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hi everyone! i very rarely post on here, but i read a pretty neat article recently about autism in relation to 80’s new wave music and i just wanted to recommend it!! here’s the link, it’s a pretty interesting read

i will post soon i promise 💔

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me? what am i thinking about? oh, not much, just how in act II of bg3 the first thing that dame aylin - a literal DEVINE ETHEREAL BEING - does after reuniting with isobel is KNEEL… so yeah, not much.

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✧ ASTARION: BALDUR'S GATE 3 - a character analysis

this essay contains HUGE spoilers for baldur's gate 3, specifically astarion's questline! you have been warned lol

so baldur's gate won game of the year and for me that was my sign to finally buy it and try it out; i'm a pretty big dnd player / enthusiast as well as a crpg fan so i honestly have no idea why i didn't buy it sooner. i think like many other players, i was immediately drawn towards astarion's character: he's charming, enticing and he's literally a vampire so... who doesn't love vampires. i've become so hyperfixated on the game and astarion that i decided to watch all of his cutscenes, and one really caught my eye: the scene where you refuse to help him with ascension and he kills cazador. however, rather than being focused on the story of this scene, i was focused on something else...

astarion cries like a child.

and i don't mean that in an insulting way, like 'oOh, asTaRioN cRiEs LiKe a cHiLd', no he actually cries like a young boy, scrunching his face up and just weeping and weeping (and may i just say neil newbon did an INCREDIBLE job during this scene, like he did that in one take?! holy shit!?). it also really makes me think:

astarion is the oldest party member in the game, why does he, of all the characters, cry like that?

like you'd assume wyll or even shadowheart cry like that, but astarion? he's literally a 239 year old charlatan that flirts with you at every chance he gets. the reasonable answer is that the game directors / animators wanted to make the moment as emotional and effective as possible, however i'm an autistic teenage girl with a problem with overanalysing things so guess what i’m going to do? overanalyse it. i do truly think that despite everything, astarion saw cazador as his rock. he was his master, captor and abuser, yes, but he was the only other vampire he knew - he taught him everything. like, picture this, you get turned into a vampire and the only other vampire that you knew was the one who turned you. of course you'd look towards them for support despite everything, like you're a vampire what the fuck else are you supposed to do? i find their relationship so fascinating as on the surface, it's a heavily abusive dynamic with a severe power imbalance, however you look a little deeper and realise the trauma bond that astarion had with cazador. but again, that's just my take on it as somebody who only started playing the game two days ago and hasn't even finished act 1 soooooo

another thing about astarion's character that i really really love is during the cutscene at camp where, after making the correct dialogue choices, he confides in you that for the past 200 years he has sought company through sex, however after meeting your character he realises that he just simply wanted somebody there for him. being hypersexual as a trauma response is fairly common in real life, so adding it to him makes him seem like such a deep and complicated character. i find it so interesting that astarion is the only character in the whole of the game that you can have this unique 'not platonic yet not romantic something inbetween' relationship with. it's a really sweet moment as he's removing his tough persona and is just being honest with you, and it shows how complex of a character he is.

i finally want to take a moment to fangirl and just talk about neil newbon and how be ABSOLUTELY deserved performance of the year at this year's game awards. he's so incredible as astarion, like everything he says makes me feel an emotion (whether it's heartbroken, humoured or flustered as hell) and i have never gotten that in a va performance before. also, the fact that when he was recording his voice lines the crew had to tell him to calm tf down is so funny, and like i mentioned earlier the fact that he did the crying cutscene in one take is so ?!?!?!?! like SIR oh my god?? he 100% deserves that award, and his acceptance speech alone proves it. plus i love him so much for coming up with the goosetarion meme i love it so much it makes me want to explode

apologies if some of the points that i made aren't accurate, like i mentioned before i haven't played too much of bg3 so i could be completely wrong with everything i just said, so please feel free to let me know if i'm incorrect at all!! this is just my yearly tumblr post, i want to start posting more but also i forget about my account and then remember every like six months or so lol

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— MIGUEL O’HARA (SPIDER-MAN 2099) CHARACTER ANALYSIS

warning! ATSV spoilers!

I think what makes Miguel such an interesting character is the moral ambiguity he has throughout this movie, he is presented as a leader and a protector who knows what dangers are out there in the multiverse but what we as viewers don’t know at first is that he experienced this dangers which led him to ultimately lose everything he once had, not only once but twice.

When he meets Miles he sees himself in him, because at some point he also thought he could had what he wanted. He understands what Miles thinks because he once thought it too and he also knows is dangerous and if he doesn’t stop it Miles could lose everything, including his whole universe, just like he did.

He wants to protect him, just like he wants with all spiderpeople but he also sees him as a threat and when he chases him, in a way, he is also chasing his past-self. The scene when he calls Miles “a mistake” he is projecting how he feels with HIS OWN SELF, he is so full of rage, anger, sadness and regret that he cannot distinguish between the right of his motives and the wrong of his actions.

That’s what makes him a perfect antagonist, even though he is taking his convictions to an extreme he is not a heartless monster, he is actually the opposite he thinks this sacrifices are necessary because there’s literally no evidence that says otherwise. His dynamic with Miles is so complicated because he doesn’t hates Miles as an individual he hates what he represents and the danger everyone is because of his actions.

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evil infodumping where you just tell lies

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✧ ATEEZ: DON’T STOP MV - a character analysis

watch here!!

this is inspired by mitch's video on the mv! please go and watch it, it's an amazing lore and story breakdown / analysis!

if there's one thing i can talk about for hours, it's ateez lore. i can talk about every ateez timeline for DAYS, mainly because i just absolutely adore their music videos' ways of telling a story. from the 'say my name' music video to 'guerilla' music video, ateez has, in my opinion, some of the most interesting lore in kpop. one music video that has really been stuck in the back of my mind pretty much since it came out, however, is the 'don't stop' mv, mainly due to the member's roles in the music video. whilst i, like many other people, don't believe that it is part of any of the overarching timeline lore, i still appreciate the storytelling that the music video holds (nevertheless, hongjoong stated in the group's music video reaction that 'a lot of the fans were guessing how the storyline connects to ateez, but more than that you should know our variety show universe? i think you should see how it connects to that. i think it would be easier to understand,' and san agreed, stating that it would be 'more fun' for atiny to theorise and connect the music video back to their space pirates lore, aka the 'universe timeline', but i'm getting off topic from the points i want to make. i'll happily talk about the universe lore another time!). the music video concept is as follows: a group of pirates, lead by hongjoong, loses everything they have - their ship, their tools - and must restart their journey from scratch, or at least that's the concept in a nutshell. i really recommend watching the music video for yourself to fully grasp the storyline and the character tropes that i'm going to be talking about here.

all that being said, the 'don't stop' mv has some of my favourite character architypes in a kpop music video: the bank heist trope is used so well to tell a clear and enticing story, and it leaves you wanting more of this storyline and this version of ateez as a whole.

to understand the characters, we first need to understand the groups / units that they're in, where they are and what they're doing. seonghwa, yunho, yeosang and jongho are together, robbing the central pawn shop and working together as a team. hongjoong is alone, not participating in the heist, and is instead in what seems to be an apartment or a mansion, a fancy and expensive one if that. san and wooyoung are seen gambling with what we can assume is a mob boss (i could talk about the lore here, but i won't because i'm here to talk about the characters, not the plot), often going all in (the same clip was used twice for san going all in, but again this is irrelevant and me rambling), which keep this in mind as we'll talk about this later. finally, mingi is alone; he's dumped out of a car in the middle of nowhere before walking away from the car as it blows up behind him (this has to be my favourite shot in the entire music video. it's such a stunning shot, literally gives me goosebumps every time, plus mingi looks SO FINE). okay, now FINALLY we can get into the character analysis.

firstly lets start with the pawn shop boys...

seonghwa is the right hand man, specifically hongjoong's right hand man. this is pretty common in ateez music videos (eg. 'the real' mv, which i'll analyse soon), so it's a pretty unsurprising that he's taken this role. he's casual because he knows that he's only here to overlook. after yunho finds the certificate at 2:09, he checks in with seonghwa despite it clearly being what they're there for. he only follows hongjoong, and has a huge sense of respect and loyalty for him, as can be seen at the end of the music video when he's the only member to approach hongjoong after they reunite.

yunho is the driver, in charge of transport and mobility. specifically, he's in charge of the car, and perhaps previously the ship, which may be why he's the member who picks up the certificate of registration of the destiny ship, or i'm looking to far into this. he's the member who drives literally through a wall to save san and wooyoung, and clearly knows what he's doing as he somehow doesn't hit them too. plus, yunho is seen driving A LOT in other ateez mvs, which, again, may just be a coincidence or may be me just looking too far into this.

yeosang is the thief. he's quick, efficient and seems to almost lead the group. he knows what he's doing, and has clearly done all this before; this can be seen by the organised way that he's pulling out the books to find the vault, especially compared to seonghwa. he's also the one opening the vault, showing that he has the skills and the tools to complete the job. also, similarly to jongho, he's wearing full black, but is wearing a gem-covered leather jacket, further suggesting this thief role.

jongho, unsuprisingly, is the strongman, the muscle, the bouncer. this is insinuated in everything about him: from his actions, to his colour scheme, to even simply the way that he's dressed. this is shown even from his first moment in the music video, where he crowbars open a locked door to let the group into the shop. he figuratively protects the group, which can be seen on 3:09 of the music video, where he is stood in front of the group, literally standing between them and possible danger (hongjoong). he's dark, stoic even, wearing simply only black compared to the other muted colours worn by the other members.

next, we'll cover everybody else...

san and wooyoung are probably my favourite characters in the mv. together, they fit a trope that are essential to any heist: the manipulators, the cheaters, the conmen. they're charming and sly, manipulating their way into any situation; in this case, a poker game with who we can assume is a mob boss or powerful criminal and clearly being cunning enough to let him bet the spyglass into the game. they're also seen cheating their way through the game, with wooyoung passing san the winning card. they go all in more than once because they know that whether it's through chance or a little manipulation of the game, they will win no matter what. just the way that they silently communicate and manipulate their way through the game is mesmerising and hypnotic. what's more, their clothing is much less formal than the other members, confirming their casual and perhaps even cocky nature, two traits held by grifters. finally, simply put, at the end of the day they're pirates. and what do pirates do? steal treasure.

mingi is the most interesting character to me: he's shown as unstable, being the only character alone in a dangerous situation, yet he makes it out alive, but not without chaos. he's shown to be beaten up and hurt, but he doesn't really seem to care that much. he's portrayed as the demolitions expert, yet bombs are risky in heists, but he seems unphased by that, choosing a short term solution rather than practicality. he knows what he's there for, and he doesn't care what he needs to do to get it.

finally, hongjoong is the mastermind. the leader. the captain. the captain goes down with his ship, and as shown with his black eye, he at least didn't go down without a fight. he is, understandably, feeling the pressure and the loss more than anyone else. he's angry, setting the room ablaze and shattering the model ship (which again, him being the captain, portrays his sense of loss and feeling of pure rage) and injuring his eye as a result (hongjoong says in the making film that 'he lost his eye because he couldn't control his rage'. covered eyes is a pretty big symbol in the ateez main storyline, so it's pretty cool to see this homage and reference to it in a smaller storyline). he's lost the trust and respect of his members, his crew, as can be seen in the distance between them at 3:09, however he eventually realises that he can't let his pride get in the way of his crew's future.

'don't stop' is rich in character and storytelling for just a four minute long music video. the story itself is full and clear, and the characters are in-depth and almost addictive, leaving you wanting more of this group of pirate thieves. the song itself is catchy and clearly in the classic ateez style, which makes the music video just such a blast to watch. if you've read to the end of this huge infodump of an essay, thank you! i bet nobody really has, but it was a lot of fun to write anyways!! please expect more music video analysis in the future!!

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— HEADCANONS OF AIB CHARACTERS POST-BORDERLAND:

They all met (except for Arisu and Usagi) in group therapy sessions provided for victims of the meteorite disaster, it was extremely weird because they felt such a familiar sensation when they saw each other.

After that they went to a bar to talk a little bit more and they instantly felt a connection, they didn’t know why but they did. They helped each other a lot getting through the meteorite’s consequences.

Arisu found a family in them (specifically in Usagi) and with a lots of therapy got through his survivor’s guilt.

Niragi and Chishiya are actually roomies, even though they are really different they complement each other pretty well + they helped each other so much understanding each other.

Kuina would dye Chishiya’s hair, she would actually be horrified about how dry is his hair and would apply hair masks after bleaching.

Kuina and Ann became really close friends whenever both of them are free they see each other to eat together it’s like their own little relaxation moment of the day.

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girlboss girlboss girlboss girlboss babygirl

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✧ THE GUN (2018) - film review / analysis

watch here!

so i'm currently so hyperfixated on nijiro murakami so that basically means i now have to watch his entire filmography, no matter how bad the film is or how badly the subs are translated, so today i watched the gun and oh my gosh it was,,, interesting!! i have SO many thoughts so sorry if this review is a bit of mess, plus i literally can't stop thinking about this film and i have no idea why help

the gun is neo-noir drama directed by masaharu take staring nijiro murakami, alice hirose and lily franky. the film follows nishikawa toru, an emotionless college student who one day, stumbles across a murder scene and, without thinking, picks up the murder weapon - a handgun - and slowly becomes more and more obsessed with it as it consumes him.

firstly i want to say something that's been so heavy on my mind since i watched this film... the gun is a metaphor. it has to be. my friend lina (@metaromancia) and i are convinced that it is. for what? who knows, but it can't be that simple. like, toru becomes so infatuated with this gun in such a unique way in the sense that throughout the film, it's shown that he can't be interested in women in a typical way (it's shown that the only way that he can be intimate with women is through sex), yet he's so obsessed with this gun the same way that men would typically be obsessed with women (not in a sexual way, but more in the sense that it takes up all his thoughts and time). at first i was thinking whether it's a metaphor for intrusive thoughts (specifically sexual thoughts as sex is a common theme) but it doesn't really make much sense, then i was thinking whether it's a metaphor for mortality, as at one part toru says something along the lines of 'i'm happy to die when i die', suggesting that the gun is a metaphor for the concept that you can really die any moment, but the ending debunked that theory. seriously, i'm so interested by this as it has to mean something, but i don't know what it is and it's seriously bugging me.

another thing that's been heavy on my mind is toru's character: he has such an interesting character that is unlike one i've ever seen before, mainly because he's just so empty. one scene that really stood out to me is the scene when he initially finds the gun, and how that's the only scene (excluding the ending) where he's shown feeling a positive emotion. throughout the rest of the film, he's shown to just be feeling more typically negative emotions, such as annoyed or angry. i was saying to lina earlier that i found that the only moment in which he felt a 'true' emotion was when he couldn't shoot his neighbour and it caused him to break down, and at the end of the film, the scene on the train when the film turned from black and white to colour. ugh, i don't know, i could talk about his character for ages, i just found him to be really interesting and unique!! i might do a full character analysis but who knows, i won't put it in this post as it'll be very long

finally i want to talk about the film itself: i'm probably really biased saying this because i love love love neo-noirs but i really enjoyed the cinematography!! there were some moments where, to be honest, the cinematography was so ugly (like the moment where toru was about to shoot his neighbour and there was these awful overlays ew) but there were a few moments i really loved, especially the moments with more traditional noir-style shots. i kind of hated the black and white filter at the beginning, but at the end when it turned to colour, that moment was super effective, especially as everything was bright red; i did seriously love that moment. however one thing that really made me upset is the subs, like they're SO BAD like they're translated so wrong it makes me so upset because i didn't totally understand the dialogue so i can't comment on it. plus i can't fully appreciate the writing as i kind of had no idea what the characters were saying but on the plus side i could fully appreciate the visuals! also the acting was SO GOOD from all the actors, even if they just had a tiny role. like nijiro's performance was so good hello?? i'm obsessed

anyways i apologise for this being so long for my first post(?) but i just had so many thoughts and ideas about this film i really needed to get them out!! this did mostly turn into a ramble though so again, apologies!! :D