nika-lea34

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since apparently this is controversial, reblog with your country in the tags and whether or not you think noodles and pasta are the same thing

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Batman animation yayy 🙌👍

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:(

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Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[nika-lea34]

Oh you’re tired?? Well i know a GREAT place to nap it’s called my chest with my arms holding you ever so gently yeah it’s got great reviews

[nika-lea34]

Yes very accurate

bg3 companions' responses to "I want a baby"

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Honeyed Salmon

Halsin x Reader (1.3K)

Summary: short bit of drabble. You went to Reithwin to help Halsin rebuild there, and this is a snippet of life with him.

Written for @optimisticgrey <3 as part of a trade

The whistling of the kettle, shrill and piercing in the otherwise quiet hum of the kitchen, made your eyes flutter open. You had lightly dozed off in the warm sunlight pouring over the living room settee while waiting for the water to boil. Before you could stand up to take the screaming pot off the heat, Halsin rushed in from the mudroom and moved it. He had one boot still on, the other, presumably, at the back door. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” you yawned, stretching your arms above your head. “Thank you for getting that.” 

“It's no trouble. Why don’t you sit back down and I’ll get you a cup?” 

“I can do it, you’re still halfway through the door,” you chuckled, patting his arm. “Were you out in the garden?” 

“I was. Have you been back there as of late? The balsam’s have grown almost above the fence- dare I say it, they may have grown taller than you, my dear.” Halsin moved back to the bench in the mudroom and finished unlacing his remaining boot. He smelled of freshly tilled earth, the warm afternoon sun, and wet wood- like the forest after a rain. He was so at home here, amongst the plants and quiet life of rebuilding Reithwin. Without the duties and strains of being an archdruid, Halsin was able to focus his efforts on truly caring for the plants and animals that were slowly returning to the area. The light that now sparkled in his eyes made your heart swell with pride and adoration for the man. 

“I haven’t lately- I’ve been too busy trying to keep up with you in town- as well as the house. I mean, someone has to make sure this place doesn’t turn into a pig pen.” You teased him lightly as your eyes trailed to the muddied footprints that lined the wooden floor now. You gave a slight chuckle as Halsin blushed. 

“I’m sorry my love, I’ll clean those up,” he gave a sheepish smile. He kissed the top of your head as he passed you on his way to get a wet rag. 

“Do you want some tea? I think we still have some of those iced shortbread biscuits from the other day.” 

“I would love a cup, thank you my dear.” 

With the floor now wiped clean, and a plate of the small cookies to share between the two of you, you carefully carried a tray with the cookies and two cups of herbal tea into the living room. You sat across from Halsin and sipped on the tea carefully, watching him do the same. His giant paw of a hand daintily holding the cup- it was something you always smiled to yourself about. This bear of a man- literally and figuratively- was more gentle and soft than the kiss between a butterfly and a tulip. You tucked your feet up under you as you nestled into your spot on the couch; sitting in the comfortable quiet of the small hovel you and Halsin had turned into a home. 

“What is that smile for?” Halsin asked, taking another pull from the cup and following it with a whole biscuit popped into his mouth. Though he had manners befit a royal prince, sometimes he ate more like an animal than a man. You snickered as a few crumbs stuck to the edge of his lip. 

“Nothing- just you.” 

“Me?” he scrunched his brow at you. “What for?” 

“I just enjoy being here with you, working hard and getting to spend time together just means a lot to me.” 

Halsin couldn’t help the smile that played across his tired face. “I feel the same way, my heart.” 

He set down the now empty tea cup and slouched into the couch, his head falling back as his eyes closed. He let out a contented breath as he spoke up towards the ceiling, “I’m grateful to have you here with me- to be alone in all of this would be difficult enough, let alone how physically demanding it all is; but having your light and love to welcome me home each day, it takes away all of my aching and fatigue. You are a balm to my soul...” With the last line, he picked his head up and stared at you with his twinkling hazel eyes. “How I’ll ever be able to repay you for all the love and care you’ve shown me, I don’t think-”

“Mm- you don’t have to,” you interrupted him with a shake of your head. “There’s no debt between us, Halsin.” 

“I can at least try,” he countered. He leaned towards you and pulled one of your feet out from underneath you, stretching your leg out to rest it on his lap. He began to squeeze it, his strong thumbs pressing into the arch of your foot, exactly where he knew you’d be feeling pain from walking around all day. Tingles and shivers danced along your scalp and spine as relief began to flow into you. 

“I’ll let you try that for the rest of forever,” you groaned in delight. 

Halsin hummed happily as you continued to melt at his loving touch. When he was satisfied with his work on the one foot, he grabbed the other and brought it too into his lap. 

“I’m thinking green,” he said in regards to nothing specific. You opened your heavy eyes to look at him with raised brow. “The walls. I think a nice light green color would look lovely in here.” 

“Of course you would, green is your favorite color,” you chortle, closing your eyes again. “I’ll have to pick up a few cans of paint next time I’m in the Gate for supplies.” 

“So you agree, green would look good in here.” 

“Well, I didn’t say you were wrong. But yes,” you opened your eyes with a playful sigh, looking around at the sun washed living room, “-green would be very nice in here. A light sage color, I think.” 

“I think so too, little love.” He squeezed the ball of your foot with a soft hum. “What should we do for dinner tonight?”

“I haven’t even thought about it to be honest,” you replied. “Is there something specific you had in mind?” 

“Not really... How about I handle dinner and you get us a bath drawn?” 

“That sounds like a trade I can get behind,” you chuckled. His hands slowed their squeezing and you whined. “Five more minutes?” 

“Anything for you, my love.” 

--

Steam billowed out from the bathroom as the water from the faucet slowed to a steady drip. Something savory and garlicky wafted on the air from the kitchen as Halsin hummed an old elven tune. The water stung a bit as you dipped your foot into the wooden tub. The needling turned to relief as you lowered your body the rest of the way into the water. 

“What are you making?” you called out. 

“Honeyed salmon and rice. Is that alright?” Halsin called back. 

“Yes, that sounds good.” You closed your eyes and before you knew it, Halsin was carrying in a stool and a plate. He sat himself next to the tub and ordered you to open your mouth. You did so, and were rewarded with a spoonful of seared salmon, honey and garlic with a sprinkle of lemon. 

“Mmmm, oh- that’s lovely.”

“Thank you,” Halsin beamed, taking a spoonful for himself. 

“Aren’t you going to get in with me?” you asked. 

“I will, after we finish dinner.” He held another spoonful to your lips. Halsin’s love was all about the small services, he was always coming up with new ways that he could take care of you and dote on you. Though he knew you were perfectly capable of taking care of your own, feeding yourself for example, he enjoyed the moments that you allowed him to grant you complete bliss, without ever lifting one of your precious fingers. You were no delicate damsel, but you were his flower, his garden to tend to and endlessly watch over. A treasure, his little love. 

I haven't written much for Halsin but he has such a warm voice in my head as I write, I know I need to do more and soon... Thanks for reading! - Tilly <3

[nika-lea34]

:)

This has probably been done to death, but the idea of Halsin loving repetitive, soothing tasks if so cute to me. He loves whittling, but imagine all the other things he finds peace in.

Skipping rocks, braiding a loved one's hair, applying decorative paint.

maybe even chores the others won't do because they're so tedious. I can picture him refilling water skins and humming to himself, content in his thoughts and the knowledge he is helping his friends

I absolutely adore all of these little things. Doesn’t matter if it falls into a trope, tropes are well loved. While others find repetitive tasks boring, he finds them soothing. He’s lived much longer than his companions and he has found beauty in the mundane. He makes dish washing feel like less of a chore, he competes with Karlach and Wyll to see how many laundry bins they can carry to and from the river. His gentle nature and fatherly aura makes camp feel a little less tense.

Though my Tav does not have long hair, Halsin would probably find a way to make a little braid. He’d love helping to wash Tav’s hair as an act of service and kindness.

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Little cubs

Halin x Reader

Warnings: None just bad writing, its all fluff

A/N: Warning: I haven't written in forever, but I love this bear man and had a cute idea, this is absolute shit and was written quickly but i still wanted to share it 

Words: 405

Camp life had gotten more glamorous now that the group had reached Baldur's Gate and had gotten to the Elf Song. Plenty of room, a lot of bed, and a mattress to sleep on at night. But with this, you had noticed a certain druid get more and more uncomfortable as the days went on. Halsin’s always been more comfortable with nature, and thats not a hard observation when you get to know the man. So thats why you had decided to drag him out of town for a few hours, letting him be more one with nature again. 

The walk in itself had been filled with thoughts of the adventure you all have had until now, his joy in lifting the shadow curse, and the worries for the fight ahead. But sure enough, the two of you soon found your way into the forest on the outskirts of town, listening to the birdsong, smelling the fresh, clean air that wasn't polluted by the busy city, and the feeling of grass under your feet. 

You don't know how long the idle banter had gone on for before he suddenly stopped in his tracks and shushed you. It was startling at first, but then you see it. Not far ahead of where the two of you are standing is a small stream. In the stream, you see a giant bear hunting for fish, and right at the bank, 2 small cubs are waiting patiently for their mother to get their dinner. You just stand there watching as the mother catches a fish and feeds it to her cubs, mesmerized at the adorable sight of them. And you turn to look at Halsin his eyes are practically twinkling while watching them.

 Whether it was the druid, the bear, or just him that was enthralled by the view, you didn't know. But what you did know is that you wish you could keep the look on his face and the shine in his eyes engraved in your memory forever. You knew the impromptu walk was needed for both of you to get away from the rowdiness and noise, but this surpassed any expectations you could have had for the walk. It's a nice sight in the chaos that has been your life the last few months, and in your heart, you know you will cherish it as much as you cherish the man you had the walk with

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Random fluffy thought: Halsin whittling near his tent, his lover comes and sits right next to him and gently rubs his back. Halsin slows down his whittling and ends up dozing off on their shoulder.

Oh my gosh, yes.

Halsin’s back is a beautiful canvas of freckles and scars. Each muscle slowly untenses beneath the touch of his loved one. He sets his whittling utensils down and closes his eyes, long eyelashes kissing his face. He exhales slowly and makes a little rumbling noise akin to a purr.

“My heart, what have I done to deserve you?” he murmurs.

Eventually, he lies down with his head in his lover’s lap, dozing off while his hair is loosely braided and his back is rubbed.

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new year new mountain goats

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— Nizar Qabbani

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“How’s life?”

Me:

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via