nnb-bee-d - Tumblr blog

[nnb-bee-d]

I'm about to blow my brains out.

[nnb-bee-d]

I'm gonna go insane I want her to fucking keel over and die at this point. She'll never change and is so extremely stubborn and that's where I fucking get it from. It all makes sense. Out of anyone, I'm the most like her and I wish she were dead. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of living in this house and I'm tired of everyone else. Take care of your own fucking mom. Eat ass fuckwads.

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I had to pill Crymson with clavamox and it wasn't working out and I stopped but thought about trying again and he's just been puking and puking and puking. It's foamy saliva at this point, and he had diarrhea too and it's making me stressed and crying. my heart hurts for this lil man. I hope he's alright overall.

[nnb-bee-d]

The world. It's been a very very very long journey. Of learning things. Of becoming more self aware. Of learning my own ego, mental health, choices, and actions. It feels really good to pull this card as a theme for today. In a way, it feels like a large chapter in my life has finally started to sort itself out and that is due to my actions. And my self sustainability. I want to grow and to help the community and to do that, I need to be my better self. And it's good to be able to better myself just like Kitten said whether it be 5 minutes ago or a day ago. I'm accountable for my life and my life only so far. I've gotta be holding the reins. And that's okay, and it's okay to need help too (from friends or family or etc.)

[nnb-bee-d]

Today's theme: page of wands

New beginnings. Needing to realize that it'll be okay to fail and all new beginnings truly start at the beginning and bottom. And it's okay to get up over and over. Cause mistakes are good things.

And it's better to have that plan and to think it out instead of jumping in head first. Let the brain idle for a bit with those new beginning thoughts.

[nnb-bee-d]

Today's theme: page of wands

New beginnings. Needing to realize that it'll be okay to fail and all new beginnings truly start at the beginning and bottom. And it's okay to get up over and over. Cause mistakes are good things.

[nnb-bee-d]

Day of psychiatric meeting. 06/29/2022.

Single card pull to focus on the theme of today:

Eight of cups: stagnation, moving on, letting go.

In a way, it's what I'm doing today. I need help to move on forward and to no longer be as stuck stuck. This really shows that it's really in tune and spiritual with my wants and soul needs.

[nnb-bee-d]

I did a tarot reading for myself cause my psychiatrist appointment is today and needed a hand and got thrown around 🙃

I pulled Wheel of Fortune, The Hermit reversed, and nine of swords.

I asked for feeling stuck and why I felt that way, what's keeping me here.

Knowing the options and endlessness got me in a tiltawhorl. Getting into it easily by being alone and isolating. And continuing to stick myself there with the continued thoughts and throwing myself through the muck without that external momentum. Getting help will help with this and it's life to need help.

[nnb-bee-d]

It feels like sib is mad at me. Their tone is so short. All the time. And deeper. When I know somethings up.

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Wow I forgot how much I love to vibe with low lights like my orb other flower etc and play music on the speaker!!!! Such a healing feeling in my chest. It reminds me of the times I vibed in my first apartment.

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this suck for really for real this sucks, such an annoying ffucking day and an annoying thing overall, like do what you're gonna say, stop laying around, research learn how to research, I'm at the point of wanting to off so it's not fun for any of us. and now you've decided to go and do dishes instead of doing the things that you actually need to do. it's not my job or my life to care on this truly, like thanks for the car but you should have focused on yourself and not your quote unquote ungrateful children, it is whatever.

[nnb-bee-d]

It's okay mini, I will love you and us like I have for the past decades. I have learned more about myself in the past year. This is just the beginning of it even more so. It takes time. Message her less. You just want company and attention from V then tell her that and be honest and upfront. Don't do this backward charades.

Being with you is confusing and heart aching. I easily fall physically ill from anxiety and youme make me spiral. I want to be appreciated and cherished.

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I'm the one who couldn't say what I wanted and needed from the relationship. I want to be appreciated. Wanted. Checked up on too. I want that reciprocation and I need to ask for it. It breaks my heart. The fear of abandonment and anxiety.

Dear mini, it's okay to be hungry, it's okay to eat just enough for that hunger, it's okay to want things, ask for them outright, you're not a kid anymore and you can talk for yourself and what you want. It'll be alright I've got your back now. You are so hard working and you deserve attention from people who enjoy your company and that's alright if that person is me. I'll enjoy your company and enjoy the things that are good together. Let's volunteer for the planting. Let's read that work article tomorrow. Let's sleep and get up for tomorrow. It will be okay, your heart will heal. Don't cry for too long, we can figure it out together and find help too. I know you and have seen what you've done before and do, we can do it together ❤️

[nnb-bee-d]

What if when we were born we were each assigned a Wikipedia page like a social security number would that be fucked up or what

[nnb-bee-d]

Emotional damage

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I think it's time to break up. There's not much that we have in common. There's not much time spent together and long distance is so hard like this.

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Choke on my huge magnum cobra cock bitches. Fuck yall.