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“The Sea”

crashing, roaring, booming, soaring, // the immense waves among the willow trees. eddying and swirling, the fierce currents // wash over tall grass and slender leaves. the verdant thicket seafloor rustles, churns // fanned like sighs amidst the breeze. i stand atop a jutting precipice, // sharp tall rock within the greens. pure cool waters sweep through deadleaf tresses // splashing like an interrupted dream. like ice upon summer skin // mute relief penetrating deep within. i raise my hands, buffeted by gargantuan tides // of pristine fluid vaster than mountain peaks // which recline, white and implacable, // sloped along the screen of the horizon. the blast of gusts leaves me deaf and dumb, // and from warm lights far away, behind, wind-chime tinkling. as flotsam, i drift // and float upon blustering blow // unable to leave the companionship of moaning willow trees. it all stretches // farther than sense can reach.

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“‘Lots of Love,’ I Said”

staring out with gaping vacuity the sliding door rattles under my long fingers and this archive of porcelain faces, gazing back with vitreous purples deep as abysses of oil upon latticed oaken shelves, is sealed with a click. a coarse swish on matchbook — expressionless, i set i(t) ablaze.

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decided to post an older piece of mine from the year before last. it is an original story (in four brief vignettes) about this highly repressed nun being seduced by her dearest friend, a witch of a goddess of the seas. very cute :)

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since i'm thinking about him, now, here... a few fun stories about a favorite minister/advisor/speechgiver of mine, Yan Ying or Yanzi:

from an interesting passage in the Spring and Autumn Annals of Yanzi (晏子春秋), in which he supports the gays (it's more complicated than that but whatever):

景公蓋姣，有羽人視景公僭者。公謂左右曰：「問之，何視寡人之僭也？」羽人對曰：「言亦死，而不言亦死，竊姣公也。」公曰：「合色寡人也？殺之！」晏子不時而入，見曰：「蓋聞君有所怒羽人。」公曰：「然。色寡人，故將殺之。」晏子對曰：「嬰聞拒欲不道，惡愛不祥，雖使色君，于法不宜殺也。」 Duke Jing [of Qi] was so exceptionally attractive that a minor official presumed to stare at his extravagant beauty. The duke said to his attendants on the left and right, "Ask him — why does he stare at me, overstepping his rightful place?"

The official replied, "If I speak I will die, but if I do not speak I will also die—I was stealing a glance at the beautiful duke!"

The duke declared, "He lusted after me? Kill him!"

Yanzi entered out of turn and said, "I hear that you are angry with an official."

The duke said, "Correct. He lusted after me, so I will kill him."

Yanzi replied, "I, Ying, have heard that to resist desire is not in accordance with the Way, and to hate love is inauspicious. Although he was caused to lust after you, according to the standard, it is wrong that he should be killed."

very fun. classical chinese attitudes about gay men are very interesting, pretty analogous to the mediterranean tolerance for it around the same time? there are a couple Han-era sources which even mention some lesbians, which makes me grateful, even if that's still pretty damn far apart from... something which would make me feel seen enough to ally myself explicitly with them. i will simply say the tradition resonates. anyway, another —

i think this has got to be my favorite one, a story in the Zuo tradition of the Spring and Autumn Annals (春秋左傳) in which Yanzi describes this nonconformist ideal he thinks is essential to a state's continued function.

齊侯至自田，晏子侍于遄臺，子猶馳而造焉。公曰：「唯據與我和夫。」晏子對曰：「據亦同也，焉得為和。」公曰：「和與同異乎？」對曰：「異，和如羹焉，水火醯醢鹽梅，以烹魚肉，燀之以薪，宰夫和之，齊之以味，濟其不及，以洩其過，君子食之，以平其心，君臣亦然，君所謂可，而有否焉，臣獻其否，以成其可，君所謂否，而有可焉，臣獻其可，以去其否，是以政平而不干民無爭心。故《詩》曰：『亦有和羹， 既戒既平。 鬷嘏無言， 時靡有爭。』先王之濟五味、和五聲也，以平其心，成其政也。 聲亦如味，一氣，二體，三類，四物，五聲，六律，七音， 八風，九歌，以相成也；清濁、小大，短長、疾徐，哀樂、剛柔，遲速、高下，出入、周疏，以相濟也。君子聽之，以平其心。心平，德和。故《詩》曰：『德音不瑕。』今據不然，君所謂可，據亦曰可，君所謂否，據亦曰否，若以水濟水，誰能食之，若琴瑟之專壹，誰能聽之，同之不可也如是。」 When the Lord of Qi returned from the hunt, Yanzi waited upon him at the Chuan Terrace. Liangqiu Ju galloped his horses to join them there. The Duke said, “Only Ju is harmonious with me.”

Yanzi replied, “Ju conforms with you — how can he be harmonious?”

The Duke asked, “Are harmony and conformity different?”

He replied, “They are different. Harmony is like a stew. Water, fire, jerky, mincemeat, salt, and plum [vinegar] are used to cook fish and meat — they are cooked over firewood. Then the master chef harmonizes them, mixes them according to taste, compensating for what is insufficient and diminishing what is too strong. The superior person eats it to calm their heart. It is the same with the ruler and minister. When there is something unacceptable about what the ruler considers acceptable, the minister points out the unacceptable in order to perfect their acceptability. When there is something acceptable in what the ruler considers unacceptable, the minister points out the acceptable in order to eliminate the unacceptable. In this way the government is equalized and without transgressions, and the people have no contending hearts. Thus, it says in the Poetry, ‘There is a well-harmonized stew. We are careful and calm. We advance silently; There is no contention.’ The former kings’ seasoning of the five flavors and harmonizing of the five tones were for the calming of hearts and the perfecting of government. Sounds are just like flavors. The single breath, the two forms, the three genres, the four materials, the five tones, the six pitches, the seven notes, the eight airs, the nine songs—these are used to complete one another. The clear and the muddy, the piano and the forte, the short and the long, the presto and the adagio, the somber and the joyous, the hard and the soft, the delayed and the immediate, the high and the low, the going out and coming in, the united and separate—these are used to complement one another. The superior person listens to it and thus calms their heart. When the heart is calm, the virtue is in harmony. Thus, as it says in the Poetry,

‘The sound of his virtue is unblemished.’

As for Ju, he is not like this. Whatever you consider acceptable, Ju also says it is acceptable, whatever you consider unacceptable, Ju also says it is unacceptable. This is like complementing water with more water: who will be able to drink it? If the zithers and dulcimers were to hold a single tone, who could listen to it? This is how conformity is unacceptable.”

i really like this story. the sheer number of beautiful metaphors is really delightful, and i think he makes a persuasive philosophical case against conformity here and in favor of a clashing, oppositional harmony. he was a really good speaker, i think — well-worth studying if you have the desire

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63510532

behold, a new work! this is kind of an "extra" set in the same AU as my series “The Moon, My Shadow, and I Make Three” — an achefly fic shortly after the events of penacony! this said, you don't need to read any of the series to understand it, of course. i had a lot of fun writing this — achefly is one of those ships that i adore that has next to no fanworks to its name. alas... i hope you enjoy, readers :)

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63477124

a new fic is out! this time, i explore the worldview and mind of Yaoshi, the Aeon of the Abundance. this was a very fun time, very different from my usual fare

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63454534

here it isssss a new fic from me! i was seized by the desire to do so, so i have conjured up a xuehan for you all, if you are willing to accept it :)

they're some of my favorite characters, i think. they have, at times, obsessed me

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63425065

new fic today! this is a short, peaceful, calm little kafstellefly piece :)

i hope you enjoy, as always, dear readers <3

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63399178

a new fic in my transfemme kafstellefly AU series!!! this one is about firefly having a nice afternoon to herself :)

i really love this one, it's close to my heart. i hope you enjoy!! <33 now, i'm off to go make some tea for myself...

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63372820

part twenty of the series!! a kaffly smut for all of you longing to see firefly and kafka engage in the sweetest intimacies of the flesh :)

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63346678

a new kaffly for today!! firefly and kafka engage in one of firefly's favorite activities. i love them so, so much. 😍

btw woooooo the fic series has breached 60K!!!!!

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“root poem”

with screams turned to pathetic weeping, nailing her to the bier borne across the plain level and limitless celestial dome overhead immersed in rotation sapphire to sable azure to obsidian blue to black — churning onward the temporal tides.

scarlet ooze from palms from feet, little moans of pain, algesic whimpers and rattles of ribcage wholeheartedly vacuous solidly empty mirror of the sky ever turning where is the grave where the pyre? wandering with this aimless bier.

though I carry her on this journey to the end she rather seems to drift upon the winds of Mystery — formless incipiative emergent from the West — that breeze lifting the grass with motionlessness. her wrists squirm painfully against rough wood and, rueful, I smile. again, it is clear when I move equal in stride to the earth, the destination never nears never recedes. we are going nowhere.

when the blood oozes from her parted skin as she waits for change the mechanism writhes, ignorant and teeming, within her flesh, pounding against ribs heaving within chest, tearing hurting bursting — for change is not an object awaited.

the steppe’s verdant expanse ornamented by heavenly mirror is nothingness, and it drives her along but we are going nowhere, and she fails to find the path.

treading nothing summoning nothing forward like an undriven carriage whole like an empty amphora.

though seeking to deny it — this is the Way, but I want another.

though seeking to be free of the nails, in clearest truth she wants another.

these silent words unmet in a generation — perhaps a thousand years hence a sympathetic worthy will match with the feeling.

but by then the plains shall wear only graves.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63312889

the second one for today, a nice kaffly scene after a "script". they are so sweet to each other.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63303601

a new fic is out for you all! this one is stelle-centric and kafstellefly, of course. i really loved writing it, it really screams "stelle" to me in a way i enjoy. i poured a lot of fun and soul into it lmao

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63259321/chapters/162108178

i did it. my god, this was an adventure to write. chapter 2/2 of the dinner fic. stelle finally gets to join them for a delicious meal :)

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define a chair penne.

gradually building her interests to the point where i can fully exercise the brain muscles i spent four years in the philosophy department developing on firefly dialogue...

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63259321

here it is, another kaffly. something sweet and loving for my dear readers, who have perhaps been harmed by my pursuit of angst of late. :)