nushliningsplaybook - Tumblr blog

[nushliningsplaybook]

Self improvement is great but ultimately? you have to accept your self. Yes you can eat better, exercise more, read more, set boundaries, love your self, but it all comes down to this. Some days you won’t have the energy to do any of these things. And you’ll look in the mirror and think that this is not enough. That’s a lie. The biggest love for self is to live slowly. To rest. To really rest. Have a nap. Eat what makes you feel good. Read if you want to. Embrace yourself and accept that you cannot and will not be ever be perfect. Accept that you are good enough. You don’t need to keep busy all the time. you don’t need to go out all the time and post on instagram. You don’t need to journal if you don’t want to. You don’t need to make art if you don’t want to. Breathe, give yourself grace and compassion. Give yourself the love and tenderness you so badly need. Be gentle with yourself. You are trying and it is good enough. You are good enough.

[nushliningsplaybook]

this void that i have been feeling since you have gone is very rare feeling in my life. i must have gone though this feeling not more than 2 - 3 times. Each time I have gone through such a feeling, it has not just left me squirming in pain but has cut through my innocence.

i stop my heart plentiful of times to rethink where did we or i go wrong. purely because i do not want to rethink numerous ways in which things could have been different.

pov:

we ran together too fast

the initial few hours you were at best behaviour of holding a girl to yourself. and by the second day you started to reveal yourself. distant yourself. in your touch. in your being. i came over to yours again. you were distant in your own ways. you ofc blamed me for several things. like always. you eloped for days. i waited. you cried. i got back. rollarcoaster started. i came to you over and over. you stepped away over and over. i should have understoo that the beauty of gut lies in its honesty for feelings.

my gut kept reminding me that you arent right for me. and i kept fighting it for you. it was your being... how i felt around you that held me to you. it was the way the sheets were in your house. the way you loved openness in your house and in your life. the way you wore clothes; recklessly and openly. the way you ate, RIGHT. always. the way you questioned me to eat wrong always. the way you were better and fitter than me. the way you mad me want to be fitter. ah! there were so many ways.. that you held

i cant stop thinking about you and it just doesn't feel right. most days. i cant enjoy anyones company. its never worth enough. i have gone past my limit ot expect from you

whats remaining is my need to be with somone. anyone. who can hold me and be there to hear me.

[nushliningsplaybook]

Sometimes you just want to be loved and that’s the hardest truth

[nushliningsplaybook]

Shilim //

Thoughts:

Read. Read a lot.

Explore the world.

Your house is your sanctuary build it.

Your pictures of travel.

Write notes of things that matter.

Put up art that matters

Keep your laptop & desk clean.

Your bed should be neatest spot there ever is

[nushliningsplaybook]

Fuck You

“Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.”

— Unknown

[nushliningsplaybook]

I only ever want the simple and small things. A bowl of fruit. To exist comfortably. To be accepted. To be loved. To eat nice food. To laugh as much as I can.

[nushliningsplaybook]

Come, hold my broken heart.

[nushliningsplaybook]

Why can’t I let go.

Let go of your though. Let go off your body. Let go off your muscle. Let go off being under you. Let go off your scent. Let go off your sheet. Let go off you.

Why can’t I.

[nushliningsplaybook]

suddenly every act felt heavy. suddenly my stomach churned every second. i would gasp standing behind a door to realise i haven’t been breathing consciously for hours. suddenly i realised you infringed my soul in those numbered hours. and now there is no going back. i can’t account myself to look at others, feel others or have capacity to speak to others.

i sleep drowning in hope of you. hours full of pain and anxiety sweeps through me before my body lies numb and unconscious. wanting you. tainted in need of you. i wake up gasping, praying often manifesting your ache for me.

then i spend my day, without you

no sign or presence of you at all

like you never existed

god must have ran out of heart or shreds of love

when you were created, h

[nushliningsplaybook]

All I wanted was to be loved

[nushliningsplaybook]

You brought me anxiety that clenched my core. My anxiety, my thoughts and my love began to crumble in me. So slow and so much over time. My numb soul continued to breath and be. Untill the splash of reality would hit, making my core burn, my lungs breathless, my brain submerged in dissecting the anxieties pouring out of my core. You have left me in a whirlwind. One that I have no cure of!

[nushliningsplaybook]

Sometimes, you go in search of finding yourself.

[nushliningsplaybook]

I wake up thinking of you. It hurts as I put myself thinking of us. Everyday I hold my iPhone to look for you. In your absence, my imagination plays wild orchestra. It’s in this moment, one day of life starts to crumble…. Piece by piece! Second by second. Even before world could walk to me, I am already burnt in my own imagination. Even before I can be an individual today, I am already left alone in my thoughts… incomplete.

The idea of me with you is the reason my being seems incomplete these days. I am under confident living in any sphere of life.

Aug 7th

[nushliningsplaybook]

Things I loved about him:

1. his obsession / passion for fitness

2. his eating a habits

3. how he makes smaller strata ppl feel

4. how off from the phone he is

5. his dressing sense

6. the sheets in his house

7. books he reads

8. his control ovr me

9.