ohashijouzu

[ohashijouzu]

kotowaza-ing

here’s your japanese lesson for today.

【ことわざ】kotowaza

kotowaza are sayings, colloquial expressions, figures of speech. i always really like looking at figures of speech in different languages because they speak volumes about the culture. so let me introduce one of my favorite kotowaza.

困った時はお互い様

komatta toki wa otagai-sama

basically this means that when things are tough, i got your back because we all been through hard times. it’s one of those kotowaza that really encapsulate japanese cultural norms of helping others and being part of a team. one of the big differences i notice between japanese culture and american culture is exactly this -- putting others before yourself as the rule, not the exception.

whenever there’s a natural disaster here, be it floods, landslides, earthquakes, you name it (because there are a lot), this difference becomes abundantly clear. okay so when i think of natural disasters in the US, i think of hurricanes. usually when a hurricane of epic destructive power wreaks havoc on cities in america, the aftermath is disorganized and chaotic. looting is rampant. everyone is looking out for themselves. not saying this is a bad thing (well, looting isn’t a good thing) because hey, if you’re taught anything in the states, it’s that you gotta look out for number one. 

but here, in the wake of disasters like earthquakes or tsunami, you’ll find everyone lining up, single file, for rations of food or water. granted that yes, there are instances of looting in the form of break ins, but the scale is much smaller (and the public backlash much larger) than in US cases. to use a recent example, in the weeks that followed 3/11 or the great eastern japan earthquake and tsunami, thousands upon thousands went to disaster sites to volunteer and help clear the wreckage, many of them bringing food and supplies with them. and these were not self-defense force members, they were ordinary citizens. local businesses set up donation boxes, every major television network set up a way for viewers to donate via bank transfer and continued to ask for donations for years and years after 3/11. this kind of mass volunteering and willingness to help is something i don’t think i really saw in the US (and if it was happening, then they needed to sell it more to the masses). 

another interesting point about natural disasters of this scale: for weeks after 3/11, commercials were pulled from the air. why? because advertisers didn’t feel right advertising their product in times of crisis where so many people had lost so much. and not just commercials -- comedy shows and other shows also pulled their episodes fearing it would be inappropriate to air. this comes from another characteristic of japanese society called 自粛 or jishuku, which means you refrain from something (usually because it might be considered inappropriate). at the time that 3/11 occurred, it was almost cherry blossom season which means going to hanami (picnics under the cherry blossom trees filled with food and lots of drinking). but that year, hanami celebrations were at an all time low around the country simply because many felt it was inappropriate to be eating and drinking and carrying on while others were suffering. a lot of jishuku is about putting others first emotionally, thinking and sympathizing with the plight of others.

i don’t think there is a good english equivalent for komatta toki wa otagai-sama. the only close one i can think of (which, incidentally, reflects a completely different way of thinking) is: god helps those who help themselves. now this kotowaza is a great example of american thinking -- looking out for yourself first, and the concept of god looking out for you (which you don’t really get in a very non-religious country like japan). 

but i do think that komatta toki wa otagai-sama is a lesson that the US could take from japan, and not just in terms of disaster relief. on the flip side, i think japan could use a little less jishuku -- in times of crisis, i think people need to laugh, need a little distraction from the heartbreak to move forward. that’s one of the things i love about the US; they know how to laugh and use humor as a tool to cope. 

so that’s your kotowaza lesson for today, children. there’s still a few more i want to introduce you to, so stay tuned. until next time.

[ohashijouzu]

(more) things you don’t want to hear

i don’t know if this is unique to japan, but it’s certainly something i get almost 100% of the time once a japanese person learns that i’m an american, and that question is:

“do you have a gun?”

okay, to be FAIR: japan has strict anti-gun laws and yes, america is what the japanese rightly call a juu-shakai, or gun society/gun culture so i can kinda? sorta? see why maybe they would think that but i grew up in the middle of suburbia on the east coast -- i’ve never even seen a real gun, let alone owned one. but backup a second. isn’t that just a weird question to ask in general? like... that’s definitely not on my list of icebreakers: oh hi! what’s your name? what do you do? do you own any firearms? 

it’s a rather bizarre question and i remember being really surprised the first time i heard it. i mean, what are they even going to do with this information? if i say yes, am i just confirming american stereotypes? are they generally interested in guns? what’s the reasoning behind it? i have no idea. especially because i honestly just say uh, no? and then comes the:

“no? really?? i thought EVERYONE had guns in america!”

because we all know it’s a federal law that every american citizen own at least one firearm. ugh.

i blame the media for this one: movies, TV shows, new coverage about massive shooting sprees and gun violence, you name it. but you would be surprised at how many japanese people legitimately think they’re going to get shot if they go to america, like ANYWHERE in america. and that’s simply not true. 

so how do i respond to “the gun question” as it were? well, i’ve found the best thing to do is be honest, and then try and give them a reverse example. last week, one of my coworkers asked me the dreaded gun question, and this was how it played out:

coworker: so, you own any guns? (complete with a hand gesture for a gun)

me: nope, no guns

coworker: no way! don’t you all have guns?

me: you been watching too many movies, girl. okay, let me ask this then -- do you own any katana?

coworker: ...no?

me: you ever seen like a real katana in person?

coworker: no...

me: well there you go, it’s the same for me with guns

coworker: huh, i guess that makes sense

and that was that. it seems like most japanese people don’t think of it the other way around, like what if everyone based their perceptions of japanese people off japanese movies (well, old japanese movies, i suppose)? the kimono-clad, katana-swinging samurai and the stealthy ninja are nothing more than a fantasy in modern day japan, so my question is why do japanese people expect that modern day america is like a scene out of die hard? (nothing against die hard, mind you). 

and it’s not just guns either. japanese people hear you’re an american and immediately it’s:

“oh, so your favorite food is hamburgers, right?” (well, i’m not against hamburgers...)

“you must go to mcdonald’s alot!” (i can’t remember the last time i went, actually, but thanks)

and other such american culture stereotypes. and that’s frustrating EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you meet a new person.

i don’t assume that every japanese person i meet must love sushi and goes to...i dunno, yoshinoya or some other japanese chain of fast food alot simply because they’re japanese. people is people; we all have likes and dislikes, so why do i have to shoulder the burden of american stereotypes?

i suppose there is something easy about making these assumptions. americans=guns, burgers, and fast food -- there, nailed it! this person fits neatly into a box that i can manage. i know how to approach this person because i am armed with an arsenal of pre-packaged questions. 

but those pre-packaged questions distance you from the actual person that you’re crushing with your cultural stereotypes. by not asking anything personal (even though i think asking about firearm ownership is kinda personal), there’s no chance of offending them or saying the wrong thing, which japanese cutlure absolutely tries to avoid. you won’t hear heated political debates, or even just heated discussions among friends. holding a strong or controversial opinion and defending that opinion at the expense of making someone else feel uncomfortable or ruining the atmosphere of the room is just not a thing, whereas when i go back to the states, it’s like everyone’s trying to pick a fight or defend why their opinion is the one true opinion. i’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty jarring to be in those sorts of situations for me after having lived here for so long.

i suppose what is comes down to is that japanese people don’t really understand how this seemingly innocent question can be offensive. again, we’re left in a ohashi jouzu situation where pointing out that yes, this is something offensive without hurting their feelings is difficult, and that’s why i go with the katana example. i’m not directly saying HEY THAT’S KINDA RACIST; i’m merely showing them how the shoe fits on the other side (if that metaphor even works). 

and yeah, i know, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason and blah blah blah, but keep that shit to yourself! you don’t have to go saying it outloud or ask someone to confirm or deny them. there’s a lovely japanese idiom that i wish more of them would take to heart:

十人十色

juu-nin, to-iro

now this literally means ten people, ten colours, or to pair it with an english turn of phrase, to each their own. part of the struggle--maybe not struggle...difficulty? of being a gaikokujin is being treated like an amalgamation of stereotypes and it sucks, just plain and simple. i guess that’s why when i meet a new japanese person who doesn’t ask me stock gaikokujin questions, it makes me like them 1000% percent more because i feel like they’re looking at me for who i am, not for who they think i am. 

people is people, y’all. keep that in mind.

[ohashijouzu]

things you don’t want to hear

let’s get right into the namesake of this blog, ohashi jouzu. 

now i don’t wanna get all angry white foreigner on you, but let me just say, there’s a few lines that you really just don’t want to hear after living in japan for awhile. let’s go through the list, and number one on my list is certainly...

お箸上手～！

ah yes, ohashi jouzu.

commonly paired with a pair of sparkling wide-eyes, as if you’ve just shown them how you juggle mangoes while riding a unicycle on fire, this ubiquitous compliment is so tired and cliche and downright dated that it just makes you want to roll your eyes. but you don’t. and i’ll get into that in a moment but, let me just say, loud and clear and for the record: people use chopsticks all over the world. they’re not uniquely japanese and they’re not hard to master. it’s as ridiculous as watching a japanese person eat soup with a big spoon and going “OMG YOU’RE SO GOOD AT USING A SPOON!” it’s silly. of course they can use a spoon. being japanese doesn’t mean you don’t know how to use a fork or a knife or a spoon in the same way that being a gaikokujin doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to use chopsticks.

but why do i not roll my eyes every time i get this ubiquitous compliment? it’s because i know that they don’t know they’re being silly and well...a little patronizing. they don’t mean any harm by it, in fact, they probably think they’re legit complimenting me. blame cultural conditioning (and i do). i remember once a good friend of mine (gaikokujin) was out with a japanese boy for lunch. she was using chopsticks to eat her salad (which, if you don’t know, chopsticks are the utensil to use when eating salads -- it’s 1000% easier to eat salad with them, just try it) when the boy proclaims, “ohashi jouzu!” now i was watching this exchange from behind the counter (i was working at the restaurant at the time) and me and my friend sorta groaned good-naturedly at each other and somehow ended up telling this japanese boy about the absurdity of the compliment, and when he used a spoon to eat his lunch, my friend says スプーン上手！or “wow, you’re so good at using a spoon!” and where i thought he would laugh, he just looked bewildered.

we weren’t mean about it. we didn’t berate him. but by explaining to him why the compliment was somewhat patronizing, it was as if we had done something wrong.

in his eyes, he was merely saying “the right thing” to say for the situation. in our eyes, we were only trying to tell him how we felt about it and use some humor to show him what we meant. classic japan mentality vs. (in our case) american mentality. 

japan is riddled with set phrases for set occasions, and especially so when it comes to interacting with gaikokujin which i blame on the fact that interactions with gaikokujin are very limited to eikaiwa or private english language schools or english language teachers at various levels of public education. now of course there are also tourists and u.s. military personnel, not to mention the girls at hostess clubs with a more...international flair, but for the most part, we’re not seen so much as regular people (just like them), we’re seen as something different -- and we all know that things that are different tend to end up stereotyped because it’s easier to accept different when it comes in a manageable box of stereotypes.

so when i hear ohashi jouzu, what i really hear is: conform to and confirm my stereotype. 

the dilemma is i know they don’t mean it like that, and that’s why i say my thank yous graciously instead of actively pointing out the way it makes me feel. because i know that’s what’s expected of me as a gaikokujin and to be honest, it’s exhausting to have to prove your point to every new person that you meet (especially when they’re probably not interested in taking in your point of view anyway).

so instead of complimenting my masterful use of chopsticks, why not just rave about the food or the atmosphere or y’know, the same thing you would talk to your japanese friends about? because we all know japanese people ain’t complimenting each other their chopstick use. 

this is why ohashi jouzu is at the top of my list: because it’s only used on foreigners and that’s a problem.

that’s right japan, i’m calling you out. THIS. IS. A. PROBLEM.

it highlights the fact that you think we somehow shouldn’t be able to use chopsticks and makes us feel even more like outsiders.  

to put it in terms that japan understands best, i say:

NO MORE お箸上手

[ohashijouzu]

welcome to ohashi jouzu

お箸上手！ or ohashi jouzu! literally means “you’re so good with chopsticks!” and it’s a weird little compliment that every non-japanese person living or even visiting japan will probably eventually get. now after living in japan for eleven years (and counting), i have no choice but to assume that i am the best at chopsticks on this planet given the amount of times i’ve been told this, and that’s kinda what this blog is about.

japan is a quirky little island country. i mean this in the best way -- it’s exotic and asian and organized and cute and VERY far away from my hometown in maryland, u.s.a. japan has certainly seen its share of non-japanese people or foreigners or whatever you want to call them, but for the sake of simplicity, i’ll simply say gaikokujin which literally means “people from outside the country” in japanese, so it’s not like it’s shocking that a white woman is living amongst the natives. but here’s the thing: it’s fair to say that most of the gaikokujin that the japanese people are exposed to are english teachers and well...don’t really speak any japanese. so when japanese people see me, that’s where their mind goes: she’s foreign, therefore she must be an english teacher who doesn’t speak a lick of japanese. what they don’t realize is (plot twist!) i’ve never taught english and i speak fluent japanese. 

in a weird way, being able to speak japanese kinda makes me an outsider on the inside, rather than an outsider just looking in. and that’s what i want to explore here in this blog, seeing and experiencing japan as an outsider on the inside. getting into the good, the bad, and the downright confusing and amusing things about living here as an exception and not the rule.