notlouiswolf93

[notlouiswolf93]

Once again I forgot my online diary under my bed for too long... Hmmmm this could be another beginning for a shitty blog

[notlouiswolf93]

Communication is becoming a difficulty in my life... I'd appreciate all close-minded individuals to keep there distance... I don't have the patience to explain myself to everyone anymore.

[notlouiswolf93]

You have so many layers, that you can peel away a few, and everyone’s so shocked or impressed that you’re baring your soul, while to you it’s nothing, because you know you’ve twenty more layers to go.

Craig Thompson, Carnet de Voyage (via feellng)

those moments

(via whatsthepointanyways7)

[notlouiswolf93]

Something inside is hurting you – that’s why you need cigarettes or whiskey, or music turned so fucking loud you can’t think.

(via skydazed)

[notlouiswolf93]

Because the average mind will never second guess a smile" - the voices in my head

[notlouiswolf93]

Okay...

Sooooooooooooooooo apparently empaths can become amazing actors... Doesn't that mean they can also become amazing liars? This popped into my head because Jason in convinced that I'm an empath... and I kind of believe it now after everything I just read, and sleep deprivation is a real life trip right now, I could even compare the noise in head to the inside of a really fuxking busy bee-hive. Also, I went to watch "The Fault in Our Stars" with Tarryn, it really is a touching story, but nothing seems to jerk tears anymore, but then again nor does she... So yeah I feel like I may be an empath, but as far as the need for truthfulness goes I genuinely believe that my emotions are my own to toy with, so I rather let everyone think happy and shit because #smiles but no, it's actually really easy to twist your face into an authentic looking smile and just lie about every fuxking emotion behind the pretty little mask you put on for society every time someone asks "How are you?", #lol #fuxkthatquestion because ignorance is bliss and I'd rather lie while staring right into the persons eyes rather than complicate their day. Lying is bad I know but then again so is being an asshole, aaaaaaand being an asshole is way more effort... I guess I'm just a dick with good intentions.

[notlouiswolf93]

"Because the average mind will never second guess a smile" - the voices in my head

[notlouiswolf93]

"Because the average mind will never second guess a smile" - the voices in my head

[notlouiswolf93]

Juuuuuuust another remix I found.

hmmmmmmmmmm... Lyrics...

[notlouiswolf93]

What in the honest fuxk is privacy?

Privacy has become a bit of a drug for me, I've began to crave it... I guess as a symptom of withdrawals I've slowly began silencing myself, choosing to rather keep my #twocents as my own.

As I sit in my cave, I feel claustrophobic and invaded because not a single one of my friends actually knows me well enough to tell when I want to be alone... Instead they just fuxking linger and invade my privacy depriving me of the time I need to carry on with my own missions and just live my life because right now it's starting to feel like everyone is getting in the way of me growing into the person I want and need to be. #Ican'tevendealrightnow

I wonder if anyone around me can even tell that I'm completely in my own world or even that right now I'm completely cut off with my Marley headphones blaring remixes of London Grammar I found on SoundCloud.

That is all for now............

Seriously though fuck people for now.

[notlouiswolf93]

Hmmmmmmmm so I just took a selfie.

[notlouiswolf93]

So I found this remix of Wonderwall by Oasis. It's pretty cool I like it.

[notlouiswolf93]

So, where have I been...

Soooooooo, Tarryn and I are over… yeah, so I’ve been doing my own thing lately, trying to lure any wandering thoughts of her away from my already self-destructive but barely conscious mind. I say self-destructive because I made the irrational decision of going to visit Tarryn, literally I am “sleeping” on her couch, probably the same one we shared our first kiss on, after smoking the joint I rolled for her like a month ago and having a great time just laughing and talking about random things, #mindfuxking each other with senseless thoughts common throughout stoned youth, I realised for once the weed wasn’t going to make me appreciate a situation more than for just what it was, it wasn’t going to make me fall out of love, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to push the gift of darkness she gave me aside… Then my brain saw #THC trying find a vantage point to just camp and eliminate every hostile thought or emotion because #snipernest and then was all like”NOT TODAY #MOTHERFUXKER” and nailed #THC the face with a tomahawk then continued to teabag him… So over being used for killstreaks.

Tarryn read me a beautiful poem she wrote about depression and how it’s beeeeeeen scientifically disproved because anti-depressants create a placebo letting people think they’re being helped when they’re actually just poisoning themselves and delaying a breakdown that will only be worse when their “medication” is done… But, how can someone who literally watches themself take a step towards their dream every single day possibly understand the misfortunes of circumstance, the emotional complexes of those who can’t even smile at their own reflection in a mirror, the debates which turn into battles within the mind of a young man who’s lost touch with the sweet sanity of rational thinking because he can no longer trust the voice in his head, even though it’s his. The sad thing about all of this isn’t that we’re over, we’re still friends, it’s that no matter what happens in my life, everything is Tarryn, I’ve even declared official Tarryn moments because everything reminds me of her, especially because being with her really soothed my need to be #OCD, the other night I could’ve have broken my own neck because it only clicked on the right side… long story short, I was having a horrible day fighting back this anxiety attack or breakdown and clicked everything perfectly from my fingers up to my neck… Until I got to the left side of neck… It could be a serious problem if my #OCD made me wring my own neck… Not once did that ever happen around her or even when I was with her, but now things are different and for change to be good it must be acted upon as such, because the grind is real.

But back to where I’ve been, so a lot has been happening, this paragraph is pretty much where I carry on editing this post... it's been chilling in my drafts for like a month... Life has been getting heavy, too many bad decisions and implosive thoughts but I'll always be okay because that's just me, the guy who just wants to life to start and be ready when it does.

[notlouiswolf93]

Watching Jacob Zuma’s inauguration… well fuxking done South Africa… You guys nailed this shit…

[notlouiswolf93]

So I've neglected my internet hideout for too long... I'll tend to some unfinished business in my drafts sometime soon, like when privacy becomes a thing in my life again lolololololol

[notlouiswolf93]

louiswolf93 turned 1 today!

lololol loooooook... Another achievement unlocked!!!

[notlouiswolf93]

Yeeeeeah I drafted this post and forgot about it... just 3 days late :)

Hmmmm so you get Tumblr Achievements... fresh.

And I even get a little reward because its 420 and Easter!!!