nomomasaur

[nomomasaur]

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Click HERE for more facts

[nomomasaur]

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?�� and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

[nomomasaur]

Money rowlet to bless people with wealth and financial stability

[nomomasaur]

Just because its not happening here doesn’t mean its not happening

[nomomasaur]

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

[nomomasaur]

nervous

[nomomasaur]

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

[nomomasaur]

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you

[nomomasaur]

Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.

[nomomasaur]

why doesnt google understand what i want

[nomomasaur]

im going to start a thread of pokemon drawn to the sizes of the things theyre based on

here, i’ll start 

[nomomasaur]

[nomomasaur]

When you finally find the energy to do stuff

[nomomasaur]

Also tax can change from area to area because many cities have their own tax added on to state tax. I can pay 5 cent tax in this city and 8 in another it's ridiculous

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

[nomomasaur]

You Are Going To Have So Much Success In 2018 (pass it on)

[nomomasaur]

You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.