offensiunculae

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I will NOT list my mental illnesses in my bio. find them out through the stuff I post on here like a normal person!!!

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I’m stuck here laying in bed thinking about MegaCon. I’m so happy I went, it was so much fun, but I unfortunately had some moments that did make me miserable

My psychiatrist put me on new antidepressants in the hopes that it’ll fix my cripplingly low self esteem. I do not see any value in myself. I can’t stand pictures. I don’t see why anyone would like me. It’s a whole issue.

But on Saturday night I thought things would get better if I bought a last minute Joseph Quinn photo op. I thought I’d regret not buying it and hey, the antidepressants feel like they’re working! I’ve been in a consistently better mood and I’m not as disgusted when I look in a mirror.

However, all those hopes vanished when I saw my picture because I just kept picking it apart. I’m standing weird, your face is ugly, your neck is too wide (that one is new), etc etc. I spent so much money on this hoping that it would be a sign that I’m getting better but I’m not. I was gonna surprise my parents and be like look what I did! but right now I think it’s gonna stay with the first photo I got with Joe which means it’ll also be facing the wall never to see the light of day.

Also, I know he wasn’t smiling because this con was probably really overwhelming (I mean it was overwhelming for me and I was just an attendee, I can’t imagine the stress as a celebrity guest) but when I look at my photo with him and compare it to other photos from that day I swear he looks even more upset with me? And now that I’m seeing he’s smiling, teeth and all, in the Sunday photos it just makes me regret this decision even more.

I also have my gripes with the staff because I’ve now tried twice to just thank him for lifting me up during a difficult time in my life because we were rushed again. I wanted to thank him for being the reason why I met my best friends but I swear I got to say even less than I did the first time. Do I even try again the next time he does a con near me or do I just assume it’s not meant to happen.

Idk I know I should tell my psychiatrist since I’m seeing him on Tuesday but I just have a feeling it’s gonna end in him increasing my antidepressants even more in an attempt to fix something that is clearly unfixable. I can’t love myself, it’s too far gone.

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Love how much fun he's having <3

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women keep coming up to me giggling and blushing and running their finger along the edge of my mighty greatsword like STOP theres literally evil afoot

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'you still listen to music from 10 years ago 🤨?' bitch if prehistoric humans had audio recording technology id be sat up here listening to grog and unga bunga's greatest hits don't play with me

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#mind your language, sir

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joseph quinn during the fantastic four trailer launch at u.s. space & rocket center huntsville, alabama (2025)

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Minecraft cow but! Warmb.

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dork

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djo via poonehghana

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hi handsome

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JOSEPH QUINN as JOHNNY STORM / HUMAN TORCH THE FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS (2025)