noreallyigotthis

[noreallyigotthis]

How hard is it to lose a tremendous amount of weight and keep it off?

Um... there’s challenges.

Challenge #1:

The Weather

Part of weight loss maintenance includes moving your a$$ regularly. If it is -3,000 degrees outside, you may or may not be as motivated to venture forth into doing literally anything. If you have a sedentary job you’re double-fu*ked.

Possible Solution: Join an indoor group fitness class where people will motivate you and you’ll have an extra reason to go (to see the people).

Challenge #2:

Food

If you were SEVERELY overweight at one point, similar to the gentleman pictured above with the SEVERELY failing liver, you could SEVERELY not have a good relationship with yourself, your body, and be using food as anything other than something to fuel your body and ✨ occasionally ✨ indulge in simply for enjoyment.

Things like having McDonald’s and Taco Bell available to you via GrubHub and Uber Eats can add an additional level of challenge.

Possible Solution: Make a short list of things you’d like to do or accomplish that cost money (take a trip, take a specific class, buy more event tickets, etc.) then track not only the food you’re eating for a month but all the money you’ve spent on that food for a month.

👏 you 👏 might 👏 be 👏 surprised 👏

Challenge #3:

Alcohol

If you will take a moment to reference the gentleman pictured above once again, you may or may not have heard of cirrhosis of the liver. Most people associate that with excessive drinking but you can actually score that from your diet too, especially considering your alcohol use. The gentleman above is dealing with ascites which is a build up of fluid in the abdomen from liver dama...

Excuse me, but this is starting to sound very born again Christian. Is the next challenge sex?

Wait for it...

Get it? 😂 Anyway...

Challenge #4

Sex

There is a school of thought that sex is more fun when the people involved are of top physical condition. I’m not going to necessarily argue with that, however, I’ve personally found that it’s best (for both parties) when the two people involved actually care about each other as people, have a similar outlook on life, and maybe are healthy weight-wise because they value health to prevent medical issues versus just looking porn-ready at a moment’s notice.

Possible Solution: Consider taking command of your health and weight because you personally value yourself and your health enough to do all that. In no way should you ever truly feel compelled to lose weight, or change your body in any way because of another person.*** People who are worth your time in general will love you for who you are regardless of your appearance. When it comes to sex, you simply become even more attractive to people and more importantly to yourself (honestly adds to your enjoyment when you feel good about yourself) when you value your health for “selfish” reasons.

Note***: There is a thing where you can change your appearance to escape someone but that’s a fairly complex

✨ whole ✨ nother ✨ issue ✨

To address the born-again Christian thing:

Those people don’t understand moderation and use shame and manipulation to force people to act correctly and that is too extreme for me.

Also, personally, at this point in my life I’m just no longer in the mood to be with anyone who’s too garbagy and that’s actually such a wonderful feeling to be able to make that decision for myself.

[noreallyigotthis]

The two memes above are two of my all-time faves and I make no apologies for that.

Here’s the deal.

Everyone’s got something.

Everyone.

And it’s definitely not a competition but I swear to you eating disorders are number one.

“No. Way. Alcoholism is way worse.”

Oh those people are just as if not more impossible to deal with for sure, however I feel like in a race against time and organ failure you could definitely drag out an eating disorder much longer than unchecked alcoholism and then who’s really suffering there?

Ok Now Everyone Together In Unison: “Everyone else who has to deal with these fucking people.”

I simply cannot argue with you there.

But, truly, of all the impossible things to deal with on the planet, malnutrition *might* take the cake.

“Well, why not just get everyone to eat healthy and exercise and care about themselves and then all of the world’s problems would just kind of work themselves out, super-chill, sounds good to me, hey that’s pretty nice.”

Because that’s impossible but it’s still kind of cute when you try but the truth is that it’s futile so just focus on yourself and hope for the best.

I am going to be 100% upfront with you in that I’m a bit of a connoisseur of the eating disorder arts.

My preference is anorexia because binge eating gets really hard on you if you are really in-tune with how your body feels and throwing up sucks so bulimia is not really an option for me.

If there’s one genre of literature I’ve read extensively it is absolutely pro-ana blogs and that is terrible. I know it. I’m aware. There are just so many parallels between the different eating disorders and so many other issues it’s kind of insane.

“Well why don’t you do something about it since you know soooooooo much and like apply for a grant or some kind of research bullshit and make some kind of actual contribution I mean jesus fucking christ!”

Oh absolutely! I will take my graduate degree in creative writing and fucking get right on that. I am absolutely certain the World Health Organization is ready to just hand over tons of cash to “The Ass Size Spectrum: What Is That And What Are The Worldwide Effects”.

“Maybe if you put just a little thought into your goddamn proposal statement I mean is that a thesis or a tattoo you got in college?!”

Look I’m aware of my mistakes! I’ve taken anorexia right to the goddamn edge of all logic and reason and I’m not proud of that, and also, major consequences, ok?!

Look, eating healthy fucking sucks because it doesn’t taste as good and regular exercise is impossible unless you have like the perfect situation for you and a lot of times that even backfires because what’s even your motivation at that point.

What I’ve just written above is a 100% true statement and I wish it wasn’t true but it’s the absolute truth.

How can you fucking combat this nightmare, there has to be a way!

Why can’t you just not eat any food then?! That is much less stressful! Plus you look great and everyone respects you!

THAT’S JUST A STARVATION-INDUCED DELUSION!

No way! Look at this jawline and look at how many people liked this picture. That’s like, my most-liked Insta post:

Look I hate to be the one to tell you this but you are impossible to deal with and they were all just hoping this last round would have taken, OK?

“Wow, that’s pretty harsh.”

Well, the truth hurts. Ok, so, consider these three food guide pyramids of which I’m most familiar:

Excuse me but that is extremely fucked up.

Oh, I am aware.

The reason is, because if you stick to one pyramid, unless it’s the absolute best one for you personally, you gotta pick and chose stuff from as many different pyramids as possible or you’re probably going to fucking die.

“That’s a little much.”

Oh it totally is. Also, truuuuuu!

“Well, excuse me, but how the actual fuck am I supposed to either figure out what the best pyramid is going to be for me personally or how do I know what pyramids to pick from??? Tomb Raider was a shit film!”

Those are very good questions and you’re not wrong, unless, wait do you mean the Angelina Jolie one or the one that just came out?

😐

Ok, to address your questions, try this short quiz:

1. Do you actually enjoy eating food if you could remove all your thoughts about what the food is or isn’t doing to your body or is or isn’t doing to help you deal or not deal with something?

Yes No

2. Do you like a lot of different foods or are you kind of just working with a few things?

Yes No

3. Are you self-conscious about eating food in front of other people?

Yes No

What did you get on the quiz?

“What the fuck there’s no possible way to score this it’s just three yes or no questions, what’s even the point?!”

The point is, that if you go back and look at those three, simple questions, you get to see where your starting line is.

“What?”

Oh you are not going to like this but remember when you asked how the fuck you’re supposed to figure out what the best pyramid is for you personally or which pyramids your supposed to choose from?”

“Yes.”

Well, that all depends on what you want your body to do.

“Goddamit, is this an exercise thing?”

Sorry. Look, your body is a thing that exists to be used. Use the fuck out of it. It’s a tool, kind of, and it can do pretty cool things if you want it to. You just have to figure out what you’d like it to do and then work on achieving that, and then on the way you’ll start figuring out what pyramid to eat from out of necessity because that makes a tremendous impact on what you’re trying to get your body to do. I’m saying revert back to your inner child and make it a game.

“I want to make a cardboard hang glider and jump off the roof.”

You’re not going to believe this but, same, however I have heard that broken legs hurt like hell and 6-8 weeks+ sitting around on a bum leg is not going to help you work towards picking the best pyramid for you to eat from.

“I still don’t get it.”

I’m saying take 5 minutes and think about something cool you’d like to be able to do with your body, look back up at that three question quiz and imagine not even having to stress at all about any of those thoughts, and then start looking at the things available around you that would allow you to do that.

FINISH POST LATER?