not-pictured

[not-pictured]

pinstriped-squalor‌:

“Good to know,” Esmé felt a giggle escape her lips at the small peck pressed thoughtfully to the tip of her nose. Sweet gestures such as that were rare, but silently appreciated; seldom reciprocated — especially when Esmé was in one of her moods — but still subconsciously acknowledged. She thought, tonight of all nights — with the two clasped in each other’s arms — she ought to return such affection. After all, Jerome more than deserved it, as patient and sweet as he was. And so, cupping his round face in her hands, Esmé pressed a gentle kiss to his nose, pulled away, gazed at him, then kissed his lips.

Peering down at her own husbands body, she let her fingertips trail small circles and unintelligible words along his chest. She was always very fond of the way he looked — regardless of the times where she’d mindlessly insult him. She thought his figure suited his personality, and admiringly, she traced over every line and mark. “I’m glad to have such an…effect on you~” the blonde purred proudly, locks of hair falling in front of her face, which she promptly flicked away. “I’d be lying, however, if I said you didn’t have the same effect on me, darling.”

Jerome sighed lightly. He never thought that he would be able to arouse the same feelings in Esme that she did in him. It certainly did make him feel better about how he looked. It wasn’t that he lacked confidence, he just didn’t ooze it either. He enjoyed living his life the way he wanted to, and he was healthy so he didn’t see the problem.

She really was sweet to him, no matter how upset she got. He understood that he wasn’t exactly the husband she probably thought she would end up with, but he made it his mission to make her happy as often as possible. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m glad that we’re not like this all the time.”

“I don’t wanna get out of bed,” ( love Esme

Jerome smiled lightly, laying on his back. He couldn’t agree more. He reached out and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. He adored Esme, and enjoyed every instance that he got to make physical contact with her. “I’m not going to argue, so let’s not get out of bed.”

[not-pictured]

Jerome exhaled loudly. “Oh goodness. What do we do? I don’t think that you and I would be good parents. Not to a baby. Maybe an older child who doesn’t need constant attention, but we would fail at taking care of a baby, and besides you are far too busy of a woman to take time off even to give birth, and I would have no idea what to do with a newborn. How does a man...” he trailed off, pointing at her breasts.

“I’m sorry, darling, that was stupid of me to not take precautions.”

"Did we use protection?" (either olivia or jerome... whoever you think would be funnier)

@not-pictured 

At his rather…alarming question, Esme picked up her head, which she’d been laying on a pillow for quite some time as she sprawled out and relaxed. Right now, however, she was anything but. “Shit— did we?” She asks again, as if Jerome would know, even though he’d just asked the same question only moments before. Sitting up, she grabbed for the sheets, wrapping the white linen around her bare shoulders and giving him something of a panicked look. “I don’t think we did— “ Is her next epiphany, brows raised and eyes wide.

[not-pictured]

pinstriped-squalor‌:

“Oh trust me, I know.” There was nothing quite like being pampered by a husband, Esme thought to herself; the nurture and care that Jerome put in to the two’s relationship was unlike anything she could possibly imagine — blissful in every sense of the word. Sure they had their…ups and downs, but the ups were nothing short of fantastic.

“Different way?” Esme gawks, not only at his insinuation, but at the playful smirk that graced his face — something she very rarely got the opportunity to see. “Please, tell me more.”

Jerome smiled. “I was thinking slightly more intimate than a mere massage… perhaps me massaging you in bed? Naked. Both of us, naked. You could touch me too, if you wanted. You know I would never complain about that either, darling. But, it’s up to you, if you would prefer a regular massage, we can stick to that,” he said, looking over her with obvious lust. He loved his wife, and despite what people said, he knew that she had love for him as well.

(love jerome) darling, come cuddle? (that's dirty for him apparently)

@not-pictured

At Jerome’s request Esme stopped to think; to consider his offer – cuddling her overzealous yet somehow timid husband verses work – and gave a begrudging sigh of agreement before finally slipping into the bedroom. “Fine, but only for a little. I’ve got a whole stack of papers on my desk that I need to get to before tomorrow.” Lips pursed and stern, she made her way to the bedside, and immediately upon climbing onto the soft, plush mattress the woman seemed to loosen up. Perhaps it was the soft blankets or the comfortable, dim lighting of the room that was responsible for doing so – or maybe it was the sickeningly sweet and sincere man who laid there waiting for her. Whatever the case, a small grin threatened to lift the corners of Esme’s plump lips, and gingerly, she climbed into Jerome’s lap, straddling him and wrapping her arms around his chest, using him as some kind of human body pillow. He was warm, that was for sure. 

[not-pictured]

“I am, and does my beautiful wife like this sudden burst of confidence? Brought on by.. I don’t know, the sight of your beauty this fine morning?” he asked, moving to press his lips to her head, enjoying the tingling sensations she was giving to his neck.

frisky... from olivia or jerome

Send “Frisky” for my muses reaction to your muse getting handsy… 

@not-pictured

When hands much larger than her own seize her hips from behind, Esme Squalor perked up and turned her head with pleasant intrigue. The smell of Jerome’s all too familiar cologne— cologne she picked out, and one she rather liked— invaded her senses at his nearing. “Someone’s feeling confident today,” The blonde quipped, leaning into the man’s hands without a second thought. Chin tilted up, the soft breath of her voice warmed her husband’s neck as she spoke.

[not-pictured]

An anon submitted actual deleted dialogue from the Café Salmonella lunch.

[not-pictured]

Jerome is a coward, but it’s unfair that he compares himself to Beatrice

[not-pictured]

It doesn’t work but I forced it to do it anyways

[not-pictured]

Actual quote from the letter Jacques wrote to Jerome warning him not to marry Esmé.

[not-pictured]

This is where he draws the line, apparently. I understand completely.

[not-pictured]

Jerome: Esmé made me call people and tell them she was dead to see how they’d react.

*cut to Jerome on the phone*

Esmé: *whispering* Is she crying? Is she crying?

Jerome: *whispering* A little.

Esmé: *grabs phone* You should be wailing, you stone cold bitch. *slams phone down*

Jerome: ...

Esmé: Now call my other grandma.

[not-pictured]

@pinstriped-squalor this them?

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) dir. Robert Zemeckis.

[not-pictured]

esmé getting overexcited about various things; requested by ▷ the-baudelaire-fortune

[not-pictured]

Jerome: You know, Esmé, I have to say, you’ve been a lot more empathetic lately. Why is that?

Esmé: Because I’ve written down the phrases “that’s too bad”, “I hear you” amd “I know how you feel” on this little piece of paper and I randomly spew one out every time you pause.

[not-pictured]

[not-pictured]

Jerome sat down and listened intently. She was quite a talented young lady. It was nice to see, and though he didn’t know if piano playing was ‘in’, he wanted to nurture her talent, since it seemed as though it had been a while since anyone had done so. “Would you like lessons? Or something? You’re very talented, and you seem like a natural,” he said, hoping that she would accept his offer. She had asked for nothing, and he wanted to give her what he could, as her father guardian.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect anyone to still be up” Emilia rambled, stopping in the middle of the piece she had been playing on the piano. “I’ll see myself to my room.”

Jerome smiled sadly. She had been doing an amazing job. “No, it’s fine. Keep playing if you’d like… that is, if you don’t mind an audience, dear.”

[not-pictured]

pinstriped-squalor:

Esme looked around the room curiously, letting her hand slip out of Jerome’s to investigate more closely. Her fingertips trailed along one of the spotless granite counters, and the pristine state of the room did indeed prove that it wasn’t used very often, for if it was, at least something would be out of place. Nothing was, and it was almost perfect. Not too long after discovering the lounge, Esme – like she did with most things – became bored. And as a result, she returned to Jerome’s side and let her hand grasp his own, thumb tracing sweet, absentminded circles along his palm. Admittedly, they did fit rather well together, and this came as quite the shock. 

“Well, what rooms do you use often?” The woman inquired with a quirked brow, figuring the rooms Jerome frequented most often would say a great deal about him. After all, she didn’t know much, considering she’d done most of the talking in the last few days. She’d like to know the man she was going to be living with, but the idea of living with a complete stranger was exhilarating just the same. “If its as easy to get lost as you say it is, I do hope becoming familiar with its rooms won’t be too much of a challenge. I love it.”

Jerome smiled. “Well, together, I hope we won’t get lost. Though I doubt I could be lost with such a beautiful woman by my side. Where you are is always where I’ll want to be,” he said, leading her from the room. “I suppose that when I have friends over, we enjoy the bowling alley and billiard room. The informal dining room, and the main sitting room. And of course, my bedroom sees quite a bit of me as well.

“Which would you like to see that you haven’t yet?” he asked, pointing to a room. “My friend, the Duchess of Winnipeg once stayed in that room. She’s a riot.”

‘ oh, my god. we just locked eyes. ’ - ( love Esme )

“Well, my precious, we are married. It’s not unusual for a married couple to do such a thing,” he replied, his head tilted. They were married, but even he had to admit, their marriage was more a piece of paper than most.

[not-pictured]

pinstriped-squalor:

Esmé gave a sigh of her own, more than content with her current situation. So much so, that she felt herself loosen almost completely; putty in the man’s hands. Lifting her head from his chest, Esmé smirked at this so called physical reaction, amused at how easy it was to fluster the man and satisfied that she could stir up such a reaction. “I suppose I was. Getting tense, I mean. But when will you know that I’ve sufficiently relaxed?” The blonde grinned at this, proud of her own coy and suggestive comment — per usual. “I love you too, handsome~” And sitting up, she cupped Jerome’s face in her hands and gazed at him — into those soft, humble eyes before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

Jerome smiled lightly and shrugged. “I could give you a massage, darling. That might help the tension. You know how much I adore taking care of you, don’t you?” he asked, a smirk coming to his lips.

“Or if not a massage, I could touch you in a different way?”

(love jerome) darling, come cuddle? (that's dirty for him apparently)

@not-pictured

At Jerome’s request Esme stopped to think; to consider his offer – cuddling her overzealous yet somehow timid husband verses work – and gave a begrudging sigh of agreement before finally slipping into the bedroom. “Fine, but only for a little. I’ve got a whole stack of papers on my desk that I need to get to before tomorrow.” Lips pursed and stern, she made her way to the bedside, and immediately upon climbing onto the soft, plush mattress the woman seemed to loosen up. Perhaps it was the soft blankets or the comfortable, dim lighting of the room that was responsible for doing so – or maybe it was the sickeningly sweet and sincere man who laid there waiting for her. Whatever the case, a small grin threatened to lift the corners of Esme’s plump lips, and gingerly, she climbed into Jerome’s lap, straddling him and wrapping her arms around his chest, using him as some kind of human body pillow. He was warm, that was for sure.