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Everything is moving around me,photos are moving constantly, objects I hold stretch out, figures are watching my every move, help me

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Got broken up with which has started a odd depressive and paranoid episode, my hallucinations chilled out for abit but now they are back cuz of all of this am pathetic ffs

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I want human connection yet I don’t like speaking to new people

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I feel like god is trying to speak to me and it’s making me feel sick I have no one to speak to about this

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I was almost forced into doing sports today in school, that may seem simple to you however it was awful to me, I haven’t done proper PE in years I stopped going last year because of how awful it made me feel, our PE class is always group sports today it was rounders, one of my least favourite, mainly because of my teacher because when I was 10 she use to visit my primary school to teach us because my primary is near my high school, anyway I was a very nervous and shy little kid and I went up to her one day when we were doing rounders because I was so stressed out, I physically felt ill at the thought of doing such things in front of people, I told her I couldn’t do it and why, she began screaming at me telling me it’s all my fault that my team are losing and that am just gonna sit down and be useless, I’d never had teachers yell at me before I was a good kid and I cried at the noise of shouting I remember sobbing my heart out and it still effects me to the point rounders is the only sport I CANNOT do like I would panic at doing football but rounders! I’d probably die

Anyway back to the point of this post, I started going half way through this year because they began letting us just walk around, it was good it wasn’t stressful, so I went there today all happy, but then they brought the stuff out, I cannot describe the disgust in my stomach, firstly we did a group throw I was with my best friend and a girl I like, it was okay, however then she called all of the girls and told we were gonna change it up, and she was gonna demonstrate with my group,mind you my group is me and two other shy girls, I have autism and because I struggle my teachers have to mandatory read something about stuff I cannot do one of which is doing demonstrations in front of class, luckily she stopped before I had to go maybe because she saw the tears begin to form maybe because she remembered or maybe because I was staring at my friend like a shell shocked solider, then it was over, a sigh of relieve but then she told the group of three popular people to join us, fuck, they aren’t even the popular people who can be funny or just let you be they are the bitchy ones who always have to be horrible, the popular girl I’ll cal stefany gives mea stinker while looking me up and down, we begin throwing the ball in some weird row line thing I cannot do this so I step out, the popular girls scream at me “YOU HAVENT THROWN” I just say I know sheepishly if I was a animal my tail would be so far tucked, stefany says “god I hate people who don’t take part” the sickness overwhelms I tell myself don’t cry Nyan don’t do it, the continued to look at me weird and say remarks like “at least and doing something” whenever they’re friend says something and looking at me and laughing. It ends finally and rounders starts my friend tells the teacher I can’t do this so me and my friend sit ont the side then this teacher shouts at my friend telling her go, so am sat there alone of the side in front of everyone I feel all eyes on me.

It seems small however it’s really effected me I wanted to just speak to someone

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Sitting in a dark room with my blinds blu tacked to the wall so no light gets through, the only light I see is coming from my phone or laptop I rot away like this every single day

I want to jump in a pile of broken glass

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I hate leaving my house, I feel disgusting whenever I step outside I just wish to stay home every second, my parents tell me that I need to leave my house however I’ve got no desire.

Growing up I always isolated myself however it’s gotten worse lately, I ignore my friends for no reason yet I cry at how lonely I am, I don’t even understand why I do it, I wish I had some pill I could take to wash everything away, I wish whatever I experience had a name and I could get support, sure I have depression but there is so much deeper

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My dreams on sertraline are so realistic I cannot tell the difference from my real life

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Desperately want people to listen to my issues cuz I hate bottling them up

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Born to look like a moe girly, forced to be human, boring and realistic

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This is a old dress of mine from when I liked Lolita fashion :) glad it fits mind the cheap blouse with it I didn’t want to get my nice blouse dirty

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My first blog and a introduction

My name is miles am a 15 year old girl,I struggle with my mental health and I wanted to find a place to speak to people as I struggle speaking 1 on 1 (please don’t contact me 1 on 1 I get very uncomfortable)

Am not popular in my school people ignore me more then anything, I like it that way tho I have no desire to be popular, I am diagnosed as autistic and with depression am currently on sertraline tho it doesn’t help me and I HATE how vivid the dreams are, my mood is pretty much always low I try act happy around people however I get so stressed that I get hyper, it makes me feel worse cuz it’s like my brain is overheating but at least people think am happy, I struggle with these really weird delusions and hallucinations, idk if they are even classed as that, because with my delusions half my brain understands that what I think is insane however the other part of it is going insane and making me feel extreme emotions, hallucinations I can tell are hallucinations most of the time, they aren’t scary nor detailed but I see things move In a worm like way, I see dark figures and faces or dogs and cats, they don’t tend to scare me but sometimes they do.

I’ve struggled with low mood most my life however the delusions and hallucinations started when I was 13,they aren’t severe but they impact me inside they make me feel scared and insane,hopefully I can post here again