nicoswxrld

[nicoswxrld]

Find Yourself- Manifesto

Some things in your life won’t go your way, and it’s okay to express how you feel about it. Throughout life, we will all experience a variety of emotions and thoughts about things going on in the world or in our own personal life. Those thoughts and emotions will make us see things, act, and define us in our own way. People tend to bottle things up because they believe that ignoring their feelings is better than confronting them. It was always hard for me to express my feelings because I didn’t want to be seen as emotional or moody which is something people label women as. I was also going through a rough patch in my life and even if I told someone how I felt, it wouldn’t change the position I was in, so it didn’t matter. A little before and during the time of my dog's death, I was very numb. In the end, even though I gave him love sometimes, it was very dry or short. I never really got to show him much love in the end due to the state I was in. After he passed, I realized I shouldn’t have been so cold. Even if I was in the worst moment of my life, I should have been able to give him the love and affection he deserved. So when I wrote the stages of life in my posts, I truly tried expressing how I felt about it. I confronted my feelings and thoughts that I didn’t realize I even had. However, in a society that is frequently occupied with work, school, and other stress factors in the world, emotions are frequently repressed into the background of our awareness. I’m writing this manifesto to express how important it is facing one's emotions. It helps achieve individual development, genuineness, and character. Realizing the amount of power that emotions possess is fundamental to facing them. Feelings, whether it’s happiness, grief, rage, or fear, it must be experienced. In order to address feelings, you HAVE to acknowledge them, sit with them through every unwavering second, and accept the vulnerability they bring out. When I made a post about a sculpture called to lose yourself, I was able to get in touch with my feelings from the past. Like I said before, I was in a rough spot in life so when I wrote about it, I was able to think deeply and get in touch with my inner concious. I was also able to identify the emotions the sculpture was expressing. It is a brave demonstration of self-awareness and shows our humanity. Facing your emotions head-on does not mean giving in to them. Instead, it is an outstanding act of liberation. We recover control over our lives by confronting our emotions head-on. We choose to interact with our feelings intentionally rather than allowing them to overpower us. By doing this, we strengthen our self-awareness and develop resilience, helping us face future obstacles that we weren’t able to overcome before. To add on, addressing our emotions is vital to develop authentic relationships with others. Sincere human connection has become weak in a world where many hide behind a screen or become emotionally unavailable. But true connection comes from our experiences of happiness, suffering, and all in between. We are able to build relationships based on empathy, trust, and understanding by facing our own feelings and allowing a safe space for others to do the same. Also, in order to change society for the better, our feelings must be addressed. It is so easy to become indifferent to other people's pain in a world where injustice and inequality are a constant problem. In order to truly demonstrate empathy, we must face the suffering and unease that come with seeing the injustices in the world. We can become our best selves by allowing ourselves to feel and speaking out compassionately for equality and justice. In one of my posts, I talked about the music video by devo called jocko homo. After seeing how the world is turning out, they put their thoughts and feelings into the song to express how they feel about humans. They want others to realize that instead of society progressing, we are actually regressing and turning into something unrecognizable.

[nicoswxrld]

The Starry Night

Looking out one last time, at a place I once called home.

The wind struck my face as I sat on the edge of a hill, taking in all the memories of the blue and gray scenery.

My reality seemed distorted once it felt like the soft, yet bright stars were speaking to me.

The moon glistened over the hills, creating shadows that carefully crawled over saint-remy, every minute that passed.

The white townhouses glistening yellow felt like warmth to the eyes.

If only I could sink into the grass, taking this moment in forever, bringing me peace for eternity.

But eventually the night passed swiftly through my eyes, knowing it was the last time I would ever see such beauty.

The visual piece I decided on was the starry night by Vincent Van Gogh. The essential details were mostly the bright stars and moon that glistened over the town of blues and grays. My work tries to take in the mood and feeling of the image by describing some of the most mesmerizing parts of the painting, because it was the last time they would ever see such a sight. I replicated the details by pointing out small features that I hadn’t noticed before in the painting. I never put much thought in the houses and hills until I really analyzed it and saw how the moonlight reflected upon it. The swirls in the painting made everything feel distorted but in a good way, making everything more beautiful. My understanding or interpretation is how beautiful things never last for an eternity. At some point, you’ll have to say goodbye to the things life brought you, which makes you appreciate it more for the last time.

[nicoswxrld]

Devo, Jocko Homo

I decided to choose the video of Devo called Jocko homo. The video shows scientists and someone giving some type of great secret that will reveal that humans are actually regressing. The video is trying to express that us humans are de evolutionizing rather than moving forward doing greater things. I believe that the people in the video don’t believe the world is going through evolution and that humans are not actually humans but something rather worse than that. I say that based on them saying “are we not men? We are devo”. The theory of evolution says that we come from monkeys. The song states that we are monkeys but we are trying to cover that by dressing up, having jobs and other things we normally do. It says that god made us by using monkeys and that we can prove it because we can imitate them just like how they can imitate us. We have a lot in common with apes but because we are supposed to be evolutionizing, shouldn’t that be a bad thing? With the constantly bad things that humans do in this world, whether it’s adultery or other dehumanizing things, there is no possible way we are going through evolution. We are turning into something that’s less of a man. I would like to believe that this music video challenges the belief of evolution and how humans act on a day to day basis. Television is easy to watch because it easily tells you what’s going on in whatever you may be watching. With this video, you have to try and comprehend the point they are trying to prove, which is that we humans are regressing.

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Synopsis

I decided to watch Freaks for my first movie. It’s a horror/drama movie about those who were born different and are used in a circus for their uniqueness. I find the movie to be quick paced because it shows very short scenes of all of the characters interacting with eachother. Some of the scenes cut off suddenly even though it causes no dramatic effect in my personal opinion. Although there are times when Hanz talks about how he likes Cleopatra, it suddenly cuts off to her and her lover talking about how they are just using Hanz. I do enjoy how each scene has some sort of importance with how every character is feeling. I also love how it’s an old fashion film in black and white. The slight blur rinses in the film brings a bit of glow to the characters in light, which is mesmerizing. The very eerie part is at the end when they plan on doing something to Cleopatra for insulting the people of the circus and trying to poison Hanz. All of them planned on hurting Hercules and Cleopatra, and the silence while they went towards them with knives was insanely scary. The shots taken from all the characters were amazing and I loved how zoomed in it was while they slowly and silently crawled towards Hercules. The second movie I watched was Blackkklansman. While it was a comedy movie, it greatly depicted how racism is against anyone who’s not white. There’s this one specific scene when the main character, Ron Stallworth, was talking to the head of the KKK and praising him so he’s able to obtain a membership card. The lighting in this scene is very warm and colorful and I feel like it plays well because of how much Ron is playing around with David Duke. David Duke was trying to explain to Ron how he knows he’s talking to a black person. He then starts stereotyping how black people sound which I believe supports what the movie is trying to show, how racism truly is. This movie was also shown in 2018, so the camera quality and the color of the film was completely different from Freaks.

[nicoswxrld]

Hamlet Act 3 Scene 4

The part of Hamlet I decided to interpret was act 3 scene 4 which involves queen Gertrude, Hamlet, Polonius, and his dads ghost. Gertrude and Polonius are both talking about Gertrude having to set some ground rules on Hamlet and be strict on him. Polonius decided to hide behind a curtain in the room to eavesdrop once he heard Hamlet making his way towards the room. I was intrigued by the amount of emotions used in this scene. While Hamlet and his mother were arguing about his father, he forced her to sit down in a chair saying he will be showing her the type of person she really is inside. The acting was incredible showing the fear in queen Gertrude’s once she believed that hamlet might be capable of killing her. While crying out for help, Polonius gets just as worried, shouting for help as well. Hamlet assumed that Claudius was behind the curtains so with no hesitation, he decided to stab through the covers before even seeing his face. Once he realized it was polonius, I believe that he felt no remorse in killing the wrong person. Hamlet called him a wretched, rash, intruding fool, and in a way, blamed polonius for being where he doesn’t belong. While he does say he repents, I believe he didn’t truly mean it. Even in the video, he continues to argue with his mother about how she did his father wrong in marrying the dads brother again. I felt like the stage scene really brought the emotions and thoughts into life. This gave a hamlet who’s insanely revengeful about his fathers death and will continue to be until Claudius is dead. I chose this scene because of how crazy Hamlet seemed. He was talking to his dads ghost in front of queen Gertrude, who she couldn’t see.

[nicoswxrld]

Stages of Life

The theme of my photos are mixed but they are some of my dog’s first and last times of things he did. These are really important to me because it reminds me that he got to do things before he passed away. Max was my first dog so I will always cherish him for being by my side while growing up.

This was a picture of the first day we had gotten Max. It was my brother’s 13th birthday so our mom’s friend had gifted him to us because we had always yearned for a dog. It was his first time being with a family. Since we received him at night, it was too late to go to the pet store so we used a little blanket for him in the meantime. That day I’m guessing he was very tired because he slept for the most part.

This picture was in mid 2018 when it was his first time meeting his little brother Dexter! They aren’t actual blood related brothers but from the first day they met, max was so excited to have a companion around the house. He was overly excited to play with him but was too scared to even play with him because of how small Dexter still was. After this, they were always sleeping next to each other and played through various parts of the day.

This was the first time he had gotten surgery. We found out he had gotten a cancerous tumor on his leg, so in order to keep him with us longer, my mom made the decision to give him surgery. He was very sad for the first month. He always had to wear that collar around his neck in order for him not to lick his wounds. But one thing he always loved, whether he was in a good or bad mood, was to go outside.

This was maxes last time at the beach. He used to love going out when he was younger, but soon after, he had gotten anxiety from being out anywhere besides his house. That’s why it was rare for us to take him to the dog park during his late years, because as soon as we would arrive, he would be ready to leave. The first time he had went to the beach was with his brother dexter. But since it was hard to handle both at the same time, we decided to bring max by himself for the last time. Hoping it would give him some peace. I would like to think he enjoyed being there, or at least liked the scenery in front of him.

This was Max’s last day with us. The tumor only kept getting worse so we knew it was time for him to rest. To make his day the best, we tried being with him the entire day until about 12 pm in the afternoon. We decided to feed him some of his favorite things, like vanilla icecream with whip cream and even burger patties. This will always be one of my favorite photos because to me he looked like a little baby again. He really did enjoy the food we gave him and even wanted seconds, so that’s what he received in honor of his long journey.

He really taught me how to express my love more. It was something I had always struggled with, but he helped be along the way, and I will always be grateful for that. He grew up quite amazing, and seeing his journey through it all was a beautiful experience I would love to go through again.

[nicoswxrld]

Plotting

On a Friday night, my friends invited me to go to the club because it was one of their birthdays. It is common knowledge that some clubs open around 10/11pm and close around 2am. The original plan was to go for about an hour or two and then leave because I needed to be at work at 4am. While my friends were ready to leave, I wasn’t. I hadn’t gone out in months so I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could. We eventually got to the house around 3am and only had 30 minutes to get ready until my shift started. Worst part was that I forgot to bring a change of clothes so I had to borrow my friends. Since I was already on a crunch time to work, I unfortunately decided to start speeding (basic plot). Once I was finally reaching a stoplight, I saw a car get very close behind me. This is when I realized that I was going to get pulled over for the first time. As soon as I made the realization, their lights lit up and I had to pull over on the side of the road (change). I ended up getting a ticket for speeding and another one for not changing the address on my license. This took up 30 minutes of my time, so even after trying to speed to get to work early, I got there late (new situation). Going to the club didn't feel worth it at all because I ended up getting tickets, going late to work, and having to leave work early because I wasn't feeling very good.

[nicoswxrld]

The poem I found is titled Alone by Jack Gilbert. The poem is about losing someone, but finding them in the most unexpected way. I would best like to think he wrote this about his partner who has passed away. I would say the poem is called alone because even though he feels a connection with the dog, it's not his dog. It's not the same as having the person they love there. In the poem, he narrated the way he believed to have found his partner again. I believe he uses irony when saying

 never thought Michiko would come back

after she died. But if she did, I knew

it would be as a lady in a long white dress.

It is strange that she has returned

as somebody's Dalmatian.

In those lines, he also uses a metaphor when saying that Michiko has returned as someone's dog. He always assumed she would be reincarnated as another person in, which he would be able to easily know. The last thing he expected was to meet her again through a random encounter with someone's dog. He was sure that the Dalmatian was his partner, because even the dogs owner said she has never acted that way with anyone else. He felt a connection between him and the dog specially when he sat on the neighbors grass sometimes. The way she calmly rests on him while listening to him about his life is very beautiful. This poem caught my eye because I believe you can find someone you lost in something or someone else. I've been hoping to find something like this after losing my grandma three years ago. Something that reminds you of the beautiful memories you had with the person you cared for.

[nicoswxrld]

The domestic interior I decided to analyze was my living room. Without any furniture, I believe it’s very spacious and hollow. There are sliding glass doors in the living room which brings a lot of light in, brightening everything in the room. I feel like the light coming from outside makes the room feel very homey and warm. The wall on the right side of the glass doors is the perfect size to make the perfect comfort spot. This means that by adding some furniture, it can bring joy and happiness to those who enter. It doesn’t feel run down but I would say the walls are pretty thin. If someone even tripped and landed on the wall, they would probably fall through it. Even though it has furniture, sound still echoes throughout the entire house, hearing every little noise. While one can get used to it, it gets tiring if one wants a moment of peace. On the right side of the first wall, there’s another wall that is connected through an arch. I do enjoy looking at the arch, it’s very subtle and classy. On this side of the wall is where the dining table is, and it’s centered perfectly between the wall, the window, and the built-in table from where the kitchen is. Another spot I enjoy would be my room. It’s essentially the shape of a square but it feels very cramped and uncomfortable. Not because it doesn’t feel homey, but because I can barely walk in my room due to how small it is. Since it’s also cramped, I like how warm and safe it makes me feel. Even without furniture, I could just sit there calmly and think. While the living room is nice, I strongly enjoy my room more. They both serve different purposes. The living room allows people to come together and socialize in a place they find comforting. My room is only supposed to comfort me and helps me be in the right headspace. These are pictures I found on Zillow before we bought it.

[nicoswxrld]

Perseus With The Head of Medusa

This full-round sculpture was made by Benvenuto Cellini in 1545–1554 because it was commissioned by Cosimo I de' Medici. You can see that the subject, the son of Zeus, Perseus, is standing over the body and holding the head of Medusa after killing her. The sculpture was originally commissioned by Cellini, who was a duke at the time, in order to show his power and wealth against those who may dislike him. It took five years to finish the piece, which now stands in the Loggia dei Lanzi in the Piazza della Signoria in Florence, Italy. The original story behind Medusa was that she was so beautiful, which caused her to have many admirers. Eventually, Poseidon found interest in her and decided to pursue her. Even though she turned him down, he decided to violate her in Athena's temple to show his power. Athena was unpleased and felt dishonored that they had relations in her temple, so as punishment, she turned Medusa's most beautiful feature, which was her hair, into snakes. Anyone who looked at her would turn into stone, which is why she decided to hide herself. To prevent people from turning into stones, Perseus decided to hunt her. When he had the chance, he used a mirror to look at Medusa in order to behead her without getting himself turned to stone. This sculpture talks about the community in the sense that if you do bad things, you'll get consequences. Though, in reality, Medusa was a victim but was still punished. Some people see Perseus as a hero for killing Athena, which I believe is considered ignorant. Even when things weren't her fault, she ended up getting the worst fate possible. 

[nicoswxrld]

Animated Landscape- Joan Miró

Joan Miró uses very delicate lines but also a few thick yet soft lines to create the animals in the painting. For what I think is a bird, the line representing the body is very thin, showing how delicate the bird is. The black lines on what I think is a dragon are much thicker but yet look soft. I see texture differences in the dirt, making it look rough, while the background shows the sky and grass looking very blurred and soft. I would like to think the blue square is a body of water. In the middle of the water, there is something shaped like a moon. Which is why I think the body of water is reflecting the light of the moon. There are not any shadows but rather different shades that show in the body of water, dirt, and the green leaf. The bird and what I think is a kite look very delicate, soaring in the air, as if they were as light as a feather. On the left side of the painting there is something brown which I believe might be a tree. it surrounds the yellow around the body of water making it look like the tree roots are spread out. The colors of the painting seem very joyful and fun, as if it was part of a kid's dream. I feel like this piece makes one feel free, that there are no restrictions in one's imagination. What drew me to the painting was the colors at first. They make me feel happy because it sort of reminds me of a video game as well. 

[nicoswxrld]

To Lose Yourself

This sculpture shows how one can feel in such a big world. By the looks of the sculpture, the girl seems troubled and extremely sad. She's tired from trying to survive the days she’s going through. The beautiful detailing on the bedsheets and the way she’s curled up make it come to real life. She has the sheets slightly gripped, showing how strong her emotions are. The way it looks like she’s sinking in the bed, becoming one, in hopes that her worries and sadness will go away, is breathtaking. There’s barely any color except gray, which makes the sculpture seem more empty and alone. I also see that it’s centered in the middle in order for her to be the focal point. The shadows, the imperfections on the skin, and her absence of clothing make the art raw. It makes any person want to go to her to tell her everything will be alright. Many people would be able to look at the sculpture and relate it to some point in their lives. I am one of those people. To me, this picture gives off sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and the feeling of losing something. All of which I can also relate to. While I continue to strive for something good in my life, all I can do is feel this way in the end. Curling up in a ball the same way she is doing makes me feel safe, as if all my worries go away for a while. While feelings like those are temporary, it feels like an eternity. That’s why every time this picture shows up on my Instagram every now and then, I still take my time to admire how amazing it is. This sculpture shows me that others feel or have felt the same way I have, and being able to portray it so realistically is uncanny.

[nicoswxrld]

About me

My name is Andrea and this is my 4th semester at FSW. During this time, I'm working full time at the post office and decided to only take two classes for the semester. I'm currently planning on getting my associates degree to continue in the University of Central Florida to eventually get my bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. I've always been interested in helping people and I believe joining law enforcement will help me accomplish that. My final goal is to become a homicide detective or at least be in the crime field. In my free time, I love reading books, watching funny shows, and working out from time to time!