obsxssedwithstuff

[obsxssedwithstuff]

For the 3 people that still care ♥️

[obsxssedwithstuff]

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Yall this man (we'll call him J)

Met him at a two-week event where the main point is getting drunk, dancing and DJs

We both went on 4 days (always friday and saturday)

Friday I see J at the entrance and he immediately catches my eye, like this man is slightly older than me but definitely in my age range, I see him greet one of my friends so I figure out his nickname and age easily (hes just 2 years older, nothing crazy)

Then I keep seeing him around and notice hes friends with another friend of mine

So he's not in MY social circle but he IS in multiple of my friend's social circles

I manage to pull him with some wingmanship from multiple friends

I spend hours with J that night, mostly dancing right up by the stage, at some points drunkenly and sloppily making out, what you'd expect

We're both just here for something very casual but he remembers small details, shows me the entire place, we walk hand in hand, we talk a lot and he ends up asking me for my insta and then my number and we text a lot

Listen, when I tell you this man is hot !!! Messy black hair, a lot taller than me, half-chinese and half costa rican, his chest, shoulders and arms make it VERY obvious that he works out a lot but he still has that bit of fat to him that makes him soft. His eyes oml, he had like chinese eyes but they were rather big and so dark I was literally melting into them. His lips were full but not wide and his nose was literally out of a kdrama istg. And his hand placement was always immaculate. Also big veiny hands yall I was down bad. He also had great style and an overall very calm demeanor. 11/10. This was literally the man of my dreams. No threat of commitment, no lovebombing, no obligation whatsoever so i could keep all my freedom. My brother (who usually (always) disapproved of my choices in men) approved of him.. like he was a real catch

The next day I see J there again and we repeat pretty much the same process. I take several videos this time and he puts me on his shoulders and stuff. He isn't ashamed of kissing me infront of both his and my friends. I spend the next week listening to the one song he sang along to on repeat. I love the song, I become obsessed. To me this is now our song as the lyrics also sort of fit us and our situation. My hair smells of his perfume. I can't stop thinking about him.

I tell all my friends about him, I put songs in my insta note with hints to him, I imagine the ones he puts are for me. I am so obsessed with his looks. He's a busy guy, he goes to university, does sports, works.

The next weekend I see him there again and "our song" comes on. I'm amazed, I'm obsessed, I'm delusional. Theres a part that goes "stay, cause I don't want anything anymore if its not with you" we both sing along fully, i get it on video, he puts his head on my shoulder from behind as we sing the lyrics, it feels like he means it... we're having so much fun and such a good time, the music is great and everything.

The next day I see him again but he disappears for like 20 minutes, comes back and disappears for another 2 hours leaving me with my friends. At this point im fully convinced that hes got another girl and is hanging out with her so i start to drink and go flirt with other people. I delete our chats and unfollow him. Once he's back though I sort of ignore him until our mutual friend literally pulls me away from the girl im flirting with and towards him. I complain to him and he says something about picking up his friends. We get along fine again but he keeps sort of randomly leaving me alone again for some time. I tell him I want to sleep with him (we've danced suggestively and made out more than enough for this to be reasonable).

A couple of weeks later he picks me up near my house and we go to his house. Keep in mind I'd only slept with one person prior to this and it was a very questionable experience that I never wanted to repeat again. Anyway.. he seems very experienced, its all good and enjoyable, not very stressfull, he definitely knows what hes doing but there isnt really much aftercare and it all feels rushed (his parents would be home soon so its understandable).

Then like a week or two later he invites me to come see him play basketball, picks me up near my house and we go to the court together. Between plays he comes and sits with me and before going back to playing he gives me a kiss infront of a bunch of his friends and it just feels very relationshippy even though rationally I know it's not. After the game we all (us and some of his friends) go eat pizza together and we're sitting super super close and snuggled up. Then we go to his friends house, theres some making out and he makes sure I get home.

Then a few weeks later we're still talking and I make up some elaborate excuse and go sleep at his house bc his parents arent home for the weekend. Probably wouldn't repeat that tbh, it was a nice experience but thinking about it now idk if it was really worth it. I was gonna leave the country in about a month so I thought we might keep talking for another few weeks but he ghosted me a day later. Didn't unfollow me on insta though. Just removed my ability to see his stories which pmo a little.

I was really hurt though. Like I just didnt understand WHY he would ghost me. Especially after he always treated me so sweetly. He could've said anything, he could've let me know or something, there was really no need to ghost me but whatever.

Then I had a party planned. I had invited him to the initial one but once he ghosted me I didnt send him the updated location and whatever, and didnt send it to his friends either.

The date of my party arrives, I tell my friends not to mention J, not to put on our song even if I requested it, no J whatsoever at my party. I'm happy, I'm having a good time, flirting with this guy I'd had my sights on for a few days. EIGHTY PERCENT of the people I'd made out with since I'd gotten to the country showed up. Including J. Now, I never saw him arrive, there were at least 150 people at this party, maybe even 200 or more, idk I didn't count. So I'm flirting with this dude and a friend of mine shows up and tells me "hey, J is here" and I obviously dont fucking believe her so I tell her (bc I'm not over him, its only been like 3 weeks) "take me to him, take me to him right now. Immediately." And she does and it really is him. I'm a bit drunk already and start hyperventilating and panicking because I did not expect this or plan on this whatsoever. Idk why he's even here. I'm pissed, I'm stressed, I'm confused. I go to a room to be in private and just start having a panic attack (probably, I was crying and I couldn't breathe). I get in front of the mirror and compose myself. I go to confront him and I say something along the lines of "how did you get here, I didnt send you or your friends the location, what are you doing here? Why did you come?" Expecting (subconsciously) that he'd come to see me and he was sorry for ghosting me and whatnot. Disappointingly he just said "idk, go have fun" and I swear this pissed me off so bad I just stormed out of there and went to look for my friends. Once I found them I began explaining what had happened between tears, telling them why I was so mad and that I just didnt get why he even showed up. He hadn't even shown up with friends, it was just him. And I was crying because of it. At my own damn party. I get with the guy I was flirting with before, our chemistry is great, whatever. Like a week later I sleep with him but its not anything compared to J. I miss him. I try to get over him but it's impossible, even the things that gave me an ick abt him arent enough to get over him, no matter how hard i try i cant obsess over the new guy enough to forget J.

Another week passes and J finally unfollows me on insta and removes me from his followers

A few days have passed since then and i still cant stop thinking about J

Whyyyyy

I want him back

Now I just need to become hotter than him so that he's no longer out of my league and then pull someone even better than him. And not get attached this time. But its sooo hard bc this man was so insanely attractive, physically he had everything I ever wanted from a guy.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Been outside my country and had 0 reputation to worry abt

The road to self discovery is more like a rollercoaster

Highlights (not in any order):

- turned 16

- kissed a girl for the first time

- religious transformation

- now have debt of 2000€

- got cat called for the first time

- ate a lot of new foods

- entered my slut era

- lost my best friend of three years

- learned spanish (now almost fluent)

- learned how 2 flirt

- pulled one (1) guy wayyyy out of my league

- got ghosted after talking for 6 weeks (by him)

- still not over him (gonna make another post abt him)

- got drunk for the first time

- kept drinking

- became more feminine

- tried weed

- got hit on by old men for the first time

- lost my dignity

- started liking 5 new music genres

- lost my virginity

- took someones (different guys) virginity

- went to a stadium for the first time

- went to my first party

- learned to dance

- made so many new friends

- increased my kiss count significantly (was 1)

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Bringing this into 2025

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

perhaps ripping this one little piece of skin off my lips will at last render them plump and moisturized

[obsxssedwithstuff]

I love looking through my old notes because I just found one from 7 months ago that said "I have never been so attracted to someone before I think" and i was referring to a former drug addict I saw exactly once

[obsxssedwithstuff]

I lied. I don't actually hate Pink. I was wrong. Orange isn't my least favorite colour anymore.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

lose my mind everytime a communist says "i don't care about what zionism is like in theory, i only care about its real world impacts thus far!"

are. are you. hmm. anyways.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Harris supporters: Kamala Harris wants to help Palestinians!

Harris: Actually, I want to keep sending Israel weapons!

Harris supporters: Lol, don't listen to her. This is all part of a long-game strategy to help Palestinians.

Harris: No. I really believe Israel is just defending itself. It's just defending itself in a problematic way.

Harris supporters: Lalalalala! She's antigenocide!

[obsxssedwithstuff]

[obsxssedwithstuff]

The Great Synagogue of Constanța is a disused former Jewish synagogue in the city of Constanța, Romania. [750x907]

[obsxssedwithstuff]

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

she needs unproblematic queer relationships with thoughtful communication and healthy attachment

no! unproblematic representation will kill the patient

she needs queerbait to live

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[obsxssedwithstuff]

Mazel tov!!

There is officially another Jewish baby in the world.