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ofjustine · 4 years

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𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀 ; 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝒹𝒹 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉 ›› 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄 + 𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒 .

people always said that running from your problems NEVER worked . that eventually , somewhere down the line , everything would eventually catch up . & , possibly , be worse than if you’d just dealt with it in the first place . but those people never understood . they didn’t UNDERSTAND how hard it was to face the demons that had taken up residence in ones head . they didn’t understand what it was like to tackle it when NO ONE wanted to accept the fact that you were no longer the perfect daughter - girlfriend - friend - everyone wanted you to be . it was EASIER , for everyone , to pretend as if nothing was wrong . it was easier , for everyone , to RUN . america was meant to be the solution , it was meant to be her FRESH START . she’d put 5260 kilometres between her & everyone & everything she knew — everything that had happened . but those people , no matter how much she didn’t want to believe them , were right . things ALWAYS caught up with you in the end . it was impossible to run from memories whose volume could not be turned down & a heavy ache in your leg that would NEVER go away . they were with her ALWAYS . & she should have known . the universe hadn’t been kind to her , why would moving to another country make ANY difference ? it always be there , waiting . but this was a whole different level of FUCKED . out of all the sports teams , she had to be given THIS . not football , not gymnastics , not even swimming , but the ICE HOCKEY team . the knot in her stomach hadn’t eased since the moment she’d been given the news . anything else but that . she hadn’t stepped foot in an ice rink , not even just OFF the ice , since she was 18 . it was the LAST place she wanted to be in the world . the mere thought of stepping through the front doors was enough to cause a tremor in her hands . but no matter how often she went back to the head of her program’s office , pleading that there MUST be somewhere else she could be placed . there was no getting away from it . there was no running , no avoiding . not without going back home to parents that found it easier for her to be here . it was , after all , easier to pretend as if your daughter wasn’t struggling to simply get through the day without breaking down when she was 5260 kilometres away . it was easier to tell EVERYONE that she had made a full recovery when she wasn’t there to expose the lie . & not without passing up another opportunity . it was EVERYDAY a younger student got to get hands on experience . she HAD to keep going . she had to figure out a way to force herself to step through those doors & act like she wasn’t SECONDS away from breaking . but it was easier to talk herself into it , to act like it was doable , when she wasn’t standing in front of doors of the agganis arena . her heart felt as if it was going to give out & the only thing keeping her hands from trembling was the tight grip she had on the strap of her duffle bag . it’s just a building , a building with an ice rink that has NOTHING to do with you . . . but why then was it so hard to get her feet to move . she wanted to run . she wanted to go home & hide under a pile of blankets until the sickness in her stomach passed & the throbbing of her ankle subsided to the quiet ache once more . but if there was ONE thing all this had taught her , it was how to act like NOTHING was wrong . & if there was one thing she hated more than the feeling twisting her stomach into knots , it was being LATE & who knew how long she’d been lingering out here starring at the doors . it took a minute , for her weight to shift between her feet & her fingers to readjust upon the strap of her bag , before she stepped forward .

after YEARS of avoiding everything to do with the one thing she’d loved most in the world , being inside an ice rink was like a punch gut . & if it hadn’t been for the task ahead of her , she wasn’t sure if she’d been able to put one foot in front of the other as she navigated her way to the locker rooms . she was going to be 5 minutes late . not quite the introduction she wanted to make on her first day but that could easily be remedied by an excuse that she got LOST . no one needed to know that she’d been terrified of stepping foot through the front entrance . there were some advantages of being new & NON-AMERICAN after all . just breathe — in & out — one for in front of the other — you’re still alive . it was a constant pep talk in her head but the further she left the ice behind her & the NOISER the ruckus that spilled out of the locker room into the hallway became , the easier it was to focus more on the nerves that came with the fact she was about to step into a room full of boys & not just ANY boys , bloody HOCKEY boys . she was convinced they had bigger egos than the rugby players she knew back home & she didn’t doubt AMERICAN hockey boys were any different . it only took a few steps into the locker room for eyes to begin to find her . she would have thought it would take at least a little while for them to notice , she wasn’t exactly TALL . she doubted she’d even come up to the shoulders of most in the room . but she was the ONLY girl in a sea of 22 men — so maybe it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise that after the boys at the edge of the room clocked her walking into a locker room she didn’t belong in spread the word . her chin rose a little higher as more eyes focused on her , even if hers stayed directly upon the coach at the front of the room . who , finally , lifted his eyes from the clipboard in hand as the room grew quieter . “ ah , miss delacroix . nice of you to finally join us . ” she allowed a sheepish grin to spread across her lips as her fingers adjusted upon the strap of her bag once more , “ sorry — i got a bit lost . i’m not use to such a BIG campus . ” if she didn’t feel out of place before , the lit of the gloucestershire accent sure separated her from the boston lit in the coach’s . but the coach was already waving her off as he continued , most likely in hopes to rein in the boys once more . “ this is justine delacroix , she’ll be helping cade make sure you lot stay OFF the benches due to injury this season . ” the clipboard snapped to his chest before he gestured back out the door she’d just come through , “ i’ll see you all on the ice in 5 . ” her heart faltered within her chest but the small lapse was covered as she stepped aside to free up the space in front of the door as the room once more erupted into movement . on the ice . she’d HOPED they’d start in the gym or just about ANYWHERE else to begin with , but she was being thrown straight into the deep end . she’d be as close to the ice as she’d ever been & though she knew she should have followed after the coach & cade — who she assumed was the team’s physio — she couldn’t quite bring herself to move after them . who knew a boy’s locker room would actually be a place she WANTED to be — even when it was filled with 20 hockey players .

#𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 / justine + elias .#you've heard my excuses for this starter #but imma say it again #the second normal 600+ word paragraph is the only thing that matters #the first para was for my sake #do not write this much #thank you xx #also don't be fooled - i started this this morning #i could not write this in an hour

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ofjustine · 4 years

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。· . ˙ ☀ ⌈ ester expósito + cis female + she / her + the fallen angel ⌋ yo , have you meet that KOOK , justine delgado , yet ? — no ? well , to give you a little heads up before you do , they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old , PHYSIOTHERAPY COLLEGE STUDENT , and have been coming to coston for NINE YEARS . since i’ve known them , they’ve reminded me of EARLY MORNING ALARMS THAT PULL YOU FROM A FITFUL SLEEP , A TWISTED & DARK PATH LEADING YOU TO AN UNKNOWN LOCATION , FIGURE SKATES HIDDEN AT THE BACK OF THE WARDROBE UNTOUCHED FOR YEARS , FAKING IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT , CONSTANT REASSURANCES OF ‘I’M FINE’ TO SAVE OTHERS FEELINGS & A SMILE THAT DOESN’T QUITE REACH THE EYES . usually they’re quite OBSERVANT & COMPASSIONATE but just make sure you keep an eye out for them around town because i heard can be quite RETICENT & DISTRUSTFUL as well so here’s hoping they aren’t the ones to undo this whole peace pact they have going on this summer . but just between you & me , i kinda hope it all falls apart . the rivalry keeps this whole boring town interesting .

BACKGROUND

trigger warnings for infertility , injuries , accidents & depression

prologue

before one can get into all that much about justine delgado , you have to know that justine’s story started long before she was even born. you see her parents — danielle & samuel delgado — were one of those couples that wanted a child more than anything in the world by sadly , for some reason , could not have one of their own . they tried for years before resigning themselves to the fact that it was just not meant to happen naturally & though adoption was on the table, there was more more option that they could try . ivf . that’s right , justine delgado is an ivf baby !

ivf in itself wasn’t the easiest road & it took a couple of rounds but on the 14th of september danielle & samuel delgado welcomed the child they’d been wanting more than anything in the world into their lives. justine delgado was a miracle baby & because of that here parents doted on her completely , she was their world & they were hers .

beginning

it was obvious from the start that justine was special . she wasn’t just a simple happy child with a small twinkle in her eye. the twinkle burned furiously and brightly , she was a bright light that filled any room she stepped into . though maybe it was what her parents had instilled in her from an earlier age that helped her grow into such a person because you see her parents had always told her to reach for the stars and that in the end if she liked who she was as a person , at the end of the day , that’s all that truly mattered . they worked hard on making sure she was confident in herself . she was without a doubt a soft person but when it came down to it justine was unapologetically herself . she knows her values , her beliefs , her abilities and her worth and i doubt there’s a person that could have ever sway her or make her change her mind .

thanks to the values & beliefs instilled in her by her parents , it was no surprise that justine excelled in almost everything that she did . once she set her mind on achieving something she didn’t stop until she reached it . she was a perfectionist through n’ through & though it aided her in excelling there was no denying that it was also one of her downfalls , she could never do things half heartedly or allow herself a moment to breathe until she was happy .

but for all the things she’s done , there’s only ever been one thing that’s she cared about most in the world . figure skating . since her parents first enrolled her into classes when she was 4 she’s known that it’s the only thing she’s ever wanted to do in life & being able to compete in the olympics was her ultimate goal . a goal she dedicated her whole life to .

her whole life revolved around figure skating . if she wasn’t at school she was at the ice rink training on & off the ice for 4 hours a day . & though she had a solid group of friends around her that did every so often manage to convince her to take a moments rest her social life was almost near non-existent . the olympics were the only thing that mattered at the end of the day , something that was highly achievable thanks to her quickly rising through the levels & winning competition after competition .

middle

though , her plans shifted a little when she was around 15 . the planned had always been to go to the olympics as an individual but after her coach suggested that maybe she could excel in pairs justine’s goal changed course & eric daniels became an important person in her life . he was going to help her win that gold medal & if justine was honest , there was something about doing pairs that skating on her own had never come close to touching .

everything in justine’s life was on track . her & eric were dominating their competitions & were always top of the leader board . there was even talk of them attempting to qualify for the 2018 winter olympics . but one moment , one second , was all it took for justine’s world to come tumbling down .

it was a lift she & eric had done thousands of times before , but a mere second of being out of balance caused it to result in an accident no one could have seen coming . justine ended up with a fractured ankle & a concussion .

the two injuries weren’t exactly the most uncommon in the skating world but this was different. almost everything in her ankle was ruined . tendons , ligaments , bone — and even after surgery it was career ending thanks to also being diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome ( crps ) . justine’s dream of going to olympics was torn from her , leaving her completely lost . without figure skating , she didn’t know who she was or what in the world her life was going to be like now that everything had changed .

at 18 justine was at a loss , having zero plans other than figure skating & watching her friends all go off to college , affected her severely . she lost herself and allowed her crps to take over her life — crutches & pain killers made it just possible for her to walk anywhere . justine was a shell of herself and in the end her parents had to intervene & after countless doctors , pain specialists , physio and psychologist appointments , justine got off her crutches and slowly but surely got some of her life back . walking around and managing to do simple daily tasks was enough to bring back some light back into her eyes .

just around the time after her 19th birthday justine attempted to put her skates back on , after all the doctors never said anything about never being able to skate ever again , but it seemed her physical injuries weren’t the only thing plaguing her . stepped out onto the ice brought back memories of the last time she was on the ice & since that day , she’s never stepped foot back into the ice rink that was once her whole life . she hated that something she once loved now terrified her .

present

she knew she had to start focusing on something else & the fact that her parents were also starting to ask questions about her future , justine finally decided to give university a go . she saw her friends having the time of their lives & thought maybe getting out there & experiencing things she’d never let herself experience completely due to her dedication to figure skating would do a world of good for her . but instead of going to college with her friends , justine enrolled in a university in england . thinking a fresh start where no one knew her would do her some good , so after being accepted into her chosen field of physiotherapy , she was off.

but no matter how much progress she’s made , there’s still a large part of her that has zero clue about what she’s doing or who she really is without figure skating . however , due to not wanting anyone to worry & wanting to appear like she’s doing okay she paints a mask of the girl everyone wants her to be , the old her . the girl that knew who she was inside & out , the girl that never put a foot wrong , the girl that hadn’t been through any trauma . she was easier that way after all , she didn’t come with ’ issues ’ no one really want to hear about , not even her parents , & it seems as though everyone’s buying into the perfect facade she’s built .

PERSONALITY & EXTRA INFO

though she was born in cheltenham , england , due to her father’s work the delgado family moved to chicago when she was only about 3-4 years old & has been living there ever since . however , they do travel to england & spain a lot to visit family .

after her family were invited down to one of her father’s colleagues summer house in coston one summer , her parents fell in love with the place & bought a house there when justine was about 12 . since then , they’ve been coming down each summer ever since .

though justine has always enjoyed her time at coston , she’s become less & less enthused about going each summer . since she’s just finished her 2nd year at uni in england she’d much rather just stay in england with the friends she made over there but her parents believe it’s better for her to come back & be with her family rather than allowing her to do who knows what in england .

even though her parents never forced the level of perfection justine sees for herself , after justine learnt that she was an ivf baby she’d put a lot of pressure on herself . she feels like ... her parents literally PAYED a shit ton of money to have her ... & she doesn’t want to let them down so !! perfection !! it’s !! gotta !! be !!

the type to look put together 24/7 . even her comfy clothes look like something out of a fashion magazine ... pls chill the hell out & look a mess for once in you life , i’m BEGGING

her parents may love her but .... there’s no denying that there is a part of them that wishes that justine doesn’t .... have the ‘ issues ’ she’s dealing with . they kind of just ... pretend they’re not there & hope it goes away . news flash parents , they’re gonna be there her whole life !!

even though she is at her a core a caring , loving & compasionate person who would do anything for the people she loves , she can come across as quite cold , disinterested & seems like she’d be a bitch if we’re being HONEST . but she just has her walls built so gd high that she finds it hard to let a lot of people in , believes that it’s better to keep people at a distance bc then they can’t hurt her like previous people in her life !!!

talking of people that have hurt her (: she’s only ever had 1 boyfriend in her life & everyone thought they were going to be those cliche high school sweethearts but turns out the boy was a DICK & everything fell apart when justine had her accident bc he just didn’t want to deal with all of that & uh .. cheated on her & then blamed it all on her bc she was ‘ hard to deal with & he didn’t need that toxicity in his life ’ basically just made her feel p worthless & i hate him (:

literally HATES being touched & is terrified of heights bc of everything that happened on the ice ): has problems with intimacy & just ... can’t deal with it all bc all she gets is images of that day on the ice when her world turned to SHIT . she just has a hard time trusting people because the last people she let into her life that had a hand in her life ... shattered that trust .

even though she’s studying physiotherapy she is currently not 100% sold on it & is kinda just .... doing it because it’s something to do & appeases her parents need of her to have a bright future even if she just wants to .... cry

is more or less in some sort of pain every day due to her crps but for the most part she deals with it . though it sometimes does get TOO MUCH & she retreats into herself

on a happier note , she has a bengal cat called kovu that she loves with her whole heart & he means the world to her . would be devasted if anything happened to him bc he’s kinda ... keeping her going bc who’s gonna look after him if anything happens to me . has been flying him back & forth from england to america

#coston.intro

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