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[nut0rnot]

V: Help! I Need to Stretch Out For Valentine's Day!

FINALLY a cute game for the gays! This game was developed by pastrygames on itch and submitted for Strawberry Jam 5. I have no idea what Strawberry Jam 5 is because every time I look it up, I just find images of jellied fruits.

That aside, the game is super cute. You play as a bright red rabbit who is planning a sexy Valentine's Day for their boyfriend. The only catch? Their boyfriend's schlong is so massive that our hero needs to stretch out their hole in order to give him the perfect V-Day.

The gameplay consists of point-and-click investigating, then using the mouse to drag your character's rump down onto various objects and penises.

The game is short, sweet, and to the point -- your first in-game action is putting something up your butt and pretty much goes forward like that. I highly encourage giving the game a try if you're into anthropomorphic animals, anal, or just want to see a cutesy, silly game with sex in it. I didn't bust to this game or anything, but that's mostly because none of the other characters in the game were particularly my type.

You can actually play the game entirely for free on itch with links to support the devs patreon accessible in the game.

[nut0rnot]

N/A: Sold Girls Town

I can't remember how I discovered this game. Probably because I like management simulators. I don't want to write too much about it to be honest. Just loading it up made me feel disgusting. I know people have different ways to live out their fantasies or whatever, but this is just too far.

I don't know who made it. I deleted it shortly after installing it. Don't play this game. Don't look it up.

Illusion's R*pelay is disgusting in and of itself, but this game takes it a step further by monetizing the events that are going on.

I only mention the game's existence in the first place so that if you happen to come across this game you do not play it.

I'll definitely be posting a real review soon, but a lot of the garbage I sift through isn't even worth the energy that goes into typing "It wasn't very good." This game was so repulsive, that I had to take a minute and vomit onto my keyboard purely to get every last trace of it out of my system.

I won't be tagging this post with anything other than "Do not play." If I encounter any other games of this variety in the future, I will do the same.

[nut0rnot]

My dedication to this blog has taken me to the depths of itch.io; we're going deep to find stuff worth playing lmao

[nut0rnot]

IV: Orc Massage

Play If You Like: Monster girls, size difference, business management, playing games one-handed

TW: Possible Antisemitism?

    Man, what is it with me and simulation games? I promise I’ll get around to another genre soon, I promise. Orc Massage is available on Steam right now, and is the first game I can comfortably recommend without saying “Don’t pay for this game.”

    The premise is simple: You’re an orc, you’ve just gotten a job at a massage parlor, and you want to make money. You work on a variety of clients, inspire them to become regulars, and use the money they give you to improve your massaging ability. Once you’ve worked on them enough, they might begin taking you up on other services. *Hint hint*

    As of right now, there are only three main girls, along with a bunch of faceless clients that appear during a rhythm game section. You can only bed the main three, but that’s okay because they’re all hot. There’s an elf businesswoman, a harpy gymrat, and a tiger policewoman. Each one has a different way of reacting to your massages, and they all have different areas that need to be massaged. After all, they have totally different physiology.

    Massaging consists of removing tension in select areas on the client – be careful not to over-massage areas, or they’ll wind up sore. Once you’ve satisfied the main massage conditions, you can move onto more intimate messages, and eventually full blown sex. The gameplay is fine. It’s very simple, and in some cases it can be very relaxing. Unfortunately, the tutorial does a very poor job explaining how to actually play, so if you find yourself stuck, honestly just go on reddit or something.

    The graphics are fine. Not too bad, not the best I’ve ever seen. There can be a lot of clipping in some of the scenes, which I excuse because of early access. There’s really not much more to write about. This is a simple game, with a simple premise, and I had fun playing it. My favorite girl is the harpy, but I won’t go too much into detail as to why. ;)

    It’s refreshing to play a game that doesn’t have anything that screams “Run away,” at me. If I had to throw one critique at the game thus far, I’d say that it uses the stereotypical depiction of goblins, which always feels antisemitic to me. The character only shows up briefly though, so once you make it through the intro, you never have to see him again in the current build. Overall, I’ll give the game an 8/10 because it knows what it wants to be, does it, and does it well.

[nut0rnot]

III.V: Illusion

In a quick break from the game reviews, I would like to take a moment to talk about the game company Illusion. This company has been around for a while. According to Wikipedia, they have been producing games since 1997, but also the company was founded in 2000? Someone might want to update that. Their claim to fame is essentially that in an era where all porn games were strictly 2-D, Illusion went the extra mile and had their games feature 3-D models. Very cool, much innovation. With such a forward-thinking company, how could their games not find international acclaim? Players outside of Japan began sampling Illusion’s wares, and not everybody was enjoying what they discovered.

    You see, Illusion is the developer of the highly controversial games Battle R*per and R*peLay. If you can’t guess what those asterisks are there for, you probably aren’t old enough to be reading this.

    In response to the sudden wave of criticism from outside Japan, Illusion did what any reasonable company would: They issued a statement that their games were not intended for sale or distribution outside of Japan. Classic.

    Years later, Illusion would go back on this by partnering with Fakku to distribute their game Honey Select Unlimited, and even put AI Shoujo and Koikatsu Party on Steam. While these games are censored in the Steam release, Illusion’s own website features patches to allow access to the full content.    It really is a shame, because Koikatsu is probably one of the best character makers in gaming – I’m sure I’ll discuss it on this blog at some point – but I simply can’t in good faith support a company with such repugnant morals. Hence, I will only be recommending that you play their games if you do so without paying for them. I will also never link directly to their website. Thanks for reading, and now back to our regularly (un)scheduled content.

[nut0rnot]

III: Artificial Academy 2

(Disclaimer: I Used AA2 Mini)

Play If: You like school settings, The Sims, drama, dating simsTW: Teacher-Student Relationships, Blackmail, Noncon, Bullying, Pregnancy, Murder, Voyeurism

Artificial Academy 2 is the aptly named sequel to the first Artificial Academy game – which from what I hear, was absolutely abysmal. I haven’t played the first game, and I probably never will. AA was developed by Illusion, a company that fans of the hentai genre may already be quite familiar with. I was completely unfamiliar with Illusion before playing this game, and I like to think that’s a good thing. Illusion is a company so problematic that I will be including a separate post detailing just why you should never purchase a game from them.  For now though, I will give them one allowance: Artificial Academy 2 is one of the most fun Sims games I have ever played.

AA2 has a very simple premise: You have a class full of students that you customize – from their appearances to their personalities – and you take control of one of them and interact with your peers. The teacher is also customizable, and you have the option of playing as the teacher instead of one of the students. You can change which character you play each day, or play as the same one for your whole playthrough. The real fun of the game (for me, at least) comes from treating it as a high school social experiment simulator. “Will these two students get together?” “What happens in a classroom full of bullies?” “What happens if he catches her cheating on him?” That’s right – I enjoy the main game more than any of the porn in AA2. This game is a gold mine for fans of cheesey drama. Sure, it features a lot of variety in terms of sex scenes – which are well animated – but I really just enjoyed having my characters spread rumors, bully each other, and form relationships. In fact, I would feel comfortable saying that you could play AA2 for several hours, without encountering any sex, and still be satisfied with your playthrough. The game has no real plot, and is entirely driven by the player’s interest, so expect anywhere from 3-18 hours from AA2. Three hours if you’re just in it to jack off, anywhere more than that if you actually enjoy the simulation gameplay. AA2 also has a huge modding community; the version of the game I ended up spending most of my time with was AA2 Mini – an optimized version of the game put together by fans. I highly recommend going for this version if you intend to play the game. It allows for better customization, enhanced performance, and significantly decreases the file size. Not to mention, you don’t have to pay Illusion to play it.

As much fun as the game has the potential to be, there is a lot to discuss in terms of the bad. Before getting into the problematic content, I want to air some of my less intense grievances. First and foremost: I hate that female characters can give head, but male characters can’t give cunnilingus. Lame. Male customization options are miniscule compared to female ones, even with modded content. This is a problem that tons of games suffer from, but it feels worse in a porn game where customization makes up at least 45% of the gameplay.

Outside of customization, there are some gameplay annoyances as well. If you click on another character’s portrait, you can quickly travel to their location; while this is a useful mechanic, it can also make your character walk into locker rooms or bathrooms they shouldn’t be in. This negatively affects other students’ perception of your character, and can become frustrating very quickly. AA2’s gameplay consists of a whole lot of clicking. The game lures you in with the mention of “Fighting Styles” in the character customization menus, only for there to not be any sort of fighting minigame. If the drama and characters can’t keep you invested, you’ll dip out of AA2 very quickly.

Alright. Now for the sad part. You may have noticed that this game contains a whole lot of trigger warnings. The good news is that any and all triggering content can easily be avoided by making a class that contains no characters that would engage in the triggering content. That doesn’t change the fact that the game was designed to make use of all this stuff. I’ll discuss it more in a later post, but many of Illusion’s games have a large emphasis on SA. This game is no different. In order to avoid any of this content, you need to either make an entirely new class, or edit the default class to ensure that none of them are horrible people. This can be done very easily, but may be a little time consuming. In essence, this game is what you make of it. Any potentially triggering content can be avoided, but if you are actively seeking that kind of thing out – which I don’t condone, by the way – you’ll be sure to encounter it.

It is hard to recommend a game that has the potential for such gross content. It is hard to recommend a game designed by a company with a history of promoting SA in their games. AA2 was fun for me, but that is because I wasn’t playing it as a porn game. I’ll give it a 5/10, but it has the potential to score higher depending on the mods you use.

[nut0rnot]

II. Princess & Conquest

Play If: You like fantasy settings, dungeon crawling, clever writing, and fucking dragons

TW: Public sex, Breeding, Slavery, W*ndigo mention, Noncon

Have you ever found a game that would literally be perfect if not for the inclusion of just one horrible aspect? That’s how I feel about Princess & Conquest. You play as a chivalrous knight who is tasked with uniting a kingdom on the brink of total war. At a glance, the kingdom seems to be your typical D&D type world, but once you make it out of the tutorial, you’ll find that it more closely resembles a sexed-up version of Adventure Time’s Ooo. Each kingdom is run by a different Princess, and you’ll have to decide who you’ll ally yourself with in order to keep things running smoothly. There are a ton of different endings in this game; each princess has a story you can follow, as do many other side characters. While you don’t have much control over your character’s appearance, you do have plenty of input as to their backstory and stats. There are some light political tactics mechanics that I never bothered to get the grasp of, because I was too busy railing Mouse Princess.

    Once the player does manage to get some succ, it’s possible for your companions to become pregnant. The game features a suspiciously in-depth system for character pregnancy. Princesses have menstrual cycles, and they suffer stat penalties while pregnant. It is kind of neat to be able to add your kids to the party, if you ignore a lot of obvious red flags there. IT IS WORTH MENTIONING THAT THE GAME KNOWS WHO YOUR KIDS AND AND DOES NOT ALLOW FOR HAVING SEX WITH THEM. THANK CHRIST, IT IS ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC THAT I NEED TO BE IMPRESSED BY THAT.

    The art style is adorable most of the time. When it isn’t adorable, it’s kinda hot. Unfortunately, this RPG Maker game does commit the most grievous of sins: It uses some of the RTP assets included with the RPG Maker program. I’m willing to excuse it since the game is still in early access, but it does make a lot of the backgrounds really ugly. If you can look past that – along with the somewhat boring battle system – you’re bound to have a great time.

    Some of my highest praise is for P&C’s replay ability. You have plenty of options for your character’s backstory, but there are also ways to customize a playthrough before it begins. You can randomize where you start, pick a specific kingdom, or just play through the original story. It guarantees that no two playthroughs will be the same. I’d also like to give a special mention to the level up system, which is way better than traditional RPGs where a character has a predetermined stat curve. At the end of the day – yes, the game has a functioning (and customizable) day and night cycle – you and your companions rest by the fire and burn “Candies.” These are the equivalent of souls from Dark Souls. They act as both EXP and currency. Character’s have stats that affect combat, but also stats that affect how open they are to romance and sex.

    Unfortunately, not everything is all cum and roses. The base game features a mechanic called “Sex Fight” that essentially allows enemies to fuck the character you’re playing as if they hit you. THIS FEATURE CAN BE DISABLED BEFORE THE GAME EVEN STARTS THROUGH THE OPTIONS MENU. There are also mechanics that allow for Princesses of razed kingdoms to be sold into sex slavery, or to unload your own offspring into sex work (they fully mature and stuff, so it isn’t pedophilia, but it still feels like something they should not include in the game). LUCKILY, THIS CAN ALSO BE AVOIDED BY SIMPLY NOT ENGAGING WITH THE GOBLIN PRINCESS’S SLAVE MARKET. UNFORTUNATELY, I DO NOT THINK THERE IS ANY WAY TO REMOVE THIS ASPECT FROM THE GAME ENTIRELY. THIS IS THE MAJOR BLIGHT THAT EXISTS, AND IT SADDENS ME EVERY TIME I REMEMBER THAT I PURCHASED THIS GAME ON STEAM AFTER LIKING MY INITIAL RUN ON MY PIRATED COPY.

Princess & Conquest has a lot to unpack. It has rough edges. But I’ll be damned if the character interactions aren’t fantastic. The art is so stylized, and it’s easy to fall in love with the world’s characters. In general, I give it a 6/10, because good writing can’t save bad combat mechanics and problematic themes. From the lens of an RPG Maker game, I give it an 8/10, because I’ve played way too many bad RPG Maker games. If you’re willing to avoid the problematic content in the game, I definitely suggest at least going through one character’s route. The writing is so fun, and each of the princesses is so unique. Maybe don’t buy it though. 

[nut0rnot]

I: Quickie: A Love Hotel Story

Play If: You like Diner Dash, The Fallout Mobile Game, or Tycoon Games

TW: Student-Teacher Relationships, Hospitalized Parent, Step-Sibling Play

Quickie is a visual novel / dating / hotel management sim. You take the role of a male protagonist whose parents are struggling to keep the family hotel afloat following the father’s hospitalization.

You offer to take over and decide to convert the run-down hotel into a modern, sleazy love shack. The premise gets you into the game quickly enough, but still takes the time to deal with your family’s discomfort at this sudden transformation. Overall, the story isn’t particularly riveting. Most of the characters are essentially tropes, and nobody would hold it against you for forgetting their names.

What makes this game worth playing is how effectively it blends relationship building and business management. Your character is expected to attend school, keep his grades up, maintain his relationship with his parents, and run the hotel. You may have noticed I mentioned grades – this might make some readers nervous. Rest assured, all the characters are adults. Our “Hero” is in university (and is considering dropping out to focus on the family business). While on the topic of school, I want to warn that the teacher is a romanceable character. I’m usually kind of into teacher types, but I don’t like the teacher in this game at all. She’s supposed to be French, but she just reads like a caricature. On top of that, she has some of the worst dialogue in the game. This is particularly egregious because overall, the game’s dialogue is really good and feel’s natural.

Quickie’s gameplay loop consists of building relationships with girls, learning their stories, and fucking their brains out. This is achieved by memorizing what kinds of gifts they like and how they feel about different topics. This is all standard dating sim faire. On the management side of things, you’re upgrading your hotel and trying to make as much money as possible. You start with a few different types of rooms you can build, and quickly begin expanding your services – kink themed rooms? Check. Pay-per-view porn in the rooms? Double check. Condoms available for purchase by guests? You got it. You can buy additional blueprints at different stores to add new types of rooms to your hotel, which can also unlock special sex scenes with the love interests. Once you make enough money, you can buy more hotels in different parts of Tokyo, which unlocks those areas and introduces new girls as well.

Building up your hotel and purchasing other locations surprised me with the sense of accomplishment it granted. Earning money by operating the hotel and making it a dream destination is where Quickie really shines for me. Funnily enough, you can become a master hotel owner-operator without ever having sex with any of the girls.

Of course, you didn’t come here just to hear me rant about arranging hotel rooms, did you? 

    Quickie has a variety of porn scenes with each character. Once you’ve gotten them sufficiently into you, they can be invited back to the love hotel for some lovin’. In the build I was playing, I managed to achieve all the sex scenes. To be upfront with you, they are mostly reading. If that’s something you’re into, great! You’ll probably enjoy the little animations going on alongside the text. The voice acting is nothing to write home about, but it also isn’t so bad that I had to mute the game.

My favorite love interest is the library girl (who also happens to be the one of the first girls you meet). She’s a shy girl who enjoys writing and attends the protagonist’s university. As you spend time with her, you discover that she actually writes porn manga which she shares with the school librarian in return for constructive criticism. As far as characters go, she’s vanilla, but she sure is cute. It helps that she has huge bazongas and is into some pretty freaky stuff.

You aren’t limited to pursuing just one girl per run, though; this is a Hunie Pop situation: You’re gunning to plow as many girls as you can. Other than one optional sex-scene (that ends in an FMF threesome), none of the girls get offended or discover that you are cheating on them (not that you “officially” enter a relationship with any of them).

As far as triggering content goes, there was nothing non-consensual, which tragically is worth mentioning when it comes to porn games. As long as you avoid making the first move on the teacher, you can avoid any kind of relationship with her altogether. The cute idol girl / girl next door character is a fun option to pursue, but I would recommend avoiding her sex scene in the “Family Room” at the hotel, as she engages in role-play with the protagonist that leans into little sister fetishism.

    Overall, I’d give the game a 7/10 as far as porn games go. The actual gameplay is super fun, and up until you finish fucking the love interests, the actual dating part is really good too. In terms of porn content, you get a nice variety of body types and scenarios. I would like to see a little more diversity in race and body type, but considering the low budget and the fact that Quickie came from Japan, I’m impressed there was a brown girl in the game at all. Worth a play, even in its unfinished state. If you end up enjoying it, support the official release – I’m going to give it another shot when it finishes development.

[nut0rnot]

0: Forward

Porn Games are a genre in the same sense that RPGs are a genre – literally anything fits into the category. There are so many subgenres that calling something a Porn Game tells you nothing about it, save for the fact that it contains some bumping and grinding. Does that make Mass Effect a porn game? Some would argue it does. Aside from potentially being a porn game, Mass Effect is an RPG,  shooter,  adventure game, and so many other genres. My point here isn’t to nitpick the definition of a porn game, but rather to point out that porn games come in all shapes and sizes. There are porn RPGs. Porn simulators. Porn action games. To disparage a game simply because it contains horny elements is to shut oneself off from some of gaming’s most unique experiences. In the pages that follow, I have done my best efforts to chronicle some of the porn games I consider to be not just good porn games, but good games in general. If you really needed an excuse aside from “I’m horny,” to try out any of these games, consider this blog your hero. Just be aware there may be some light spoilers.

Just a few notes before I dive into the content. These games are listed in no particular order. Unless otherwise stated, I did not pay for these games: I pirated them like a responsible gamer. The main focus of these mini-reviews will be on gameplay and story; I find it pointless to say whether the porn content is sexy or not because what turns me on might not necessarily turn others on. Unfortunately, many porn games are designed with the male gaze in mind, so if your particular interests fall outside the realm of what men find attractive, you may find some of these games to be a little lackluster. Many porn games require you to play not only as an individual with a penis, but specifically as a man. Inclusivity will always be noted in my reviews.

    Some of these games do potentially contain triggering material, the most dire of which is “consensual” noncon content. I think we all know that these bits are only “Consensual” to protect the developers from backlash. Trigger warnings will be included with each review, and if possible I will mention how to entirely avoid such content altogether. If one of these games contains something triggering and I don’t have it listed, please let me know.

With that out of the way. I would just like to thank you for reading and encourage you to keep an open mind and have a good time!