nonsensicalvulpes

[nonsensicalvulpes]

Mythbusters is great because Adam Savage will be like “Could Sir Arthur have built a surface to air missile with Middle Ages technology? Probably not. Anyway here’s how to make a bomb.” And Jamie will be like “If all goes well this will not blow up instantly and kill us.” And the three other guys are trying to see if you could kill a person by throwing an egg really fast.

[nonsensicalvulpes]

coworker just described me as "a palette cleanser but for the eyes" no one can tell me shit

[nonsensicalvulpes]

coworker just described me as "a palette cleanser but for the eyes" no one can tell me shit

[nonsensicalvulpes]

it is so hard to work with people who move half as fast as me even when they are working as hard as they can. putting more effort into being kind to my coworkers today than i am trying to get parts out

[nonsensicalvulpes]

had a truly Noxious fucking work day

[nonsensicalvulpes]

Ngl I totally forgot fandom discourse was a thing. I don’t care man, I have car payments

[nonsensicalvulpes]

your job is not more important than media from 2005. never forget this.

[nonsensicalvulpes]

did i seriously never post these

[nonsensicalvulpes]

I spent a lot of time handcuffed and in a cage in high school, for a charity bit the grocery store I worked at would do

the bit was that I was "put in jail for having too big a heart" and customers could donate to my bail to get me out (and the money would go to a children's hospital or something)

now. I was very clearly a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a large cage. and I would honestly tell people that I had been in there for hours. and people would say, that's terrible! that's awful! and I would show them my wrists red from the tight handcuffs, and say but I'm sooooooo close to making bail.

and then they would dump some cash in the basket, I'd thank them, and they'd walk away.

and every so often, one of the managers would come by and collect some of the cash, so I could keep being soooooo close to making bail.

I was very good with this bit. Parents with small kids would pay $5-10 if I told their children I had been placed in jail for not cleaning my room/doing my homework, etc. For people in their 20s, I'd threaten that I was very bad at playing the harmonica, but I WOULD play it and we'd all suffer unless they paid me. and for the most amount of money, older men in suits would almost always pay $20s if I avoided eye contact and stammered a lot.

eventually, the managers started to feel bad because I was in the cage so fucking long and often, that I'd need someone to brace me when I got out because I'd have no feeling in my legs. wobbling like a newborn giraffe.

but I would also rake in at LEAST $100 an hour in charity.

so they were like, hey champ. can we, uh, give you a pillow to sit on. in the cage. would you like a pillow so you're not just sitting on a cold metal slab. can we give you a pillow.

and I had to explain to them that if they gave me a pillow, people would think I was more comfortable, so they wouldn't feel as bad, so I'd bring in less money.

the compromise was that they'd bring me a nice coffee every couple hours, which I would have to try to block with my body from the customers.

all this money went to charity. that's what the money was for. it's what was on the sign. but how much they were willing to pay was very contingent on how comfortable I looked, never mind the fact that I was still a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a cage.

and out of the dozens of shifts I did this on, not ONCE did ANYONE say, hey kid I'm going to go talk to your manager because what the fuck is going on here. they would just drop money in the basket, and I'd thank them and sip from my secret drink.

I actually had people get MAD at me that I told them I was far away from bail, they donated like $15, and then 20 minutes I got let out because my shift ended.

again. the money was for charity. it was on the sign that was very clearly placed on the upper half of my cage.

so yeah. even when people think they mean well. people can be really, really fucking stupid.

[nonsensicalvulpes]

[nonsensicalvulpes]

there is a guy at work that i am soooo attracted to and i have to laugh at myself about it bc he is a perfect dirtbag archetype. i will probably do nothing abt this but just know i am constantly being tested

[nonsensicalvulpes]

reblog or reply with your love song. you know, the one that you think is what love sounds like

[nonsensicalvulpes]

The sense I’m getting from the burger debate is that for me and my fellow Americans the ground-meat patty (doesn’t have to be beef hence turkeyburger or impossible burger) is what constitutes burgerhood while for non Americans it is the specific hamburger bun usage that makes something a -burger

No nuance decide where your feelings lie

[nonsensicalvulpes]

[nonsensicalvulpes]

i hate this fucking "i'm just a girl" brand of feminism bc it is so easy for young women in their 20s who are afraid of big changes and personal growth to revert to depending on their gender and the associated fragility of it so that they can make it through life when really they're just trapping themselves in a position where they cannot and will not grow out of that fear.

[nonsensicalvulpes]

basically everyone wants me dead because of cuteness aggression

[nonsensicalvulpes]

flying to colorado in two weeks for a work thing (babys first work travel aaaaa) and trying so hard not to think abt the uptick in plane crashes