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“Va bene anche se non mi ami, anche se non mi chiami, anche se non mi pensi, anche se non mi vuoi. Va bene, si fa per dire, ma lo dico sul serio. Va bene anche se oggi sarà l'ultima volta che ci vedremo, che ti sentirò parlare, che ti vedrò gesticolare con quelle mani sempre in movimento, va bene tutto, va bene che tu faccia piangere più del normale, più del solito, più del comprensibile. Va bene anche se non ci baceremo più, anche se non mi spettinerai più per farmi arrabbiare, anche se non mi chiamerai più la sera per raccontarmi una cosa “importantissima”. E va bene. Va bene anche se non mi guarderai più il sedere di nascosto con il sorriso sulle labbra, anche se non andremo più al cinema insieme, anche se la prossima canzone di cui mi innamorerò non potrò fartela ascoltare e magari la sentirai comunque ma non sarò io a chiederti di farlo, e allora sarà una canzone come tante altre. Va bene così. Va bene anche se tra poco arriverà il caldo e ricomincerò ad indossare le gonne, ma non ci sarai più tu a toccarmi le gambe e va bene anche se non mi rimprovererà più nessuno per le troppe sigarette, per le bugie che dico spesso, per la mia insicurezza. Va bene, va bene anche se non ci toccheremo più, anche se non prenderemo mai più un aereo insieme, anche se non saremo mai amici, anche se non ci dimenticheremo. Va bene anche se va male, va bene anche se nessun marciapiede ci farà più da tappeto rosso mentre camminiamo e con le mani ci diciamo “ti amo”. Va bene e verrà il giorno in cui dovrò odiarti, ma lo sai, deve succedere, va bene e verrà il giorno in cui ci invieremo di nuovo gli auguri e comunque per uno dei due (indovina per chi?) sarà ancora troppo presto. Va bene così, anche se ci incontreremo per caso in una discoteca squallida con gente sconosciuta e ci guarderemo come se non ci fossimo mai amati, né odiati, né appartenuti e ci diremo “ciao” ma non ci sarà dolcezza. Va bene anche senza la tua dolcezza. Va bene, va bene, va bene, va bene, capito? Va bene perché non posso più tenerti se non vuoi stare con me. Non posso più insistere, non posso più “provare"a farti innamorare di nuovo. Di nuovo? Io ti amo ancora, non “di nuovo”. Va bene, perché con te che mi dici che va male, io non ce la faccio più. Va bene, perché con te che mi guardi con quegli occhi spenti io non ce la faccio più. Io ti sento troppo per non andare via ora che tu non mi senti più. Va bene così.”

— Susanna Casciani

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mystoryontheinternet

I look back on it now. Smiling as your name came up on the screen. We where all friends and at the time my confidence was lower than it had ever been, I was a mess. There was a group of us and I'd look forward to coming home from school to message the group. All strangers behind a screen, apart from 3 boys. We all got closer and suddenly as months past our group broke down. I didn't mind as I knew relationships break down and people change and move on but I stayed close to one in particular. You struck me like lightening and I guess what really appealed to me was how you listened. You listened to me so well and I had never felt that kind of appreciation of my existence before in my life. Maybe you listened to much to me. I looked upto you and you where a figure to me, inseparable at the time, you knew me and I thought I knew you. We had good conversations that would leave me smiling for days. When me and my previous boyfriend broke up you where there for me and honestly I got over it quick with the support from you. You were a good friend to me and if anything I can't deny that. What I didn't realise was how this was affecting me when I put the screen down. I isolated myself from my friends and family, i shut everyone down; I didn't want to hear from anyone but you. Then it came Christmas over a year we had been friends then everything turned around. I really don't know what happened and I don't to this day but I guess I never knew who you really where. Smiles turned to uncomfortableness and you took things to far. I was young and naive but I can't blame it all on that. I knew what I was getting myself into but i didn't quite know how to stop it. You told me you loved me and I foolishly believed it and this lead me into believing that this is what a relationship was supposed to feel like. No. Relationships don't pressure, relationships don't hurt, relationships know eachother. The empty promises and the lies, lead upto one of the lowest points. The most disgusting part of this all is when I refused to send you stuff because I felt uncomfortable I got sworn at and threats being made. I felt broken and empty and honestly it fucked me up. The stuff I had told you and only you had been twisted and thrown back in my face, picking up on the things that could hurt me most. Calling me things like ' whore ' was bearable although I never did anything to deserve to be called that. Picking up on things like dead relatives and people I have lost is just plain sick. It was at this point I left because I realised that this was sick and unhealthy. It took a lot but I saw sense and when I looked up from my screen I truly saw the most important person in my life. I don't need you and I never needed you. I never even saw your face, I don't know you and I'm frightened of you and love should never be frightened, I pray for the other girls like me who you've fucked over because at the end of the day when I went on my reccomened from my contacts and realised you where much older than you told. And not the person you said u were all I can think is how lucky I was to get away.

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If I could tell myself the mistakes I would of made a few years from now I would of told myself everything. When to walk away, when I should of stayed. When to stay strong, when it's okay to break. When to revise, when to relax. But if there was one thing I could tell myself it would be this. Those who love you don't hurt you. Love isn't supposed to hurt, it's not supposed to be painful. Love is supposed to be when you look at someone and smile because you know that they will always be by your side. Love doesn't wait love is always there. And love certainly shouldn't have to be chased, if it's meant to be it will be. If I told myself this then maybe I would of realised where I am meant to be.

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my love

our love hasn't been perfect, like all relationships we have had our ups and downs, our twists and turns, our long unbearable days. reminds me of roses growing elegantly and unknowingly. you can't get the rose without the thorns because at the end of the day you can't get beauty without hurting, for me a risk worth taking. but although we have had our long nights, our mild disagreements, our fuck ups. i wouldn't change a single thing, wether it was our first kiss on the old sofa, to where we are now the vibrant flowers that continue to grow and thrive in the sunlight, I grow because you give me life. and I continue to love you more and more and the way your hands intertwine with mine like flowers bonding together you are not only my love but you are part of me, and I couldn't live without that part of me because that part of me is the best of me and the best of me is within you. and I know even through the tough times when the sun is no more and even if we get trampled on we will together go down, and once again build back again from the seed of forever and ever we once planted and vowed. our love is the best love, my love- a metaphor of us through flowers <3

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I thought love was the most beautiful thing that could ever occur on this earth. But as we hurt we grow, and we come to the realisation of what love truly is. Love is when someone does love truly, but love has a twist and you should not be fooled or you will be trapped within that smile and all it will do is feed on your best assets and leave you to crumble. Because someone always loves more than the other person. They will strive to see that other person happy and loving life whereas the other person to be quite frank doesn't give a fuck~ what love means to me

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I think at the end of the day what really fucks us over is realising the ones you love with the deepest depths of your heart. You realise that they are changing or have changed. They are no longer the person that you once knew. They are no longer the person who once held you tightly in their arms and swore on the moon and the stars that they'd never let go. But every star dies, and the moon is only a rock. I am only a person. A person who is pouring their heart out just because I ran into something that reminded me of you. A song. A sound. A smell. God damn you, you are everywhere. I lied you are not everywhere, I no longer know who 'you' are of if even 'you' were who you said you were. The old you is written in permanent marker not only across my heart but across the whole damn fucking sky.

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If you gave any fucks whatsoever

You wouldn't be blanking my emotions

I cannot erase the way I feel

But I can get rid of you

~ i refuse to be hurt any longer

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What I want is to swim in the great depths of the barrier reef. I wanted the ocean to engulf my body and take me to a near by place. I wanted to taste the salt in the water and come up to breath for air. I wanted simple. You wouldn't not let me swim incase I would drown, so i cut down your fish nets you caught me in. I am not anyone's but myself- thegirlswimmingaimlessly

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how to succeed

You gave me grass when I deserved tulips. You told me to have no expectations so the worse always looked not as bad. The worst advice I ever received. You poisoned and wilted my standards so I would stay, but when the sun came up I regrew stronger. No matter how hard you hacked at my roots I would thrive.

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i fell again

His smile was a blessing, it captivated me and branded me as his. But oh man that laughter was a curse.

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07/01/2018

today I vow to leave all of you. from the greatest of times, from the most amazing memories, from the thins you whispered into my ear. i will leave that behind. because you need to let go of the good, to let go of the bad. and you where the thorn in my rose petal heart I could no longer survive with.

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Bittersweet

You held my hips tightly as I looked deep into your eyes and I felt that sinking feeling of love. You sipped your lemon fanta bitter unlike our hearts.

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Personally I'm not a fan of your excuses, nor lies. But don't take me for a fool I know when I look into your eyes you're filled with lies. But I love you to much to say my goodbyes.

- thesadtruthoflove

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I hate myself for the lies I told you. Although I cannot fully apologise.

When I said I needed you I lied. I don't need anyone but myself, I am selfish and a mistake. I say need as in I need to own you, but by that logic it's only fair if you own me too. And I do not want that.

The lies I told you were out of my own foolishness. I do not need you.

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Your eyes were the colour of the deepest blue ocean, a beautiful blue. And I was drowning.

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The moon reflected in the dilated pupils of your eyes,

I saw the stars within your smile and I was spellbound,

I tasted galaxieswhen I kissed your gentle lips,

Saw the world, my world when my eyes gazed upon you,

I fell in love with a supernova