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hr said im pretty I'm gonna explode from giddiness

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I'm not worried about him being into men anymore

[nompy]

I've been thinking so much of ending myself because I'm never going to get anything I want and being pulled all over the place is so confusing I just. I just want everything to stop. im so tired. Im so in love and it hurts. I'm so trapped. I'm so poor. I have such big dreams and they're crushing me.

[nompy]

I thought this man was perfect. but he keeps saying things like he wishes he was gay or that he would ask a bartender out if he was gay. and then he tells me he loves flirting with twinks. he said when he was in college he had an experimental phase and his family was surprising ok with him potentially being gay. and he loves gay baiting. he was talking to our friend who is very close to him and IS gay and is in a relationship with someone he thinks is great. and he was saying that he feels like he can present himself how he feels comfortable around them. not me. he lied and said he was comfy talking around me but the next day he said no he didn't use the voice around me. he said it was just gayer and he only used it when he was drunk. he said that he wants to go dancing at a gay bar and go grinding on ppl. and I know he loves attention. I don't know if he's entirely cis. and I don't know how I feel about that. I feel awful. it makes my heart race thinking about it. he says that he loves sassy gay characters. I don't think I'm homophobic but what is this feeling. I don't care for twinks. I don't like seeing men get together like that. how can I handle him potentially being bisexual or even not cis. he likes femboys and large muscular women. I am neither of those things I am a very small petite and feminine girl. I feel myself spiraling and I want to talk to him but I don't want to have a hard conversation right now. it makes me feel so uncomfortable I don't know how I'd feel about him potentially being into guys like that. I just can't be a man like that. he has body dysmorphia for sure and I know he's felt like he would be better as a girl at some point in his life. I'm like shaking think about it all and I hate it.

[nompy]

I love him I wanna have his babies

[nompy]

today I was happy

you woke me up and tucked me into bed and stayed with me while I rested

I saw your face and held your hand and you let me look at you as much as I wanted to

I looked at your beautiful eyes and felt like I needed to have a piece of you forever, an emptiness starts to grow when I'm away from you

you kissed me so tenderly and asked me to sit with you

I think how can he not love me but then I try to kiss him and he hesitates

he hesitates and doesn't tell me he loves me

he loves having me around but doesn't seem to want me forever

I think I'd fit into your life so well

[nompy]

I want his babies

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the stolen moments are my favorite

[nompy]

why am I so unhappy being with my husband

is it because I always have to be the one to initiate sex or is it because he's depressed and has anxiety and won't get treatment for it or is it because because he never takes me anywhere

[nompy]

I really really hate how I always have to be in the dark, living with him

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I wonder when he'll realize that I've stopped asking him for babies because someone else is actually responding to me now

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am I a bad person

he said how is he ever going to find someone else who has all the same qualities as me and I just wanted to say don't look for someone else just be mine

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he says I'm perfect how can I not fall in love with him

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why shouldn't I have two boys

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I want to have both

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one thing I hate about my husband is that he will never ever change the bedsheets unless I tell him to do it or I already started doing it

[nompy]

no he doesn't make enough money. no he's not trying to make things nicer for me. all he does is play games. he only cleans if I ask him to or if he thinks I'm mad at him. he doesn't want to cuddle. I keep having to approach him for attention and affection. I am very sad.