notyourasiandream-blog

[notyourasiandream-blog]

As an Asian American femme here is why im tired of dating white men.

1.     No matter how much you really try to avoid it there is always a possibility that they have “ yellow fever” and you are their fetish.

2.     The fact that they are racist and don’t even know it or don’t care to see how some of the things they say are racist. I once was told by a tinder date that he doesn’t normally date Asian girls because people that share his same major of comp science tend to fetishize Asian women. But for me. I looked Americanized enough that he swiped right. Ok wow. Thanks for totally stripping my culture away from me just because you think I am “ white passing enough”.

3.     They don’t care to know about your culture. Even in a long term relationship I was in he just couldn’t care less if I made a traditional Japanese meal. He never asked me how I made it or how I learned this recipe to him it was just another dish that he could pour Sriracha and Soyu all over before he even tasted it ;even though the dishes were never meant to taste that salty or spicy. Don’t get me wrong he was a good guy but he never realized what a slap in the face that was.

4.     As an Asian American the scale of racism that I experience on a daily is exhausting. And it’s even more exhausting to have to constantly teach or explain to people why something is racist and the emotional impact it has on me. Something so small as just venting to my former partner and he just brushes it off saying “ maybe that’s not how they meant it” can really take a toll. I constantly felt the need to speak up and validate my anger towards the racism I experience. Something a white man will never experience.

5.     I constantly am trying to learn more on social activism around me because I am in the middle of it as a queer Asian American social issues are an important aspect of my life. The fact in which that I was constantly trying to learn more and stand up for oppressed people and the white men I have dated get to sly by and not try to expand their knowledge and be a true ally. A former partner of mine refused to go to the rally’s with me when president trump was elected. He told me it won’t change anything and that it was not worth my time and he didn’t understand why I would want to spend hours on the street getting shot with rubber bullets, pepper sprayed and flash banged. I had to explain to him it wasn’t something I wanted to do but something I needed to do. Coming from a family where my mother is not an American citizen I had to be in the front lines i had a right to scream and show my anger that a misogynistic racist got elected as our president. After a while he came to one rally with me but I still felt like he was doing it to get on my good side instead of being there to support the people being oppressed and using his privilege in a white male body to put himself between the cops and the people that needed protection.

6.     The idea that white men think I enjoy being compared to other Asians. So many people including my white father have made the statement that all Asians look the same. It honestly makes my skin crawl. For example A guy in one of my classes was talking to me during our break about how I remind him of his girlfriend  and I actually kind of look like her because she is also Asian with tattoos. It made me internally scream. Just because her and I are both Asian femmes with tattoos does not mean that we look alike!

7.     White men will never understand the little things that connect me with my culture and the importance of those things in my life. Growing up Japanese American i never watched Star Wars or Lord of the rings, i grew up on Sailor moon and Studio Ghibli movies. Totoro is my all time favorite movie; it reminds me of a part of my childhood that I hold close to my heart. But I understand that I get something out of it that many other people do not. However, it is important to realize when something is important to someone you care about, even if it is not your cup of tea and appreciate it. A person i was seeing didn’t understand that. When I sat down and tried to watch Totoro with him in the middle of it he got up and started doing something else, he didn’t realize what a huge impact that had on me and how it was a blatant “fuck you” to me.

8.     I do not need you white men to save me. As an Asian American femme I know that I am petite and I know how we are viewed as weak and submissive. But that is not me, I don’t need you to “stand up” for me when in all reality you are just getting in some guys face because you feel as though it is the toxic masculine thing to do. Let me be clear, I can fight for myself, I might be Asian but I am not submissive. I am loud and angry so I don’t need you to come and be a knight in shinning armor I need you to realize I am my own person with my own strengths and can handle my issues with others on my own.