nothydraagent

[nothydraagent]

Send me a "♪" and I'll write a drabble for our characters based off whatever song comes up on shuffle

[nothydraagent]

taliaromanova replied to your post: ((OOC Story time: So I was invited to a...

ooc; oh my god

OOC: Nothem Hydra will go down in history as the greatest villain ever created. He's currently a creep stalker. I almost feel bad for doing this to a group... Almost. Right up to the point when someone said "I can't RP with you because I don't start my characters off in a fight."... Then it was all out war. There's a long story as to why it set me off, there's a lot more details to it that I'm not posting.

[nothydraagent]

((OOC Story time:

So I was invited to a Avengers RP on another site. Part of the deal with it was the mod could pick what characters they wanted me to take on for it mainly because I wanted to see who they would pick and how fast I would get hit on. Plus I know a lot of people would not agree with how I RP Bruce Banner since I do deny the movies for his background. Now the character limit was 2 but they bumped me up to 3 because, I'm amazing. So I was willing to take on any 3 characters, noting they allowed OCs. Characters who were taken when I joined were: Capt, Thor and Loki. So I was given who they wanted me to take. They wanted me on Bruce, and their second choice was Clint or Tony. One coin flip later I come in to fill their need of actual characters with Clint. For the 3rd character they wanted an OC. So I'm a jerk and don't take anything seriously easily but these people probably wanted me to stay serious... But since when am I like that? I'm a complete jerk who puts a complete joke in the skin of something actually dangerous:

Yeah...I went there. I tried to make him a serious threat... But I went there.

Also... he was accepted:

Also accepting bets on how long before all the female OCs (Which is what the RP is completely made of) try to hit on me, though right now they're trying to deal with the fact that I actually put down proper ages, suddenly I think they're happy that they didn't tell me to take Tony or Natasha, because I don't think they could handle an RPer not making them 21, they can barely handle me not making Clint and Bruce not 21as you can tell. Then again you can kind of tell already how badly I'm going to mess with everyone to see what happens.

I swear to god if this gets funny I will write the story of Nothem Hydra, The Agent.))

[nothydraagent]

Smooth

“Ah, I see you knew I was coming. Do not speak, I know what you are thinking , I know you think that they will find out about us. Do not fear, I am Not Hydra Agent after all. I know you have been abused by other men before but I am not like that. Not Hydra Agent only loves never would he abuse one such as yourself.  You have such a beautiful body, like none Not Hydra Agent has ever seen before. It is slender and smooth and overall very nice despite what others have done to you. You have taken good care of yourself. Do not speak this moment needs no words other than those of Not Hydra Agent. Let me caress you and take all of your fears and troubles away. Here there is none but the two of us in all of the world. No one will needs to know, not even the Baron will know. Now I will run my hand up your side and take you as you have never been taken before. Others will envy you for this but they will never know all of what has happened because I just promised you no one needs to know about this. Now you burn hot for me, a strong constant heat. Cry out for me as I show you what Not Hydra Agent can do. Now that is enough, too much and our love would grow cold and go to waste. Now, I will pour the Baron’s cup of coffee then I will return for my own, until then my beloved coffee maker.” And that’s how Not Hydra Agent makes the best coffee.

[nothydraagent]

Javol herr Hawkeye and herr Loki! As I, Not Hydra Agent, now know of this I will get the catnip for I, Not Hydra Agent, am friend! Catnip will now distract herr Hawkeye ja? It will be fun and not at all a trick to distract from anything. You can trust me, I am alright guy.

-Not Hydra Agent

For all those who wish to see Barton in his current state, you are welcome.

[nothydraagent]

Not Hydra Agent's Message To Everyone About Recent Attack on Hydra

Do not worry friends I, Not Hydra Agent, am fine! Recent rumors that I was at a Hydra bunker that was attacked is true. But I repelled the invader! Allow me to tell the story.

I was standing on guard as I should have been, not fiddling with the TV that did not work. Missing my stories was worth it to do by job as the best Hydra Agent. When my fellow agents went down I leaped into action, rushing outside to deal with the threat. There must have been fifty hostile agents out there among the trees. I let one sneak past me into the base figuring my fellow agents could handle one as I dealt with the fifty surrounding me. I, Not Hydra Agent, all I had was my one gun but I didn't even need that for I am a great agent and certainly wasn't shot with a tranquilizer and on the floor of the base, no sir. I fought bravely against the fifty agents but reinforcements came to pick up the one that had slipped by me. I chased after them as they escaped with what they had come for. However it was not worth the many agents they lost to me. I will get revenge, do not worry friends.

Also, still looking for my pants and my stuff. That's right I fought them pantless. I must continue my search for my pants, then I will rejoin the rest of hydra in our super secret club house.

[nothydraagent]

reigndeer-games replied to your post: OOC

ooc: I honestly feel like I should give you a medal omfg.

OOC: I deserve one. For this at least. That's a great accomplishment.

[nothydraagent]

Hello everyone,

Yeah it's not Not Hydra Agent. This is Frank.

I'm sure you're all wondering, where is Not Hydra Agent? Surely he would have done something for Valentine's day for everyone and it's far past that day with little word from him other than the continuation of his hunt for his pants. But how could Not Hydra Agent, master of love, not write something on a day dedicated to love?

Well he was around for a bit on the special day, he delivered me a valentine in fact. I was honestly excited, as you should guess I have a crush on him.

However this valentine concerns me:

Did this valentine just friend zone me? Who make a friend zone valentine!? What kind of insane cruel joke is that!?

Anyways, Not Hydra Agent had gone out dancing and hasn't been seen since, other than his thing with Loki. Don't worry, every effort is being made to find him. We've sent his dog out with him. I swear if he's in bed with one of those SHIELD agents again I'm going to friend-zone his ass. I don't know what that means but it'll happen.

Sincerely,

Frank, Security Officer of Hydra and head of the Hydra Women's Football Team.

PS: Going to beat SHIELD this year, our tackling has improved.

[nothydraagent]

OOC

That moment when you can't stop grinning like a maniac, because you realized what you wrote is a horrible creation. What? Don't get it? Finally got around to logging in again on this account and was met by this:

My friends, Not Hydra Agent has finally reached the time, when his fan fiction can go down in history as horrid. He has finally reached his goal, being reblogged on a tumblr that is dedicated to fanfics as bad as his. No longer can Not Hydra Agent just be a nobody.

Goal reached NHA can move onto bigger and better things now.

[nothydraagent]

Not Hydra Agent Noir: The Deerest Suspect

Loki, of course it was Loki. A trickster, a god though not on the level of godliness of Not Hydra Agent, and more importantly Loki wore a cape and a helmet.

Coulson drove, as fast as he could he ignored the red lights no one would dare give Not Hydra Agent a ticket, plus all the tickets would just go to S.H.I.E.L.D. anyways it’s registered to them after all. They would understand, it was an emergency, a Not Hydra Agent emergency.

“How could we not assume it was him?” Coulson questioned.

“We needed evidence but he was on my list of suspects,” Not Hydra Agent pointed out, “Now we just need to catch him.”

“Is this your usual way of doing things?” Frank asked from the back seat still in their fully body army.

“Why did we bring Frank?” Coulson asked.

“Because it’s Frank, he’s my best friend!” Not Hydra Agent replied with a grin.

“Well actually I’m-“ Frank was cut off by Not Hydra Agent pointing out the window.

“Turn there!” Not Hydra Agent grinned pointing towards the park.

“There? But can’t Loki be well, anywhere? Including not on this world?” Coulson replied.

“That’s why I have a plan,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “He has taken everything I own including my plans. Anyone who takes the pants will return to see his work. After all why else would someone steal the pants of Not Hydra Agent? We’re going to lure Loki out by walking around without pants!”

“Won’t that plan just attract everyone?” Coulson questioned.

“Perhaps but everyone would include Loki then we’ll catch him and make him return the pants,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “Stop here we’ll set up the trap over there.”

“Why there?” Coulson questioned, “I mean isn’t there a better spot to set a trap?”

“There’s a donut shop across the street, detective work makes Not Hydra Agent hungry,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “and detectives like donuts. Traps should always be near donut shops, it makes them go much better.”

“Isn’t that cops who like donuts?” Coulson questioned.

“There’s a difference?” Not Hydra Agent replied, “Whatever, donuts are good.” Not Hydra Agent got out of the car and started to walk around.

“So if he shows up won’t he keep his distance?” Coulson questioned looking around, “Hide or something?”

“No, because Loki isn’t a creepy stalker,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “He might be creepy though and considering he took my stuff he’s a bit of a stalker but not a creepy stalker just creepy and a stalker. There’s a difference.”

“I’m glad there’s a difference I’d hate to be a creepy stalker,” Loki clearly he had taken the bait. “Not Hydra Agent, I see you’ve made an improvement on your outfit. And here you are without your pants looking for me. This is really a dream come true.”

“Loki!” Not Hydra Agent yelled pointing at the other man, “Where are my pants!?”

“Well if you’re not wearing them,” Loki replied, “which clearly you’re not, then I’m not sure. I still like it.”

“Loki,” Coulson grumbled.

“Coulson,” Loki nodded to the other man, “Glad that hole in the chest has healed. Now pardon me the grown-ups are talking.”

“Jerk.”

“Don’t worry Coulson, I got this,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “Loki I know you took my pants. I saw the surveillance video, your cape was at the scene of the crime right before my stuff was taken!”

“My cape?” Loki was confused, “I’m afraid my cape was stolen a few nights ago. I’ve been trying to locate it. I fear I can’t help you Not Hyrda Agent but I tell you the truth.”

Not Hydra Agent watched Loki carefully, “You’re telling the truth.”

“Of course I am Not Hydra Agent, I cannot lie to you for you will see through all of my lies,” Loki moved closer to Not Hydra Agent.

“Loki,” Not Hydra Agent couldn’t believe he thought it was this man, “I’m sorry for doubting you as I did. Please allow me to make it up to you.”

“Oh Not Hydra agent all is forgiven, I cannot be mad at you for I love you,” Loki replied watching Not Hydra Agent carefully.

“Loki, come let me show you how sorry I am in the back of that S.H.I.E.L.D. issued vehicle!” Not Hydra Agent started to pull Loki towards the back seat of said vehicle.

“Oh Not Hydra Agent, I love you!” With that Not Hydra Agent swept Loki off his feet and carried him away leaving Frank and Coulson to search for clues of the missing pants.

“So that’s the horned prince himself?” Frank asked Coulson who was okay with letting Not Hydra Agent do what he had to.

“Well he is a certain kind of horn,” Coulson shrugged.

“…That joke was horrible,” Frank replied shaking their head.

“So when are you going to tell Not Hydra Agent about-“ Coulson pointed at Frank.

“Who knows?” Frank shrugged. “Think Not Hydra Agent has noticed that if we assume Loki’s innocent then we’re at a dead end with clues?”

“Of course he noticed! He’s Not Hydra Agent!” Coulson grinned.

[nothydraagent]

Javol Herr Hawkeye!

I thank you for your excellent reply in weaknesses so that we can make sure they are uhh not used against you and are kept secret! Should you run into room filled with weakness in near future then I am sure it had nothing to do with me, Not Hydra Agent, for I am trustworthy guy who would not do that to you. A trustworthy guy would keep your weakness far away. However should you run into weakness do not fight it, it will build up strength against it. Just give into weakness to see why it makes you weak. Now just curious, do you know where one might find large groups of frisky women and good food when on tight budget? Just curious, not planning anything. You can trust me.

Sincerely,

Not Hydra Agent

[nothydraagent]

Javol, Herr Hawkeye!

I, Not Hydra Agent, would like to ask what happened in this "Budapest" according to you? Surely the story must be interesting if you were drugged. If you were not then there must be something else interesting. Perhaps story tell of your weakness, ja? You can tell me, I am up right American citizen who means no harm to anyone after all! I am discrete with secrets and am a trustworthy guy.

Sincerely,

Not Hydra Agent.

[nothydraagent]

nock-draw-release replied to your post: Not Hydra Agent Nior: Let Me Be Frank

ooc; NIOR

OOC: Face it, writing Nior instead of Noir that matter just adds to the authenticity of this being a bad fanfic.

No I'm not making an excuse for my horrible mess up that I should have been completely aware of. This clearly was intentional. CLEARLY!

[nothydraagent]

Not Hydra Agent Nior: Let Me Be Frank

The trail was cold back at the lair, nothing but the shirt left behind by the thief. So Not Hydra Agent had to start working other leads, the list for one but Not Hydra Agent had to know where to start. Not Hydra Agent always knows who to go to first. Coulson on the other hand needed to be told where to go, part of being a partner of Not Hydra Agent, always one step behind Not Hydra Agent and thus needing the instructions of Not Hydra Agent.

“So why are we going to this man?” Coulson questioned.

“He’s one of the best in the business, takes his job very seriously and he was on security last night, if anyone saw anything it was him,” Not Hydra Agent replied, “Frank’s the best, next to me.”

The two walked into the lunch room of Hydra’s lair, for the most part it was empty except for the one person inside. A menacing figure to anyone who didn’t know them, as Not Hydra Agent called them, Frank. Frank always wore the heavy armor hydra agents could use, black, thick, shows no skin, not even the body type of the person inside, just big and menacing with a full helmet that covers everything. Frank was never seen without it, why Frank was in the lunch room when Frank had the helmet that wouldn’t let Frank eat. Frank is weird but also a pretty good guy.

“Good evening Frankie,” Not Hydra Agent and Couslon sat down across from Frank, “We have some questions for you about last night.”

“What is it Not Hydra Agent?” Frank always had this higher pitched voice, not exactly the most manly for a man in that armor but Not Hydra Agent didn’t mind Frank was his friend, one of his best friends. “What’s with the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent?”

“Coulson’s okay, he’s a friend,” Not Hydra Agent replied. “However I am not. My stuff has been stolen. You were on security last night, who had the guts to take my stuff?”

Frank completely froze at that, “I… I don’t know. I’m sorry Not Hydra Agent but I was watching the security cameras last night and there was a glitch. One moment your stuff was there the next the camera cut off, by the time I got down there the stuff was gone. I tried to track down the culprit with no luck, I’ve been watching the tape over and over again.  Still trying to piece what I have together.”

“Can we look at the tape?” Coulson questioned.

“Don’t worry Coulson I got this,” Not Hydra Agent replied raising his hand to tell Coulson to be quiet as Not Hydra Agent talked to Frank again, “Can we look at the tape?”

“I don’t see why not,” Frank replied, “Maybe you’ll notice something I didn’t.” The three went to the security room, Not Hydra Agent got the big spinny chair to watch the video in because big spinny chairs are awesome and big. They also spin. Sometimes Not Hydra Agent considers taking the chair and having someone push him down the hallway, he hopes the Baron will let him do it for his birthday.

The video started and as Frank said there was Not Hydra Agent sleeping then the video cut out only to come back with everything gone.

“You get to watch Not Hydra Agent sleep every night?” Coulson questioned Frank.

“Yep,” Frank nodded.

“Lucky.”

“Shh,” Not Hydra Agent played the tape again and paused just before it went off. He pointed to the screen, “THERE!”

Frank and Coulson leaned in close to look at the screen. “A green piece of cloth?” Frank questioned.

“A cape,” Not Hydra Agent replied with a nod, “A green one.”

“You mean…” Coulson looked at Not Hydra Agent.

Loki.

[nothydraagent]

Not Hydra Agent Noir: The Flashback

“It was you wasn’t? You committed this horrible crime! I should have known” All stories like this one start out like this. They all start right at the end not showing the big reveal of who it was for the crime and are always told in first person and generally black and white. Two amazing agents coming together, one a strictly by the book guy and the other, a loose cannon, no nonsense kind of agent who does whatever it takes to get the job done and in the end gets to be on the movie poster and be the big name star that everyone remembers even though the by the book guy is actually very good and should have been considered to be the lead role but still never get that recognition. Either way that’s how a story like this goes, throwing you right into the action then slowing it down to build it back up.  This is one of those stories after all however I’m getting ahead of myself we must go back to when this started. Not long ago, but we'll have to do it the only way I know how, with a flash back.

Javol! I am Not Hydra Agent. I work for the greatest agency of all time but that’s not important right now. What is important is that I am wearing a very cool hat that you would see cops wear in the 40s, you know the kind. Yeah, I look good in it. Then again I look good in anything because I am Not Hydra Agent. Beside me is my partner, Agent Coulson. He is also wearing a cool hat but not nearly as cool as mine. Everything seems normal except for one thing. There’s been a murder. That’s right a murder, a serious crime and one that should not be taken lightly. Who was murdered you may ask? The minds of everyone I have passed on the street today. Everyone who has seen me, all of them are victims in this case. For their minds have been shattered and their standards murdered and raised higher than ever before. How is this possible you might ask? Well in my line of work being as good looking as I am since I am Not Hydra Agent I must cover up all the time in order to protect the world from the raw manliness and sexual power. Today though I am not covered and thus the protection of the world is lost. It is a horrible curse to be burdened with this body that can murder the innocence of so many people so easily it should be a crime. However the real criminal here is what caused this to happen. For that we must do yet another flash back to yesterday morning in black and white because that’s cool.

It was 7am sharp, the alarm went off to wake me up. Not Hydra Agent does not waste a minute of his day and thus I got up.  I walked through my room my observational skills as sharp as ever, at the time I was using my skill of how badly I needed to get to a washroom before anyone else woke up. When you live with many other guys you want to be the first one into the washroom in the morning. Not to mention the fact that beauty and perfection such as mine does take some work. Granted I start off with a lot of natural beauty and thus don’t need to work too hard on it but I do like to help it along. I ran through my usual routine, in the washroom finishing it by cleaning my mask and putting it on as I always did. It was the usual Hydra mask, in order to help protect the world from this perfect face. I left the washroom in nothing but my Hydra boxers and mask as my clothes were back in my room. However this was a problem as I walked into my room I soon realized my stuff was missing. All of my pants, most of my shirts, my action figure collection, my collector’s edition comics. Who steals someone’s comics? That’s just low. They took my special Hydra pillow that was made for me and my red skull plushie.  How am I supposed to sleep without my red skull plushie? Whoever did this was pure evil. I pulled on one of the shirts they didn’t take by complete luck it would seem.

That is how this crime all started, my stuff was missing and I wanted it back. There was only one thing to do, call Agent Coulson and ask him to be my partner in this investigation. Mostly because my wallet and keys were in my pants so I was sort of stuck. Not to mention that I needed to buy a cool hat to investigate in, an investigator’s hat if you would.  That is how this story begins. Agent Coulson was more than just excited to help solve this mystery he came right away to pick me up and buy the hats.  He also bought me lunch! He also baked cupcakes for the trip in case we got hungry again. He is an okay guy, and is very good at making cupcakes.

The two of us went out in a SHIELD issued car, no one at SHIELD minded after all I’m Not Hydra Agent they wouldn’t dare challenge my will not when my pants are on the line. Generally it takes Coulson thirty minutes to reach the lair, today it took him fifteen because he was lucky with the traffic lights. Maybe SHIELD hacked them to let him hit each one and thus messed up the lights for everyone else. Anyways, not important right now finding my pants is. I had my list of suspects ready:

 Loki, Herr Loki to be exact, trickster, Norse God, nothing to lose, pointy helmet, very good chance it was him.

Clint Barton, Hawkeye, Herr Hawk if you would, considering the name and the fact that most birds I’ve encountered like to collect things he could easily be attracted to my stuff and have taken it off to nest somewhere. Plus he is an agent who was in a pear tree that one time, that was weird. Could be him.

Doctor Bruce Banner, Herr Banner, likes pants.

Captain America, Herr Captain, trying to defeat Hydra by getting rid of their most powerful agent’s pants. Clever.

Jeff, other hydra agent, we have to pay for the pants out of our own pocket he could have lost his and stolen mine. He’s always been jealous of me.

Natasha Romanoff, Herr Black Widow, possible communist due to use of bullets. Need I say more?

A crazed gun man who broke into the lair in the middle of the night without anyone noticing.

A were-wolf.

A shape-shifting alien race that was trying to steal my identity in the middle of the night but none of them could take my place since trying to become me is futile since nothing can replicate my awesomeness. They just stole my stuff instead.

Ant-Man, he’s kind of a jerk.

Mr. Fantastic in order to find out my secrets of what makes me awesome.

That one guy I passed on the street yesterday.

AIM, they’re kind of stupid and they’ve had this feud with Hydra for so long.

Everyone I have ever slept with.

It was time to do some serious investigation work.

[nothydraagent]

Do not worry friends I, Not Hydra Agent survived the fight today! Despite being put directly on the front line alone on my own I was able to get in, take out the Avengers and free the Baron so that he would be available for my surprise birthday party. It was an easy task for I, Not Hydra Agent, the greatest agent to ever live.

Any rumors about me being shot in the knee by a small nerdy scientist who was in no way the Hulk or anything really intimidating other than being a scientist are complete lies! For no small nerdy scientist could shoot Not Hydra Agent in the knee! The bullets would simply bounce right off!

So do no fear my allies, for Not Hydra Agent is here and will once again save the day!

[nothydraagent]

thefrozenbullet replied to your post: Frozen Hunt Final Part

Dear Herr Not Hydra Agent, Yes, it was I who took YOUR gun. I have since found out it requires your palm print and DNA. I only know that it was YOUR gun because of all the names you have carved into it of all your conquests, and your initials.

Ahem. The UNNAMED agent of Hydra who if you haven't noticed is NOT I, Not Hydra Agent, would like you to know that he has done no such thing. He takes very good care of his fun and there is no enough room on it for all of his might conquests. However is thankful for the return of said gun.