officialunitedstates

[officialunitedstates]

Why are you anti Hilary Clinton? I'm genuinely curious.. I'm able to vote this year but I'm extremely confused on who to vote for.

When I was in elementary school, Hillary came to our school and did an assembly on early childhood education or something and I remember it being really long and boring sitting there on the concrete floor watching this lady ramble on.  When she was done they took the kids in the first couple of rows and had them stand up so they could shake Hillary’s hand for some reason, and I was in the second row so I had to do it.  She hugged some of the kids and teachers and shook some hands and stuff but when she got to me I was just kinda standing there and then she looked right in my eyes as she let out one of the loudest sneezes my first grade ears had ever heard.  When it was over she wiped her mouth with her hand and then patted me with that hand on my right shoulder.  I’ll never forget the feeling I had deep inside me in that moment.  It was some strange combination of rage, confusion, and disgust and I couldn’t do anything about it because she had already moved down the line.  She never apologized to me and she probably thought I’d forget about it or that I didn’t see her wipe her hand on me, but I still vividly remember that sneeze and wipe to this day.

[officialunitedstates]

Meeting room nine was our room.  It was identical to all of the other meeting rooms in every single way, yes, but it was our favorite.  Every day at around 11:25 I’d walk past Violet’s cubicle with a quick, “9 at 12?” and she’d inattentively nod and go back to typing or stapling, and I’d continue my brisk walk back to my work station.  Why I felt the need to confirm our usual habit was anyone’s guess, my insecurities would be on the top of that guess list though.

Of course it wasn’t just Violet and I.  Ryan and Jennifer were there, too.  I didn’t like them as much as Violet.  Regardless, it was us four in room 9 at 12 noon everyday for lunch for the past four months.  That was how it was, at least, until March 29th.

On March 29th, at 11:57 I sat in room nine with my lunch bag already open, its contents meticulously placed in front of me, my $1.50 bottled mountain dew to my right, my napkin to my left, and my sandwich and bag of pretzels in between.  I was usually the first.  In fact, I tried to be, so I could get in a little extra conversation with the second and third people to enter the room.

Ryan was first.  “Hey, Ryan,” I said.

“Hey, man.” Ryan said. 

I hated how he didn’t say my name.  He knew my name.  I gave him my expense reports all the time and my name was on each of those in three different places.  He definitely knew my name, but he never said it.  When I was in high school, one of my teachers told us that people really appreciate it when you use their name in conversations, and I remember thinking ‘Yes I do like that,’ so it bothered me greatly when Ryan didn’t say my name.

I was waiting to pick up my sandwich until the other two arrived.  It was polite.  In contrast, Ryan plopped down his white syrofoam box of Chinese and began chowing away.  He used chopsticks and I hated him for it.  The bag from the Chinese place came with little plastic white forks and knives.  He was a show-off and always had been.  He only ate with us because he was in Jennifer’s department and they knew each other well.  If it was up to me, he wouldn’t be there.

The entry of Jennifer was a refreshing event.  “Hey Jennifer,” I said.

Jennifer smiled and said hi to me.  She used my name.  Jennifer had a packed lunch, like me, and a really cute laugh.  It was tough to make her laugh, so I tried to prepare a good joke or at least something humorous to say for when I was with her.  We engaged in some light conversation.  

It was 12:04 according to the very plain clock above the door, and I was worried Violet wouldn’t show.  I was running out of conversation with Jennifer and didn’t want Ryan to steal the floor from me. 

I had been preparing this line for a couple days, having thought of it a couple days ago.  So, over the past couple days I had been refining it and practicing it, and I decided that it was the time to use it.  I had prepared this thing for two days, keep in mind.

“You guys ever notice how there’s never any markers on the dry-erase board in here?  How would you even use that thing if you wanted to?”  I said, as best as I could, in a way that a comedian would say it.

My eyes darted to Jennifer’s face.  After gazing over at the board, her face turned towards mine and she laughed!  I was really happy about that.  Ryan laughed too but I didn’t care.

“Where’s Violet?” I said, transitioning, trying to keep up the flow of conversation in the room.  It was 12:05 now.

“Did you remind her?” Jennifer asked me.

“Yes.”

Just then Violet walked into the room with her purple hair on her head (she had purple hair).  Her name was Violet and she had purple hair.  Probably not a coincidence.

“Sorry everyone, I had to print off copies for my meeting later.”

“That’s okay.  No problem,” I said, speaking for everyone in the room. 

“So… what did I miss?” she said, slapping her bag of McDonalds down on the table.  I could only assume there was breakfast food in there.  McDonalds didn’t start serving lunch food until lunch time, and I doubted she had time to make a run there during work hours.  Still, though, she could have done it.  Or it could have been day old lunch food.

“He tried to make a joke about how there’s never any markers by the dry-erase board,” responded Ryan before I had a chance to speak.

“What do you mean tried,” I said, my eyebrows scrunching up in an emotion in between annoyance and anger.  “Both you and Jennifer laughed.”

Ryan chuckled, “We were laughing at you, man.  You talk about the dumbest stuff.” 

Jennifer laughed.  But now I hated her laugh.  Violet had a blank expression, like she probably agreed with him but cared enough about my feelings not to join in.  I couldn’t handle this.  I quickly packed up my lunch, and in my hurry accidentally dropped my opened but untouched bag of pretzels onto the carpet.  I left them there, like I was a common litterer, and ran out of the room.  I didn’t cry, but I really wanted to.  After asking my boss for permission, I went home early and watched TV until dinner time, but I felt too sick to eat anything.

The worst part about the whole thing–the thing that still bugs me to this day–is I never found out if Violet’s McDonalds was lunch or breakfast food.  When I finally mustered up the courage to ask her about it six days later, she claimed she had no idea what I was talking about at all.

[officialunitedstates]

pet owners pay attention!  even though it is september aka ¾ of the way through the year you still have to feed your pets!! just because we’re in the home stretch does not mean your dog or cat does not need food anymore.  make sure to continue to feed your animals

[officialunitedstates]

The microwaves been beeping for the last six minutes. I open it and it keeps going. I close it and it keeps going. Beep beep beep, to no one’s delight but its own. I turn my back and it stops. As if it wants an audience. Or demands. If I was not late for my swimming lesson I might amuse it. Beep on, I resign, beep on. Who am I to deny you your song? For my own is too often quelled and silenced and beaten back. Your one note is dull, but it is your own. My many notes are full, but are overthrown.

[officialunitedstates]

I’d work harder at my job if I knew it mattered but my job is literally just replacing all the brown seeds in watermelons with black seeds and I feel like it’s just so draining and pointless.  no one can really tell and they’re just paying me to keep up some ridiculous conception people have about watermelon. guess what folks - they’re naturally brown!!

[officialunitedstates]

The average human consumes 60,000 calories during the month of November, 30x the daily recommendation

[officialunitedstates]

Is it still quick, easy, and free???? Please I need to know. Time sensitive question

i have just checked with the lawyers. it is still quick easy and free

[officialunitedstates]

Googling "big game tonight"

[officialunitedstates]

as the officialunitedstates do you condemn the british

I commend the welsh

[officialunitedstates]

really do not think it is fair that australia gets a continent all to themselves. there should be 3, if not 5 countries there. like if you agree, don't reblog because i dont want this opinion getting out of my local circle

[officialunitedstates]

[officialunitedstates]

are you actually the first blog to ever grace this hellsite

yep i was here in the beginning. they threw a free laptop at me and said "get to blogging" I said "me? officialunitedstates at officialunitedstates.tumblr.com" and they said "i guess"

[officialunitedstates]

And there I stood on the precipice right outside the great verdant castle, its walls and gates themselves towering over the South Atlantic on the border between Português y Español. 500 years of colonization had led to the great structure behind me, and billions of years had led to the ocean before me, yet we call one a marvel and the other a geographic fact. How many had looked upon this same ocean, with their back at the same fortress, with their mind on the same thoughts I now drew? I picked up the soil from below me, letting it sift and slide through my hands. Gravity cleaned them completely. Even the specks of the earth did not dare stay with me. Then, out in the distance, a dot of gray. A ship? It had to be, simply deduced. What else would dwell far out amongst the blue; what else would dare? And on that ship, was there anyone with a spyglass, a telescope, who would venture their eyes upon the upper coast and spot me, peering without aid onto their vessel? Many paths, one self, and one mind to use to compensate the course, to steer and navigate the soul. I had been here before, I thought, throughout my life, yet never had I reached the same climax of suspense, the same clifftop. I had distractions back then, I had mortal others, but most terrifyingly I had a freely-provided shovel and endless soil to bury it all away in a nice and clean pile. And still more, I never dared climb the cliff to begin with; I never dared to stand with the castle at my back. My civilization, my decade, wasted? Yes, wasted. 10 years of lies, of angst, of waiting for nothing to happen. Who was I to do this to myself? Who was I to meander through the maze of society's corruption and seemingly attractive pits? Where was I hoping to arrive if not back at the original start after trekking through mire and empty mirth? What was I if not pitifully self-righteous, ignorant, foolish. He laid my path before me 29 years ago, when all the doctors thought I may have not even started it, or reached it only to succumb to some of the worst afflictions humans face. But then I was born, free of it all. I thought myself as burdened these past years, but no, I was in fact weightless. I had only to take the easiest steps with the lamp at my feet and the light on my path. To follow the one who had laid that path before me. I had only to progress, to trust, to believe, to pour out. What could I do now but smile? Rejoice in knowing that I have turned the corner, that I had climbed the cliff, that I had the great, green castle at my back, and that I had the great, blue ocean of possibilities in front of me, endlessly spewing forth water and life. I did not need to climb up this mountain to see it, but now that I had, my vision was clear, and I could see in all the good and great glory what awaits before me, and what awaits everyone else as well.

[officialunitedstates]

Are you married

hey thanks for asking. no im not currently married. im trying to get 6 gfs

[officialunitedstates]

don't even THINK about buying this arizonians

[officialunitedstates]

anyone notice how every single woman on hinge is a teacher?

[officialunitedstates]

my friend bought a new camera last week and i wanted him to show me what it looked like but he couldnt take a picture of it because it was his only camera. you may be thinking “he could take a picture of it in a mirror” but he actually couldnt because i broke all of his mirrors three months ago because he cheated during battleship