that’s not you. It makes me feel like shit because I’ve neglected those people just because I held on to your words; that I’m your best friend and you’re mine. Truth be told, you’re far from that. Thank you for the love you used to show me.

ohheart

[ohheart-blog1]

[ohheart-blog1]

[ohheart-blog1]

1st month without you - Journal Entry 2/11/16: Total nightmare, completely hellish. Certain that everything has come to an end. Not a day I don't shed a tear. Not sure if I just missed you too much or I regret doing what I did because all I know is that if I hadn't gotten mad over the slightest thing, we would probably be on the phone right now, at 2 am, talking about absolutely nothing and everything, But that's not the case.

ohheart

[ohheart-blog1]

Don't worry. I won't pick a fight - not this time. I won't say you're a betrayer or a traitor. You're your own person. You should be able to do whatever you want to. I won't get angry even if I wanted to. It's been too long since we were who we were before. It's almost as good as you're gone. So, I won't pick a fight anymore. Just know that it really hurts me. I was still up at 6 a.m. crying and I know I don't have the right to be this upset. I'm sorry. I miss  you. But I'm sorry.

ohheart