not-5-rats

[not-5-rats]

AUTISTIC STARSHINE!!!!!!

[just listened to the whole of Mage's abducted series, got thoughts, this is the only on I can put into words rn, well this and I adore Ji'ya so much <3]

[This is pretty rushed, I wanted to yap my stuff before dissapearing lol-]

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They'd spent their entire life trying to understand humanity, trying to be normal, just for all of that to go flying out the window the second they started getting the hang of it. They thought getting to know one species was hard but now that there were loads more...omg it was horrific, a daunting task to say the least. They tried though, asking questions when they could find the will to, despite constantly worrying that anything they said could be considered rude to these creatures. Their curiosity was something they held before the abduction, life outside of Earth had always fascinated them, which honestly just added to the struggle, all the questions desperately rattling about in their head, demanding to be let out, demanding to be answered! But Starshine refused. Burying them behind grief for their planet, grief for..everyone

They were hesitant to share the fact they autistic given the fact that nobody could understand what that meant and how it would differ them from any other human, so initially they simply spoke about their troubles as though they were the norm. There was no harm in it. Technically now everything about them WAS the norm for humanity given there was no other humans to disagree. But still a silent guilt ate at them, as they spoke with individuals that knew more about humanity than Ji'ya did, they started to be questioned on their experiences, their oddities slowly being prodded at. They didn't realise much but even Ji'ya could see the discomfort as Starshine attempted to avoid any questions, any stories, they seemed to run from it all. It was also odd how often Starshine seemed to excuse themself, needing time to themself. Every interaction that occurred was followed by them hurrying off and isolating themself. Every time they spoke they seemed drained. Then suddenly they'd have time's where they could speak for hours then still sit and dream for hours. It was odd. They couldn't fully understand.

Eventually they decided to ask about their behaviours, still Starshine seemed hesitant. The break came when Star was often referred to as 'weird' or 'odd'. Maybe it was because of how long they'd spent being degraded by these words back home, maybe it was because they finally thought being a representative of humanity would make them seem 'normal', whatever it was, it broke them. Everything seemed to happen at once, they nearly screamed as they spoke, about how they weren't just a person, they were sick, there were things wrong with them. They hated that they were picked for this torment, hated that they were the one to be investigated when they'd already spent a lifetime being judged, all the odd glances, giggles behind their back. They thought they'd be free of this. Of the pain of being weird but they somehow weren't. 

What Ji'ya was meant to do during this, omg, they had no clue. What do you do when a human just completely crumbles, sitting on the ground, bundled like they were trying to hide from the world around them. What do you do with that? To say it was an awkward interaction would be an understatement, Starshine was in complete meltdown, they couldn't stop rambling about what was apparently 'wrong' with them, though at the same time their words were stopping them from breathing properly. They decided on a path though. First call was to get Starshine breathing again. They tried, at first, just asking Starshine to calm down but uh..yeah no that wasn't going to help. Asking questions, trying to divert their attention, speaking at all really was off the tables. It almost felt like they were out of options when they noticed the way Starshine was holding themself, their..'hands' clutching at their shoulders, trying to compress themself, pressure? Pressure seemed to be the aim of their position, so they asked about it, asking if it helped to which Starshine nodded, their voice seemed to be fading out, they just seemed to be mumbling. What ended up being offered was..close to a hug, but not quite. It seemed to help just as well though, Starshines voice dying down till they ended up in silence. Their breathing slowly rising to normal once more. When they stabilized again they seemed exhausted, drained like they'd never been before. So they took themself off once more

When they returned they seemed awkward, scared even. The two would have to discuss what they meant yesterday. They knew it. It was just..still daunting. Deciding they just wanted it done and over with Starshine was the one to start the conversation, attempting to apologise, but it was waved away. No need. They attempted to argue for a while but it was no use so they simply continued, trying to explain what they had meant yesterday without as much of a reaction. They explained how even before the rest of humanity died they were still weird, they were still different. They were never just a person, there was something...wrong with them. They wouldn't be able to tell them about humanity, not how it really was, they were an altered specimen

This was..almost funny, to Ji'ya, this didn't matter. They were going to be perceived as odd now no matter what they were like on Earth. Even if they were a typical human on Earth now they would still be classed the exact same. Hated, loved, worshipped, degraded, it didn't matter anymore. Their view of what the world had been was just as true as how any other had seen it.

It felt nice to be seen as themself, for the truth to be out, but it also felt weird knowing that this meant..nothing. Something that had ruined their life on Earth, something that had left them isolated and trapped, now was just..them. Their autism still caused challenges for them, of course, but..these challenges were supported, they got aided in dealing with them, they weren't called dramatic for being so upset over such small things, because this was just how humans acted to the other species they met. The world around them, the organisms around them had adapted..to help them? The finally felt seen, they felt safe..safer in the middle of space, than they'd ever felt on Earth. They felt understood. For once.

With this knowledge Starshine was allowed to let go of their old restrictions, the limits they'd put on themself to not bother other people. Now that didn't matter, there wasn't a pre-made mould for them to fit, they were making the mould and no longer were they going to try and push themself into one which wasn't made for them. They were still hesitant at times to ask questions but for the most part they asked what they felt needed answered, Ji'ya explaining the implications and affects of what they were asking, answering when the question was alright and always giving a full explanation when he couldn't offer an answer

It almost felt like a dream. It was perfect. After years of being the person people asked them to be, a lifetime of hiding, they were finally allowed to actually be...them.

[not-5-rats]

Don't dull yourself down, find somebody who will see how odd you are and will encourage you to be weirder 🫶

Alari belongs to @aurorialwolf , hope she looks okay-

Close Ups and base colours under cut!

I adore them your honour

[not-5-rats]

Kyaaaaaa, fight club soap, teeth (because I love affectionately nomming on people eheh), and MATCHA yes yes yes-

(also I just wanted to try out the anon asks for once lollll, hope you're doing well and that school's okay, Jet!!!)

THANK YOUUUUUUU <33333

[Schools going fine! It's actually been a decent year so far :)) feeling quite a bit better so that's nice!!! Thank you for asking! ^^ ]

[not-5-rats]

From Friday afternoon to like Sunday afternoon I will be near completely offline, got a volunteer event where there is no wifi

All my characters are legally dead between these times.

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STOPPPPPP OMG TYSM

GIMME UR ABILITY TO DRAW DETAILS, AND EYES

Dandelion teeth matcha

The matcha means sm because I acc admire your art, like ur one of my art idols ngl- WHA, WHO SAID THAT???

ANYWAYYYYYYS THANK YOU SO MUCH :3

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I’m feeling double chaotic so reblog this if you want to know what SPEAKER I think you are!!

[not-5-rats]

Dandelion teeth matcha

The matcha means sm because I acc admire your art, like ur one of my art idols ngl- WHA, WHO SAID THAT???

ANYWAYYYYYYS THANK YOU SO MUCH :3

[not-5-rats]

Matcha and fight club soap!

Tysm anon :D whoever you are I very much appreciate it!

[not-5-rats]

matcha, matcha, matcha, dandelion crayon and teeth

THANK YEWWWWW

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made one of these 👍

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Getting inspired by everyone else doing these, SO

Reblog this post (w/ tags please) and I'll tell you what magic type you are!

[not-5-rats]

Getting inspired by everyone else doing these, SO

Reblog this post (w/ tags please) and I'll tell you what magic type you are!

[not-5-rats]

I’m feeling double chaotic so reblog this if you want to know what SPEAKER I think you are!!

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Y’KNOW WHAT I’M BORED AGAIN—reblog WITH TAGS if you want to know what listener I think you are!

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Imperium: You are a shifter, a rat shifter. You pretty much stay out of the way. When the rebellion and takeover happen you decide to go full rat and take the sewers out of Dahlia and up to Canada. You live!

Wahoo!!! We got a good end bros!!

Okay but living as a rat in Canada would fix me rn ngl

[not-5-rats]

In the spirit of I felt inspired—reblog this and I’ll tell you you if you survive the IMPERIUM

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OMG???

Twinsies bro

You'll never guess who's off school again

God my poor attendance-