notesfromquarantine

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...and finally: my meditation playlist <3

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also listen to Nicoles music please <3

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oh my darlings I think I share a mind with Petra collins 

(I am being very bold I am aware, comparing myself with a master of artistic witchcraft) 

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stranded 

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Et SUSPIRIA (1977) scènes perdues

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scènes du table

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also: fun video of my club night yesterday xxx

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room to dream

currently plotting plans to shoot a short film with myself. I'm thinking roman melodrama today.

maybe I am onto something?

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the only human I hear is my Italian neighbour Lisa screaming from downstairs so I dressed to her spirit

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Morning reading today 🐇

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#bts #winningit #crochetshowoff

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Seeing, Feeling

I am breathing. All the time. 

Almost without exception unaware of it. The most significant of processes happens in hiding, because I chose to fill my mind with other things. Things that make my breath shallow and make my mind lose itself. Sometimes I feel immaterial, confused whether my body is physical matter because I have lost proof of it. Life happens digitally. There is no digital breathing. 

Yesterday I didn’t really breathe. Got carried away on noise, attention on 5 different things at once, shallow endless waves. Nothing feels precious, nothing feels higher, connections are cut and everything floats. The ironic thing is that there is such a strong smell of possibility to it all, but an unattainable one. I believe everything is real, but when I’m existing digitally too much the real just feels shallow and useless. 

Then, a book fell into my hands. It is called On Connection and it was written by Kae Tempest.

I am a believer of things happening for reasons. I think its less of a fate-belief, because that would imply a given logic to life (or at least one that humans could figure out, and that seems impossible to me for a reason I cannot articulate), but a will to engage with the things that life brings upon me and to make them exist - and so, to make me exist. 

Well and that is what this book is about - connection. A thing I have been thinking about for a while. Connection is what I earlier called breathing. It is being aware of your own breath, celebrating it and feeling something deeper. This deeper feelings shit sounds so corny, but recently I’ve become so aware that so much of my time is spent not feeling feelings and just keeping busy for the sake of having something to do, because that, apparently, is how it is done. But it leaves me cold when there is no balance. When we feel connection, we feel a purpose. 

Kae writes connection comes with creativity. I agree. And also with awareness. What is happening to me right now? Do I see it? Seeing. Observing. This is only possible with stillness. To see, I have to close my eyes first, and then open them, to whatever is there. They write, through not speaking they learned to listen. Through fasting, they learned to taste. Through the absence of a thing we easier realise its preciousness. Though I don’t think absence is necessary. Only awareness. To be able to see. To connect to a deeper spirit, to a rich world of feelings that we spend so much time suppressing. I want to feel and I want to see, all within myself. 

I didn't write a lot about the book I mentioned, although it was the purpose of writing this. I can only tell you I felt deep connection with it and it made me see and feel. And I think those two things are what I want to do in life. See and feel. And act on that. Everything is put into much more meaningful words in it than I can provide here so please read it if you can relate. 

xxx

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you PCR test results

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Nothing new

disclaimer: I will write in English from now on because I continue to be a very internationally connected person and I don’t want my non German speaking darlings to miss out on this PREMIUM CONTENT. <3

SO, didn’t we all think this blog would be a document of a very specific moment in time? I last posted on May 7, 2020. It’s now over 1.5 years later and nothing’s new (expect for the Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers song, hello). 

I am currently waiting for my PCR test results and making plans with myself for the next weeks. I will soon share them with you. It’s going to be very exciting. There will be photo shootings, themed days, pickling things, lots of crochet projects and I will build an alien. I hope. Maybe I am at a stage of surreal enthusiasm and delusion. 

Maybe I am writing this to hold myself accountable? 

Most probably. For maximum accountability, here are my golden isolation rules that I force myself to follow every day. 

1 make bed 2 always put on a nice outfit 3 always wash your face and make your head & hair look nice 4 food at set times!  5 meditate at least once a day 6 do a workout at least once a day 7 charge your phone somewhere that’s not next to your bed 8 try to not look at a screen before sleeping 9 reflect on every day in writing 10 make something every day Now go listen to Taylor and Phoebe! Love and other indoor sports,  G

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WIE GUT KENNT IHR MICH???? bin gespannt!

leider auf Englisch cause - you know - #internationalfriends #worldtraveller #internationalgirl

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Latest Quarantine Creation!

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für madittchen <3