not-a-salty-christmas-tree

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Me: [closes my eyes for 20 seconds and opens them] "I just fought in the Atlantean Lemurian hyperwar for ten billion years

friend in the passenger seat: pull over right now

[not-a-salty-christmas-tree]

Yall this man delivered a *yearling* filly to me yesterday, and I say yearling like that because my 9 month old weanlings are literally bigger than her. Didn't know this man, he was just referred to me by another client.

I took one look at her after she got off the trailer

and I said

"does she always hold her head like that?"

"like what?"

so needless to say I have a neurological goldfish in my barn.

[not-a-salty-christmas-tree]

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

[not-a-salty-christmas-tree]

お問合せ殺到♡新作プリンバッグ発売開始

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You must above all else resist the urge to complain about being single in front of your friend's dirtbag boyfriend or he'll say something like, "I can set you up with my guy Basically Fine Eric. He likes to do the worm while he sucks stray peanuts up off the carpet down at the bowling alley on Friday nights, and that's his only redeeming quality. Give him a call," and your friend will be like, "C'mon, man. Not Eric," and their boyfriend is going to get all defensive about Eric like, "Don't be like that. Eric's basically fine."

[not-a-salty-christmas-tree]

Edwardian 18ct Gold Signet Ring with Intaglio of a Galleon

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Political enemies to lovers, 350k, slow-burn, epistolary

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