nothatemyhusband

[nothatemyhusband]

Seriously almost a year without a post??

Has it really been a year and a couple of months? I guess so timestamps don’t always lie 🤣🤣🤣 Well updates I’m still with him Both of us are in individual therapy and marriage therapy it’s been a year My therapist recently said the husband and I are together 🤣 which I cringe about even though we are Always with the commitment issues but I’m not hating on myself just a fact Kids are doing…

[nothatemyhusband]

Update it's not going well

I know I’m a bad ass but sometimes Well let’s not play this whole dam marriage I put my self esteem on sale for this man Soooo… things aren’t going well we did see a counselor to try and communicate with a mediator of sorts because well… Our home, how we cannot afford two places to live right now.. how the kiddos love their school district But us… he’s intense and the less I love him the more…

[nothatemyhusband]

A month

A month of separation I tell my coworkers I’m separated I’m getting used to it Charles acts like he hasn’t been in a relationship for 23 years to me How easily this man gives up I will surpass him and I can’t wait until the day I don’t have to see him on a daily basis I thought maybe we could be friends with benefits Forge this new path together but he feels differently We can learn to be…

[nothatemyhusband]

The Separation

It’s happening people.. I told him I no longer wanted to be married We are staying for the kids, debt, and that we cannot afford two rents right now I worry I will die before I’m done with him and there isn’t a custody dispute But am excited about the future I’ve been through many feelings and from coming to not wanting to hate him to wishing and praying he would die, to apathy, to this.. I…

[nothatemyhusband]

It gets tiring

Going to school taking care of the kids Meal planning, budgeting but not in a tired defeated way.. at least not now but just a weary I’m happy it seems as if I’m starting over and taking the reigns of so much of my life I’m figuring out a plan to work out more and live life to the fullest! I feel like I’m clawing my way out of really good dirt earthy and easily moved but I’m like in it above…

[nothatemyhusband]

Grief and a Job

So I’m graduating from Technical school and got a job! That’s right how many times have I said I got a job or am looking for one or what have you.. Anyways on my way up and out I recently broke it to the husband about how I feel he’s emotionally abusive and we’ve been pretty separated ever since I need to put together some business casual clothes and am excited to start my journey to becoming…

[nothatemyhusband]

My Dad died

On a random Tues Viewing was held and I found him. Terrible thing is we weren’t getting along before he passed I should have seen that as a sign maybe he wasn’t doing too well I had been stressed in school and I always felt like I was failing him Caregiving isn’t my strongest trait I miss him so much I want to go with him.. This life has been hard and then this marriage but oh my babies…

[nothatemyhusband]

Back in School

Well both of us are again Crazy we both are studying Information Tech He’s going to be gone for 3 weeks And I’m not sad just trying to get our family organized to survive without him Looking into a facility for my Dad I just need to live my own life and he his He’s not my responsibility and he can find his own way with a little help Just figuring out where to put him Pretty sure in WA…

[nothatemyhusband]

Bombed my coding interview and Our stories are similar

Yup it was more logistics and I didn’t prepare in their certain way but this doesn’t mean I don’t know how to code. Which was what the interviewer thought and that was very discouraging.. it was just many things went wrong in that interview I didn’t prep on the site I was supposed to prep in, I couldn’t use the solution I created it was not what I had envisioned. But I cried and moved on.. I may…

[nothatemyhusband]

The April hit…

This day 10yrs ago Charles tells me he touched Kendra.. I wouldn’t have known that but my body does.. leading up to April.. I don’t know exact dates sometimes FB helps me but I’m learning I just start to feel off.. I wrote this to Charles recently because I am reading the New Monogamy redefining your relationship after infidelity and I’m going through the book anyways. He didn’t correct me and…

[nothatemyhusband]

Coding application turned in

Yup so now it’s a waiting game I’m still going to continue to learn to code and gain more certifications as I can because I may not get in.: Lately I’ve felt empowered like I really think Charles understands that my love for my family held me back from leaving his ass behind financially and emotionally And now the kiddos are older and they need us so much more in many new ways but it’s not like…

[nothatemyhusband]

Survived

Ugh lately been feeling so anxious and angry.. been getting my application done for my web developing academy and I just feel like I absolutely hate Charles the most right now… he’s doing not too much to upset me and he even bough me a couple of cakes yesterday. My friend and I have read it on here there’s this thing where trauma hits you the same time for past events and I’m really noticing it…

[nothatemyhusband]

All types of love

Sometimes I wonder that the love that I have for the ones I love maybe isn’t love at all? What made me see the love that I have as being right? For example my love for Charles.. yes I love him but in a human type of way. I don’t want to be at odds with him. But I also don’t think I would ever back him the way I used to.. And I wonder if the way I used to was an okay way to be. My love for him…

[nothatemyhusband]

My cat died

And goodness am I so sad about it Never thought I would be but I am.. I truly miss him and while crying in bed.. I miss having a partner I trust with all my feelings.. this is a big loss for our family and it’s so hard navigating in my own mind The kids are pretty sad as well.. I miss that cat so much… never thought I would feel this way but I do 😭💔😭💔

[nothatemyhusband]

Dreams of another

I wish he didn’t think my dreams are just dreams they are so real to me but I get it it’s intimidating… I am intimidating because I am so unlike so many. I get noticed because I care I truly care about people am I perfect hell no… but do I genuinely love others Yes.. Do I love Charles and Kendra? Not so much Do I love my molester? Same answer Do I love my mother and father? To some degree…

[nothatemyhusband]

Merry Christmas Eve

We are heading to my father in laws home the first Christmas without his wife. Husband and I are bringing grills and so much to just enjoy each other’s company. I was stressed and when I’m stressed and have so much to do I withdraw:.. So I’ve been up all night Was I doing tasks and preparing for today that would be a no 🤣🤣 I did take a shower and am just thinking about how grateful I am. Lately…

[nothatemyhusband]

Some goals

Finish degrees AA and BA with 144 credits that needs to happen I’ve been thinking about writing a book about my story for a possible profit not actual story but more of a Christian/secular book of what to do when your husband cheats on you with your best friend also been thinking about writing a children’s book as well I don’t know I’m just outprocessing Get a job and get my own separate…