nomaamnotru - Tumblr blog

[nomaamnotru]

[nomaamnotru]

I will drag my face across the concrete before I post a video of myself crying.

[nomaamnotru]

My parents are the watermelon and the kite.

I talked to them this morning. They traded off the phone and then my mom got off to chase my dad to water the fields. They do not always get along. For decades they seemed to have an effortless marriage but built like a shell company in the jungle makes for tension.

They sre the watermelon and the kite.

For my long stay we all argued a lot. It was hard because we really weren't ever that way. It wore on us all but we still still we refused t get along. The honeymoon homecoming was very short. Well, my dad loves kites, kids, and toys. So I bought him a kite, and one day my mom a notorious good sport let him teach her.

I remember them in the field when the sun was setting. The longest sunsets you could imagine. It was its own entire part of the day. In the morning it looked like an egg yolk slowly moving up the into empty sky pan. Thebsunset is suppose to be 7 minutes or something. This one was two and a half hours because the horizion is 3 times the size as in the states which makes gor a bigger sky. They looked like two kids, definitely not in love but playing and learning stubbornly together. My mother took the reigns eventually when she got bored enough with his struggling and almost immediately was able to learn on her own. My dad lost interest when he couldn't provide input. He watched a moment out of curiosity and then went to pluck some melons from a near patch. He returned to watching her after. He is crazy but the most order he ever has has been his obsession with my mother. He adores in these genuine moments. Her smile gives him life I've seen it. He looks like a tranced drone or zombie starring at her. He looks numb in the eyes but I know blindly he falls into this abyss of ahis love and memories. You can see him come back to reality when he looks away. He doesn't like photos, my dad, because he said his memory is just far better.

I remember them walking back to the porch. I'd stayed there for a lul from their bickering. The sun finally almost completely down. My dad had a melon and she the kite. They weren't smiling or laughing but I was.

[nomaamnotru]

People think I'm a romantic. Maybe my shallow positivity to make everything lovely is truly to further my delusional happiness. I dont know.

How is making it harder than it is easier sometimes?

Maybe im romantic but it doesnt really feel like that as much as it sounds.

I want someone to look for me after a tornado and maybe to catch the screen door so I can open the second, and it doesn't hit me in the ass while I do so. I want some where im expected. I want someone to look for me. I know there are loves that wonder, remember, and reminisce for me. I have wonderful stories and great punchlines from love. Perhaps this is how it never dies and this is it being eternal. Love may not pull you out of the river when your hair gets stuck under a rock, but it does live in the pages you've cried over, forever. It's in the smell of home in a shared coffee on the porch. It's packing your lunches alone again and washing your own clothes. Love lasting forever is you letting it live forever inside of you like a real element to the chemistry. Let it touch you in the way you are entitled to experience it and it becomes yours, forever. It's something I barely know, but I'm sure it's not just better remembered. So I'll try and live in it more and accept it more gracefully. I'm really sorry.

[nomaamnotru]

I'm too hyper to be a sober person with cokehead friends at work that's just it.

[nomaamnotru]

You can't drink because you can't think about it.

[nomaamnotru]

I want to be a good partner because I need help filling up my rusty ass bucket.

[nomaamnotru]

I like making anagrams out of the people I'm seeing's names, for stories, parodies, nicknames... always do it.

I didn't even see the word romance in the name. How funny is that? I liked him too. Or I got soft on that one. Cameron lol

[nomaamnotru]

nvvvvvvvvvvnn

[nomaamnotru]

That's enough

Back to work.

[nomaamnotru]

You made me think there were more than 7 days in a week. My heart was sticky like taffy in the summer. It came out like wet feet from the beach. Just this expected but stupid clean up. You know flip flops and a shower doesn't even help...

[nomaamnotru]

I jist need the sun to stay out fucking longer

winter is awesome because every night somewhere between the hours of 6 and 8 pm you will feel the worst you’ve ever felt in your life

[nomaamnotru]

When you still think 2019 was last year

[nomaamnotru]

En tu órbita 🚀

[nomaamnotru]

There are more conversations and people I want to have but maybe it's the thing of 3s maybe I'm tired... I don't know. After this man though I am gonna take a break. I miss it all already but I just go through a lot personally every time. I think all parties took good memories and no hate which is a mature plus for sure. At least for me I've walked away satisfied even though not of course. I mean rejection, rejecting, lust, lingering, and questioning. Eating being naked. Forgetting time. Having company. I like it all but again I think I'm finally tired. Gonna make it just a break I took like 2-3 weeks off between last time. But I need to commit to myself again for a bit, maybe build up the fresh hate for being alone if I can. I don't know because we all know my default is the impossible to believe voulnterry solitude. I need a break even though I wish I didn't. Wish I could keep going and knowing but I'm too honest with myself. 2.5 endeavors over 6 months isn't chaotic but again I try hard and this last one.. I think I wanted. Lol my ego is wild when it comes to dating. Fuck it all.

[nomaamnotru]

Thank god this changes before you know it because knowing would hurt worse

[nomaamnotru]

I will take every corner of every minute youll ever give me forever. I swear ive stopped counting how many times youve put me down (you dont let me refer to it by how it felt). I have no mercy I have no limits rules or parameters. It's not because I'm a junky about it. It's not because we are all fools for something or someone. No its begotten Anna nature youre this counterpart ive never needed a net on to have. Its just knowing you. I will always pick you even when I go home with someone else. The sun still comes in on our empty room and the floors we used to dance on dont ever get dusty. That house isn't for sale, and it's not me trying to go back home. It's just who I am. You've never had to pick me. It's just who I am.