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Rosalie has such top energy to make jasper take her last name when they go to a new place.

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Us @ charlie swan in eclipse, when he keeps giving edward shit for what he made bella go through in new moon

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BD pt.1: Jessica and Mike wedding “toast”

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Book Titles Rewritten to Get More Clicks

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edward: no, you don’t understand ... i’ve killed people bella

bella:

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My magnum opus

Read more Twilight But Okayer! | Twitter | Instagram | Ko-fi

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carlisle trying to explain to the school why emmett threw alice over the gym, why jasper dunked bella through a hoop and shattered the backboard and why rose spiked a volleyball into edwards face so hard that it bounced off his head and shot back through the roof of the gym

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esme every time carlisle brings a dying teenager into their home for her to raise

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"Fav author" is a stretch honestly, but yes, the Renaissance is thriving, bitches

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the cullens, minding their own business in the school cafeteria:

bella’s nosy ass:

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I just found out that Edward Cullen is a water sign and everything started to make sense

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"Fav author" is a stretch honestly, but yes, the Renaissance is thriving, bitches

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Emmett would totally mentally sing country music just to annoy the fuck outta Edward, then Jasper would join because yee dare I say haw. 

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Best son, good son.

aside from Emmett being the goofball son, I also think it should be headcanon that he’s Esme's favorite child (secretly) because Edward and Rose are the two she often worries about and holds dear to her heart but neither really like her to worry so they are just lowkey distant, and she knows that Jasper and Alice are kinda doing their own thing because of Jasper’s self-control, but they really haven’t started relying on her like they do on Carlisle, and then there’s Emmett who makes cheeky jokes and calls her mom all the time as well as trying to make everyone have a laugh and that makes Esme feel relieved. Also, he gets her christmas and birthday gifts that say shit like “world’s best mom” or matching shirts that say “I’m a momma’s boy”/”My son is the best” and even shit like “look I bought this really cool and expensive car that has... wait for it...” and it’s a bumper sticker that says something like My mom’s prettier than yours or some shit. 

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something I never understood about the whole imprinting thing was that Quil was somewhat a normal “fun older brother” and just generally a cute babysitter for Claire but then Jacob is all like _mine_ and _soulmate_ and all “I know we are destined to love each other” and while Carlie (i refuse to use the R word) is a baby that only understands that much, it’s really creepy how smeyer tried to make her a mini Bella.