nikza77

[nikza77]

Lol @ me

End of my pandemic love lols v funny.....

Me and E decided to get back together. I’m happy but I’m also still so scared. I’m not sure if he’ll ever be who I want him to be. And I don’t know at what point you cut your losses and walk away. I’m trying to have some patience and give him some more time and work on the things I’ve talked to him about -- but I don’t know if he agrees with me full heartidly. And if he doesn’t completely agree with what I have to say, then how does one change? Because I know when I don’t full agree with something, it just doesn’t happen. 

Some things I’m currently worried about: 

1) How he interacts with my family and friends. We went to brunch with my parents and he did not ask a single question while we were there. On the car ride over to his friend’s house, I explained to him that it felt like he doesn’t like my parents at all. To which he was like “why do you think that?” and I told him about how he barely made an effort to talk to them. He then asked if we could please go to their house later so he couid “ask them questions” and then when he went back he did great. He asked questions, was engaged. It was very nice. But holy hell, why WHY did it have to take until I asked him to do that for him to realize he had to make an effort. The car ride home then turned into me lecturing him and bringing up past times where this happened before and how my expectation is that he behaves this way at all times. 

2) How snippy he can get with me at times. I’ve started to call him out on this and say things like “I don’t like your tone,” or “I didn’t like how you said that.” But that can’t be a continous thing. And sometimes I get tired of confronting him. It’s not who I am at heart and it’s hard for me to continuosly muster the energy to speak up and call him on things. 

3) How he gets snippy with other people in general. I like making people feel welcomed -- he has no problem calling people out. While we were playing beer pong, he got angry with Faith bc she was telling me to watch my elbows for going over the table. And then he got mad because her elbows were crossing the table. And then after the game was like “I’m so mad right now.” And while I was trying to comfort him with a “this is grain of sand on the ocean,” it’s ok type of comfort, he got annoyed with me for not validating his emotions. BECAUSE THEY WERE STUPID EMOTIONS. Holy god. IT’S A GAME FOR CHRIST SAKE. I don’t know if this perspective and calmness I have stems from the underlying immigrant trauma I have in my life and the realization that shit like this is so stupid. And for people to get angry over sports (not even sports, fucking beer pong) is besides me. I just can’t fathom it. Rather can’t empathize with people that get worked up over dumb games. And it bothers me. REALLY bothers me when people don’t have a grander sense of perspective.